Evil things to say to first time tandems on the way to altitude...

[skyjumpenfool 2]

Ask the TI as he's hooking up his student...

"Have they figured out why those clips keep breaking yet?"

Birdshit & Fools Productions

"Son, only two things fall from the sky."

[Abedy 0]

We sometimes tell the students when asked if we do "that" for a living: Yeah strange, huh? The folks at the employment centre asked me if I like an easy job mainly sitting and dealing with folks now and then. So last week I was on the dole and now I'm a TI.

P.S.: "This morning, I janitor." - Wasn't it "Dr Jan Itor?"

The sky is not the limit. The ground is.

The Society of Skydiving Ducks

[theonlyski 3]

I simply point out the fact that my student is wearing a harness that says Warning in 3 different languages (SIGMA harness) when everyone else has one with some instructions on it (SDH harnesses).

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[leandercool 0]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZy_qHjvnl4

All the way at the end the TA says: "When I get my license, I might do better than this"

From 0 to 12.000 in 9 minutes

[popsjumper 2]

Quote

hey friends,,,I'm not tryin' to be a jerk here,,, but let's get serious.. Tandem Mastering should be about the first jump person,,,, not the T M (too many of whom seem to be closet comedians.....) some of whom do it for the wrong reasons...

I hear ya' Jimmy. There's a line for professionalism. Some of the comments in here are over the line.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[Abedy 0]

Another one is: Point at the CYPRES display (OK, must be visible, huhu) and exclaim "Woo, your parachute is expired, zero jumps left on it! Doncha ever check ya gear?"
Of course, only if student can take a little fun and only if you then explain what this display is good for

The sky is not the limit. The ground is.

The Society of Skydiving Ducks

[jephprospect 0]

Last month a buddy of mine did his 1st tandem. while taxing to the plane I was fucking with him about the harness not being on right. His camera guy said in a very stern voice "NO it's fine" and looked at me pissed off. At 1st I thought the dude was just uptight and being a dick but on the way to altitude I could hear my poor buddy breathing hard and saying "oh my god", I realized the camera guy knew this and was why he was being serious with him and me.

So, it depends on the student and it shouldn't be hard to tell who you can fuck with and who you can't. Apparently I wasn't able to tell till we were in the plane. Good thing I'm not an instructor or camera flyer

[ShcShc11 0]

Did the tandem last summer... there was the freefall then the tandem master opened the 'chute:

once it opened, he went:
"HOLY SHITTT, 4 PARACHUTE LINES BROKEN!!!"

Scary b/c he seemed really genuine when he yelled it out.


Cheers!
Shc

[obelixtim 100]

Quote

the one who did my tandem went:
"HOLY SHITTT, 4 PARACHUTE LINES BROKEN!!!"

Scary when he seem to say it in a genuine manner.

What . a . dick.

(and when you see him you can tell him I said that)

I bet he'd crap himself if he had a real mal.

WTF goes on inside peoples heads?.

My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

[billvon 2,402]

>once it opens, the one who did my tandem went:
>"HOLY SHITTT, 4 PARACHUTE LINES BROKEN!!!"

Funny, I've had the opposite experience. I once had to cut away from a tension knot and my passenger never knew it happened. After we landed I told him what had happened and he didn't believe me. Showed him the empty container and everything. On the bus ride on the way back he asked another TM "is that guy shitting me? Did we really have to go to that backup?"

[devildog 0]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zO69d-FY4c

I think this probably tops them all. Just my .02

You stop breathing for a few minutes and everyone jumps to conclusions.

[ShcShc11 0]

Quote

Quote

the one who did my tandem went:
"HOLY SHITTT, 4 PARACHUTE LINES BROKEN!!!"

Scary when he seem to say it in a genuine manner.

What . a . dick.

(and when you see him you can tell him I said that)

I bet he'd crap himself if he had a real mal.

WTF goes on inside peoples heads?.

haha yeah. It was probably a dick move of him. It was still a super memorable/fun jump though.

Back then, I was a naive jumper and my first thought was: "oh whatever, at least the parachute opened! as long there's something over our heads and there's a few lines attached, we SHOULD be fine"


When you're a tandem passenger, you're #1 concern will always be: "I hope there won't be a double-total malfunction"


Cheers!
Shc

[theonlyski 3]

Quote

When you're a tandem passenger, you're #1 concern will always be: "I hope there won't be a double-total malfunction the shoot opens and I live."

