Nataly 38 #1 November 2, 2011 If there is, please tell me 'cause I seem to have been doing it it wrong all these years!!! I've tried ceasing all communications - painful for me. I've tried the "it's not you, it's me" routine - painful for him because it's clearly a load of bollocks and everyone knows it. I've tried remaining friends (with benefits, obviously) - OMG, BAD idea! I've tried the yoyo break-up & get back together - bad, bad, good, then bad. Haven't tried being a bitch but seems bad. Do share if you've had a "nice" and successful break-up... I broke up with my latest about a month ago after almost a year of long-distance... Yet I just can't *quite* let him go because he's a persistent little bugger and damn it I melt every time he sends me an oh-so-sweet text... Damn him! Damn him and his charming ways!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jrmrangers 0 #2 November 2, 2011 The only way a breakup can be painless is if it is mutual. If one half of the relationship is still ga ga for the other there is no easy way. As much as it sucks sometimes you have to cease all contact and maybe be a little shitty about it in order to break the spell you have on the other half. It sucks , but in the long run its better than this poor soul continuing to think that there is something there. Good luck, sorry to hear about your break up: (Wait , I pull what first? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
spikes2020 0 #3 November 2, 2011 friends w/o benefits might be a way to go... I was always strait forward and told them why, most of the time it was because i don't do long distance relationships and i was moving. AH! thats it just move to a new city =) oh wait its already a long distance thing... well good luck! There is a reason those don't workCheers Jon W Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Southern_Man 0 #4 November 2, 2011 So you are saying that you are single..."What if there were no hypothetical questions?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,386 #5 November 2, 2011 Quote So you are saying that you are single... ATTENTION ALL SINGLE GUYS: NATALY IS AVAILABLE!!!"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum 1 #6 November 2, 2011 I don't get it. If you're breaking up, what's so hard about just moving on? And if there's some reason you need to be seeing that person still, why are you breaking up? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #7 November 2, 2011 hey he's and old fashioned idea...... honesty. nah - wouldn't work aye? (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #8 November 2, 2011 Quote I don't get it. If you're breaking up, what's so hard about just moving on? And if there's some reason you need to be seeing that person still, why are you breaking up? I've always been quite bad at moving on... I have been fortunate to date really lovely guys, and as a result I find it difficult to remind myself of the reasons it's not working because I keep thinking "but he's just so damned nice/loveable/sweet/kind" et cetera. I know this is bad... The last thing I want is to string someone along. I have been 100% honest about why it's not working for me, and his response is always that he loves me regardless and he doesn't want to lose me. I keep repeating the same answer but inside part of me can't help thinking: "but he's just *such* a lovely guy"... Hmmm... Ditto on the mutual break-up, whoever said that... Come to think of it I *did* have 1 nice split but not sure it counts because we only briefly dated and things were rather platonic from the start. No chemistry, so breaking up wasn't a big deal - we are still good friends."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #9 November 2, 2011 Quote I've always been quite bad at moving on... I have been fortunate to date really lovely guys, and as a result I find it difficult to remind myself of the reasons it's not working because That's classic Approach-Avoidance conflict. Attraction remains constant, regardless of distance, but repulsion increases with proximity. Try to keep this in mind and close him off. Sure he doesn't want to lose you. Who would? But he's gonna. That's life. It's time for you to give some of these single guys in the Bonfire a chance. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #10 November 2, 2011 Quote Attraction remains constant, regardless of distance, but repulsion increases with proximity. Dude, that is soooooo true!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cocheese 0 #11 November 2, 2011 Whatever Shah recommends is the best answer. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Southern_Man 0 #12 November 2, 2011 QuoteQuoteI don't get it. If you're breaking up, what's so hard about just moving on? And if there's some reason you need to be seeing that person still, why are you breaking up? I've always been quite bad at moving on... I have been fortunate to date really lovely guys, and as a result I find it difficult to remind myself of the reasons it's not working because I keep thinking "but he's just so damned nice/loveable/sweet/kind" et cetera. If this is the case then you really need to cut off all contact. That doesn't necessarily have to be forever but it is a necessary step."What if there were no hypothetical questions?