Why do some/many people assume everyone want marriage/kids?

[Krip 2]

Nately

Just because people are rude enough to take a dig at you why do you even care? Just because some peeps have a opinion thats something is perfectly acceptable thats fine for them, but that doesn't mean it has to be fine for you unless you allow.

You've been there ,done that , already more than most peoplewill do in their whole life time. If some of your friends are causing you to second guess yourself, loose your self confidence etc.

Its time to find some new friends with a more postive vibes.

IMO

One Jump Wonder

[Squeak 17]

grue

***
As for kids, people generally want me to come up with a good reason not to have them

I normally just say "I have my reasons", but sometimes when pressed I'll expound on those reasons. Usually that ends the conversation
I simply state that I have absolutely no desire to be a parent.
If they press the point I tell them to fuck off :)

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[jimjumper 25]

When I was young I made a conscious decision to not get married just to be part of the social norm. I got married at 35 just before finishing my first career and both of us had also made the decision early to not have any children. We both say we weren't born with a "kids" gene. We watch other people with marital and child troubles and wonder why someone would choose to do something that causes them so much strife in their life. The time where a wife , 2.5 kids, and a house in the 'burbs is the norm has long past. By the way, I'm 54, still with my first wife (19 years) and no kids.

[Nataly 38]

Krip

Nately

Just because people are rude enough to take a dig at you why do you even care? Just because some peeps have a opinion thats something is perfectly acceptable thats fine for them, but that doesn't mean it has to be fine for you unless you allow.

You've been there ,done that , already more than most peoplewill do in their whole life time. If some of your friends are causing you to second guess yourself, loose your self confidence etc.

Its time to find some new friends with a more postive vibes.

IMO

Believe me, the criticism doesn't come from my friends

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[lawrocket 3]

FB1609

I read recently that there is a direct link to intelligence and the wish to have children, especially with women. Seems lower intelligence leads to having more children, the highest leads to having none. Doesn't make too much sense as a continuing the species point of view, but I have to agree, so...TS is smart.

I've got four kids. Two with a lawyer and two with a physician. Now if they have two each but I have four, does that make them smarter than me? Or is it simply an anomaly resulting from my leaving socks laying around for them to inadvertently sit on?

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[lawrocket 3]

[Reply] We watch other people with marital and child troubles and wonder why someone would choose to do something that causes them so much strife in their life.

[AggieDave 6]

lawrocket

[Reply] We watch other people with marital and child troubles and wonder why someone would choose to do something that causes them so much strife in their life.

It's like a whuffo not understanding why we skydive. All the troubles. The pain. The heartache. You can't understand skydiving without doing it. And parenthood cannot be understood without being a parent.

I wish I could explain it. I can't.

[Squeak 17]

lawrocket

[Reply] We watch other people with marital and child troubles and wonder why someone would choose to do something that causes them so much strife in their life.

It's like a whuffo not understanding why we skydive. All the troubles. The pain. The heartache. You can't understand skydiving without doing it. And parenthood cannot be understood without being a parent.

I wish I could explain it. I can't.

[PixieUK 0]

My responses tend to depend on who's making the assumptions. If it's someone I respect or don't particularly want to upset, I may explain my reasons or brush it off with "there's plenty of time to worry about that later".

If it's someone who is being a busybody or trying to impose their opinion on me, I generally ask them "if everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?"

I was married for nearly 10 years and have been happily unmarried for 2.5 - I doubt there is anyone on the planet who could persuade me to enter into that particular anachronism again, lol

A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr

[oldwomanc6 38]

PixieUK

My responses tend to depend on who's making the assumptions. If it's someone I respect or don't particularly want to upset, I may explain my reasons or brush it off with "there's plenty of time to worry about that later".

If it's someone who is being a busybody or trying to impose their opinion on me, I generally ask them "if everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?"

I was married for nearly 10 years and have been happily unmarried for 2.5 - I doubt there is anyone on the planet who could persuade me to enter into that particular anachronism again, lol

I'm thinking you are asking the wrong audience! I bet this one would come back with a higher than average "YES!"

