TheBile

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Everything posted by TheBile

  1. You've GOT to post pictures. I hope the dolphin has more success than that Pink Flamingo. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  2. Sorry mate, but you can't use my callsign without my express permission. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  3. Our screensavers are locked off, so I produced a Powerpoint Presentation (during my lunchours of course) which depicts several animated skydiving jokes. I run it whenever I'm away from my desk. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  4. One day while I was walking, reading a magazine, waiting for a tram, something bit my foot. I looked down and there was a green leprechaun with his ballshaped head, feeling my shoelaces. He was a charming young man and desperately seeking a wig, one that would impress even the most hairy woman. he asked for help, So I came up with this Idea: I would take a razor, pull down my socks and give him my leg hair in exchange for advice on down-sizing my portfolio and some gold so I could witness first-hand the life of the rich and not have to be post whore for the rest of my life (a military post that is). He accepted the deal with one condition, he would need my left-over potatoes from lunch and a furry critter for him to play with. I said "But I gave you the very hair from my ankle" He than said "Bitch, where is my money! I WANT my money!!!"so I kindly nudged Lummy who was sitting next to me and he said: "Maybe we should kick back, and offer a beer to this Leprechaun *He looks like he needs one". Then Clay came along and said:"hell no just give him a ride on my wee sheep overthere". "That's no sheep!" said Lummy in disgust...... Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  5. Not as good as the previous lot, some of them may even be made up, but here you go anyway. In a Laundromat: "Automatic Washing Machines:Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out." Sign in a London Department store: "Bargain Basement Upstairs." Sign in an Office: "After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board." Outside a second Hand Shop: "We exchange anything - Bicycles, Washing Machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain !" Notice in Health Food shop window: Closed due to illness Spotted in a safari park: Elephants, please stay in your car" Seen during a conference: "For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor." Notice in a field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges" Message on a leaflet: "In you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons." Sign on a repair shop window: "We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door as the bell doesn't work.)" Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: "Toilet out of order. Please use floor below."# Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  6. S'funny. I was going to ask her the same question.
  7. LOL Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  8. Goddam Girl !! _____________ (Fill in the blank with any of the following :- Your hotter than a Jalapeno Hummana-Hummana-Hummana You rock Sweeeeeet You made my heart go boom-boodie-boom-boodie-boom-boom-boom So how long does it take to shave those legs, anyway ? Schwiiiing And I thought my gerbils were cute ! Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  9. That cat wouldn't last long in my house. I'd kill the fucker if he put his paws on my beer ! Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  10. Man ! Humans can be so cruel (but funny) sometimes. To answer your question Erno, Hop (the one on the left) has a lighter grey coloring than Pop. It doesn't show up too well in the photo though. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  11. Thanks to everyone who gave me suggestions for my new Gerbil's names (pictured below). These were my favourites....... Hook & Swoop (Mcordia / Bivar) Blue & Sky (Bbarnhouse) Camel & Toe (Skymama) Gin & Tonic (Nacmacfeegle) Pull & Flare (Sunshine) Free & Fall (Mouth) Pat McCrotch & Anita Tinkle (Christoofar) Rigger & Packer (Megscott73) Sky & Muff. (My bro-in-law) Ying & Yang (Blondeflyer7) Orgazmo & Choada Girl (Yoshi) Scratch & Sniff (Skitzo) Pip & Pop (Quade) Karma & Sutra (Quade) Waffles & Ruffles (Airhead) Split & Splat (Freeflir29) Flare & Spot (carbon) But the winners are ............ F1freak, Iceman and Skygal3 who came up with :- HOP & POP.. Cheers folks. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  12. Not bad, Brisco, but my own personalised number plate is better. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  13. TheBile

    Good Morning!

    Re-Application below. (There's still hope for me yet ) Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  14. TheBile

    Good Morning!

    It's not good morning. I'm still upset for not being accepted into your powerpuff group, despite my sidekick application in an earlier thread. Why ? Damn you, Whhhyyyyyyyyyyyy ! ! ! ! Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  15. Do you think we should have a continuous thread for these ? Anyway....... A blonde was driving down the motorway (US var.freeway) when her car phone rang. It was her husband urgently warning her, "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M25 (US Var.Interstate). Please be careful !" " It's not just the one car," said the blonde, "There's fuckin' hundreds of 'em !" A woman recently lost her husband. She had had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him. "Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me ? Well I bought it with the insurance money." "Irving, Remember that new car you promised me ? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money." "Irving, do you remember that emerald necklace you promised me ? I bought that too, also with the insurance money." Still tracing her finger in the ashes she said, "Irving, remember that blow job I promised you ? Here it comes........" Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  16. Careful with that, man. I know it'll only be a hop and pop but with the surface area of the hat you might end up like that pink flamingo. Cool canopy colors. Reminds me of a barbecue-griddled Kermit.
  17. TheBile

    LEVIN!!!!

    I'm sure you don't need friends to do that for ya. (Ooooh. Me thinks I will pay for that one.) Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  18. TheBile

    landing off

    As far as I'm concerned any landing you can walk away from is a good one no matter where it is, and girl did you do some walking. Good call. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  19. Work Safe (ish) Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  20. TheBile

    my best joke

    Why have elephants got big ears ? 'Cause Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom ! Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  21. Homophobe : "Get away from me, Faggot !" Homosexual : "What do you think I am, chopped liver ?" Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  22. A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE MEASURING 4.8 ON THE RICHTER SCALE, HIT IN THE EARLY HOURS OF MONDAY 23RD SEPTEMBER 2002, EPICENTERED ON DUDLEY, WEST MIDLANDS Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering : "Yam Orwight?", "Boing Boing" and "Bostin". The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish costas were damaged. Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed Many were woken well before their giro arrived. Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Dudley. One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old mother-of-three said "It was such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos. * HOW YOU CAN HELP This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in it. Clothing is most sought after. Items required include: - Flat caps Donkey Jackets Heavy Twill Trousers (Male) Shell Suits (Female) Boots. Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same. Required foodstuffs include: - Faggots Grey Peas Pork Scratchings Tripe and Onions "Pigs Blood Pud" Banks's Bitter or Mild £2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four £10 can take a family to Stourport for the day, where children can play on an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles 22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Gornal, Oldbury and Sedgley. Thank you. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  23. I would figure that they would be quite rare as this is a pretty sociable sport. If so has anybody met one ? Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  24. If you've got satellite I think it's on Cartoon Network quite regularly. (so my nephew says of course .) Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !
  25. I'm mega-upset. It's been an entire weekend since this was originally posted and I haven't had any response from the girls. I've been shunned. Rejected would have been better because at least I'd have known where I stand. I guess it really must be a girls only club. Gerb I stir feelings in others they themselves don't understand. KA'CHOW !