Why is it so difficult to find love nowadays?

[davjohns 1]

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Trust me when I say...eventually woman do want to be with guys that want genuine love...for the long haul !

Younger gals typically want the 'show off' relationship...materialistic & physical appeal, rather than guys of 'substance' ...and the same goes for guys!

Sure it's cool to have a bad boy image, because yes, chicks like it...for awhile !

On the same level, guys want the all around chick...the good for the image kind of woman !

Eventually that all wanes, & the search is back on...

Just give it some time, SHE will notice the genuine man !

The comradery, compatibility & all the good stuff will be there, wanted & reciprocated !

Ummmm...I have to kind of side with Shah on this one. Let me see if re-stating it without gender bias helps.

A person is nice all of their life. They give more than they receive and they don't mind. They go to school to get an education, work hard and are generally successful. They are not flashy or 'bad', but enjoy making others smile and have a lot to give. But, the opposite sex doesn't notice. The opposite sex is looking for the show-piece SO. After the opposite sex is abused in a long series of relationships with the show-pieces, they finally realize the nice person. Now that years of bad relationships and emotional abuse has taken it's toll, the opposite sex turns to the nice person and offers the nice person the opportunity to provide financial stability, emotional support to a damaged psyche and generally pick up the pieces of a life lived fast and loose. The nice person is described by Shah as 'Plan B'.

You can argue that the person I describe as 'opposite sex' has matured and is now ready for a real relationship. But really, the nice person seems to be getting used here.

My experience is that nice people finish last. Maybe the gender neutral description will be more palatable than Shah's version. Maybe not.

And the porn star who found happily ever after? I guess it's my personality, cultural norms, upbringing or something. To me, less miles means it's more special if shared with me. More miles means it is less meaningful when shared with me. Just my view. Glad they are happy.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[shah269 0]

WE are on page 6 and no one posted this yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YZ9V9-WWgE

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[ryoder 1,384]

I was just listening to that song today,
but I've never seen this video before.
Looks like my kind of party!

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

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Edited to add: I forgot to mention that the reason she disappeared is because she was unfortunate enough to be standing in a group of 15 students waiting for the bus on campus when they were attacked and beaten up by what turned out to be fraternity pledges

I thought I had heard it all about frats, but this tops everything.
Was this part of the frat initiation?

Not sure, can't remember many details. It was 25 years ago. Didn't even make the news anywhere since nobody died.

I was in my dorm room no more than 200 feet away when it happened and never knew about it. Barely anybody else did.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Coreece 190]

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WE are on page 6 and no one posted this yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YZ9V9-WWgE

Ya, maybe that's why love is so hard to find...everybody's a bunch of drunken sex crazed maniacs given over to our own selfish vices...

Maybe if we all went out looking for somebody to truly love rather than for somebody to love us as a fuck puppet, we'd be better off.

btw...here's a better version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV2ssT8lzj8

Throw dirt on me and grow a wildflower
But it's fuck the world, get a child out her
Yeah, my life a bitch, but you know nothing 'bout her
Been to hell and back, I can show you vouchers

I'm rolling Sweets, I'm smoking sour
Married to the game but she broke her vows
That's why my bars are full of broken bottles
And my night stands are full of open bibles

I think about more than I forget
But I don't go around fire expecting not to sweat
And these niqqas know I lay 'em down, make you beg Bitches, try to kick me while I'm down, I'll break your leg

Money outweighing problems on the triple beam
I'm sticking to the script, you niqqas skipping scenes
Be good or be good at it
Fucking right, I got my gun, semi-Cartermatic

Yeah, put a dick in their mouth, so I guess it's fuck what they say
I'm high as a bitch, up, up and away, man, I come down in a couple of days
Ok, you want me up in the cage then I'll come out in beast-mode
I got this world stuck in the safe, combination is the G-code

It's Weezy motherfucker, Blood Gang and I'm in bleed mode
All about my dough, but I don't even check the peephole
So you can keep knocking but won't knock me down
No love lost, no love found

It's a little too late to say that you're sorry now
You kicked me when I was down, fuck what you say, just
Don't hurt me, it don't hurt me, no more
Bitch, you get no love