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[dmcoco84 4]

grue

***
As for kids, people generally want me to come up with a good reason not to have them

I normally just say "I have my reasons", but sometimes when pressed I'll expound on those reasons. Usually that ends the conversation

Here's the thread I made in WO on the subject:

I knew I liked Cameron... “defends women shunned by society”
http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=3603041;page=unread#unread

[ryoder 1,394]

PixieUK

If it's someone who is being a busybody or trying to impose their opinion on me, I generally ask them "if everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?"

How high is the cliff?
Is there a large scree slope at their base?
How large is the landing area?
What direction and speed is the typical wind?

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[oldwomanc6 38]

W/O reading through an entire thread that is years old, I will say, I never encountered any "shunning" of those who don't want children.

I never "wanted" children, yet despite my best intentions, at age 27, I became pregnant 3 years into my marriage. I decided to be a mom at that point.

The only opposition I ever encountered was from medical professionals who refused to sterilize me because "I was too young, didn't already have kids, and generally didn't know what I wanted because I was too young, didn't have kids because I didn't know wha...."

As much as I love my kids (and I do), I know I would have been perfectly satisfied and happy to have never had them. ( And then, to have met my grown children and befriend them, and them, me! )

I am not a mother by bent, and I'm not the only person that is not a natural-born parent (which includes desiring to be one) out there.

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[Squeak 17]

This is not the 1st thread of it's ilk on here.
Mrs Squeak and I are now in our 50s, over the last 25 years I have seen people get aggressive towards her for not wanting kids. I have had people call me selfish and immature (not arguing with either) for not wanting kids.
I have had a Urologist refuse me a vasectomy because I didn’t already have kids (I was in my late 30s).

FAR too many people seem to worry too much about other peoples business instead of concerning themselves with there own.

I work with kids, a lot of which have had really shitty childhoods, because their parents are really crap at being parents.


Like skydiving just because you can does in no way imply you should.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[normiss 622]

What BASE rig do we get?
Are we PCA'ing?
Where do we meet the getaway ride?



I got yelled at today for asking these questions when a grandmother was asking that of the grand kids.
The kids loved my answers.

[grue 1]

normiss

What BASE rig do we get?
Are we PCA'ing?
Where do we meet the getaway ride?



I got yelled at today for asking these questions when a grandmother was asking that of the grand kids.
The kids loved my answers.

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/bridge.png

cavete terrae.

[JohnMitchell 14]

As we all know, having kids is a personal choice. My family has been the most rewarding thing in my life, but it's not for someone who doesn't want it.

[Nataly 38]

dmcoco84

******
As for kids, people generally want me to come up with a good reason not to have them

I normally just say "I have my reasons", but sometimes when pressed I'll expound on those reasons. Usually that ends the conversation

Here's the thread I made in WO on the subject:

I knew I liked Cameron... “defends women shunned by society”
http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=3603041;page=unread#unread


I remember that thread and I remember some people (yourself included) being touchy and even a bit disrespectful.

I do get that some people just will never understand a lack of desire to have children. Heck, some people still believe that it's your main "duty" as a human being to procreate... That's fine. I don't care if they ever "get it."

I look at my brother (who got married young and has 2 daughters, a great career and a solid marriage) and think: he seems so happy - great for him
Some people find it difficult to grasp that the social norm does not suit everyone... And they naturally try to find reasons for why *you* just don't get it... The assumption being that as you are the one who is different, there must be something "wrong" with you... Of course I can't really know about something until I have lived it for real... So it's probably true that until I have kids, I can't really appreciate how wonderful it must be. But it's also true that they can't know what my life is like and what will/won't make me happy - they're not me, and they're not living my life.

If through circumstances I ended up having kids, I would likely adapt and find happiness despite not initially wanting them. People who lose a limb can find happiness despite their loss (or in some cases because of it), but I don't think if they had had the choice they would have wanted to lose their limb... Making things work is totally different to wanting something in the first place. Doesn't mean I would be miserable if I ever had children, but it's not what I would choose. Sorry about the "extreme" example... I know it's not a very good illustration - just trying to explain in a way that makes sense...

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[PixieUK 0]

oldwomanc6

I'm thinking you are asking the wrong audience! I bet this one would come back with a higher than average "YES!"

Lol - I've never been asked those questions by skydivers so it's never been an issue.

