Psychology of Suicide

[RkyMtnHigh 0]

I know this place;
I understand you who are there;
It's hell on earth;
You reach out to those who you think are healthy enough to help you;
They are there and They are not there;
They are not there because they don't understand your pain;
Your pain is real to you;
It won't go away;
You're desperate;
You just want to feel that you are loved;
You just want to feel that you matter to someone;
You just want to hear the words;
You just want to feel important to someone;
You're incomplete;
There's a void you can't fill;
You reach out to anyone and everyone to help you fill that void;
It's empty hell.
You want to smile and laugh again;
You know those smiles and laughter is in there but you can't dig it out;
You desperately want to be the old you or the other you that you are not right now...


I know "you"...I understand "you"...and I am here to comfort "you" who feel like this. Today can be the beginning of an entire new view on the world as you see it. Those who have walked in these shoes like myself know the glasses that you wear and I have a new prescription for your lenses.

_________________________________________

[JohnMitchell 14]

I wish more people understood the pain of loved ones left behind, and that people really, really do care deeply about them. We've all lost too many friends to their own hand over the years. I miss them all.

[RkyMtnHigh 0]

I'm so very sorry. I know that this is a painful topic. In the profession, we are taught to take EVERYONE seriously, therefore even those who are experiencing chronic depression and calling out for help and to feel loved (who will not follow through with their threat to commit suicide) we take them seriously and take appropriate steps to contain them and get them into therapy...however those who are our challenge are those who you don't know that they are thinking or feeling the depression and suicidal thoughts and they leave with just a note.

_________________________________________

[plowdirt 0]

Love ya baby! You Rock..

Bumped up just cuz this is more important then any other BS anyone can post today.

I can't say I ignored a sign, but I over looked one once, and lost a very dear friend. Now I get all freaked out when I see signs.

I Miss you,, we all miss you!
MGP
R.I.P

[ifall 0]

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don't know that they are thinking or feeling the depression and suicidal thoughts and they leave with just a note.

I was going to say something about that until you mentioned it. I had a friend of 11 years hang himself in June. No one saw it coming. He was a happy guy always trying to make people laugh. He was 6'5" and 265 lbs but wouldn't hurt a fly. Something in him snapped. He and his wife were having problems and she left one night. Hi mother found him the next morning. All the people at his funeral that he could have reached out to but didn't. No note or anything.
Why, Ryan?
R.I.P. brother.

[RkyMtnHigh 0]

The first person I knew that took his life was my Psychology Professor at University of Colorado. He jumped from a hotel in downtown Denver. I knew he was challenged with being Jewish and Gay. This was a time before being Gay was accepted in Colorado. He went on a trip to Austria to learn more about his family and past. It was a trip that I really wish he never made, but he wanted closure. However, instead of closure, it opened up an entire new level of pain.
He was a great professor. I learned so much from him however he quickly discovered that although I could articulate all of the theories and concepts in a class discussion, I wasn't a good test taker. So, after a test, he would ask me to stay afterwards and would verbally quiz me and have a dialogue as to why I felt my answer was correct.
As we had more and more of the after class meetings, he began to open up about his emotional struggles. All I could do was listen and hope that he would be strong enough to stick around until sociatal and cultural changes took place. If he were to only see 10 years down the road, he wouldn't be feeling like an outcast anymore.

_________________________________________

[MrWong 0]

It would piss me off if i wanted to commit suicide and somebody tried to stop me..... it's my life, i'm free to do what ever i please and that includes ending it if i want to

Who the fuck do some people think they are? Nobody has the right to stop somebody committing suicide Do the people who would try and stop somebody comitting suicide preach on about freedoms etc? are they all for human rights, but not if you don't agree with somebody elses action eh?

[Amazon 7]

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I wish more people understood the pain of loved ones left behind, and that people really, really do care deeply about them. We've all lost too many friends to their own hand over the years. I miss them all.

