npgraphicdesign 2 #1 March 1, 2011 This isn't a post about finding a perfect '0 sized' woman (no offense Shah ) or having a string a bad dates or having a bad relationship in general and complaining about that...this is just my personal observation and my own 'attempt' to find love. I've fallen in love twice, and twice it didn't work out. Both times, it was the 'ideal'...one you can't stop thinking about, one you have just enough in common with and just enough opposites to balance out, mental attraction, physical attraction, similar philosophies on life/love/family/etc. Now when I say 'ideal' I don't mean 'perfect' because noone is perfect, but it was the perfect person for me, and I was the perfect person for her. I won't get into specific details as to why it didn't work out but I'll briefly say that one was relocation to 4,000+ miles away, and one was religion. So I'm starting to think, is it EVER meant to happen, and happen permanently? Most of my friends are happily married, have a great relationship, some with kids, and couldn't be happier. I've not been purposely looking for love, prowling the dating sites and begging my friends to set me up with someone, but even when I do go on dates here and there, I lose interest after a few dates, and best case scenario, it lasts 3-4 months, and then I get bored. Not to say that I'm the most exciting person in the world, but I just run out of steam...topics to talk about...activities...etc. With the other two loves in my life, we could've be doing something or nothing, and it wouldn't have mattered, because I was with the right person. So when my friends say "don't look for it and you'll find it"...that doesn't work out. Then my friends say "..well you have to go out, meet girls, or well set you up with someone..." and i don't have a problem meeting people, as I am a social person, but I've kinda lost the desire to go on dates, because the trend has been 3 dates or so...and the interest is gone. Or 3-4 months and it becomes boring, monotonous, static, etc. Don't know if I am setting myself up for failure, but I pretty much KNOW how dating someone for a few months will end, so why bother? This has nothing really to do with physical attraction or age, because I've dated many different types of women, looks, age, personalities, etc...and I know what I like and don't like. But to me, humor, personality, intelligence, human qualities and just that innate attraction on a mental (not physical) level matters a lot more then pure looks. So, what's a guy to do? Not saying I've given up on finding someone, but it's becoming a lot tougher. Don't read if you don't want to. Just tell me to shut up and grow a set and meet someone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hcsvader 1 #2 March 1, 2011 Love is just a light switch away Have you seen my pants? it"s a rough life, Livin' the dream >:) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 2 #3 March 1, 2011 Quote Love is just a light switch away I'm glad the first response is a serious one! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
agentsmith413 0 #4 March 1, 2011 dude im in the same boat. Sometimes i wanna give up. Other times i want to go out and search. It's all good tho. And dont forget, opening weekend is a little more than a month away. The otter is coming back and plenty of cute female tandem students and maybe some cute aff students are on the way as well. ya never know right? Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, all used up, and loudly proclaiming: Wow, what a ride! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galenis 0 #5 March 1, 2011 Not to be an ass but have you considered the option that there is noone out there for you and you are destined to be alone?It's time for my nightly ritual: Pleasure myself, weep, and repeat. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
monkycndo 0 #6 March 1, 2011 QuoteNot to be an ass but have you considered the option that there is noone out there for you and you are destined to be alone? Ahhhh, a hopeless romantic.50 donations so far. Give it a try. You know you want to spank it Jump an Infinity Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 2 #7 March 1, 2011 Quote Not to be an ass but have you considered the option that there is noone out there for you and you are destined to be alone? That's not a welcome option, and actually...I haven't. I'm an eternal optimist...contrary to what this post may indicate. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,384 #8 March 1, 2011 So what price range can you afford? "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 2 #9 March 1, 2011 Quote So what price range can you afford? $200...or 3 dates, whichever comes first. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galenis 0 #10 March 1, 2011 Quote Quote Not to be an ass but have you considered the option that there is noone out there for you and you are destined to be alone? That's not a welcome option, and actually...I haven't. I'm an eternal optimist...contrary to what this post may indicate. It might not be a welcome option but it might be a reallity. Are you that set in the dream that everyone should find someone special that without it your life won't feel complete? Optimism and denial are very close in the grand scheme. On the other hand your friends might be right and when you stop trying for something is when it happens.It's time for my nightly ritual: Pleasure myself, weep, and repeat. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #11 March 1, 2011 QuoteSo when my friends say "don't look for it and you'll find it" These motherfuckers are not your friends! They are self righteous little shits who need to shut the fuck up! That's the equivalent to someone saying, "Oh don't worry about pulling the AAD will do that for you!" Those people are nuts! And odds are it's girls who are saying that right? NEVER EVER TAKE DATING ADVICE FROM A WOMAN! They have no clue WTF they want what makes you think they have any valid advice? And for a girl it's different. If she is cute she gets hit on at Star Bucks. How many times have you been hit on at Star Bucks? If it's a dude telling you that, he's just a twat! I hate people like that man! If they weren't my friends I would give them a good back hand. But you can't slap friends around....though they deserve it. As for advice? Honest? If you know what you want you are fucked. The luckiest people are those that do not know what will and what will not make them happy. For those that do, sadly life is significantly harder.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NewGuy 0 #12 March 1, 2011 Maybe you are gay? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #13 March 1, 2011 QuoteNot to be an ass but have you considered the option that there is noone out there for you and you are destined to be alone? This is the answer I accepted for myself. Somebody has to balance the statistics. "There's someone for everyone" seems statistically impossible. Some of us have to be the balance.I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nanook 1 #14 March 1, 2011 Quote but even when I do go on dates here and there, I lose interest after a few dates, and best case scenario, it lasts 3-4 months, and then I get bored. Not to say that I'm the most exciting person in the world, but I just run out of steam...topics to talk about...activities...etc This is dating. It's the norm. Don't worry too much. Us guys can father children way up in the seventies+. You don't have to get married now. Have fun on your dates. And stay with non-latex condoms._____________________________ "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muffie 0 #15 March 1, 2011 Caution: serious answer here. Seems to me you at least have the right attitude about it. You're not looking for perfection, you're looking for someone who compliments you - whatever that may be. You have been in love before and are still willing to be, so you're giving it a shot and risking yourself which can sometimes be the hardest thing to do overall. I do think there is someone for everyone (but, hey, what do I know I'm just a woman) - at least I've seen some screwed up, crazy ugly people who have found love and happiness and I think if they can do it, anyone can. But I also think that for some people there's a much smaller population of potential partners that would truly make them happy. And dating in the average match.com world just isn't going to be uplifting for that type of person. My advice: follow your passions, live your life, but keep an eye out for possibilities. And never, ever, ever, ever take dating advice from Shah. Ever. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Arvoitus 1 #16 March 1, 2011 QuoteQuoteNot to be an ass but have you considered the option that there is noone out there for you and you are destined to be alone? This is the answer I accepted for myself. Somebody has to balance the statistics. "There's someone for everyone" seems statistically impossible. Some of us have to be the balance. Actually in all age groups up until around 50 there are more men them women, roughly 5% more, so regardless there will be some men who will be left alone no matter what.Your rights end where my feelings begin. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Arvoitus 1 #17 March 1, 2011 Quote I do think there is someone for everyone (but, hey, what do I know I'm just a woman) - Thats an illusion created by the useless Hollywood movies. A lot of people end up living alone which is far better then being in a shitty relationship or worse, married to a person who hates your guts. Quote My advice: follow your passions, live your life, but keep an eye out for possibilities. And never, ever, ever, ever take dating advice from Shah. Ever. You're a woman, any dating advice you're going to give to a man is automatically invalid and useless. Just by being a guy Shah's advice is far more useful then yours. As a woman you have absolutely no fucking idea what it is like to be a man and dating women. After Norah Vincent pretended to be a man for 18 months to write a book about what it is like to be man in this society, she was so depressed that she had to be committed to a mental institution. Think about it, she had to be locked up into an institution because she tried dating women and couldn't deal with all the BS. So no. Don't come give men advice what it is like to date women. Because you have no fucking glue.Your rights end where my feelings begin. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
