TheBile

I'm surprised you haven't suggested Pooh and Bar yet. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Trouble with that is there might be legal consequences with Hasbro. They were the names of a couple of Transformers. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

That's a shame because you sound like you'd be a mugshot candidate to me. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

A little sad. Check my 'Great Grand Boogie in the Sky post to see why. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Not here it aint, sister. Your behind the times. How ya feeling "this morning" ?

Well I'm certainly not going to stick them up your anus. They've got enough hairs on them as it is. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Mind if I ask why ? Sounds like two girls I'd like to get to know. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

I will be getting a couple of new Gerbils in a few weeks. I'm not sure of the colour but they will both be female. I'd like you guys to suggest some names for them, preferably skydiving related but I will review all and pick the best. The best suggestion will win ........ um ......... my respect. It's over to you now. I'll let you know the winner in a couple of weeks. Cheers. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

I got home last night to find that my Gerbil (piccie below) had finally succumbed to old age. She had had a good life and was well past the average life expectancy. I'm sure you'll all join me in finding a minute's silence during your day for her. So long, my friend. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

I didn't bother opening up this post because I knew you weren't talking to me. I AM NOT AN ASSHOLE, but I'm just as useful. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Gutsy move, babe. Nice one. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Thanks for that. I laughed so much that I pissed myself like a guy who had drunk 15 pints of lager whilst sitting on an ice block. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

NEW DUDE ! NEW DUDE ! Good to have you with us, man. First things first, get your Icon sorted out. The general rule seems to be this : Use a mugshot if you think your handsome or pretty, use a snapshot of your skydiving activities if you think your good at it. If, like me, none of these apply to you then just draw something ! Sort a signature out as well. Plenty of good one liners out there. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Dear son, Just a few lines to let you know I am still alive. I am writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You won't know the house when you come back because we have moved. About your Father : he has a lovely new job with 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetary. There was a washing machine in the house when we moved in, but it does not work very well. Last week I put 14 shirts in it, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since. Your sister had a baby this morning. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you are an Aunt or an Uncle. Your Uncle Dick drowned in a vat of whisky in dublin's distillery. Some of his workmates dived in to save him but he fought them off bravely. We cremated his body which took three weeks to put out. Your father did not have too much to drink at Christmas. I put a bottle of castor oil in his pint and it kept him going 'til new year. I went to see the Doctor on Thursday. Your father came too. The Doctor put a tube in my mouth and told me not to open my mouth for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it. It rained twice last week. First four days, then three days. On Monday the wind was so srong that one of the hens laid the same egg four times. We had a letter from the undertaker to say if the last instalments were not paid on your Gran's grave, up she comes. All the best. Your Loving Mother PS : I was going to put £30 in with this letter, but I have already sealed the envelope. Sorry. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Because I've just been informed of a payrise. I used to get a shedload of money for doing next to nothing. Now I've get a shedload of money plus an extra £1,000 per annum for doing next to nothing. 6% payrise for talking to you guys all day can't be bad Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Hazardous Materials Information Bulletin Material Safety Data Woman : A Chemical Analysis. Element : Woman Symbol : Wo Discoverer : Adam Atomic Mass : Accepted as 53.6kg, may vary from 40-200kg Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas. Physical Properties Surface usually covered with painted film. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason. Melts if given special treatment Bitter if incorrectly used Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Yields to pressure applied at correct points. Chemical Properties Has a great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly enhanced by saturation in alcohol Most powerful money reducing agent known to man Common Uses Highly ornamental, especially in sports car Can be a great aid in relaxation Very effective cleaning agent. Tests Pure specimen turns rosey pink when discovered in natural state. Turns green when paired beside a better specimen Potential Hazards Highly dangerous except in experienced hands Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Makes about as much sense as any pension scheme I've been in. Due to the current financial situation, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over 30 on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retired Aged Personnel Early) Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Management to be eligible for the SHAFT Scheme (Special Help AFTer retirement) Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW Scheme (SCheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPEd only once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPEd can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependant or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by Management. Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself for the amount of SHIT it gives it's staff. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT please bring it to the attention of your Manager. He has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

yes, I do. I am a girl, a lesbian girl. I bet you can rub your legs together like no-one I know. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Europe :

Shouldn't this post have been titled "Thank F**k for that !" ? Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

The first one would have to be the worst simply because I'd rather hang out with skydivers than the assholes I work with. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

The most difficult thing getting through to my mother was the fact that, no matter what she did, she couldn't "break the internet". I tried explaining that even the best hackers in the world would have difficulty doing that, but then I had to explain that a hacker was, and that it wasn't just another name for a lumberjack. She's got to the point now where she can turn on the PC, launch and play her Scrabble/Puzzle Bobble games and switch it off when she's finished. She's happy. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

really ? I thought it was the udder ones. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Thanks, man. I guess I can get on with my life now. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !

Damn Tootin' Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !