I have HAD it with

[BillyVance 34]

These motherfucking ants in my motherfucking kitchen!!! Everybody step back, I'm about to nuke the little cunts!!!!

I wake up on the morning of my 41st birthday, get a great quickie with the wife, get showered and throw some clothes on. Wife has decided to take the day off work so she can take care of our little girl so I can have a bit of a break. Nice, huh?

So we're in the kitchen eating breakfast. She remembers the pan of brownies she baked the night before that she'd left in the microwave oven overnight and goes to get it. She opens the door and SCREAMS! I look up with a WTF now look. I get up and take a look at what must be 10,000 little motherfuckers crawling all over the inside of the microwave oven. My day is going downhill fast.

I have been battling the little bastards for a few weeks now. They've gotten into the house behind the walls or something, as well as up in the attic. I spray with the Home Defense bug killer spray whenever I need to and that does the trick, but only with the ones that come out.

Anyway, I thought about spraying the inside of the oven with that but not with all those vented panels on the sides. I'll never be able to clean up the stuff completely. Just then, a sinister thought entered my mind. I decided I was just going to close the door after throwing the brownie pan out, and nuke the fuckers. My wife tried to reason with me, but my mind was made up. Closed the door, set the oven on high for 3 minutes and hit "start".

Before that, the little bastards had been scurrying around at a leisurely pace. As soon as I hit start, that pace became a frenetic and frantic "Oh shit I'm gonna die" pace. I figured these fuckers would drop dead within 10 seconds, since that was how long it took to kill a tick I put in the microwave a few years ago. 10 seconds passed, and the bastards were still scurrying around blindly. 20 seconds, 30 seconds, a minute... Holy fucking shit! They're still going! Granted, a bunch had died by then, but a lot more were still scrambling around. I stood there in disbelief.

You know what? If we get hit with a nuclear war and the human race is gone, these motherfucking ants are gonna inherit the earth, or what's left of it. If they can survive 3 minutes in the microwave oven at full blast, they can survive anything, except a good bug spray or a good whack of my hand.

I set the oven up for another 3 nukem-dukem minutes and stood there watching the action intently. I swear I could hear a crackling and popping sound coming from the oven, but I can't be sure it was the little bastards getting their insides nuked. Pop-Ants, anyone?

My wife commented that I was sadistic. I just shrugged. It took at least an hour to clean out the oven, the glass turntable, and kill off the rest of the ants that had gotten into other parts of the oven, so I was not in a good mood anymore. When it comes to ants, they are gonna die, and I don't care how it happens. If I find a fun way to do it, then I'll do it. [Dr Evil laugh]muuwahahahahahahaha[/Dr Evil laugh]

Fucking cunt motherfuckers. My wife did leave me alone for a good part of the day, but at dinner time, we went out to our favorite place (divot and taylor, you know where it is) and all was good.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[futuredivot 0]

Ever considered medication?

You are only as strong as the prey you devour

[quade 3]

From the director of Snakes on a Plane . . .

ANTS in the Kitchen

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[grue 1]

Years ago when I was a little tyke, I lived in Florida, and we had a bit of an issue with fire ants in our yard. A friend of dad's suggested that he use gasoline on them. The next day, dad managed to step on a small hill and got bitten several times. Sure enough in a blind rage, he poured gasoline down their hole… and then lit it. Then he threw more gasoline all over the yard, which also went up.

Thus, one of my earliest memories was looking out the window and seeing our lawn on fire, with my father dancing around like he was in Lord of the Flies.

cavete terrae.

[BillyVance 34]

Quote

Years ago when I was a little tyke, I lived in Florida, and we had a bit of an issue with fire ants in our yard. A friend of dad's suggested that he use gasoline on them. The next day, dad managed to step on a small hill and got bitten several times. Sure enough in a blind rage, he poured gasoline down their hole… and then lit it. Then he threw more gasoline all over the yard, which also went up.

Thus, one of my earliest memories was looking out the window and seeing our lawn on fire, with my father dancing around like he was in Lord of the Flies.

Are we related?

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[sartre 0]

Maybe the bees sent them......

Now that you've pissed the ants off as well, you're in deep trouble. Ever watch that movie Arachnaphobia?

[normiss 622]

Not that you would hear it...but ants don't "crackle and pop"...cereal does.


Sugar ants?

[BillyVance 34]

Quote

Maybe the bees sent them......

Now that you've pissed the ants off as well, you're in deep trouble. Ever watch that movie Arachnaphobia?

Hell yes. I've seen it at least 5 times.

They ain't gonna fuck with me. I killed a copperhead snake at my front door a few years back. Yep, chopped the fucker up. Spiders get the same treatment as ants. WHACK.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Peej 0]

I don't live in the US but here we can get an ant bait thing. It looks like a round container that a sweet gel inside that is laced with poison. What you do is break the seal and then leave the ontainer out. What the ants do is take the poison back to the nest and they all die in there. it's brilliant. Maybe ask at your local hardware store?

Advertisio Rodriguez / Sky

[birdlike 0]

Quote

When it comes to ants, they are gonna die, and I don't care how it happens. If I find a fun way to do it, then I'll do it. [Dr Evil laugh]muuwahahahahahahaha[/Dr Evil laugh]

You should have just explained your evil plan to the ants, put them in for the three original minutes and then left and assumed that everything went according to plan.

