JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

[BIGUN 1,053]

Police Stop at 2:00 A.M.

Ron was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body; as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[npgraphicdesign 2]

Q. How many Freudian scholars does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to hold the lightbulb, and one to hold the penis...I mean LADDER! ONE TO HOLD THE LADDER!

[rifleman 61]

My girlfriend accused me of being emotionally distant last night. I told her it's not true; it's just that my emotions are very small so they look farther away.

Atheism is a Non-Prophet Organisation

[rifleman 61]

My girlfriend accused me of being emotionally distant last night. I told her it wasn't true; it's just that my emotions are very small so they look a lot further away.

Atheism is a Non-Prophet Organisation

[turtlespeed 212]

rifleman

My girlfriend accused me of being emotionally distant last night. I told her it wasn't true; it's just that my emotions are very small so they look a lot further away.

You can say that again!

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[rifleman 61]

Sorry - double post caused by computer problems

Atheism is a Non-Prophet Organisation

[mjosparky 3]

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

---

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

---

Sparky

My idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

Do you know why Frosty the Snowman dropped his pants?

Because he heard the snowblower was coming to town!

Always be kinder than you feel.

[turtlespeed 212]

LuckyMcSwervy

Do you know why Frosty the Snowman dropped his pants?

Because he heard the snowblower was coming to town!

Who is Frosty's favorite relative?


Aunt Arctica

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

turtlespeed

***Do you know why Frosty the Snowman dropped his pants?

Because he heard the snowblower was coming to town!

Who is Frosty's favorite relative?

Aunt Arctica

Always be kinder than you feel.

[feuergnom 22]

Woman comes to the clinic to give birth, hubby's with her. upon arriving doctor tells them of the newest invention: a machine that transfers the pain of labour between from the mother on the father. asks them if they want to give it a try - both are excitetd so they give it a go.
first stage - 10 percent for the guy, everythings fine so the guy says: "hey doc, you can turn your machine a bit up, I don't feel a thing" as it helps his wife the guy finally convinces the doctor to transfer all the pain on him - he's still feeling good and his wife delivers without any pain. both are happy going home. back there they find the milkman dead on the porch




don't let bored kids mow the lawn

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[feuergnom 22]

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[SCS292 1]

feuergnom

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

Be careful about buying one off of eBay. A friend ordered one from China and he got a magnifying glass. The instructions said "Do not use in direct sunlight"

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

SCS292

***The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

Be careful about buying one off of eBay. A friend ordered one from China and he got a magnifying glass. The instructions said "Do not use in direct sunlight"

Were tweezers included?

Always be kinder than you feel.

[format 0]

Two gay guys were swordfighting with their dicks.
Finally, one of them stopped, turned and bent over, saying: "I surrender, kill me"

What goes around, comes later.

[1888 0]

A really old skydiver was at the dropzone the other day monitoring the windsock & drinking a beer when all of a sudden a guy with nothing out goes in about 4 feet away. The old guy not really upset as he had seen this sort of thing a few times over the years said, shit, I don't know who he was but he sure could spot.

[feuergnom 22]

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle

dudeist skydiver # 666

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

feuergnom

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

Cute and timely!!

Always be kinder than you feel.

[strife 0]

I was sitting opposite a really hot Thai girl on the train this morning.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection."

But she did.

[BIGUN 1,053]

Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?

Because they were originally made for children, but the father wants to play with them.

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[mjosparky 3]

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
Sparky

My idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals

[oldwomanc6 38]

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[mjosparky 3]

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

Sparky

My idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals

[promise5 17]

We really need an *eyeroll* smiley.

No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible.
Believe me I tried.

[mjosparky 3]

promise5

We really need an *eyeroll* smiley.

A blond smiley with an "eyeroll". Yea that would work. Sparky

My idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals