I need some encouraging words...Please

[Punky_Monkey 0]

Here's the story...

Started jumping hated the door open and would freak out about it. Got used to it and really started to enjoy jumping.

Had a bad jump due to the coach I was jumping with. It turned out that this jump has me freaked. And I mean freaked. They couldn't get me back on a plane.

So I left and went to Florida for some tunnel time and to try to jump. I did manage to jump once. I had tears in my eyes and was freaking out. I loved it once off the plane, under canopy I was yelling out of pure happiness.

Have a friend who just got hurt skydiving and it is making me more scared yet.

So, I am back off to Florida this coming weekend to battle the "Door Monster" and more tunnel time. I can get on more loads in a day.And days in a row. I am working with an instructor who I think will be great for me. (Sean MacCormac) I have talked to him on the phone a couple of times and he seems so positive and up beat. And yes, he does know that I am freaking out.

I just hate the idea of getting on a plane again and everyone seeing me freak out. They must think I am a total loser. But I love freefall and canopy to much to stop the fight with the "Door Monster".

That's my story and I guess I am just looking for some words of encouragement and support right now.

Thank You...

*******
Punky Monkey
You may never get rid of the butterflies, but you can teach them how to fly in formation

[ladyskydiver 0]

Hugs, hon!

Go there, take some deep breaths, and relax. If it feels right and you're ok to jump, do so. If it doesn't, don't be afraid to ride the plane down. Everyone's had nerves at one time or another - some worse than others...some no more than a butterfly tickling their tummy.

I've ridden the plane down a couple of times for various reasons. It happens, and if you choose to ride the plane down - it's your life and limbs...who cares what others think if you choose to ride it down?

If you get nervous, try some deep breathing, visualize the jump, admit your nervous. You may be surprised at the fact that others are nervous as well...and they just might be able to get you to relax by teasing you, etc.

Best of luck and best of wishes.

I know that seeing your friend's accident has bothered you seriously and it will continue to bother you. That is part of the risk we all take while skydiving (and I'm not going to get into the thoughts about the jump, etc. as I found out that I have met and spent time with your friend).

You need to determine if skydiving is "worth it" to you...and only you can determine your risk and comfort level.

FYI - I still get the butterflys on jump run...up until the door opens and then they go away. And if I'm sitting right next to the door, the butterflys are even worse and are still there when the door opens ('cause the thought of falling out bugs me ).

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[bigorangemd 0]

Don't worry about people seeing you nervous. More people than you realize will be able to relate. I had just gotten rid of the nerve thing when I was around three accidents in eight days. They came back to a small extent getting near altitude. I'd whisper a silent "Lord protect me" and deep breathe like my AFF instructors taught and as I would get to the door POOF, gone. Now they are again a thing of the past. Nerves will always come and go, depending on several factors. Accept and own them, they keep you alive. Sounds like you are doing all the right things to get over them and they will go away in time. When you get nervous realize they'll disappear on exit. It's easier to handle things if you know it's for a short time. Good luck and congrats on you courage--you deserve a lot of credit for sticking it out.

[ladyskydiver 0]

Oh...here's some threads, you may want to read as well:

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1326776#1326776

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1604885#1604885

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=1324563#1324563

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[Foggy 0]

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I just hate the idea of getting on a plane again and everyone seeing me freak out. They must think I am a total loser. But I love freefall and canopy to much to stop the fight with the "Door Monster"

Anyone sitting on that load has had similar thoughts run through their head during their early (and some later) jumps. In reality your battle with the "door monster" is a personal thing for you and who gives a %$@& what anyone else thinks. That is part of the challenge of the skydive. We all know the thrill of freefall and a successful deployment through landing but its that setup and anticipation in the door that gets us to where we want to go. That applies to an AFF L1 thru the hottest 4-way team, formation record attempt etc.
Sean is an excellent choice of coach. Let him know your concerns, fears and goals but ultimately he can only "open the door". You have to walk through - sorry been watching too much Dr Phil. What I meant to say was breathe deep, relax and pull on time
Foggy
D21109

[tdog 0]

Punky,

I think everyone gets a door fear episode every once in a while, including the ones with 10,000 jumps...

Once we get on the plane, if my mind freaks out some, I take deep breaths, do a gear check, and do more deep breaths... Either with my eyes closed or, even looking out the door... I try to zone out everyone else and just make it a "me moment".

Believe it or not, I am much better when I am the first out and sitting by the door. That is me, I don't know about you. There was a very specific point in my progression where my confidence went up and my door fear went down, and that point was after being first out and spotting on a few loads... I love being near the door now, and I love the door open now because it is familiar and routine for me, because I have operated the door so much.

I have had a couple jumps out of my (small, measly) 110 jumps where I was real nervous... Just hit me on that jump for no reason... Deep breaths and visualizing the whole jump is all it takes for me to keep it cool... If I am still "over the line" - a second into freefall, just like you described, I am a-ok...

So, while I don't have a lot of advice, I can say, you are not alone...

[Squeak 17]

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I just hate the idea of getting on a plane again and everyone seeing me freak out. They must think I am a total loser. But I love freefall and canopy to much to stop the fight with the "Door Monster".
Thank You...

I've not yet come across ANYONE who would think that

Your sig line says it all,

I still get butterflies, especially if I havn;'t jumped in more than 2 weeks. The only way to get over the door fear is to get out the door, the more you do it the eaier it gets. But I do know that somtimes it donesn't feel that way.

There have been jumps where I've said to myself, "man if I make it down safe from this jump I'm NEVER doing it again, then I get out the door and change my mind. You'll be fine, it just takes time, no 2 people will take the same ammount of time to get past the Door fear

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[VanillaSkyGirl 6]

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Believe it or not, I am much better when I am the first out and sitting by the door. That is me, I don't know about you.

I also love sitting by the door and being part of the first group going out the door.
Punky, your fear will subside. It's perfectly normal to have jitters as a student. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your overwhelming fear WILL go away. Try not to let your fear overcome your passion for jumping. We all had to overcome it. You can do it, too.

Don't give that door so much importance. It's only an obstacle between you being in the plane, and you being where you really want to be...flying in the sky.

Visualizing my jumps while on the plane is one of the most calming methods of ensuring myself towards a much more successful jump. It is like meditation, but at times, even more gratifying. Hopefully, you are using this method of training.

Also, while still on the plane, as people begin to jump, make yourself breathe in and exhale out slowly and deeply. It helps so much to calm you down. Then, make sure to look into your fellow jumper's (instructor's) eyes and smile. The person will be smiling back at you and that will calm you down even more. As you skydive, you will be seeing that familiar smile, and your eyes should be focused on your partner's eyes. It's kind of hard to feel fear when you have someone smiling at you with their eyes.

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[heidihagen 0]

hey punkymonkey
i had the door fear too--- ever since my first tandem. the good news? i got over it this weekend! i had a new coach, angelee, who suggested i sit by the door, which i did. rather than shiver turnaway when it slid up, it got me used to the openess.. if that makes sense. also, i was able to locate the dz before climbout, which was reassuring. i've read a few of your posts, it's like reading something i would have written myself if i would take the time. ask your instructor if you can sit by the door maybe? also, i also had an instructor earlier in my training -- we didn't click which made me feel uncomfortable. i was visiting another dz, so a bunch of things caused me to blow that jump. but i had a bad jump right before that one, so i wasn't about to try it again with this guy (i decided on the way to altitude... conveinent huh?)
please feel free to pm me, or even call. i know that sounds odd, but everytime i read a post and thing "OH ME TOO!" you happen to be the poster! hehehe i had fall rate issues too. i BLEW 11 of my jumps completely because i needed to "arch more" -- right? the fouth dz i visited, they put me through in 5 jumps, letting me go right off the bat. he said hanging onto me makes me lose my balance, and now that i look back, that's exactly what my problem was! too bad it took that many jumps/travel/tunnel time... i could have a REALLY nice rig by now if i would have just gone to dz4 (aka, my home dz!!!)
this clips sums it up--- http://www.sideshowmath.com/hnh/affwrap-low.wmv
the first jumps i was just trailing. a few i just will not let go. i mean-- they are baddddddddd! my avg fallrate attached to an instructor was 78 avg., now 105 avg. solo. going over the hill, it clocks high 80s-90's. they finally put weights on me, 6 pounds -- does wonders! i think a lot of smaller jumpers get frustrated and give up.. rosa (vanillaskygirl) almost did, but she switched dropzones. anyway, i write because you have posted about similar experiences, so if you ever want to talk, i'm always around! (but if its a busy day, i might take a day to get back--anyhooooo just sayin hi!!!!)

i didn't lose my mind, i sold it on ebay. .:need a container to fit 5'4", 110 lb. cypres ready & able to fit a 170 main (or slightly smaller):.[/ce

[skymama 35]

I don't think any skydiver worth knowing would ever consider you a loser for having butterflies and freaking out. You're to be admired for trying to conquer your fears and get back into the sky. We understand that it's not something like bowling you're trying to do, its skydiving! As you've read, a lot more people are nervous up there than you realize, we just hide it better.

