riddler 0 #1 February 13, 2004 Afternoon mail - yawn, bill, advert, advert, bill, summons, bill, advert - whoa! Back up there! First thought - "I wonder if there will be any cute girls on the jury?" Second thought - "This is gonna be just like skybytch out for 6 weeks on a capital case" Third thought - "And I *just* send those ungrateful government bastards $150 to renew my license plates" Needless to say that I don't want to go on moral reasons - being around criminals gives me the willies. But if I have to go, I plan to take advantage of EVERY service they offer. Free bus pass, free day care - I don't have kids, but I'll just borrow my niece and nephew. I see they also provided several phone numbers for drunk dialing. Let's see, other than being terribly predjudiced against every race and religion: 1. I don't believe in the death penalty. 2. Except for kids or misdemeanors - kill 'em before they become serious criminals, I always say. 3. My strict Islam faith demands that I stop everything and perform Salat five times a day. Expect on Friday noon, when I must attend Mosque for three hours. 4. My doctor has declared my chronic and acute flatulence to be a public health hazard. Anyone want to help a brotha out and add to the list??Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #2 February 13, 2004 QuoteAfternoon mail - yawn, bill, advert, advert, bill, summons, bill, advert - whoa! Back up there! First thought - "I wonder if there will be any cute girls on the jury?" Second thought - "This is gonna be just like skybytch out for 6 weeks on a capital case" Third thought - "And I *just* send those ungrateful government bastards $150 to renew my license plates" Needless to say that I don't want to go on moral reasons - being around criminals gives me the willies. But if I have to go, I plan to take advantage of EVERY service they offer. Free bus pass, free day care - I don't have kids, but I'll just borrow my niece and nephew. I see they also provided several phone numbers for drunk dialing. Let's see, other than being terribly predjudiced against every race and religion: 1. I don't believe in the death penalty. 2. Except for kids or misdemeanors - kill 'em before they become serious criminals, I always say. 3. My strict Islam faith demands that I stop everything and perform Salat five times a day. Expect on Friday noon, when I must attend Mosque for three hours. 4. My doctor has declared my chronic and acute flatulence to be a public health hazard. Anyone want to help a brotha out and add to the list?? Tell them that you NEED jury duty to help the world be rid of criminals. And wear all black and a black beret and a black web belt with subdued military ranking on them.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brains 2 #3 February 13, 2004 Here's the deal. They don't send the summons by certified mail. They can't prove you got it. Don't go. Simple as that. Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mirage63 0 #4 February 13, 2004 You NEED to go. PERIOD. When you get sued, do you want a bunch of people who think $8.00 an hour is good money decideing your fate. Go do you duty Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #5 February 13, 2004 QuoteHere's the deal. They don't send the summons by certified mail. They can't prove you got it. Don't go. Simple as that. Around here, they'll come get you. I was summoned a month ago. They have a hotline set up, called the night before punched in my confirmation number and got, "Thank you for your service, but the court load does not require your service. This fulfills your obligation for the next 2 years." I took the paid day off of work anyway Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #6 February 13, 2004 QuoteQuoteHere's the deal. They don't send the summons by certified mail. They can't prove you got it. Don't go. Simple as that. Around here, they'll come get you. I was summoned a month ago. They have a hotline set up, called the night before punched in my confirmation number and got, "Thank you for your service, but the court load does not require your service. This fulfills your obligation for the next 2 years." I took the paid day off of work anyway So that's where you got the GF Karma? Sorry.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #7 February 13, 2004 Find a way to logically insult one of the attorneys. This one worked for me: P: "Do you think you can be impartial in hearing the evidence and rendering a verdict?" Me: "If I am impartial by the time we reach a verdict, neither you nor the defender has done his job, have you?" P: "What I mean is, can you set your preferences aside in hearing this evidence?" Me: "I hope not. Otherwise, I won't come to a decision on a verdict." Another time, I had this one that also contaminated the whole jury pool. P: "What kind of law do you practice?" Me: "Civil litigator. Mainly civil defense." P: "So you can explain the differences in the burden of proof, then?" Me: "No. That's the judge's job to explain it. I can tell you that you've got quite a job ahead of you. 'Beyond a reasonable doubt' is a brutally tough standard, which I'm sure the defense will point out." Don't do what everyone else does. Have fun with this. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pleifer 0 #8 February 13, 2004 dress like hitler when you go to try to get out of it no really I told them my school scheadual and got out of it...... true story from me _________________________________________ The Angel of Duh has spoke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnRich 4 #9 February 13, 2004 QuoteI don't want to go on moral reasons Please explain your "moral reasons" for wanting to shirk your duty as a citizen and ensure that justice is done. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddler 0 #10 February 13, 2004 Quoteno really I told them my school scheadual and got out of it...... true story from me I should point out that I'm probably due since I was summoned three times in college. The dean always wrote a letter to the court for me, so I always got off. Then, after college, they sent the summons to my mom's address, but I had already bought a house elsewhere, so I got out of that one too. QuoteThe knack to learning to fly is to throw yourself at the ground and miss Douglas Adams! Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WILDBILLAQR 0 #11 February 13, 2004 get to know one of the attorneys! Once my mom got called in for duty, she was home an hour later, my dad was the plaintiffs atty. Oh ya, he won!