FIFY.

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[leandercool 0]

Some people can't find the line between being a massive dick and making a tention breaking joke.
This crossed that line. Glad you had a fun jump though

From 0 to 12.000 in 9 minutes

[JasonYergin 0]

I've heard something like.... All the good rigs were taken already but this one should be ok.

I thought it was really wrong to joke like at first but after a while I found it entertaining to see what their reactions would be.

_________________________________

...Don't Get Elimated!!

[Longbow1415 0]

I asked the Tandem instructer today at about 6 k "have the balckouts stopped"

[packerboy 3]

Where I did my first tandem, they had a garbage landfill not too far off the end of the runway. We taxied to one end and it just smelled horrible.

TI: "Do you smell that?"

Me: "Yeah, it's horrible"

TI: "You want to know what it is?"

Me: "sure"

TI: "It's the smell of fear... New pilot, first time taking off on a short grass runway, and the left flap is seized up. Welcome to our perfectly good airplane!"

--------------------------------------------------
In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. ~ Thomas Jefferson

[DougH 270]

If some one says something "evil" they are going to get a talking to. If they do it again I am taking it up with the DZO.

This is about the student. Now joking and breaking the tension is fine, but scaring my student and get their head out of the game is a dick move. The students aren't impressed by you, get your ego boost some other way.

I like to joke in ways that makes my training stick. For example I tell them when we open the door wait for your instructor to look and then he will tell them to exit. I joke that we want to make sure we aren't over the sewage treatment plant, and I don't want to land in the lake again!

"The restraining order says you're only allowed to touch me in freefall"
=P

[oldwomanc6 38]

Quote

If some one says something "evil" they are going to get a talking to. If they do it again I am taking it up with the DZO.

This is about the student. Now joking and breaking the tension is fine, but scaring my student and get their head out of the game is a dick move. The students aren't impressed by you, get your ego boost some other way.

I like to joke in ways that makes my training stick. For example I tell them when we open the door wait for your instructor to look and then he will tell them to exit. I joke that we want to make sure we aren't over the sewage treatment plant, and I don't want to land in the lake again!

+1

I wonder how many people would come back and make another jump, except for a comment by cocky, arrogant, thoughtless jumper?

When I made my first jump, I thought for sure I was going to die. When and where I made my first jump, people were dying right and left (Elsinore, late -70s)

I didn't die (obviously), but the fear was very real. If someone had said any of the comments in this thread, I would have never made the jump.

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[JohnMitchell 14]

I like that some people think that funny= scaring the student. You can be humorous without freaking them out.

Or grossing them out, for all the farters on the plane.

[jdpml 0]

some years ago a friend of mine (t/i) was getting his passenger up the steps of a twin otter, we always say mind your head.
She on the top step looked at the video guy and smashed her head on the bar as she got on.
He sat down and got her belted in, then asked her how her head was.
She replied that no one had ever complained.
Thats a relaxed student.

[JohnMitchell 14]

Quote

He sat down and got her belted in, then asked her how her head was.
She replied that no one had ever complained.
Thats a relaxed student.

Now that's what I call "a keeper".

[ManagingPrime 0]

Don't think I would classify it as evil, but my favorite right before exit when there is an obviously tense tandem next to me on a load is:

"Do you know what the difference between a Ferrari and an erection is?"

(Usually just get a blank scared stare back)

"Your tandem master doesn't have a Ferarri."

(exit when the look of fear turns to confusion)

Aside from that and the old (to the TM)..."One more and you get to jump by yourself, huh?" or when packing a tandem rig handing it off and saying "In theory it should work (with a smile).", I try to keep any talk of malfunctions, danger, etc. away from the tandems.

[Georgeisgod 0]

Best one i saw was
TM"Wanna play a game, it's called are you smarter then a skydiver. I'll ask 4 questions, get one wrong i disconnect one of the clips."

[jtval 0]

I've filmed a lot of tandems. (not a TM)

We joke with the students but my favorite is just after the student is strapped up I get the look on my face and say "OH MAN. WE ALMOST FORGOT TO TELL YOU ONE LAST THING!!!"


Student: what's that?

Me/TM: HAVE FUN! (hi five, knuckles/handshake)

I only do stuff like this with Tm's that are solid and students that understand we are joking.

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