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BIGUN

JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

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JerryBaumchen

Hi folks,

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.


:)

Jerry Baumchen



It also explains why Santa fears to, and never goes in reverse.
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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Hi folks,

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of "Mount & Do". !!


Thought for the day:

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!

>:(

Jerry Baumchen

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Sorry, it sounded like a good joke to me. I too have close people with it.

Now, for another debacle

After winning a battle, a warrior reports to chief.
warrior: We captured a 150 men and 50 women. What do we do?
chief: Kill all women, keep all men.
warrior: But Chief, women can give birth, men can become danger to us?

chief: When you become Chief, you'll get to decide (with a gayish voice)

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Hi folks,

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

He went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The elderly gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'


:o

Jerry Baumchen

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Hi folks,

"A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2014 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bull-****tin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . You started it . . . . “

Jerry Baumchen

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How to tell that you have entered a New Year:

You enter your password on the microwave.

You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of four.

You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.

Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

The concept of using real money instead of credit or debit to make a purchase is foreign to you.


Happy New Year, Everyone!!![/Blue]
Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

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oldwomanc6

***How to tell you are not a baby-boomer: If it takes you more than one second to figure this out:

I don't get it, I guess I'm stuck. :P

Just be thankful you aren't stuck in a chair, with Michael Madsen dancing around you!:o
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

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ryoder

******How to tell you are not a baby-boomer: If it takes you more than one second to figure this out:

I don't get it, I guess I'm stuck. :P

Just be thankful you aren't stuck in a chair, with Michael Madsen dancing around you holding your ear!:o

FIFY.

And I've always liked THIS pic.
"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

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ryoder

How to tell you are not a baby-boomer: If it takes you more than one second to figure this out:

im not a boomer and i got it instantly:P Steve Miller Band was 70/80, GenX is also privy to those decades
You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

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Squeak

***How to tell you are not a baby-boomer: If it takes you more than one second to figure this out:

im not a boomer and i got it instantly:P Steve Miller Band was 70/80, GenX is also privy to those decades

It was not a Steve Miller song.:P
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

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ryoder

******How to tell you are not a baby-boomer: If it takes you more than one second to figure this out:

im not a boomer and i got it instantly:P Steve Miller Band was 70/80, GenX is also privy to those decades

It was not a Steve Miller song.:P

Yay, Gerry Rafferty and Steelers Wheel!
lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

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oldwomanc6

*********How to tell you are not a baby-boomer: If it takes you more than one second to figure this out:

im not a boomer and i got it instantly:P Steve Miller Band was 70/80, GenX is also privy to those decades

It was not a Steve Miller song.:P

Yay, Gerry Rafferty and Steelers Wheel!

The only reason GenXers know it is from that scene in Pulp Fiction. Talk about a tired gimmicky song getting a second life.
Always remember the brave children who died defending your right to bear arms. Freedom is not free.

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oldwomanc6

*********How to tell you are not a baby-boomer: If it takes you more than one second to figure this out:

im not a boomer and i got it instantly:P Steve Miller Band was 70/80, GenX is also privy to those decades

It was not a Steve Miller song.:P

Yay, Gerry Rafferty and Steelers Wheel!

Steve Miller was to the right of Stealers Wheel. (the Everly Brothers were to the left.)

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gowlerk

************How to tell you are not a baby-boomer: If it takes you more than one second to figure this out:

im not a boomer and i got it instantly:P Steve Miller Band was 70/80, GenX is also privy to those decades

It was not a Steve Miller song.:P

Yay, Gerry Rafferty and Steelers Wheel!

The only reason GenXers know it is from that scene in Pulp Fiction. Talk about a tired gimmicky song getting a second life.

Wrong movie.:P
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

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