Please let us know how it goes with Sean and good luck!

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[egrrbeavdiver 0]

either suck it up and jump, or get the he!! out of the sport, whining doesnt help, jumping and growing up does.

[ladyskydiver 0]

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either suck it up and jump, or get the he!! out of the sport, whining doesnt help, jumping and growing up does.

Back off.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[airdvr 200]

egr...folks like you are the reason we aren't growing this sport. You may think its funny now but when you get some experience under your belt you'll soon realize that you can't do RW alone. We need people to come into this sport and gain experience.

This person is struggling with some inner demons...anyone who's spent any amount of time in this sport has...you will to at some point. I only hope people are more understanding of you than you are here.

Blues

Please don't dent the planet.

Destinations by Roxanne

[yarpos 4]

expressing a concern , and seeking support and advice is not whining, and is a whole lot better than anonymous, gutless mud slinging.


to punky, as the experienced ones have said just keep working at it , it will pass. you are going through a cycle that many of us do. sounds like you have good coach so just a matter of time.

regards, Steve

regards, Steve
the older I get...the better I was

[Croc 0]

Have you given yourself permission to ride the plane down? You are the boss of your skydive, and your jump ticket includes the ride down if you want it. Secondly, do not resist the fear. Fear, transformed by success (i.e., you did not die) turns into joy--but you know that. It is the resistence to fear that causes suffering. Go ahead and feel the fear, give yourself permission to jump or not, and hang in there. We've all been there. Best wishes!

"Here's a good specimen of my own wisdom. Something is so, except when it isn't so."

Charles Fort, commenting on the many contradictions of astronomy

[NickDG 23]

Hi Punky,

You need a mentor. Finding the right one is hard sometimes, but keep trying. This mentor needs to be someone who'll keep you safe while letting you explore the sport on your own terms. Too many use the cookie cutter approach to training when the reality is everyone has different needs.

Something I've done when people have a door issue, and there are many, is take them to a DZ with a smaller plane. I'd arrange it so it's just you, me, and the pilot in the plane. We'd spend the time on the way up letting you operate the door, and just sitting there next to it when it's open. It's sometimes easier to get used to that, when it's not just those few seconds before exit.

Anyway, don’t give up and keep looking for someone more nurturing.

They are out there . . .

NickD BASE 194

[Punky_Monkey 0]

Deareast egrrbeavdiver,

I am not whining!!! I am asking for support and suggestings because I do know a lot of people have gone through what I am going through. Some not as severe and some worse.

And also for your information no matter how freaked I am I have always gotten off the plane and jumped. So in your own words I do "suck it up".

I do hope for your sake that if a time comes (and I believe it will) when you have gotten freaked on a jump that there are people who will support you, and encourage you.

But then again, what goes around comes around.

*******
Punky Monkey
You may never get rid of the butterflies, but you can teach them how to fly in formation

[thesaint 0]

Hang in there, I know how you feel and I've wondered myself why I have been afraid in the door when the whole point of a skydive is to "GET OUT THE DOOR AND BEYOND" You are not alone. It affected my body position at first because I could not relax even after I left the plane but my instructor helped me by making me do that silly thing you do you know with your finger and your lips. He made me do that before we climb out. That made me relax a little. Also I would just yell at the top of my lungs when getting out, that released all of the tension I had built up. It worked.

"If a thousand people agree on a dumb ideal, it's STILL a dumb ideal."

Skully Bro #1 - POPS# 10440

[Ron 7]

Uncool.

I hope people treat you better than you treat them.

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[Icon134 0]

Hey, I'd venture that almost everyone has some sort of door fear and although some may not be as extreme as others there are a lot of ways to deal with the fear.

I get nervous when I get on the plane after working for the week... and I've been on the plane approaching jumprun where I wasn't sure I wanted to get pulled out (the perrils of being point in a 4-way connected exit...)

There are several things that I do that help me calm down as we approach jump run... I get up on my knees and tighten my leg/chest straps (they sometimes move a bit on the climb to altitude...) I check my handles a few times... and I take two deep breaths and think about something relaxing.

Something I noticed this weekend that was a tremendous help was seeing the huge (perma)grin that is always on the face of my friend rachael at every part of her skydive (including on the plane ride up...)
and don't worry about what others see on the plane... all of us have our share of fear and the people that aren't afraid are the ones that really scare me.

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[kelpdiver 2]

Not much to add, but I did find benefit in being the first out, or the first out on a second pass. When you're there, you open the door well before exit time, can look out, and aren't trying to time yourself 5-10 seconds after one group and before another.

I rarely exit after a student now, but when I do, I often revive the experience I had. There are no beginner jumps in skydiving, you're doing the same altitude and sky as everyone else. And at 22 jumps, you don't need to prove anything to the rest of the load.

[mwolfe 0]

Hmmm, going have to agree with Ron on this one. Very Uncool!!!! Perhaps you should get your coach rating asap - NOT!!!! A skygod in the making huh, egrrbeavdiver?

Blue skies, light winds, & good friends,

Michael

[mdrejhon 8]

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"Door Monster".

Welcome to the club. It's one of the two main things I'm tense about. Door. And pull time.

I'm finally relaxed in the plane, even YAWNING twice (17th jump), until 10K, then I start to get nervous about the door.

Pull time nervousness near pull altitude is why they didn't let me do a hop-n-pop graduation jump until my 17th jump. Freefall wasn't a significant problem in my training so I just had to do instructor-monitored funjumps with my own objectives from 11K+ just so that they know I can pull relaxed, stable, and in a proper level arch. That only started becoming consistent after the 13th jump. On the 17th my instructors decided I was ready for my first hop n pop, to officially put me off instructor supervised status.

My pull timing has virtually always been excellent, I'm always anxious to pull before I go below pull altitude - and pull on cue - but pull relaxed was the problem.

My freefall and canopy is good in comparision to those two issues I had.

[DanglesOZQld 0]

Hey Punky, some sort of feeling at the door means you ARE UPRIGHT AND BREATHING! (IE- HUMAN! ;)

I know of many people who had a fairly hard time getting out for one reason or another and it is not unusual. For some it is butterflies or the feeling that you have forgotten to check something and for others this feeling is a good one such as the high from their brain starting to register what their body is about to do ;)

Both guys and girls experience it just that guys (like with crying etc) don't show (or try not to!) emotions where possible. I would much rather have a scared female telling me as a tandem passenger they are nervous as hell than an "oh so cool" male freaking once in the air and giving no hint of a problem beforehand.

"This too shall pass."

You are not the first person to go through this and wont be the last. Basically just go with what most of the (better!) comments have been posted here such as find a mentor/instructor who you are happy to learn from and friends that you are happy to jump with.

You will learn from being under their wing and eventually love the sport like the chosen few who like you have made it a part of their lives.

All the best! -Mark.

"A Scar is just a Tattoo with a story!!!"

[peacefuljeffrey 0]

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Believe it or not, I am much better when I am the first out and sitting by the door. That is me, I don't know about you.

I also love sitting by the door and being part of the first group going out the door.

ME TOO!

I remember learning to skydive out at Skydive Palm Beach, and back then, they had a club plane that was hired to come out on weekends. It was a cargo Caravan and had a regular door, so it had to be taken off for skydiving flights. No door AT ALL on any jumps, all during my AFP! I can't even remember if that plane had seatbelts or not... Hmm...

Anyway, I would be way up front with Dave, and all the fun-jump freeflyers would be by the door and sometimes they'd ride up with a foot hanging out the door -- used to really make me tense. But Dave Cole would always do a breathing exercise with me, hands together (one of his, one of mine) rising and falling with our breath, three times, and on the third our hands would slowly spiral down. It worked wonders!
I think the long and the short end of it, Punky, is that you just have to keep getting into the plane and getting out at altitude until the fear goes away. It's just about doing it until it is first familiar, and then FUN. I LOVE being near the door now. I'll bet that with a dozen or so more jumps you'll start feeling the same way!

It sounds like you're in good hands, now. Just coast for a while... Let yourself be led through it, and put confidence and faith in your instructor for a bit, as you learn more and more what you have to do.

We all are looking forward to you telling us that you're over it and having a blast spotting out the door with your head in the wind!
Blue skies,
-Jeffrey

-Jeffrey
"With tha thoughts of a militant mind... Hard line, hard line after hard line!"