---------------------------------------------- "Thats not smoke, thats BUCKEYE!!" AQR#3,CWR#49 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Michele 1 #12 February 13, 2004 Go do it. It's part of the system, and one of the ways *you* can ensure that things go right for both sides in there. You will learn a ton, and you will experience something invaluable about this country. I've done it. I hung the jury. It was tough, grueling work, and there was extreme tension in the jury room, but I would not trade it for the world. I learned a whole bunch about things. It's the ONLY thing that this country asks of you (aside from taxes), and I personally think it's the LEAST you can do. Give back a bit, alright? Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slug 1 #13 February 13, 2004 Read that a prospective juror told the judge all the folks sitting at the defendents table looked guilty and she wouldn't want to meet any of them them in a dark alley. The only ones sitting at the table were the defense lawyers. The judge told the lady he wasn't going to ask her what she thought of him because he was afraid of what she would say and let her off jury duty. You can also try that based on T.V. if the cops bust them their guilty. R.i.P. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #14 February 13, 2004 what gets my friend Jamie out of Jury duty every time: smile and say "I'm a law student! This is going to be fun! Our justice system in action!" and look psychotically excited, sitting there grinning like an idiot. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #15 February 13, 2004 In Massachusetts, they are ruthless as hell when it comes to jury duty. They will come and snatch your ass out of your house if they have to. Anyway, I got called. I figured I would just get it over with. BTW, the cute girls thing...it never happens. It's a virtual kennel club. But I digress. Jury duty day comes and I wake up with the worst fricken cold. My eyes and nose were running like a sieve. I felt like complete shit. I dragged my ass down there and talked to one of the clerks about my "could die any minute illness". Unmoved completely. The clerk told me there were 150 potential jurors and only one small case that day, so odds were, I would be released and given credit for serving. So I go check in. They give me a juror number....Panel 1, Juror 1. This was definitely not a good sign. So out of the 150 potential jurors, I was the first one called. Well it was an easy case; resisting arrest. The trial took 45 minutes total. We go into the jury room and we are all unanimous in our verdict except for one dickhead. This guy was not going to change his mind for nothing. I thought the other jurors were going to rip his throat out. They actually had to send out for lunch for us. All afternoon we went over it and over it. I went through a complete box of tissues. Dickhead would not budge. It's getting close to 4pm. I'm panicking thinking we were going to be sequestered and I would have to share a room with him. He was the only other guy on the jury. Finally, the judge calls us in and asks if we will be able to reach a unanimous verdict. The answer was no, so the judge released us and the man got a retrial. To sum this up, I found the whole system fascinating....despite being sick. It actually can be very interesting. Chris _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Douva 0 #16 February 13, 2004 I saw this one a couple of days ago on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. If you're not familiar with the show, it stars Larry David (the co-creator of Seinfeld and inspiration for Jason Alexander's character George) as himself in his day-to-day life. ------------------------------------------------------------ ASSISTANT DISTRICT ATTORNEY Sir, can you think of any reason why you would be unable to reach an impartial verdict regarding this case? LARRY DAVID Well, I'm not sure that I could be impartial, being that the defendant is a Negro. CUT TO: Larry David walking out of the courthouse, smiling. ------------------------------------------------------------ Maybe it was the wrong reaction, but I was just rolling on the floor laughing.I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddler 0 #17 February 14, 2004 QuoteThey give me a juror number....Panel 1, Juror 1. That what you get for being on time. I plan to show up 15 minutes late with a fresh shade of blue hair.Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CanuckInUSA 0 #18 February 14, 2004 Phil ... you could tell them that you're Canadian. It worked for me a couple of years ago. Try not to worry about the things you have no control over Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,412 #19 February 14, 2004 QuoteQuoteThey give me a juror number....Panel 1, Juror 1. That what you get for being on time. I plan to show up 15 minutes late with a fresh shade of blue hair. Oh, come on, Phil! You've already done blue! How 'bout something new, say, green?"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #20 February 14, 2004 QuoteThey give me a juror number....Panel 1, Juror 1. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That what you get for being on time. I plan to show up 15 minutes late with a fresh shade of blue hair. Oh trust me, I was definitely not on time. I'm never on time. The numbers are pre-set. I just had shitty luck. Chris _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aviatrr 0 #21 February 14, 2004 I hope you're joking....but if not...read on. Suck it up and do your duty, or leave this country. You can find plenty of countries where jury duty is never a consideration. You may enjoy those more. Mike Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PETA 0 #22 February 14, 2004 your employer cannot do without you.....it's not that hard------------------------------------------------- I love animals.....they taste delicious Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WFFC 1 #23 February 14, 2004 QuoteAnyone want to help a brotha out and add to the list?? Dude, it's simple. When you see the person that is responsible for calling names walk in, you walk out before they start. You'll be done by 10:00 and home. Since you're in Denver, the waiting room chairs are mighty comfy, not like Douglas county's.----- ~~~Michael Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WFFC 1 #24 February 14, 2004 Quoteyour employer cannot do without you.....it's not that hard He is his employer... Hmmmm, Don't we have a project we're working on?----- ~~~Michael Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dsbbreck 0 #25 February 14, 2004 I've been summoned three times for Jury Duty. The first two times I called the number and was dismissed. The third time I had already planned to be out of town so I totally ignored the summons. Like they said, it's not certified. Summons?, What Summons? Actually I'd really like to serve though. Never got a 4th chance though.David "Socrates wasn't killed because he had the answer.......he was killed because he asked the question." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
