advice needed - skydiving and relationships - how do you manage both??

[Newbie 0]

ok i just split up with my girl yesterday, or rather she split up with me.
Without bogging you folks down with all the gory details, she wasnt a jumper, and i have only been jumping a few months, but am addicted wholeheartedly.

Anyway when i got together with her, i made it clear that while i cared about her very much, i had certain goals i wanted to accomplish at this stage of my life, and taking some time out of work to skydive a lot at a dz in a country with decent weather was one of my main priorities, much to her frustration (she was much more on the "i want to settle down and get a place" tip).
This upset her - she often said that i put skydiving and my other main interest of dj'ing ahead of her, which was not entirely true, but i did say that, like me, she should follow her dreams in life and make sure she achieves her individual goals and not worry about foresaking the relationship as i didnt want her to put her life on hold, or be unhappy just to be with me.

Well, she came to the dz with me a few months back and we had a great day - she would never jump, totally against the idea, and thinks we are all crazy, BUT she was open minded enough to come up to the dz, and enjoyed just being in the countryside and the outdoors aspect of it all.
What then happened was something of a turnaround - i went to the dz a few weeks back without her (she was busy), had a GREAT time, but i sort of missed her not being there, for me to share my experience with her, as even though she had no interest in jumping, she was interested to hear what it was like and what i got up to, and it was a nice feeling to stroll back from the peas and see her there waving and wanting to know how it had been.
So i get back home and tell her i want to reprioritise -i dont want to save all my money to go jumping in Eloy now, and i would rather we have a joint vacation somewhere where we can travel for a while and then i could get some jumps in along the route - you know trying to put some balance in there for the sake of the relationship.

But by this time some personal stuff has happened to her family thats made her rethink about lifes priorities, what she wants out of life, and what is important for her.
Anyway to cut a long story short, we split for a number of reasons, but she did say she felt like for the most part of the relationship (apart from the turnaround towards the end) that she was playing second fiddle to my new found love of jumping.

So what i want to know from you guys who have been jumping for years and managing relationships side by side is how best to do it.
How do you manage to balance the time and expenditure of jumping with keeping a non jumping partner sweet - is that even possible? Is it a better idea to try and find a partner who jumps, and therefore the interests and understanding is there and is mutual (this is what im now thinking, although there is something to be said for explaining to a whuffo partner the joys of the sport, and seeing their eyes light up as you tell them what you do and did on a jump, even though you know they would never in a million years do it themselves)

I love this sport very much, its something i have wanted to do most of my life, and the desire to do it is not going to go away in a hurry at all - in fact most likely the opposite. Once my rig arrives, i can see myself spending way more time and money at the dz than i have been now. So is this to be expected with non jumping partners? Am i now doomed to a life of balancing my time, energy, finances and love of this sport with every girl im going to be with? There is no way im giving up jumping anytime soon for anyone or anything, so its not an option to get out the sport.

I guess im just wondering if you guys have any advice/stories/morals that could be useful if i find myself in this situation the next time. I love this and am not going to give it up - i guess i want to know how it can work side by side a personal life without destorying it though.
Any advice is much appreciated y'all, thanks.

"Skydiving is a door"
Happythoughts

[nigel99 144]

In my experience over the years ppl either seem to loose their whuffo partners or drop out of the sport.
Unfortunately I am one of the later bunch of losers :-(

The real sad thing is 7yrs later I am still not sure it was "really" worth it.

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[gus 1]

My gf mentioned the other day that she only ever sees me on the weekends at the end of the pay month - ie when I'm too skint to jump. Dammit, I thought she hadn't noticed!

She's actually quite cool about it, I'd been jumping for a while before I met her and before we started going out so she knew what it means to me and where I'd be alot of the time.
She's also coming up to the dz in a few weeks time and I'm hoping I can convince her to jump but even if she doesn't it should help show her what it's all about.

For what's it worth I think you did the right thing making your priorities clear from the start - apart from being completely honest about it what could you have done?

So for me the key to a good jumper/whuffo relationship is (1) being up front about your addiction and (2) making a real effort when you're not at the dz to make sure she knows that she's important too.

Gus

OutpatientsOnline.com

[fudd 0]

I just started skydiving this summer. So far it has worked out. I yet haven't been able to get her to come with me to the dz and I don't think she'll ever start jumping. However she has started to call herself a skydiving-widow because I have been away at the dz a lot. I'll guess thats a warning sign.
There's probably no absolute answers to how to keep the relationship going along with the sport. It depends much on the personality of the partners and on how much you trust your second half.

It seems like skydiving breaks a lot of relationships. I'm hoping it won't break mine, but time will tell.

It makes me sad everytime I hear about a relationship thats broken because of the sport, and I feel with you.

I hope you meet a great skydiving chick whom you can share your passion with in the future.

-fudd

[3fLiEr 0]

"If loneliness be the price of freedom so be it........"

[rhino 0]

First of all do you love her?