You showed me nothing but hate, you ran me into the ground
But what comes around goes around
And you don't hurt me
You don't hurt me, no more

Bitch, you get no love, no love, no love, no love
Bitch, you get no love, no love, no love
And I don't need you no more
Get 'em

I'm alive again, more alive than I have been in my whole entire life
I can see these people's ears perk up as I begin
To spaz with the pen, I'm a little bit sicker than most, shit's fixin' to get thick again
They say the competition is stiff, but I get a hard dick from this shit, now I stick it in

I ain't never giving in again, caution to the wind, complete freedom
Look at these rappers, how I treat them, so why the fuck would I join them when I beat them?
They call me a freak 'cause I like to spit on these pussies 'fore I eat them
Man, get these whack cocksuckers off stage, where the fuck is Kanye when you need him?

Snatch the mic from 'em, bitch, I'mma let you finish in a minute, yeah, the rap was tight
But I'm 'bout to spit the greatest verse of all time so you might want to go back to the lab tonight and, um
Scribble out them rhymes you were going to spit and start over from scratch and write new ones
But I'm afraid that it ain't gonna make no difference when I rip this stage and tear it in half tonight

It's an adrenaline rush to feel the bass thump in the place all the way to the parking lot, fellow
Set fire to the mic and ignite the crowd, you can see the sparks from hot metal
Cold-hearted from the day I Bogarted the game, I self-started a Roc fellow
When I'm not even in my harshest, you can still get roasted 'cause Marsh is not mellow

'Til I'm toppling from the top I'm not going to stop, I'm staying on my Monopoly board
That means I'm on top of my game and it don't stop, 'til my hip don't hop anymore
When you so good that you can't say it, 'cause it ain't even cool for you to sound cocky anymore
People just get sick 'cause you spit, these fools can't drool or dribble a drop anymore

And you can never break my stride, you never slow the momentum at any moment I'm about to blow
You'll never take my pride, killing the flow, slow venom and the opponent
Is getting no mercy, mark my words ain't letting up, relentless, I smell blood
I don't give a fuck, keep giving them hell, where was you when I fell and needed help up?
You get no love

It's a little too late to say that you're sorry now
You kicked me when I was down, fuck what you say, just
Don't hurt me, it don't hurt me, no more
Bitch, you get no love

You showed me nothing but hate, you ran me into the ground
But what comes around goes around
And you don't hurt me
You don't hurt me, no more

Bitch, you get no love, no love, no love, no love
Bitch, you get no love, no love, no love
And I don't need you no more
Bitch, you get no love

*edit*
Might as well post this song to...it's appropriate:
Love the way you Lie

Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are...

[popsjumper 2]

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I'll make it easy to digest
1) Girl is cute.
2) Cute girl has a thing for tools.
3) Girl is tool food for about half of her natural life.
4) Tool gets one past the tender and runs for the hills. (boys aim for the eyes)
5) Girl who is now in her mid 20's is now a single mom. Nothing wrong with that it happens........not all men are good men. I get this. I know just as my mom about her x.
6) Girl is worried, I'm a single mom. I've been dating tools for most of my life....oh my god! I need a life raft....must find life raft...must find partner NOW!
7) In walks dumb ass who in highschool had a crush on said girl and couldn't get her to talk to him or let alone piss on him if he were on fire!
9) Dumb ass has gone to school and recieved an education and "has his shit together"
10) Girl grabs dumb ass and in a very sexy little dance reintroduces herself to said dumb ass. Dumb ass lives up to his nick name.
11) Girl and dumb ass are now together, dumb ass knows now better. He really thinks he GOT THE BIG ONE.....when in reality the big one really got him.

You stole that from from the Forest Gump script, didn't you?

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[Nataly 38]

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My experience is that nice people finish last.

I don't buy this. I think you can be nice without letting people take advantage of you. There is a difference between being nice and being a sucker. Sure, give someone the benefit of the doubt maybe once or twice, but if they abuse this trust, don't trust them again - this is not mean, it's common sense.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[skymama 35]

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But really, the nice person seems to be getting used here.

The nice person isn't being used if he knowingly and willingly enters the relationship. It's his choice to put himself in that position.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[popsjumper 2]

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My experience is that nice people finish last.