I'm referring to the kind of people who never question anything for themselves, just do it "because everyone does it" or "it's the thing to do" - getting married in church, having kids, getting them christened even if the parents never go to church and don't believe in God, yada, yada.

My experience is that most people are sheep and bimble along through life without challenging (or even realising they could challenge) societal norms, and who automatically reject other opinions and viewpoints as wrong or somehow suspect just because those viewpoints are not held by the majority.

The majority of skydivers might well be exempt from "sheepdom" simply because they have challenged norms and thought things through for themselves, even if that challenge is limited to throwing themselves out of perfectly serviceable aircraft

A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr

[billvon 2,426]

>I generally ask them "if everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?"

Let's say you had a lot of friends whose opinion you trusted. And they were all walking along the edge of a cliff one day. And they turned, saw something in the woods, and all started jumping off. The last one said "Pixie for God's sakes JUMP!" before he jumped himself.

Remember, these are all people you trusted. Would you jump? Would you at least look in the woods?

(Not to say you should do what everyone else does - but since many of us DO jump off cliffs that might be a bad example.)

[Nataly 38]

billvon

Remember, these are all people you trusted. Would you jump? Would you at least look in the woods?

I probably would jump... My friends have never once told me what to do, so if they all felt jumping was absolutely crucial, I don't see how my instincts would be better than all my friends'... Maybe they'd all be wrong, or maybe I'd be thanking my lucky stars I trusted the people who have never let me down before... (Or maybe curiosity would get the better of me, I'd turn around and get eaten by the demon/ogre/troll/yeti...)

Kind of a strange question to ask!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[NWFlyer 2]

Getting older helps. Being 42 and without kids I can just say "that ship has sailed and I wasn't on it." Actually, I only wish that shut people up - I've actually gotten the response of "you're not too old yet" or "there's plenty of ways to become a parent."

My mother (who, up until recently had never put any pressure on me to have kids), even pulled out "you could get a donor like your cousin did" when I told her that my current s.o. (who's been snipped) and I didn't want kids and weren't going to have them. I had to remind her that my cousin and her husband very much wanted kids and went the donor route so that they wouldn't pass on a genetic condition he had to the kids. Uh... totally different circumstances, ma!

Generally I just say that the way things are works really well for me. I don't malign others for their choices (and I find some of the comments in here by people without children to be equally judgmental towards those who have chosen to have kids; it's only fair if you don't want your choices to be judged that you not judge theirs either).

My favorite quote that can usually end the conversation is this: "I love other peoples' kids and other peoples' dogs."

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[Nataly 38]

NWFlyer

Getting older helps.

Serious question here: does it really? Or do people who don't know you just look at you with pity and feel awkward about mentioning it (in case you wanted kids and due to something horrible like cancer or being a careerist or your husband dying or just missing the boat you didn't manage it)???

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Darius11 12]

No nice way to say this, even though marriage and kids might be great for some, the vast majority of people do it because there sheep. They are being lead by what they think they should do other then choosing their own path.

From the parents I have seen most shouldn’t be moms or dads there not qualified, and as for marriages almost 60% fail that’s keeping in mind that the other 40% doesn’t mean there happy.


Best line by Doug Stanhope " If marriage didn't exist would you invent it?"

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[NWFlyer 2]

Nataly

***Getting older helps.

Serious question here: does it really? Or do people who don't know you just look at you with pity and feel awkward about mentioning it (in case you wanted kids and due to something horrible like cancer or being a careerist or your husband dying or just missing the boat you didn't manage it)???

It helps some, perhaps because people don't assume I'm "heading in that direction" (like they might of grue and his girlfriend, who are a dozen or so years younger than me).

But I still get the questions sometimes. I've also been told by a lot of people they assume I'm younger than I am, so that may also prompt the questions if they think I'm still plenty young enough to be in the baby-making business (which, if it were something I really really really wanted, I might still be, but since I don't at all, entering into what would be a pretty high-risk pregnancy seems silly!).

I guess I get ahead of the question sometimes if the conversation starts with "Do you have kids?" I'll preempt the next question (if they were even going to ask) by saying "No, I don't, it's not really for me."

One of the many things I enjoy about skydiving is that I definitely know more "child-free by choice" couples than I do outside of skydiving, and there seems to be much greater acceptance of that choice within the sport.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke