ACMESkydiver 0 #51 November 18, 2004 QuoteDated? fine, so be it. Monogamy is dated, so?! Chivalry is NOT DEAD DAMNNIT, and you are not convincing me it is. THANK GOD!!!! I was happy to take my husband's last name to show him my devotion to us as a family. In my opinion (and that's all it is so don't scream about it anyone) it feels like if the woman keeps her last name and doesn't take her new husbands at all, it's about as non-committal and unromantic as a pre-nup... Dunno about the hyphenated thingy. I loved my maiden name, but I love my husband more, and I would give up the thing that supposedly 'defines' who my family is to make the union of two obviuosly the celebration of one love. Sappy and romantic, and I freaking LOVE IT. ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyDekker 1,123 #52 November 18, 2004 I had two conditions with my marriage. One, my wife will take my last name Two, my first born son will have the initials JAD. Luckily my lovely wife agreed to it, or we would not have been married today. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
narcimund 0 #53 November 18, 2004 If you change your name when you get married and then the government invalidates the marriage, does the name automatically change back? First Class Citizen Twice Over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #54 November 18, 2004 My wife and I have both always had a distaste for hyphenated names. However, we are in a situation now where keeping her name hyphenated is necessary. She's established herdelf, and people know her by her last name. Her good will is worth too much, and we don't want people not knowing how to find her. So, hyphenated it is. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AndyMan 7 #55 November 18, 2004 QuoteIf you change your name when you get married and then the government invalidates the marriage, does the name automatically change back? Dude, you SO need to move to Canada. At least go there to get hitched... again. _Am__ You put the fun in "funnel" - craichead. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #56 November 18, 2004 Quote I would hope that if you found somebody you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and it was important to them, even if you kept your own name, to at least acknowledge it as a valid point, and not blah/blah/blah/blah crap out.. Like I said, adapting a last name is like adapting his hair color. I don't get the point, and I like both my name and hair color! So, I guess, to me, it's as valid as changing my hair color to match his.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #57 November 18, 2004 QuoteLike I said, adapting a last name is like adapting his hair color. I don't get the point, and I like both my name and hair color! So, I guess, to me, it's as valid as changing my hair color to match his. Good for you. However, its still just your opinion. Stating your opinion over and over again in an attempt to A) change other's opinions or B) create an air of ascendancy accomplishes nothing since folks have their opinions and will be against changing. A LOT of people respect the spirit of the traditions around marriage, men and women and don't try to belittle those who don't believe in those traditions.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #58 November 18, 2004 QuoteI always found it a little weird when people, esp. those who aren't married for long periods of time, keep their ex-husbands last names. That's the deal - my mom was married for almost 30 years to my dad when the divorce was finalized. She is established in her field, and for her to go back to her maiden name would be to lose some value. On top of that, if she changed her name, people would be asking too many unpleasant questions. There are sound reasons for doing both. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peregrinerose 0 #59 November 18, 2004 There's a local doc pair here. He was John Smith. She was Mary Jones. They are now John Jones-Smith and Mary Jones-Smith. I kept my first husband's last name because it was a pain in the ass to change it, and I knew I'd be married again eventually. Turned out to be about 8 months later. I took my new husband's name too. He takes care of me and protects me, we love and trust each other, it is what felt right for us. Each couple should do what's right for them. A rose is a rose by any other name and all that. Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yoshi 0 #60 November 18, 2004 I guess I am kindof traditional when it comes to that. Unless a doctor, actor/actress, lawyer, or something where still having your last name will help you I dont see the point in not changing. I know its a pain in the ass for a few weeks, getting credit cards, bank accounts, social security cards, licences, blah blah blah...but thats part of marraige... and when your new loving husband is standing with you in line at the DMV you will learn something about eachother. Hell, my wife kinda got screwd... she is about the most "american" looking a woman can get...blond...light complection.. and her last name is now Yasuda. which everyone messes up, misspells, mis pronounces, and is now at the end of the line alphabetically! she is also a Dr. of pharmacy, but still took my name. I still think its proceless when Im not there and people ask her "Yasuda....what is that?" and she has to reply with her blond hair and green eyes..: "Japanese" -yoshi_________________________________________ this space for rent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #61 November 18, 2004 Quotepeople ask her "Yasuda....what is that?" and she has to reply with her blond hair and green eyes..: "Japanese" It'd be even better if she said "Japanese you round eyed bastard!" Atleast I would laugh very very loudly if your lovely wife said that. From the couple of times I've met her it seems like it would be out of character and very funny.