...What?

Oh, did you demand one hundred BILLION dollars from the ant-queen?

Spirits fly on dangerous missions
Imaginations on fire

[popsjumper 2]

Didn't you recently re-do your kitchen? It's that sammich you left in the wall that is attracting them.

You need to strip out all the wall board, get rid of the sammich and then re-re-do the walls.

Tile on the floor? Yep, you'll need to pull all that up too and re-re-do.

Cabinets? Yep

Appliances? Yep

Let us know how your re-re-do project comes along.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[Broke 0]

Spray the baseboard with a dilute bleach solution.

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
SCR 14192

[mamajumps 0]

Holy shit this thread is funny! Just what I needed to start hump-day off right....

Sounds like sugar ants Billy

try keeping all flour, sugar etc in the freezer. That helps. Living in Florida they are a huge problem. I have found by keeping powdered goods up, that I dont have an issue with them...

[billeisele 122]

I had those bad boys all over at my lake house. In the house, eaves, roof, trees, dock, boat, under everything outside - basically everywhere. Tried all the stuff from Home Depot, it killed on contact but had no residual effect.

The exterminator sprayed something 1 year ago and the problem disappeared. I'm just now starting to see them again but in much smaller numbers.

They also gave me some gel stuff in a big white syringe. Put out 1-2 drops, they come to it by the hundreds. After about 2 hours they disappear forever.

Give one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws.

[wmw999 2,148]

We have problems with them occasionally. Strict cleanliness on the counters is the trick for me. Keep it up awhile and they get bored and go away, and I can slack off a little. But just a little. So the counters are always wiped, and I use those little disposable wipes (I fee so un-ecologically-sound when I use them, but at least the ants don't come back).

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[normiss 622]

eff that! I won't sacrifice my valuable freezer space for that....just buy BIG ziplocks! Everything has to go in a ziplock back.
damnit

[airathanas 0]

This is a trick that my Mom taught me. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

Mix together some sugar and boric acid with water to make a paste. Place in a swallow dish near the ants. They'll eat it and DIE

http://3ringnecklace.com/

[AJskydiver 0]

Quote

This is a trick that my Mom taught me. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

Mix together some sugar and boric acid with water to make a paste. Place in a swallow dish near the ants. They'll eat it and DIE

I think those are the ingredients of Terro...
http://www.terro.com/

I'd highly recommend the home remedy or the commercial product I linked.

[BillyVance 34]

Quote

Quote

This is a trick that my Mom taught me. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

Mix together some sugar and boric acid with water to make a paste. Place in a swallow dish near the ants. They'll eat it and DIE

I think those are the ingredients of Terro...
http://www.terro.com/

I'd highly recommend the home remedy or the commercial product I linked.

Sounds great. I've got an Ace Hardware nearby. I'll get a few and put them up in the attic. That's where they come from. Little cuntfaces...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[SpeedRacer 1]

See this thread:

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=3197219;search_string=terro;#3197219

Speed Racer
--------------------------------------------------

[ltdiver 3]

I had an elderly patient, years ago, who presented with numerous little bites all over her body. Come to find out she'd fallen one night, between her night stand and bed and couldn't get up. Nobody found her for 3 days.

Seems that she had a huge ant problem at her house and couldn't get rid of them. She tried poison at their ant hill (which was huge, btw) but it didn't work....

So....she opted to place bits of meat on her back porch to attract them to one location. It worked, and she'd poison them right there as they gathered.

You can see the problem coming....When she fell, the ants found HER! This time LIVE meat. They munched on her that entire 3 days until someone noticed something was up. She had bites in her ears, in her nose, around her eyes....everywhere.

We called the Agriculture Department. They came, studied the situation, and took care of it. We wouldn't let her go home until it was.

ltdiver

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

Years ago when I was a little tyke, I lived in Florida, and we had a bit of an issue with fire ants in our yard. A friend of dad's suggested that he use gasoline on them. The next day, dad managed to step on a small hill and got bitten several times. Sure enough in a blind rage, he poured gasoline down their hole… and then lit it.

Actually, you just make a small circle around the mound. Then, a small splash on the mound.

However, you aren't supposed to light it.

Good news is, they run out and die right now.
The bad news is, you get a little brown ring on your lawn.

[Misternatural 0]

Billy, you seem to be plagued by ants and hornets these days. i deal with this stuff all the time as part of my job- last week I had to cut out part of a homeowners facia and overhang to extract an entire honey bee colony,no not a colony- it was a fucking metropolis up inside this guys roof, they now live in a beehive on my property. What a miserable job that was.
Anyway an exterminator is your best but most expensive bet. Next best and least toxic is the boric acid powder somebody mentioned, I get the jumbo one pounder for 5 bucks. I mix it with honey or honey and peanut butter for your fat loving ants as bait- but you don't have to, just read the directions- the pros sometimes saturate areas with a solution of this where carpenter ants have taken up residence, works great. The traps are ok but they are mostly just peanut butter with toxins mixed in and dry out quickly. For the hornets, well I have no love for those fuckers except they eat other bugs. There are a number of very effective poisons in a can that sends them into what looks like a horrible but quick death,its like VX nerve gas for bugs.

-on the other hand gasoline IS more skydiverly and fun

Beware of the collateralizing and monetization of your desires.
D S #3.1415