I don't buy this. I think you can be nice without letting people take advantage of you. There is a difference between being nice and being a sucker. Sure, give someone the benefit of the doubt maybe once or twice, but if they abuse this trust, don't trust them again - this is not mean, it's common sense.

I think perhaps that he meant that the nice guys don't even get a shot.

People tend to fall for the person that has "game"...the players, if you will.

Funny how many go for the players and then get all bent out of shape when the game comes to an end and the player moves on. Some don't even realize they're getting into a hit-and-run or a drive-by.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[davjohns 1]

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But really, the nice person seems to be getting used here.

The nice person isn't being used if he knowingly and willingly enters the relationship. It's his choice to put himself in that position.

I agree to a point. But would you agree that the nice person is getting 'leftovers'? Maybe the nice person's frame of reference is slightly skewed by a lifetime of being ignored as a lesser choice?

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[davjohns 1]

I'm not sure how well this fits our discussion. But the discussion caused me to remember it, so I found it on the internet and share it here for grins. Feel free to mentally swap the genders. In today's world, it's perfectly plausible.

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 100 - 150. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 150,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.



THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard tobelieve that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[agentsmith413 0]

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7 years later, I bumped into her at a party because she asked someone else "I think I know that guy, could you please introduce us?" When I saw her, I immediately blurted out her name and she welcomed me with open arms for a hug. I couldn't believe I remembered her name despite only seeing her for a few weeks and not thinking of her for the next 6 or so years. Well we started dating, I courted her and we got engaged. Then the problems started. I won't go into details but I realized two things: I was not ready for marriage at 25, and she was not the right person for me. Haven't seen her since, couldn't care less.

FIFY

sorry...pet peeve of mine

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, all used up, and loudly proclaiming: Wow, what a ride!

[wmw999 2,122]

That's brilliant

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[david3 0]

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7 years later, I bumped into her at a party because she asked someone else "I think I know that guy, could you please introduce us?" When I saw her, I immediately blurted out her name and she welcomed me with open arms for a hug. I couldn't believe I remembered her name despite only seeing her for a few weeks and not thinking of her for the next 6 or so years. Well we started dating, I courted her and we got engaged. Then the problems started. I won't go into details but I realized two things: I was not ready for marriage at 25, and she was not the right person for me. Haven't seen her since, could care less.

FIFY

sorry...pet peeve of mine

Fixed it for Billy.

How do you know he is incapable of caring less? Maybe there is no limit to his ability to not care.

[shah269 0]

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I don't buy this. I think you can be nice without letting people take advantage of you. There is a difference between being nice and being a sucker. Sure, give someone the benefit of the doubt maybe once or twice, but if they abuse this trust, don't trust them again - this is not mean, it's common sense.

Hum....the best way to respond to this?
I think any of these will do when it comes to "nice guys" + "Da Ladiez"
(feel free to get angry, stomp your feet, and at the end go to see your BFF and say how much you really dislike Shah but you just had a dream about how much you wanted him....)

http://www.erickagoodwin.com/storage/friendzone%20signs.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1238071242773
http://dating-to-mating.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/mario1.jpg
http://pics.ligthert.net/var/albums/Demotivators/friend-zone-demotivational-poster.jpg?m=1273287503
http://blakparent.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/friendzone1.jpg
http://pheromones-report.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/7.15.10-Friend-Zone-HT.jpg
http://www.thedailyrage.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/friend-zone-rage1.gif
And that should just about make it as clear as mud!
3-2-1 start your screaming!
Because you know I'm right. You know Shah is on the mark! You know Shah should be on a book tour with a tour buss and groupies! You know deep down you want The Shah

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Nataly 38]

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But really, the nice person seems to be getting used here.

The nice person isn't being used if he knowingly and willingly enters the relationship. It's his choice to put himself in that position.

I agree to a point. But would you agree that the nice person is getting 'leftovers'? Maybe the nice person's frame of reference is slightly skewed by a lifetime of being ignored as a lesser choice?

Well, you could say he is getting leftovers, or you could say that the nice guy wins in the end... Some of the geeks in school that nobody wanted to talk to are successful businessmen later on in life whilst some of the popular "jocks" are the ones collecting unemployment cheques... Life can have a funny way of working out... Depends on your perspective, I think.


