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SethInMI

religious joke of the day

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billvon

>Good luck with the peer review on that one. Anecdotal stereotypes tend not to fare so well.

Peer review on "who's more obsessed with sex?" Might as well try to peer review the statement "the Cowboys suck."



"The sports team from my area is superior to the sports team from your area."

Onion T-shirt

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A nun is doing a crossword puzzle on a long airline flight when she asked the passenger next to her if she knows of a four letter word ending in “unt” that describes a certain type of female. The passenger thinks for a couple of seconds and then says “Of course, the word would be “Aunt”. The nun then says, “Damn it, can I borrow your eraser”.

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After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car.
"What’s the matter Johnny?" asked his concerned mother.
Johnny replied: "That man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home… I just want her to stay with you guys."

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The town drunk stumbles upon a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. Seeing all the people in the river, he proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister takes notice of him and says, "Brother, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Well, mister preacher, I reckon so."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "And have you now found Jesus?" the preacher asks.

"No sir, can't say as I did." the drunkard replies.

The preacher dunks him under again, this time a bit longer, then brings him up and asks, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Not yet, mister preacher, not yet."

The preacher, now angry, holds the man under for a good thirty seconds before bringing him back up. The preacher asks in a harsh tone, "For the love of God, brother, have you found Jesus yet?"

The drunkard wipes his eyes and asks, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

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Heard in the Good one podcast, Jesse's Bubbe's favorite joke:
 

SO, a nun passes away and finds herself up in the clouds. There, she is greeted by an angel – halo, wings, the whole nine. “Welcome to heaven. We are so happy to have you here. Follow me.” So she does. A few minutes pass and the nun hears in the distance the worst screams she’s ever heard. Just terrible, awful screams of pain. “What is that?” the nun asks. “Oh, they are just drilling the holes for the wings,” the angel smiles. That seemed reasonable enough, so they keep on walking. Another few minutes pass and then the nun hears even louder screams than before. Just horrible, blood-curdling screams. “What is that?” the nun asks. “Oh, they are just drilling the holes for the halo,” the angel responds calmly. The nun nods and continues to follow the angel.

After a few more minutes, the two arrive at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter greets the nun, “You lived such a good and wonderful life. Let me welcome you to heaven.” The nun thinks and responds, “I think I’m going to pass.” “What?” Saint Peter says shocked. “You know the alternative: Hell. You’ll be raped. You’ll be sodomized.”

The nun nods slowly and says "At least I already have the holes for that"

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Saw this licence plate frame on a car yesterday:

"Do you follow Jesus

this closely?"

Which I personally found hilarious. The contrast between the two messages encoded there:

1. Jesus is the answer

2. Back-off asshole

is just so fun.

(passive aggressive people for christ!) 

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3 hours ago, turtlespeed said:

Then, literally, WHAT wouldn't be the question.

Well, that is what the earth was built for--to find that out.


(It's a reference to Hichhiker's Guide to the Universe: An advanced race once built a super-computer to work out the answer to "life the universe and everything". After thousands of years of calculating the computer finally came up with the answer: "42". So, they built another even more complex computer to find out what the actual question was. This computer was the earth with all of its creatures (the advanced race actually lived on the earth as the most intelligent species on it--mice--dolphins being the second and humans only third.) Unfortunately the earth got destroyed by Vogons (a horribly bureaucratic intergalactic race) to make way for an intergalactic highway, just days before it could finish its programming.)

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20 hours ago, mbohu said:

Well, that is what the earth was built for--to find that out.


(It's a reference to Hichhiker's Guide to the Universe: An advanced race once built a super-computer to work out the answer to "life the universe and everything". After thousands of years of calculating the computer finally came up with the answer: "42". So, they built another even more complex computer to find out what the actual question was. This computer was the earth with all of its creatures (the advanced race actually lived on the earth as the most intelligent species on it--mice--dolphins being the second and humans only third.) Unfortunately the earth got destroyed by Vogons (a horribly bureaucratic intergalactic race) to make way for an intergalactic highway, just days before it could finish its programming.)

Yep - 42 is the answer - you just have to find the right question.

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On 11/16/2019 at 5:50 AM, wolfriverjoe said:

I've seen:

Do you want to meet Jesus?

Keep texting while driving and you will get the opportunity.

Sort of like one I saw on base a decade & a half ago:

 

”I found Jesus!

(he was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana)”

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