Why is it so difficult to find love nowadays?

[Nataly 38]

I agree completely.

Making dating mistakes is fairly common and it doesn't mean you come out of it as "damaged goods." Many people take time to get to know what they want and what kind of partner is really good for them. If later on in life they re-visit a relationship they ignored in the past, *both* people can feel like they've won the lottery. We don't all get it right the first time - in fact, most of us don't.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Arvoitus 1]

Quote

I agree completely.

Making dating mistakes is fairly common and it doesn't mean you come out of it as "damaged goods." Many people take time to get to know what they want and what kind of partner is really good for them. If later on in life they re-visit a relationship they ignored in the past, *both* people can feel like they've won the lottery. We don't all get it right the first time - in fact, most of us don't.

Actually, for women, it does make you damaged goods. The more sexual partners a woman has the less able she is to commit to another man and form a bond with him.

Here is a nice picture to illustrate that.

Your rights end where my feelings begin.

[david3 0]

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Quote

I agree completely.

Making dating mistakes is fairly common and it doesn't mean you come out of it as "damaged goods." Many people take time to get to know what they want and what kind of partner is really good for them. If later on in life they re-visit a relationship they ignored in the past, *both* people can feel like they've won the lottery. We don't all get it right the first time - in fact, most of us don't.

Actually, for women, it does make you damaged goods. The more sexual partners a woman has the less able she is to commit to another man and form a bond with him.

Here is a nice picture to illustrate that.

I am curious. You seem to have all this information and statistics at your fingertips. Is it something you study or are you just finding it on the internet when needed?

You seem very angry with women. Did you have a catastrophic incident with a woman in your life?

You don’t have to answer. I am just trying to figure out what angle you are coming from.

[Nataly 38]

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I agree completely.

Making dating mistakes is fairly common and it doesn't mean you come out of it as "damaged goods." Many people take time to get to know what they want and what kind of partner is really good for them. If later on in life they re-visit a relationship they ignored in the past, *both* people can feel like they've won the lottery. We don't all get it right the first time - in fact, most of us don't.

Actually, for women, it does make you damaged goods. The more sexual partners a woman has the less able she is to commit to another man and form a bond with him.

Here is a nice picture to illustrate that.

Are you really saying that the numbers explain the "why"? There could several other reasons why fewer partners is correlated with more lasting marriages. Culture and religion, for instance. Nothing in that data suggests/proves that either gender becomes "damaged goods" after having more sexual partners.

Having life experience (good and bad) doesn't "damage" everyone... Many people *learn* from mistakes. Many people learn *better* by making mistakes.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[shah269 0]

Quote

I agree completely.

Making dating mistakes is fairly common and it doesn't mean you come out of it as "damaged goods." Many people take time to get to know what they want and what kind of partner is really good for them. If later on in life they re-visit a relationship they ignored in the past, *both* people can feel like they've won the lottery. We don't all get it right the first time - in fact, most of us don't.

You ladies HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
Do we men really look that stupid? I mean sure we have our moment but do you think we men are really that fracking stupid?

I'll make it easy to digest
1) Girl is cute.
2) Cute girl has a thing for tools.
3) Girl is tool food for about half of her natural life.
4) Tool gets one past the tender and runs for the hills. (boys aim for the eyes)
5) Girl who is now in her mid 20's is now a single mom. Nothing wrong with that it happens........not all men are good men. I get this. I know just as my mom about her x.
6) Girl is worried, I'm a single mom. I've been dating tools for most of my life....oh my god! I need a life raft....must find life raft...must find partner NOW!
7) In walks dumb ass who in highschool had a crush on said girl and couldn't get her to talk to him or let alone piss on him if he were on fire!
9) Dumb ass has gone to school and recieved an education and "has his shit together"
10) Girl grabs dumb ass and in a very sexy little dance reintroduces herself to said dumb ass. Dumb ass lives up to his nick name.
11) Girl and dumb ass are now together, dumb ass knows now better. He really thinks he GOT THE BIG ONE.....when in reality the big one really got him.

Look I'll forgive anyone for what life throws at them. I will because I am no better in luck or other and it can happen to me as well. But mom raised me right. Mom reminded me that I should have some self respect.

And thus, IF THIS GUY WAS SO FRACKING GREAT.....why didn't she ever date him before she was worried about being a single mom for life?