[PhreeZone 15]

Honestly... it comes down what are you putting the main part of your energy on... your self or the relationship? I know plently of jumpers that are managing a long term marriage/relationships and jumping all the time. There are nice weekends when they are not at the DZ since they know there is life out side the DZ too... Its all a balence... if you spend more time at the DZ or talking about jumping then with your partner... you can't really expect them to think its fair and tolerate it.

Even if you find a jumper to date... thats one common interest.. it takes more then one interest to make a relationship work. I've also seen my share of jumper couples split since jumping was the only thing they really had holding them together.

Yesterday is history
And tomorrow is a mystery

Parachutemanuals.com

[Zennie 0]

For me this is now a moot point.

- Z
"Always be yourself... unless you suck." - Joss Whedon

[PLFXpert 0]

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So what i want to know from you guys who have been jumping for years and managing relationships side by side is how best to do it.

Simple, you date a skydiver. Skydivers, male and female, are the hottest catches around, anyways.

I'm sorry for your break up, and I certainly don't want to trivialize it. I think it's not as difficult as you might think to manage both, and certainly the easiest way is to date a fellow jumper .

Not to sound negative, but I've only seen a very few relationships work for skydivers and whuffo boyfriend/girlfriends. The couple I have seen work out, when one partner is a whuffo, usually it is b/c they live near the dz. and the boyfriend/girlfriend works at the dz, so it's just like any other job; they're gone during the day, but home at night. The relationships when one partner is gone jumping every weekend...unfortunately, I have yet to see one last. It's not that bad of a deal, though, b/c like i said, there's plenty of fish in the sea at the dz.

[Skystorm 0]

Nigel, you're not a loser!!! Geez, how many times do I have to say this!!

Just keep the faith, buddy, we'll turn her around, somehow..

As for Newbie, I have no advice. I split up with my whuffo b/f of 4 years just to be able to jump. I now have a better half that skydives as well and I'm really happy. It's up to you, do you love her enough to change your lifestyle or are you just selfish?

Gene Police: "YOU!! Out of the pool, NOW!!!"

[Rdutch 0]

Ever notice that most of the older skydivers are single. Unless they have partners that jump. Ive lost girlfriends to skydiving also. Not directly because of it, but I definitely diddnt pay enough attention because of my sport. Its hard to manage a passion for skydiving and love for a girl. And if they dont jump its hard to understand. Chalk it up as a learning experience and grow from it. It will make your next relationship all the better, than the last. If she diddnt care enough to stick it through the bad time, she wasnt worth it. Every relationship has bad times but that only means that the good is coming and it always gets better.
Ray

Ray
Small and fast what every girl dreams of!

[steve1 5]

My wife is a wuffo. So far my jumping has put a strain on things (at times), but she accepts it because she knows how important skydiving is to me and she wants me to be happy. I also let her know that she and the family come first and I still spend a lot of time with them doing other things. We've been married over 20 years, so there is a lot of trust in our relationship. The wife hates just sitting at the DZ, so while I'm jumping she's out shopping or doing the things I hate to do. In the summer she takes a trip to Oregon to visit her Mom (another thing I hate), so while she's there I'm in Western Montana working on my cabin, jumping at Stevensville, or going to the boogie in Lost Prairie. Usually I have the summers off since I work for a school. We live in a remote area and have to travel to larger cities to jump. This works out well because again my wife and daughters like to shop, which I don't.
Sometimes I've wondered if it wouldn't be better if my wife was a jumper. In some ways it might be. But when you have been married as long as we have you don't have to be together all the time and even having time apart can be a good thing. She knows I'm not going to run off with some other good looking skydiver (maybe it's because I'm so ugly), and I know I can trust her. Money sometimes is an issue because it is an expensive sport. So I've found a way to do some extra work on the side and use that for buying gear and jumps. So I think there is a way to make it work if you find the right partner. Steve1

[Samurai136 0]

Love is just like the flu. You catch it and have it for a while then it goes away until you catch it again. My observation about relationships that work is that both people fundamentally like each other.

People fall in love, boink, and have a family with people they may not like. Usually it takes a difficult situation for one or both parties in a relationship to realize that they don't actually like the other person. If the two of you really like each other you'll figure out how to make it work. Otherwise, you may be better off w/ out that chic...

Of course I may know squat as a single unattatched jaded typical-guy.

Ken

"Buttons aren't toys." - Trillian
Ken

[Luminous 0]

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......., b/c like i said, there's plenty of fish in the sea at the dz.

Lots of men fish. Far to few single women fish.

'In an insane society a sane person seems insane.' Mr. Spock

[rhino 0]

HELLO????????????

Do you love her??????????????????

[narcimund 0]

My very close relationship of 3 1/2 years is 1000 times more important to me than skydiving. I consider it nothing more than a pleasant bonus that he likes to skydive with me!

I would give up any entertainment or activity for the right relationship if it was necessary. On the other hand however, any partner who took it on themself to regulate my hobbies wouldn't be the right relationship.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[billvon 2,400]

>i guess i want to know how it can work side by side a personal life
>without destorying it though.