ETA: absolutely *love* that Craig's list question/response

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Amazon 7]

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That's brilliant

Wendy P.

I went with the earn my own option route.. much less fuss and muss... and I get to be choosy... especially on vacation.. mmmmm Cabana Boys

Boys.. and I do mean boys.... grow the fuck up. I raised one child.. that was enough.

I prefer to be around ADULTS and that includes nice guys who are secure in themselves and not still trying to recreate those high school or grade school glory days for themselves.

[sandi 0]

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I went with the earn my own option route.. much less fuss and muss... and I get to be choosy... especially on vacation.. mmmmm Cabana Boys

Boys.. and I do mean boys.... grow the fuck up. I raised one child.. that was enough.

I prefer to be around ADULTS and that includes nice guys who are secure in themselves and not still trying to recreate those high school or grade school glory days for themselves.

+1

[champu 1]

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...for about half of her natural life... ...Girl who is now in her mid 20's...

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So are you ok with being Plan B? I don't think I would be.

25 is not middle aged and there was no "plan A".

[airtwardo 6]

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My experience is that nice people finish last.

I don't buy this. I think you can be nice without letting people take advantage of you. There is a difference between being nice and being a sucker. Sure, give someone the benefit of the doubt maybe once or twice, but if they abuse this trust, don't trust them again - this is not mean, it's common sense.

The line I used a few times when dating~

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness.


I was brought up to be rather caring and giving when I comes to women, my folks had a wonderful relationship.

If during the course of a relationship I felt I was being used, manipulated, intentionally slighted...We'd have the 'this is your one warning' talk.

Human 'beans' tend to push the envelope trying to see what the parameters are, if you don't set certain boundaries you both are comfortable with, and stick to them...someone inevitably crosses a line.

Cross a line and you lose trust, lose trust and you lose communication...lose that, and you don't HAVE a relationship.


Best I've found... to be open and honest early in, about what kind of person you really are.
What you have to offer and what you expect in terms of honorable conduct regarding each other.

Drives me nuts when I see friends who present a totally different persona when 'dating' than who they really are, ya can't keep it up forever.

Of course 'knowing' and 'being' who you really are takes some time, maturity and confidence...gotta like who ya are before you can like someone else!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[skygypsie 2]

...& this is exactly why I have the respect & liking that I do towards you & your wife, Twardo !

It was evident in the time I spent with her, & what we confided with each other about our families & relationship...the reciproction of the mutual respect; while retaining your own identities & independence, towards each other !

[Shotgun 1]

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My experience is that nice people finish last.

I don't buy this. I think you can be nice without letting people take advantage of you. There is a difference between being nice and being a sucker. Sure, give someone the benefit of the doubt maybe once or twice, but if they abuse this trust, don't trust them again - this is not mean, it's common sense.

It has been my experience that the people who think of themselves as a "nice person," while going around complaining about how "nice people always finish last," they are usually at least as much of an asshole as the next person.

[shah269 0]

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25 is not middle aged and there was no "plan A".

Nah 25 is not middle aged....but 25 been around the block a dozen times walking around with a new born realizing the tools are going for the 21yo girls and well....one can get old rather quick.
So she reached back.....WAY BACK......to a guy she would not give the time of day to and made it as if she was doing him a favor......and he fell for it.
I'm sure he is happy, he finally "got the girl" but wouldn't it have been better if she has realized that he was a great guy back when he was 18?

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[missbrz 0]

but wouldn't it have been better if she has realized that he was a great guy back when he was 18?

[shah269 0]

Less hair but the same guy.
I'm still who I am.
Regardless of the job or education. I am who I am.

Case in point, I'm a professional now. A few people never left the little town I grew up in...which I do my best not to visit.

But it has happened that when I have visited, girls who would not talk to me due to me being Persian are now very friendly because I'm tipping the bartender and buying drinks for me and my brothers.

Well.....why on gods green earth would I give them the time of day? I wasn't good enough for them when I was 14 why am I suddenly good for them now that I'm 34?

I'm no ones plan B!

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!