champu 1 #18 March 1, 2011 QuoteMost of my friends are happily married, have a great relationship, some with kids, and couldn't be happier. If someone actually got to the point where they "couldn't be happier" they'd probably need to be committed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SarahC07 0 #19 March 1, 2011 Take what I say with a grain of salt... Have you considered redefining your definition of the word love? (Or at least taking inventory of what you think love is and assessing whether or not your definition of love is realistic and/or meant to last forever) ... and yet, I'm deadly serious. It appears as though expectations aren't meeting reality... something's gotta give... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muffie 0 #20 March 1, 2011 Normally I wouldn't bother engaging with you, but what the hell. QuoteQuote I do think there is someone for everyone (but, hey, what do I know I'm just a woman) - Thats an illusion created by the useless Hollywood movies. A lot of people end up living alone which is far better then being in a shitty relationship or worse, married to a person who hates your guts. Quote I actually agree with you that being alone is far better than being in a shitty relationship or a miserable marriage. And I generally choose to be alone for that reason. I just happen to have enough friends, men and women, who have found someone who works for them to still believe it's possible. QuoteYou're a woman, any dating advice you're going to give to a man is automatically invalid and useless. Just by being a guy Shah's advice is far more useful then yours. Fine, the OP doesn't need to listen to me because I'm a woman. But both you and Shah through your posts have shown serious negativity and bitterness where it comes to women and as a woman I can say that when I get that vibe from a man I walk away and that's not going to get the OP where he seems to want to be. IMO, he would be much better served listening to guys like JohnMitchell who seem to have found a good, solid relationship. I haven't seen him post on this particular thread yet and don't know him in real life, but from what I've seen on here, he's a guy another guy could listen to and learn from in this area. Fair enough? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites amstalder 0 #21 March 1, 2011 QuoteTake what I say with a grain of salt... Have you considered redefining your definition of the word love? (Or at least taking inventory of what you think love is and assessing whether or not your definition of love is realistic and/or meant to last forever) ... and yet, I'm deadly serious. It appears as though expectations aren't meeting reality... something's gotta give... Yes. This. Also what Muffie said about following your passions, and keeping an eye out. My two cents: Love is a choice. Compatibility and chemistry are also mucho important in a long term relationship (like you said you've already found two women you were wonderfully compatible with, so it's likely they aren't the only ones). But life-long love is a choice. It is a choice to give yourself wholly to another person and to commit yourself to fighting for that one person for the rest of your life. To that person ahead of yourself at times, and to trust that person will do the same for you. Unfortunately, both parties need to recognize that and make that choice, otherwise it won't ever work. For the record, my husband believes the same things about love. So, I'm not just spewing some chick psychobabble I read in a romance novel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites piisfish 135 #22 March 1, 2011 Quote Maybe you are gay? gays can love too to te O.P. are you on facebook ? If yes, put your relationship on "it's complicated" and let teh girls contact you. It's a fucking magnet.scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites popsjumper 2 #23 March 1, 2011 Quote he would be much better served listening to guys like JohnMitchell who seem to have found a good, solid relationship. I haven't seen him post on this particular thread yet and don't know him in real life, but from what I've seen on here, he's a guy another guy could listen to and learn from in this area. Fair enough? Are you kidding????? John is really an asshole. He only comes across that way because V keeps him on the short leash. Hell, half his posts are with V moving his fingers around on a keyboard. Sheeeesh. John...you're one lucky bastard and I know you know it. Quote I've fallen in love twice, and twice it didn't work out. Both times, it was the 'ideal'... So, you're still comparing your current dates to what has gone before? Not good. Quote So I'm starting to think, is it EVER meant to happen, and happen permanently? Nope, not at all. One never knows what the future will bring. Quote Most of my friends are happily married, have a great relationship, some with kids, and couldn't be happier. You do realize that is only one side of the fence. There are many married out there, other than friends, with piss-poor relationships and couldn't be more miserable. Quote