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TriGirl 268 #13 November 2, 2011 I've had a few of those situations where the guy looks really good on paper (ie, when you describe him everyone wonders why you would break up with suck a great guy), but it just isn't working. Whenever that "charm" comes out, just remember the reason you broke up and stick to your guns! If he starts to get too persistent, or is clearly acting outside acceptable boundaries of being broken up, let him know he should be using those charms on someone who will appreciate them more. Yeah, that sounds like a line, but you can find a way to communicate that message without it sounding cliche. I've remained friends with ex boyfriends before. If I can't have a solid friendship with someone, I don't want to have something more anyway. So, there's usually a good friendship to maintain, but you DO need to step back for awhile until you've both been able to get over the ending of the romantic relationship. Breakups suck. The nicest thing to do is explain it in no uncertain terms that it's not working for you, and you're just not interested in maintaining that type of relationship. Any other scenario of innuendo or game playing just makes it worse. If you respect him, respect his intellect enough to speak to him in plain language what you're feeling/thinking. It may take more than one conversation, but I've found that's the best way. And yes, I've been on both sides of the situation. I would much rather have a guy just come out and tell me he wants to move on.See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus Shut Up & Jump! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hokierower 0 #14 November 2, 2011 Dumped her body in the swamp...wasn't a clean breakup, but it wasn't messy either. I kid, I kid! Can't help you with this one. Haven't really had to worry about this. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
livendive 8 #15 November 2, 2011 Honesty is always the best solution. Soften it up a bit if necessary, but don't be cruel or dishonest. The fact that dating didn't work out doesn't negate the cool parts of them that made it worth trying in the first place. I'm on friendly terms with several girls I've previously dated, and I think they'd agree. If I liked them enough to give it a go, I probably like them enough to end it on good terms too. Blues, Dave"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!" (drink Mountain Dew) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marinus 0 #16 November 2, 2011 Quoteie, when you describe him everyone wonders why you would break up with suck a great guy Don't be surprised if people start to use the phrase "Freudian slip" after this :P Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 291 #17 November 2, 2011 Quote I've tried the "it's not you, it's me" routine - painful for him because it's clearly a load of bollocks and everyone knows it. Be more forthright and tell the truth "It's not me...it's you." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
muff528 3 #18 November 2, 2011 You could "un-friend" him in the facebook and change your relationship status to "single" or "it's complicated". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #19 November 2, 2011 Quote You could "un-friend" him in the facebook and change your relationship status to "single" or "it's complicated". Aahh... The facebook breakup... Classy... My facebook account doesn't have my relationship status or where I live or anything personal like that... What's the point? The people who know me well enough to care about that sort of shite already know it anyway!"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SansSuit 1 #20 November 3, 2011 Here are about 50 ways.Peace, -Dawson. http://www.SansSuit.com The Society for the Advancement of Naked Skydiving Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #21 November 3, 2011 Yeah, it sucks, but ceasing all communications at least for a few months/years really is the best way to allow each party to move on. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenR1 0 #22 November 3, 2011 I'm working on a way right now. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Rap is to music what etch-a-sketch is to art. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MikeJD 0 #23 November 3, 2011 I've no animosity towards my exes. We've remained friends after separating, and one of them even came back to live with me for a while as a strictly no-benefits housemate. That idea seems to freak some people out, but what's always surprised me is how it seems to be the accepted norm for couples to go from being the best of friends to the worst of enemies at or before the point of break-up. That person they're wishing all kinds of misery on is the same one who they once told they'd love forever. Regarding honesty about the reasons - seldom gonna happen. By that time there's probably a lot of unspoken stuff, and one or other partner might be involved with someone else. There'll always be a tendency to think, well, we're splitting up anyway - why cause more heartache by putting a spotlight on all of this? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dks13827 3 #24 November 3, 2011 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXUFLsweBe4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
captain_stan 0 #25 November 3, 2011 QuoteIs there a good way to break up with someone??? Sure. The good way is to separate yourself physically and emotionally enough from that person so you can move on with your life---whatever distance that may require. Like quitting a bad habit, the problem lies in mustering the self-discipline to do this, for which there is no substitute. The good way is usually not the easy way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