It is devastating to the loved one who finds the aftermath of a successful suicide. It was one of the worst things I have ever experienced in life.

[CanuckInUSA 0]

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We've all lost too many friends to their own hand over the years.

I am not always happy with the direction my life has taken (I should have taken the red pill instead of the blue one). But I recently watched a movie "The Bridge" which documents a slew of suicides from the Golden Gate bridge in 2005. I guess I rented the movie because I was morbidly curious and I have jumped from a bridge many times (while wearing a BASE jumping rig of course). But it was a rather disturbing movie to watch. While I may not always be happy, I know I am not suicidal (the two second delay on a slider off BASE jump from when you throw your PC to when the canopy opens always scares the heck out of me). But to get back on topic, remembering the good days in life helps me get through the less than good days.

We need as friends to be there for our other friends who send out the warning signals. But we as individuals also need to remember the goods days of our lives when we are dealing with the bad days. Unless you are terminally ill, we should always look towards the future good days to get us through our present less than good days. We owe it to those people who love us as well as we owe it to ourselves. Let's keep our chins up people. Life (while not always easy) is worth living.

Now will someone please pass me a red pill.

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[lippy 771]

Dude I hope you're trolling, even so that's just wrong

I got nuthin

[Darius11 12]

I don’t know I have known a few people in my life who have taken their life I hate the fucking why why why why questions that get stuck in your head after, but I understand the why at least for me it is clear.

On my good days I feel like life is great and every thing I have and just the trees and the sun make me happy. On my bad days after I think of every thing I have both spiritual and materialistic I keep on thinking so what. What’s the point? Who cares?

For me it is hard to find something pure in life, and the basic things that make people happy and things people value lose all their value in my eyes. Then the good day comes and I am fine again.

It sucks but it is what it is.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[MrWong 0]

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Dude I hope you're trolling, even so that's just wrong

no it's not

[popsjumper 2]

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Dude I hope you're trolling, even so that's just wrong

Other points of view can be valid. Being closed-minded about it is just wrong.

Consider situational viewpoints. Kevorkian may have been right...and many people believe so.



Katee...why the hell didn't you put this in SC?

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[beowulf 1]

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I don’t know I have known a few people in my life who have taken their life I hate the fucking why why why why questions that get stuck in your head after, but I understand the why at least for me it is clear.

On my good days I feel like life is great and every thing I have and just the trees and the sun make me happy. On my bad days after I think of every thing I have both spiritual and materialistic I keep on thinking so what. What’s the point? Who cares?

For me it is hard to find something pure in life, and the basic things that make people happy and things people value lose all their value in my eyes. Then the good day comes and I am fine again.

It sucks but it is what it is.

That is the way things are for normal people. Those with severe depression don't have just a few "down" days, they have months or years of feeling depressed. Often times people who suffer from depression do everything they can to hide it from everyone. They appear fine till one day they aren't there anymore.

[lippy 771]

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Dude I hope you're trolling, even so that's just wrong

Other points of view can be valid. Being closed-minded about it is just wrong.

Consider situational viewpoints. Kevorkian may have been right...and many people believe so.



Katee...why the hell didn't you put this in SC?

I agree that there are other valid points of view, but I understood the original post as saying that intervention or trying to help a suicidal person is a violation of their rights.

I got nuthin

[skinnyshrek 0]

Damn, is everything ok with you these days. Hey, if the editing isn't going well keep trying. Suicide is painless it brings on many changes love that song.
get meds if your down katie

http://www.skydivethefarm.com

do you realize that when you critisize people you dont know over the internet, you become part of a growing society of twats? ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

[JohnMitchell 14]

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I agree that there are other valid points of view, but I understood the original post as saying that intervention or trying to help a suicidal person is a violation of their rights.