I've been going out with Amy for 7 years now (longer than most SoCal marriages.) We both skydive (and BASE jump, and climb etc.) Choosing a good one is half the battle; I've gone out with a lot of people who would have had a big issue with the skydiving thing.

[PLFXpert 0]

Hmmmm, this might be true? Looks like you guys are just screwed....JUST TEASING!

[TEB6363 0]

Just keep looking for the right one for YOU!! My wife only has two jumps and will probably never be a jumper. however, she was working on a DZ when I met her and her family has been deeply involved in Skydiving for years and years. This only ment she was familar with skydiving.

To work out the relationship, she has given up a lot. Mostly by having me gone weekends. However, I try and make it clear that she can either come with me to the DZ, stay at the house, or do whatever she wants. Then I try and make at least one weekend available for her time off each month.

Lastly, I usually have to give her a bunch of the money I made during the weekend .

Bottom line is that you will have to find a balance and someone who loves you.

Once the plane takes off, you're gonna have to land - Might as well jump out!!

[skydiventom 0]

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like i said, there's plenty of fish in the sea at the dz.

Maybe I should go to a different DZ?

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana" -Groucho Marx- "Tom flies like a rock" -Tom Carson-

[SBS 0]

When you have a relationship that is going to last, it doesn't have to be perfect, but if it is worth saving, these issues should not be issues. If you are, in fact, paying more attention to jumping than you are paying to your other, then you are making a decision that says that jumping is more important to you. If you are not really paying more attention to jumping than to her, and she is being overly sensative, then there is a problem on her end. Either way, there is a problem in the relationship that is manifesting itsself in this situation. Basically, I have always looked at situations like this as a symptom, not the actual problem.

I had a relationship before I started jumping, and it lasted a couple of years after I started. The reasons for us not still being together did not revolve around skydiving. She had her things that she loved, I had my things that I loved, we each understood that, and understood that we loved eachother very much. I think that barring anything unethical, a truly great relationship can survive damn near anything.

-S

_____________
I'm not conceited...I'm just realistic about my awesomeness...

[SBS 0]

It's up to you, do you love her enough to change your lifestyle or are you just selfish?

-------------

I hope that was a joke...

The other extreme works just as well..."does she love him enough to let him spend as much time as he wants doing what he loves to do, or is she just selfish?"

Answer is: If they love eachother enough, they both will comprimise.

-S

_____________
I'm not conceited...I'm just realistic about my awesomeness...

[tigra 0]

Well, this is frightening, but I agree with Phree on this. Its all about balance and priorities. A long term relationship involves trust, sharing, and compromise. Skydiving does not kill relationships by itself, but it is true that spending all weekend at at DZ away from your boyfriend/girlfriend, and sharing something so important to you with other people (often of the opposite sex...) can take its toll on a relationship. If the relationship is important to you both, I guess you need to try and work something out. That's where the compromise comes in.

Personally, I don't think I would ever give up skydiving for a guy, because its part of who I am, and someone who cared about me wouldn't ask or expect me to give up something I loved, and wouldn't try to force me to change who I am. But, I might give up an occasional weekend to do something he liked to do, and I would try and get him out to the dz to meet my skydiving family and friends, get him a little involved even if he never wanted to jump. That said, I think I only know one woman who has a successful relationship with a whuffo, and she really doesn't jump as much as she used to..... But, it seems like a lot of my male friends are pretty happily married to "whuffos", so it can work.

Trust me, though, having a skydiver for a significant other can bring its own set of problems, and I know this from personal experience. My fiancee keeps borrowing my rig so he can have a second rig for "back to back" loads during team practice!! My rig is getting more air time than me!

And how's this for taking a toll on a relationship- you are a captain on a world record attempt and are told you have to axe your wife?? This actually happened to friends of mine. I wonder how long it was til he got any after that?? No situation is perfect, and no relationship is without some hurdles!

[mtpohl 0]

To provide a different "experience" about skydiving and relationship than those previsouly expressed:

** Me and my wife started skydiving together some 3.5 yrs ago.

** Since then, she has become an AFF-I and Rigger, I am a TAN-I and Rigger.

** Three weeks ago our son Martin was born. He already has 55 skydives including all AFF-levels, a cut-away, and approx. 20 FJCs.

** Wife is looking forward to getting back into the air after a 4-month lay-off and also forming an advanced team for the next season's NSL.

** Kiddo will be experiencing the dz in two weeks time (at then six-weeks of age).


So, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM????:)

Quote

/Matthias

[Skystorm 0]

SBS, actually that was meant for both of them.

As you've said, if you love one another enough you'll compromise. Speaking only of my own personal experience : I did alot of compromising and my ex did nothing of the sort. We always had to do what he wanted to do. My feelings was never considered.

I think it'll take a lot of compromising, hard work, trust and respect from both sides for a skydiver/whuffo relationship to work.

Sorry if it sounded as if I was putting anyone down

Gene Police: "YOU!! Out of the pool, NOW!!!"