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #62 November 18, 2004 QuoteA) change other's opinions or B) create an air of ascendancy accomplishes nothing since folks have their opinions and will be against changing. Uhh..it was in response to someone trying to tell me that I should have more respect for the tradition and blah blah blah. I tried to spell it out further for them of why I'm not going to swoon over the unity and tradition and crap. They said that if I found someone and was going to marry someone who that stuff was important to, they said that I should have more respect for it. I disagree. I respect it being another person's opion...just as they should respect my opinion. I shouldn't respect their opinion more because they have tradition backing theirs.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #63 November 18, 2004 what some of my friends have done: keep their own names legally, but socially go by Mr. and Mrs. his-last-name, and the kids get his last name. seems like a decent compromise to me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yoshi 0 #64 November 18, 2004 QuoteIt'd be even better if she said "Japanese you round eyed bastard!" thats great... Ill have to tell her to say that.. of course most of the time its her patient and that probably wouldnt be the most professional thing, but if it happens outside of work she jsut may ball up to it and say it:) -yoshi_________________________________________ this space for rent. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #65 November 18, 2004 What if my name is extremely important to me? Why should kids automatically get his last name? I never understood that either.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
craichead 0 #66 November 18, 2004 Calling it "crap" isn't exactly showing respect... _Pm__ "Scared of love, love and aeroplanes...falling out, I said takes no brains." -- Andy Partridge (XTC) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Unstable 8 #67 November 18, 2004 Quote They said that if I found someone and was going to marry someone who that stuff was important to, they said that I should have more respect for it. I disagree. I respect it being another person's opion...just as they should respect my opinion. I shouldn't respect their opinion more because they have tradition backing theirs. Pardon me for sounding harsh, but with your blah/blah/blah crap talk, I don't think you have respect for their opinions...=========Shaun ========== Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VanillaSkyGirl 6 #68 November 18, 2004 Quotewhat some of my friends have done: keep their own names legally, but socially go by Mr. and Mrs. his-last-name, and the kids get his last name. seems like a decent compromise to me. Ding, ding, ding....we have a winner!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #69 November 18, 2004 QuoteCalling it "crap" isn't exactly showing respect... _Pm I call lots of things crap. It's my favorite word!There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #70 November 18, 2004 QuotePardon me for sounding harsh, but with your blah/blah/blah crap talk, I don't think you have respect for their opinions... Uhh...no. For example, Rosa said that she would change her name. I respect her opinion and decision. That's fine and great. It's definitely not my thing, and trying to say that when I meet the right man, what would I do...that's pure crap. Trying to say that it could potentially hurt someone that I'd marry because I won't take their name...that's crap. Trying to talk about the traditon of it...that's crap. There are good reasons to take a name. I respect those reasons. People have posted many crappy reasons for taking a name, though.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #71 November 18, 2004 Quote In Reply To Calling it "crap" isn't exactly showing respect... _Pm I call lots of things crap. It's my favorite word! Doesn't matter. In a conversation detailing opinions about respect replying with a slur towards something respected is showing a complete lack of respect. That is similar to stating something along the lines of "I like Yoshi, he's a hell of a chink." Which is incredibly wrong and disrespectful. "Wait, but I use that word all the time, its my favorite word!"--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #72 November 18, 2004 I have one exception. I will take the last name of Goodbody if I should ever find a man with that last name!There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tigra 0 #73 November 18, 2004 Well, I guess my point (one of them) is its generally the WOMAN who is expected to go through all these changes, and I do feel its a very dated tradition. These days, men don't exclusively "take care of the woman". Both the man and woman typically work and have careers outside the home, often its the woman who is the main "bread winner" of the household. Why is it that a woman is expected to change her identity when she gets married but her husband is not? Sorry, I don't get it. In any case, its highly doubtful I'll be changing my name when I get married, not just because of what I've said here, my general objection to the concept, or the inconvenience of it all, but for some very practical reasons of my own. Someone who loves me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me should also respect me enough to accept my decision on the subject. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
craichead 0 #74 November 18, 2004 QuoteThat is similar to stating something along the lines of "I like Yoshi, he's a hell of a chink." Which is incredibly wrong and disrespectful. It's incredibly wrong because he's Japanese, not Chinese! I'm really sorry...I had to. And it's okay, cos I'm a slanty-eyed oriental, myself. _Pm__ "Scared of love, love and aeroplanes...falling out, I said takes no brains." -- Andy Partridge (XTC) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine 2 #75 November 18, 2004 QuoteThat is similar to stating something along the lines of "I like Yoshi, he's a hell of a chink." Is yoshi a chink? I never knew. ___________________________________________ meow I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