Like all of us, I have friends in wheelchairs for life, or chronically ill, or dying from terminal diseases. When I see some perfectly healthy young person take their own life, I just think it's such a horribly selfish and short sighted thing to do. We've all had our down days, but anyone who throws away their life because of that just does not appreciate what they have. Every day is a gift, even the rough ones. And don't hurt the ones that love you like that. They deserve better.

[LaDonna 0]

If my reply is not appropriate or bothers people let me know and I will delete it.

I am a major depressive disorder sufferer among other diagnoses and feel this need to share with you. It just might help survivors understand a little about the mind of a suicidal person and what they are thinking and feeling that made them takes those drastic measures.

HERE GOES...

If you have never suffered from depression it would be hard for you to understand what that person is going thru. I know that most of the people in my life do not understand and keep telling me to snap out of it and get on with my life again. I have been fighting for the last 31 months to stay alive (well I think my doctors are fighting more than I am) I have had several unsuccessful attempts over the past 2.5 years. And now these were attention getting attempts it was because I vomited up the pills.

From my point of view and personal experience. The act of suicide is not being done because I am being selfish. It is being done because I need the pain to stop. I need the turmoil and confusion in my head to go away. The feeling of lonliness, hopelessness, despair are so overwhelming that it takes over my whole life and being at times. What I have been going thru has been very hard on my family and when I have my brief moments (like I am having now) where I am feeling somewhat okay I get overwhelmed with guilt of what I am doing to them. The problem with that is that this guilt will put me into a spin and I crash into a dark hole again.

When I am in the deepest, darkest depths of my depression and it seems like it is never going to end, I just want that pain I am feeling inside to stop. Yes, there are doctors trying medications (which I seem to be allergic to all), therapy, hospitalizations or electroconlsive (shock) therapy to get me out of that depression. But when none of these are working it is hard to see that anything is going to get better. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. All you have is that darkness, pain, lonliness and hopelessness and you get to the point where you need it to stop. The pain makes you tired to the point of exhaustion and you just can't go on any longer.

You try and tell yourself that things will get better, but it is like that dark hole you are in has this emmense pressure building and you feel that pressure in your head and it is causing you to not be able to hear yourself trying to point out that things will get better. You want that pressure to stop, no you need that pressures to stop and you can't climb out of the hole, it is just to deep and to steep and the only thing you can think of to do is end all the pain and pressure. You just can't go on so you do the only thing that you feel will make things better and you take that whole bottles of pills you have been hiding so that you can go to sleep and never wake up.

You are not trying to hurt anyone, you are trying to stop your pain and stop being a burden on them. You are trying to set them free from having to worry about you anymore. Let them be able to enjoy their life again because they won't have your darkness holding them back any longer.

FGF#3

[DFWAJG 4]

LaDonna, I couldn't have said it better, myself. thank you for sharing your point of view on such a sensitive, yet, important topic.

I, too, have suffered from Major Depression and have had several severe episodes. My first episode was at age 7. I told my mom I wanted to die. I couldn't come up with an explanation for it. I jsut remember telling her that I wanted to die. I never received help for depression until medical school.

My last major episode was a few years back after taking adderall and then dexadrine for 3 months for my newly diagnosed ADHD. I suffered a rebound depression from these medications. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it can happen. I slept for 22 hours a day. Everytime I awoke, I just regretted waking. It was horrible. It was physically painful. Fortunately, Trileptal saved my life. A few years later, I cut back the Trileptal because it made me so tired. Within a few days, I had intense suicidal ideas. I couldn't stop thinking about buying a gun. And living inthe Bronx at the time, it would have been easy to do. I quickly ampted the meds back up and a few weeks later, made my first skydive. I've used jumping as a quick pick-me-up when I'm feeling blue. The sport has helped me tremendously. I can certainly understand why some will resort to harming themselves. The hopelessness can get overwhelming.

[LaDonna 0]

Thank you.

I am so sorry that you can relate to depression. But I am so happy for you that there is a medication that you can take to help you. I unfortunately was taken off all meds because of the physical side effects. Keep taking those meds and keep on jumping.

