irishrigger

the slowest I ever recorded myself was 92mph with an AFF student. but at that stage I was no longer flying and would have been unable to help the student if they started to Spin. I was 240 lbs at the time.

Trash pack 4 lyfe!Cool amazingly I did not pack any of them!!!

6900 Jumps - 42 cutaways

Dangers of Golf While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. A very attractive golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?" "I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later." I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure. "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it." "Oh, come on now " she insisted. She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive. I was weak. "Well okay," I finally agreed. After a couple of Scotch and waters, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" I replied, "Still under the cart I guess"

Hi Jerry, bit of irish humor for you Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy. "Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him €240 a week, and he has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets €190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about €25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife." "That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit." "That'll be me then," said Paddy.

Hi Grunt, after you finished your AFF i would def recommend at a minimum a canopy between 230-240 range. i am a big fan of the Spectre canopy from PD. i would then think about a 210 possibly when you have 75-100 jumps as that would be suitable with your wing loading and experience level. also i would recommend buying second hand gear first as you probably will want to downsize at that stage, not that you have to of course. no offense, but i am also in the same age group and not getting any younger or quicker. i am thinking of up sizing my canopy! the only other other advise i would highly recommend, if you decide to buy second hand gear, get it checked out by a rigger that you can trust. ask your instructors to recommend someone. but i agree with the others, finish with your AFF first and see how things are going. have fun doing the AFF

Welcome FNG How many jumps do you have?

i always teach my students to check the paper work to make sure that the rig is actually in date!

6114 Monkey A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, an officer from the local RAF base walked in and said to the shopkeeper "I'll take a 6114 monkey, please." The shopkeeper nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the officer, saying, "That'll be £2,000, please." The officer paid and left with the monkey. The surprised tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did that one cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that 6114 monkey, he can rig aircraft flight controls, score 300 on the Army Personal Fitness Test, set up a perimeter defence and perform the duties of any warrant officer with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money". The tourist then spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?" he asked. "Oh, that one" replied the shopkeeper. "That's a "Maintenance Supervisor" monkey. It can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance at the unit, intermediate, and Depot level, and even do most of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed". The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag was £50,000. The shocked tourist exclaimed, "This one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world can it do?" "Actually" said the shopkeeper "I've never actually seen him do anything but drink beer and play with his d***, but his papers say he's a Pilot."

this DZ does not have collapsible PC on their student gear, so it is not an issue off being uncocked.

A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go." The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!! The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "...

How about this Pilot?? http://www.independent.ie/videos/world-news/video-shocking-cctv-footage-shows-pilot-suspected-of-being-drunk-stumbling-through-airport-security-35332427.html#play

Another Musician, George Micheal passed away today. its been a bad year, http://www.independent.ie/entertainment/music/singer-george-michael-passes-away-peacefully-at-home-publicist-35320528.html

I Agree, Jerry is the King of Jokes for this Thread. hard to keep up with him

A redneck went to the hospital as his wife was having a baby.Upon arriving he set down as the nurse told him, congratulations you wife had quintuplets! 5 big bouncy and healthy boys! the redneck said " i am not surprised, i have a penis the size of a chimney " the nurse says to him, you might want to get it cleaned all the babys are black!

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband… She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome . "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me..." "Oh, really! What'd he say?" He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

A very sad day today. After several years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after just one minor indiscretion - he slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of all that training and money........ A genuinely nice guy and an excellent vet.

Nice one Jerry

This Thread has gone very quit for a month now, is there any update on her appeal? or has this lady finally gone away nice and quiet or is that just wishful thinking?

A Woman rings here mother-in-law and asks Can you tell me who changes a child if it poops itself? the mother in law says it is always the mother honey! the woman says OK, can you please come over then. my husband, your son got drunk and shat himself!

So spill the beans, where did you get it done? i am afraid we need prove so please provide a picture

Brilliant, i have to steal that one!

Holy crap! i bet he needed a change of underwear after that!