He's option B. Now ladies, please be honest. Do you ever EVER want to be option B? To anyone?

I know I don't. But that's just me but I don't want to be any ones Option B. If you like me and respect me let's go out now. Not after you have been around the block a half dozen times, ridden hard and put up wet.

Come on girl. Have some respect for us guy. Have some resepect for your self. Go out this friday, and the guy who is nice to you, the one who seems to have his act together but just isn't "bad ass enough" for you....buy him a drink. Say sorry. And see if he's free next Friday for dinner.

And for the record, I personally don't believe that the number of sexual partners has anything to do with ones ability to find love or a life partner. It's just another part of who we are. No different.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Coreece 190]

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Come on girl. Have some respect for us guy. Have some resepect for your self. Go out this friday, and the guy who is nice to you, the one who seems to have his act together but just isn't "bad ass enough" for you....buy him a drink. Say sorry.

Sorry, I don't think they're gonna buy it.

How is it respect when they're to treat you like a poor little stray puppy dog?

How can I have respect for myself when a woman is buying me a drink out of pitty and apologizing for how pathetic I am?

Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are...

[sandi 0]

You know, just because someone is a single mom does not mean they are a loser who has to find someone to take care of them. I'm a single mom and I sure as hell don't need anyone to take care of me. I've been raising my daughter 100% by myself for 7 years now. It would be great to find someone to share my life with because I have a great life and that's the only thing that's missing. But I certainly don't need to be taken care of.

Actually, I've been told I'm intimidating because I've been able to successfully (so far) raise a happy, healthy child by myself while getting a Ph.D. and publishing research in top journals. The fact that I'm self-sufficient and successful somehow makes me less attractive.

I have no idea what men want. They whine about how women are out to get everything from men. But they want nothing to do with a woman who is successful, smart, moderately attractive (and a size 4 ). Oh, and apparently the fact that I'm a skydiver (more like former skydiver) is also intimidating to non skydiving men.

I give up, I'm going happily along with my full and busy life as a single woman.

[Nataly 38]

The situation you describe could happen the other way around...

Should we really feel sorry for the guy (in this scenario)? He seems happy; she seems happy... What exactly is the problem??

If she is "settling" for "plan B" and he is a sucker, then they both are losers... Her for not having the courage to find the right partner, and him for marrying someone who doesn't really love him. Again, though.. If both parties mutually agree to this situation and are aware of what is going on.. Well, it's their life and they can choose to do whatever they want.

Takes two to tango, my friend...

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[sandi 0]

Quote

The situation you describe could happen the other way around...

Should we really feel sorry for the guy (in this scenario)? He seems happy; she seems happy... What exactly is the problem??

If she is "settling" for "plan B" and he is a sucker, then they both are losers... Her for not having the courage to find the right partner, and him for marrying someone who doesn't really love him. Again, though.. If both parties mutually agree to this situation and are aware of what is going on.. Well, it's their life and they can choose to do whatever they want.

Takes two to tango, my friend...

No, everything is always the woman's fault. That's what I've learned on the DZ.com forums.

[shah269 0]

sandi
Please read the rest.
YOU didn't have an "OH SHIT" moment and run off and picked up the guy who had a crush on you when you were in HS? The guy you would have never talked to the guy who only a year ago was nothing and now.....is your life boat?

Look I'm more than empressed by any woman who is a single mom. It's obvious that you have your stuff together and are more than drive.

The anicdote was of a girl, who dated tools and only tools, life threw her a curve ball, she realized she was on the wrong track.....and instead of comming to terms with it.....she reached back and pulled plan B out of the bag.

He doesn't know, I'm not going to tell him. But if he knew, do you think he would be happy? Would you want to be somones plan B?

"Sorry sandi, you were never what I wanted, but now that life has me down I think I'll settle with you.....I hope you are ok with that."
How rude is that?

As for a girl comming over saying sorry and buying me a drink.....I have a better chance of seeing Mohamed eating a BLT and putting away a can of Bud than that ever happening. But if it did, I would be tickled pink. I mean how do you say no to a cute girl who has a beer in hand and is saying "Look, how about we go out next week?"

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[wmw999 2,122]

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I've been able to successfully (so far) raise a happy, healthy child by myself while getting a Ph.D. and publishing research in top journals

Heck, I'm intimidated, and I'm not even looking for a girlfriend

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Nataly 38]

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I mean how do you say no to a cute girl who has a beer in hand and is saying "Look, how about we go out next week?"

So.. Are you saying I'm not cute or that I bought the wrong kind of beer???

I've put myself on the line and I've been rejected. It happens.


ETA - I still stand by my original premise that working on yourself/finding happiness is a worthwhile endeavour. And if I had to pick between this and buying someone a "pity beer," I would choose my option! But then I would.. It's my idea!!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[shah269 0]

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So.. Are you saying I'm not cute or that I bought the wrong kind of beer???

I've put myself on the line and I've been rejected. It happens.

Wrong kind of beer....I'm sorry is there such a thing?
No Nat yo more power to you! HIGH FIVE! Way to go for growing a set of ovaries! Wish more girls were like you.

But in the future, if the guy is with another guy, and they are holding hand and talking about "their" place.....and are a little too well dressed....he may be gay. Next time walk over to the straight guy.

I'll be waiting for you at the bar....I like my beer...any way. In a glass, in a can, in a bottle, in a paper cup...

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[shah269 0]

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Heck, I'm intimidated, and I'm not even looking for a girlfriend

Wendy P.

Dr. Shah...paging Dr. Shah
We have spotted the elusive and often dreamt of "dormant female bisexual nature."

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[wmw999 2,122]

I've never asked my husband if he'd enjoy my having a girlfriend

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[sandi 0]

The point is that sometimes people change. I'm sure there are guys I went to high school with that I didn't even glance at then that I might find attractive now. I'm older and wiser and looking for much different qualities in a man that I was when I was young.

And I completely changed my life after I became a single mom. Sometimes having a little tiny person totally dependent on you makes you get it together. Everything I do is to build a good life for my daughter.

Anyway, this person may have changed or may not have. But I don't think you should assume that people don't change and grow up. Especially after having a child.

I'm going to try being cuter and bringing beer if I want to meet men

[sandi 0]

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I've been able to successfully (so far) raise a happy, healthy child by myself while getting a Ph.D. and publishing research in top journals

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Heck, I'm intimidated, and I'm not even looking for a girlfriend

Maybe I should be looking for a girlfriend rather than a boyfriend...

[Southern_Man 0]

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I've been able to successfully (so far) raise a happy, healthy child by myself while getting a Ph.D. and publishing research in top journals

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Heck, I'm intimidated, and I'm not even looking for a girlfriend

Maybe I should be looking for a girlfriend rather than a boyfriend...

Please get video

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[shah269 0]

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I'm going to try being cuter and bringing beer if I want to meet men

cuter?
Look Sandi all I'm saying is that I don't want to be anyones plan B. I'm sure the OP doesn't want to be plan B either. Do you? I hope not!

And as we get older, I've noticed and have avoided, more people are looking for a plan B. So maybe that's what the OP is feeling or seeing.

What's the old saying? Always ask too many questions if you see a deal that is to good to be true.
Why is the girl who never talked to me but who I had a crush on in high school but was way out of my league is now talking to me, making dinner and is asking to come over......with beer?

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Arvoitus 1]

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I agree completely.

Making dating mistakes is fairly common and it doesn't mean you come out of it as "damaged goods." Many people take time to get to know what they want and what kind of partner is really good for them. If later on in life they re-visit a relationship they ignored in the past, *both* people can feel like they've won the lottery. We don't all get it right the first time - in fact, most of us don't.

Actually, for women, it does make you damaged goods. The more sexual partners a woman has the less able she is to commit to another man and form a bond with him.

Here is a nice picture to illustrate that.

Are you really saying that the numbers explain the "why"? There could several other reasons why fewer partners is correlated with more lasting marriages. Culture and religion, for instance. Nothing in that data suggests/proves that either gender becomes "damaged goods" after having more sexual partners.

Having life experience (good and bad) doesn't "damage" everyone... Many people *learn* from mistakes. Many people learn *better* by making mistakes.