My first attempt was at four, I ate a whole bottle of baby aspirin. You are probably saying at 4 you don't know what dieing is and wanting to be dead. I knew what death was because I saw the school bus run over our dog at the end of the driveway. My mom would tell us when she put the aspirin up in the cupboard for us not to touch it, that is was not candy and would kill us. So when something very horrible happened to me when I was four I knew that if I took the baby aspirin that it would kill me. I also thought that I would get buried in the garden next to the dog.

My doctors won't let me skydive anymore since I said that the ideal way to go would be to not pull. They were afraid I would actually do that. They don't understand that I love the sport to much to do that to it, but I was asked what the ideal way to go would be. How better to be doing something you love so much. I am hoping that someday they will let me get back into it. I know it won't be for along time though. As soon as I can afford it I am going to start going to the tunnel and at least get to fly.

FGF#3

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

I just got home from school, Ladonna. Ironically, I have been thinking of you a lot, lately. It's probably because we haven't seen each other in far too long. Knowing you, I know that it was really difficult for you to write what you posted. I wanted to thank you for posting that for the people, who may need it, so they may not feel alone with their situation.

Also Ladonna, I hope that you continue to remember that you do have friends, who may not totally understand what it's like to feel suicidal, but we love and wish we could somehow help. That said, what are you doing tomorrow night? I'd love for you to come out with Lisa (?) and me for a couple of hours. PM me, if you are available, ok? If not, we need to plan a fun girl's night in the near future. (Miss you!)

[LaDonna 0]

I know it is very difficult for most people to understand how a person could feel suicidal. All I can say is I hope if you have never been there that you never go. I would not wish how I feel on anyone.

Thank you Rosa. I miss you. I have been meaning to write but find it a chore at times to do anything.

Asking for help is something I find very hard to do. Accepting that people could care about me or that I even deserve that from them is even harder. I never had friends before skydiving. Skydivers are great people!

It is a comfort knowing that you are there, thank you. I knew it before this post but I never told you so I am taking this opportunity to say it.

It would be great to see someone besides doctors for a change. I would love to get together. I have a dr appt at 4:00 til 5:00 in Reseda then I am free. PM me the details.

FGF#3

[Zenister 0]

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suffered a rebound depression from these medications.

this is why medication for ADHD is a very bad idea... you never learn to deal with it yourself, in a manner that is self sustaining....

"the secret to balance is learning to feel the waves"

Ive had 2 relatives take the 'easy way out' (once just recently ) I can only hope they found what they were looking for, but wish they'd looked a little farther around here first...soooooo many things left unseen and undone.

____________________________________
Those who fail to learn from the past are simply Doomed.

[masterblaster72 0]

Wow, great post. Says much of what I would have written, but more eloquently.

One thing I'd add is that being a rather shy person (as I am) doesn't help the situation. People take your non-smiling face and aloofness as an offense, even though it has nothing to do with them. Depression breeds isolation, isolation breeds more depression. And it's not an easy cycle to break.

Three and a half years ago, I wrote a suicide note. I still have it. Not long after after I wrote my note, I started skydiving.

I've had my share of very dark episodes since, even recently. But skydiving has been my shock treatment -- I feel better after I do it.

That's not to take away from some very close (unfortunately, not close in distance anymore since they live far away) friends I've been blessed with since I was a kid that have always been there when I needed them. I'd credit them more than anything for my still being here.

Anyhow, stay strong -- there are many of us out there who understand you and know exactly where you're coming from.

Cheers.

Be humble, ask questions, listen, learn, follow the golden rule, talk when necessary, and know when to shut the fuck up.

[LaDonna 0]

Thank you.

I am pretty shy myself and can't agree with you more about the cycle.

I am glad you have skydiving to turn to. I hope to be able to go back in the air.

FGF#3