I've not been purposely looking for love, Of course you are! That's why you posted! Trouble is that you've got a bar set (from previous women) and you're testing your new dates against that bar. Obviously, they are not measuring up to your bar on the first couple of dates. My advice: Drop the comparisons and requirements (sounds just like advice given to Shah, doesn't it....there's a reason for that). -I lose interest after a few dates -it lasts 3-4 months, and then I get bored. -With the other two loves in my life, ... -because I was with the right person... -the trend has been 3 dates or so -I pretty much KNOW how dating someone for a few months will end Quote So when my friends say "don't look for it and you'll find it"...that doesn't work out. That's because you haven't yet stopped looking for "it" (that relationship like you had with the other two). You're gonna get something different because, guess what....people are different. Quote so why bother? You're right. As long as you're going in expecting the perfect outcome knowing you're not gonna get it, you're doomed from the start. So, yes, why bother. Give up the ghost of the past and take an honest look what's in front of you on your dates. Now having said all that...forget the whole damned idea and pay the $200. My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Nataly 38 #24 March 1, 2011 QuoteYou're a woman, any dating advice you're going to give to a man is automatically invalid and useless. [...] So no. Don't come give men advice what it is like to date women. Because you have no fucking glue. Ok, I agree with you that women don't know what dating is like for a man - but our different point of view doesn't mean we understand NOTHING. It's just a different perspective - sometimes an outsider's view is a *good* thing. Sharing a different perspective can give an insight into something you hadn't considered. I may not have a penis, but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced very similar difficulties/heartbreak. Now, to the OP. I think it's important in life to be happy. I think we put a lot of focus on finding that one true love, but we often forget that inner happiness is way more important and (can be) far more difficult to find. Someone once told me she had made a list... Of all the things she hated in her life, and all the things she loved in her life. She found a HUGE imbalance there, so one by one she took steps to eliminate the negative things, and increase the things that make her smile. I thought this was a great idea. I tried it, and last year was the BEST year of my life, because I made things happen. You know what's funny? Everyone kept telling me to stop looking for a man and I would find one. This used to really piss me off. It's a little like telling an exhausted person they should stop trying to sleep and they would just fall asleep... When you're tired, all you can think about is that you can't sleep - and when you're lonely, all you can think about is finding love... So maybe the question isn't whether you should stop trying, but *how*. And I think one answer is to search instead for happiness. It's to work on yourself. It's to throw yourself into the things you love and make you smile. It's to take risks and do the things you've been putting off. To try to grow as a person. To forgive yourself your mistakes and your faults. To start liking yourself. You may not find true love, but at least there's a strong chance you'll be happy. And isn't that better than being miserable in a bad relationship? So maybe you should go chase happiness instead of love - what have you got to lose??"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skymama 35 #25 March 1, 2011 How old are you?She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next Page 1 of 9 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. 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amstalder 0 #21 March 1, 2011 QuoteTake what I say with a grain of salt... Have you considered redefining your definition of the word love? (Or at least taking inventory of what you think love is and assessing whether or not your definition of love is realistic and/or meant to last forever) ... and yet, I'm deadly serious. It appears as though expectations aren't meeting reality... something's gotta give... Yes. This. Also what Muffie said about following your passions, and keeping an eye out. My two cents: Love is a choice. Compatibility and chemistry are also mucho important in a long term relationship (like you said you've already found two women you were wonderfully compatible with, so it's likely they aren't the only ones). But life-long love is a choice. It is a choice to give yourself wholly to another person and to commit yourself to fighting for that one person for the rest of your life. To that person ahead of yourself at times, and to trust that person will do the same for you. Unfortunately, both parties need to recognize that and make that choice, otherwise it won't ever work. For the record, my husband believes the same things about love. So, I'm not just spewing some chick psychobabble I read in a romance novel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 135 #22 March 1, 2011 Quote Maybe you are gay? gays can love too to te O.P. are you on facebook ? If yes, put your relationship on "it's complicated" and let teh girls contact you. It's a fucking magnet.scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #23 March 1, 2011 Quote he would be much better served listening to guys like JohnMitchell who seem to have found a good, solid relationship. I haven't seen him post on this particular thread yet and don't know him in real life, but from what I've seen on here, he's a guy another guy could listen to and learn from in this area. Fair enough? Are you kidding????? John is really an asshole. He only comes across that way because V keeps him on the short leash. Hell, half his posts are with V moving his fingers around on a keyboard. Sheeeesh. John...you're one lucky bastard and I know you know it. Quote I've fallen in love twice, and twice it didn't work out. Both times, it was the 'ideal'... So, you're still comparing your current dates to what has gone before? Not good. Quote So I'm starting to think, is it EVER meant to happen, and happen permanently? Nope, not at all. One never knows what the future will bring. Quote Most of my friends are happily married, have a great relationship, some with kids, and couldn't be happier. You do realize that is only one side of the fence. There are many married out there, other than friends, with piss-poor relationships and couldn't be more miserable. Quote I've not been purposely looking for love, Of course you are! That's why you posted! Trouble is that you've got a bar set (from previous women) and you're testing your new dates against that bar. Obviously, they are not measuring up to your bar on the first couple of dates. My advice: Drop the comparisons and requirements (sounds just like advice given to Shah, doesn't it....there's a reason for that). -I lose interest after a few dates -it lasts 3-4 months, and then I get bored. -With the other two loves in my life, ... -because I was with the right person... -the trend has been 3 dates or so -I pretty much KNOW how dating someone for a few months will end Quote So when my friends say "don't look for it and you'll find it"...that doesn't work out. That's because you haven't yet stopped looking for "it" (that relationship like you had with the other two). You're gonna get something different because, guess what....people are different. Quote so why bother? You're right. As long as you're going in expecting the perfect outcome knowing you're not gonna get it, you're doomed from the start. So, yes, why bother. Give up the ghost of the past and take an honest look what's in front of you on your dates. Now having said all that...forget the whole damned idea and pay the $200. My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #24 March 1, 2011 QuoteYou're a woman, any dating advice you're going to give to a man is automatically invalid and useless. [...] So no. Don't come give men advice what it is like to date women. Because you have no fucking glue. Ok, I agree with you that women don't know what dating is like for a man - but our different point of view doesn't mean we understand NOTHING. It's just a different perspective - sometimes an outsider's view is a *good* thing. Sharing a different perspective can give an insight into something you hadn't considered. I may not have a penis, but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced very similar difficulties/heartbreak. Now, to the OP. I think it's important in life to be happy. I think we put a lot of focus on finding that one true love, but we often forget that inner happiness is way more important and (can be) far more difficult to find. Someone once told me she had made a list... Of all the things she hated in her life, and all the things she loved in her life. She found a HUGE imbalance there, so one by one she took steps to eliminate the negative things, and increase the things that make her smile. I thought this was a great idea. I tried it, and last year was the BEST year of my life, because I made things happen. You know what's funny? Everyone kept telling me to stop looking for a man and I would find one. This used to really piss me off. It's a little like telling an exhausted person they should stop trying to sleep and they would just fall asleep... When you're tired, all you can think about is that you can't sleep - and when you're lonely, all you can think about is finding love... So maybe the question isn't whether you should stop trying, but *how*. And I think one answer is to search instead for happiness. It's to work on yourself. It's to throw yourself into the things you love and make you smile. It's to take risks and do the things you've been putting off. To try to grow as a person. To forgive yourself your mistakes and your faults. To start liking yourself. You may not find true love, but at least there's a strong chance you'll be happy. And isn't that better than being miserable in a bad relationship? So maybe you should go chase happiness instead of love - what have you got to lose??"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #25 March 1, 2011 How old are you?She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
