LaDonna

Happy Birthday! FGF#3

Mine is Bitch Slave FGF#3

Thank you. I am pretty shy myself and can't agree with you more about the cycle. I am glad you have skydiving to turn to. I hope to be able to go back in the air. FGF#3

I know it is very difficult for most people to understand how a person could feel suicidal. All I can say is I hope if you have never been there that you never go. I would not wish how I feel on anyone. Thank you Rosa. I miss you. I have been meaning to write but find it a chore at times to do anything. Asking for help is something I find very hard to do. Accepting that people could care about me or that I even deserve that from them is even harder. I never had friends before skydiving. Skydivers are great people! It is a comfort knowing that you are there, thank you. I knew it before this post but I never told you so I am taking this opportunity to say it. It would be great to see someone besides doctors for a change. I would love to get together. I have a dr appt at 4:00 til 5:00 in Reseda then I am free. PM me the details. FGF#3

Thank you. I am so sorry that you can relate to depression. But I am so happy for you that there is a medication that you can take to help you. I unfortunately was taken off all meds because of the physical side effects. Keep taking those meds and keep on jumping. My first attempt was at four, I ate a whole bottle of baby aspirin. You are probably saying at 4 you don't know what dieing is and wanting to be dead. I knew what death was because I saw the school bus run over our dog at the end of the driveway. My mom would tell us when she put the aspirin up in the cupboard for us not to touch it, that is was not candy and would kill us. So when something very horrible happened to me when I was four I knew that if I took the baby aspirin that it would kill me. I also thought that I would get buried in the garden next to the dog. My doctors won't let me skydive anymore since I said that the ideal way to go would be to not pull. They were afraid I would actually do that. They don't understand that I love the sport to much to do that to it, but I was asked what the ideal way to go would be. How better to be doing something you love so much. I am hoping that someday they will let me get back into it. I know it won't be for along time though. As soon as I can afford it I am going to start going to the tunnel and at least get to fly. FGF#3

If my reply is not appropriate or bothers people let me know and I will delete it. I am a major depressive disorder sufferer among other diagnoses and feel this need to share with you. It just might help survivors understand a little about the mind of a suicidal person and what they are thinking and feeling that made them takes those drastic measures. HERE GOES... If you have never suffered from depression it would be hard for you to understand what that person is going thru. I know that most of the people in my life do not understand and keep telling me to snap out of it and get on with my life again. I have been fighting for the last 31 months to stay alive (well I think my doctors are fighting more than I am) I have had several unsuccessful attempts over the past 2.5 years. And now these were attention getting attempts it was because I vomited up the pills. From my point of view and personal experience. The act of suicide is not being done because I am being selfish. It is being done because I need the pain to stop. I need the turmoil and confusion in my head to go away. The feeling of lonliness, hopelessness, despair are so overwhelming that it takes over my whole life and being at times. What I have been going thru has been very hard on my family and when I have my brief moments (like I am having now) where I am feeling somewhat okay I get overwhelmed with guilt of what I am doing to them. The problem with that is that this guilt will put me into a spin and I crash into a dark hole again. When I am in the deepest, darkest depths of my depression and it seems like it is never going to end, I just want that pain I am feeling inside to stop. Yes, there are doctors trying medications (which I seem to be allergic to all), therapy, hospitalizations or electroconlsive (shock) therapy to get me out of that depression. But when none of these are working it is hard to see that anything is going to get better. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. All you have is that darkness, pain, lonliness and hopelessness and you get to the point where you need it to stop. The pain makes you tired to the point of exhaustion and you just can't go on any longer. You try and tell yourself that things will get better, but it is like that dark hole you are in has this emmense pressure building and you feel that pressure in your head and it is causing you to not be able to hear yourself trying to point out that things will get better. You want that pressure to stop, no you need that pressures to stop and you can't climb out of the hole, it is just to deep and to steep and the only thing you can think of to do is end all the pain and pressure. You just can't go on so you do the only thing that you feel will make things better and you take that whole bottles of pills you have been hiding so that you can go to sleep and never wake up. You are not trying to hurt anyone, you are trying to stop your pain and stop being a burden on them. You are trying to set them free from having to worry about you anymore. Let them be able to enjoy their life again because they won't have your darkness holding them back any longer. FGF#3

Of course you can join us, we had such a good time for my birthday, we need to do that for Rosa!!! If we don't get together before July 14, then we need to get together at The Cowboy Palace Saloon in Chatsworth. My guys will be playing there and I will get them to sing a special birthday song for Rosa! FGF#3

Happy Birthday Rosa! I am going to be living near you by the end of the week so we will have to go out for birthday drinks!!! FGF#3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! FGF#3

Thanks for the birthday wishes, I hope you get back here soon so I can see you! I won't have computer access to wish you a happy birthday as I will be at a huge country music festival in Arizona. So here goes.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRENCHY!!!!!! FGF#3

I wonder if any more furniture will get broken next friday. Or if anyone will go swimming! FGF#3

Thanks for the birthday wishes. (sorry a day late, didn't get home until 2:00am) I had a great birthday which was spent with some really good friends. The pre-birthday party was great as well, thanks Rosa and Lisa for a fun time! FGF#3

Prayers and Vibes would be appreciated for Michele's dad. Michele's dad went into the emergency room tonight and was admitted into the hospital for cardiac monitoring and brain scans. They are not sure what is wrong at this point. They could really use your prayers and vibes, she said she will even take crossed fingers. She is very worried about her dad and doing her best not to cry in this situation. Her dad is up there in age so any hospitalization is a pretty scary event. She is doing her best not to show him how scared she is, but that is very hard to do with someone you love. Michele said that she will post an update tomorrow. FGF#3

I know what you mean! I have suffered from migraines since I was about 7, nothing has ever worked. My doctor finally sent me to a neurologist and they decided to give me an Occipital Nerve Block (consists of a shot in the area of the base of your skull where the nerves are) on both sides of my skull and I have been headache free since July 26, 2006. Being a chronic migraine sufferer I am not quite sure what to do with myself (no perverted comments please). I am just hoping that the medication lasts for awhile. I am kind of enjoying this new feeling. FGF#3

I want to thank everyone for their input and suggestions, we decided to let our 5 year old grandson name her and he came up with: Annie Roxie, so that is what we are going to call her. Thanks again. FGF#3