irishrigger

Teresa had a female parrot which always saying: “Hello, I am very hot. Do you want to have some fun?” She was hopeless, so she went to the church to find priest for a solution to the problem. The priest said, “Bring your bird to my house. I have two male parrots who read the bible and pray all the time. They will be a good influence on her.” So,Teresa brought the parrot to priest’s house and put her parrot into the cage with the two male birds. She squawked, “Hello, I am very hot. Do you want to have some fun?” One male parrot looked at the other one and said, “Put the Bible away, our prayers have been answered.”

A grumpy old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was a lot of young ladies in gala and one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?” “Negative,young lady. I am just serious by nature.” The young lady looked at his awards and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action in your duty.” “Yes,young lady, a lot of action.” The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy of music and vine.” The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you made love?” “1958,young lady.” “Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1958! She took his hand and led him to a empty room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times. Thereafter, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1958.” The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2115 now.”

Ronald joins a very exclusive nudist community. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to walk around. A gorgeous brunette walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The brunette notices Ronald’s erection, comes over to him and asks, “Did you call for me?” Ronald replies, “No,what do you mean?” She says, “You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a law here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Ronald continues to explore the community. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within seconds a gigantic,bearded guy lumbers out of the steam room toward him, “Did you call for me?” says the gigantic guy. “No, what do you mean?” says the rookie Ronald. “You must be new,” says the gigantic guy, “it’s a law that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.” The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. The rookie Ronald staggers back to the community management office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked hot clerk, “May I help you?” she says. Ronald yells, “Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the 1000 bucks membership fee.” “But, Sir,” she replies, “you’ve only been here for a few hours. You haven’t had the chance to see all our facilities.” Ronald replies, “Listen young lady, I’m 70 years old. I only get an erection once in a month.But I fart 20 times a day.”

A bus full of Nuns crushes a cow and falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Agustin. He says to them “Sisters, welcome to great Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single line.” And nuns do so. St. Agustin turns to the first woman in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a p.nis?” Sister Debora responds: “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta…touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Agustin says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” And she did so. St. Agustin now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a p.nis?” Barbara replies: “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so. Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Agustin sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susanne, why you in hurry? There is no rush!” Sister Susanne responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Barbara sticks her ass in it!”

Hi, Of all the Dolphin rigs i have see i would not say or recommend that they are Free Fly Ready or Friendly (they have a lot of Velcro and not enough free fly protection bits) . they are however a Cheap rig, ideal for people who want a a cheap rig early in there Skydiving career. in my opinion they are only suited for Belly Flying. as for a build Quality i have no issues with them as they have a very simple design. they are a a cheaper version of a Javelin container and if my memories serves correctly, the same guy invented both. unless they have made improvements to the rig i would not get one for Free Fyinng, My opinion and 2 cents only Irish

Hi Wolf River Joe, Tandem Static line has been done! it was done at a Dropzone in Ireland a good few years ago. the aircraft that was used was a C185! I believe they did about 10-15 test jumps with both jumpers being tandem masters. as far as I know they never did take up a member of the public. they did have permission to do it as the Authority's said call it a "Test Program" I saw a couple videos from it and the deployments were mostly ok. thankfully after a few test jumps it was knocked on the head!

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Old Lady: I am 94 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down? Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Old Lady: He began to rub all over my body. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Old Lady: No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy' that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!' Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bugger

HMMMM HMMM Yeah don't think I be rushing to buy one of those

Hi Unstable Phew glad to hear that my eyes are playing tricks on me glad to hear you have 2 reserve pins on there because otherwise it would have have been a real interesting Pull scenario thanks for the Reply, i can sleep better tonight

Is it my imagination or do I only see 1 Closing Pin. is the second loop on the reserve Cable????

yes shitty news indeed they are one of my favorite bands especially some of their early stuff. RIP Chester

I agree with you, I believe it be madness for USPA to get involved to do anything with the tunnel business. I believe USPA have enough on there Plate trying to run the Parachuting side of things. Its like our Association over here trying to get involved in things that it has no business too!!! I sincerely hope that this does not get through My 2c Safe Landings

Hi Chris, thank you for the reply and i was just looking at your website and was going to email you. well you have answered the question guess i will just have to send the cameras back and exchange them for the sessions. thanks again for the Help. blue skies and safe landings Rodger

Thank you

Hi Guys, Does anyone know IF or WHERE one can buy a double mounted Handy cam mount for 2 GoPro hero 5's??? I just bought 2 new Hero5 camera's but due to a misunderstanding i got the wrong mount and casings any advise would be appreciated. Blue Skies Rodger

The Billionaires in business over the world, is telling the millionaires in Politics that the rest of us are being Greedy!!!

Irish Paddy was sitting in a Bar one night and noticed a beautiful woman sitting across from him. suddenly the lady sneezed and her glass eye popped out! Paddy being Quick of the mark was able to catch it and return it to her. they began to chat and after about an hour decided to go back to his place for a bit of Fun... after a couple of hours of having Fun they were both relaxing on the bed and paddy began to wonder... and asked do you normally sleep with a guy on a first date??? she answered, only if he catches my Eye

Hi John, that is a good and very close Friend of mine and of my dad. He is like Family and wanted to go on that jump and i thought it be very fitting.

another Irish one for you Jerry Two Irish hunters from dublin hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose. The two Irishmen objected strongly, stating; "Last year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few minutes after take off. Climbing out of the wreck, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?" Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Brilliant Jerry, Classic nearly choked on my coffee reading that one

This Question has been asked 100's of times on here and you will get a lot of different opinions and options but I Will give you my Personal 1st Choice. I find the most comfortable rig to be a Sunpath Javelin Odyssey My second Choice is a UPT Vector. But as Bill Booth Said, nearly all of the current rigs on the Market will have some form of Spacer Foam or Padding. My 2 cents Rodger

Both my Mum and Dad thought i was crazy to be doing skydiving but promised that they would do a Skydive with me for years, even though i knew it was very unlikely that they would ever do it. Sadly my Dad passed away in November of last year and my mum 4 weeks ago. So yesterday i decided that i would fulfill the promise made and took them both up for an Ashes dive!

Where are you based? In the US? May I ask why you like to shorten the reserve cable? What manufacturer made the originally?