From the original study:

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The control variables that I use are as follows:

father’s education in years;
mother’s education in years;
number of siblings;
whether the respondent is White, Black, or Hispanic (being White serves as the baseline);
whether the respondent is Protestant,Catholic, Jewish, or some other religion (Protestant serves as the baseline);
whether the woman grew up in an intact family or experienced parental death, parental divorce, or any other nonintact family form during childhood (having grown up in an intact family serves as the baseline);
the number of different childhood living situations experienced by the woman;
the woman’s age at marriage;
her education in years at the time of marriage;
whether she had a birth prior to marriage;
whether she was pregnant at the time of marriage;

and a series of dummy variables indicating 5-year marriage cohorts. In models estimating the effect of premarital sex, I also include a control for the woman’s age at first sex on the assumption that sex at a younger age is likely to indicate either less commitment to the permanency of unions or provide greater opportunity for learning poor relationship skills. Women who begin their sexual careers earlier in life are also less likely to marry their first partner, are more likely to have a larger number of sexual partners, and may evidence less discrimination in their choice of eventual marital partner.

From the conclusions:

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The results presented in this article replicate findings from previous research: Women who cohabit prior to marriage or who have premarital sex have an increased likelihood of marital disruption. Considering the joint effects of premarital cohabitation and premarital sex, as well as histories of premarital relationships, extends previous research. The most salient finding from this analysis is that women whose intimate premarital relationships are limited to their husbands—either premarital sex alone or premarital cohabitation—do not experience an increased risk of divorce. It is only women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship who have an elevated risk of marital disruption. This effect is strongest for women who have multiple premarital coresidental unions.

So yes I'm really saying that if a man marries promiscuous woman (a slut) its highly likely he'll end up in the divorce court in the near future.

Your rights end where my feelings begin.

[shah269 0]

Ah come on man. It's 2011 not 1911.

A girl can have and should have as many sexual partrners as she wants in her life. As long as we play safe and no one gets hurt....who cares!

Sex doesn't make us bad people, the number of sexual partners doesn't make us bad people. I think you may be thinking that the correlation of your study implies causation, see I told you I B smart.

Well as any good engineer, scientist of very very very smart person knows correlation does not imply causation.

And I think you are saying that as well. Since you are accounting for other variables as well.

And please don't call any girl a slut. I mean heck I'm sure there are girls here who want to feed me to the dogs but I will never call any girl a slut just because she has an active sex drive. If anything, I'm going to be very jeleous of her life parther becasue he is one very lucky guy!

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[sandi 0]

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I'm going to try being cuter and bringing beer if I want to meet men
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cuter?

Look Sandi all I'm saying is that I don't want to be anyones plan B. I'm sure the OP doesn't want to be plan B either. Do you? I hope not!

And as we get older, I've noticed and have avoided, more people are looking for a plan B. So maybe that's what the OP is feeling or seeing.

What's the old saying? Always ask too many questions if you see a deal that is to good to be true.
Why is the girl who never talked to me but who I had a crush on in high school but was way out of my league is now talking to me, making dinner and is asking to come over......with beer?

I get it Shah, I'm just giving you a hard time because you frequently come across as having a rather low opinion of women in general.

I agree with you about not wanting to be someone's plan B. I would rather be single than be with someone I don't love or who doesn't love me.


.

[david3 0]

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The point is that sometimes people change. I'm sure there are guys I went to high school with that I didn't even glance at then that I might find attractive now. I'm older and wiser and looking for much different qualities in a man that I was when I was young.

And I completely changed my life after I became a single mom. Sometimes having a little tiny person totally dependent on you makes you get it together. Everything I do is to build a good life for my daughter.

Anyway, this person may have changed or may not have. But I don't think you should assume that people don't change and grow up. Especially after having a child.

I'm going to try being cuter and bringing beer if I want to meet men

Both people in this equation may have changed not just the single mom. Maybe the guy that always had the crush is more desirable now for reasons other than his education, job/income potential. Maybe he was a tool in high school and has now matured and gained some confidence.

[shah269 0]

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I get it Shah, I'm just giving you a hard time because you frequently come across as having a rather low opinion of women in general.

I agree with you about not wanting to be someone's plan B. I would rather be single than be with someone I don't love or who doesn't love me.
.

OK why do you think I have a low opinion of women let alone you? Read back where I stated you have great drive and what you are doing is amazing.

And then you agree with me about being plan B.

I have a low pinion of those who take advantage of others. In this case, the girl who lived her life hanging from one tool to the next, who ignored a great guy unitll......well all the tools were gone and all she has was old photos of past times.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[ryoder 1,384]

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I've put myself on the line and I've been rejected. It happens.

When you hit on the really well-groomed, well-dressed guys, you're bound to hit a higher proportion of gay ones.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.