Fart Stories!

[banesanura 1]

When I was in highschool, I was working in AR for a graphic design company. I went to the staff accountant to hand her the journal entries I entered and as i stood there....I farted...really loud... right beside her. There was a long silence and I just walked away. I was mortified.

Best Girl Scout Ever.

[BillyVance 34]

When I was in the 5th grade, and I remember every detail like it was yesterday, and this was way before you were born.

In class, I let out a loud brief fart, and my friend next to me turned his head slowly in my direction with a knowing smile, and then I let out the mother of all farts, a loud shrill tune changing fart that lasted almost 2 seconds. That's the one that made the entire class AND teacher laugh their asses off. I just sat there laughing with them.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BaronVonBoll 0]

My brother is a Deputy sherif. Sometimes it is his job to escort prisoners to the court house and stand by while they go through court procedures. One day while the inmates where sitting in the jury box waiting thier turn my brother let out a rather offensive silent fart, A few moments later the men in the jury box started moaning and gagging. The judge called for order and quite. about thirty secounds later he got a whiff and dismissed the court room for five minutes to air out the room. with the declaration that if he found out who it was they would be held in contempt! wisely my brother said nothing.

[Jbag 0]

one time i farted....and a little bit of poo came out.

IHYD

[skyrider 0]

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one time i farted....and a little bit of poo came out.

Once you pass 50, you never trust a fart!

[skyrider 0]

Theme song for this thread!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o2ke5nnw5k

[banesanura 1]

Ohhhh man!


I remember I did the SAME thing!

When I first moved to Atlanta and lived by myself I decided to buy pre cooked "ready to eat" frozen shrimp.

So. I figured I'd defrost the shrimp and cook them for dinner. While I pulled the shrimp out I threw one in my mouth before it hit the wok.

The next day, I had horrible gas in the office. I decided to let one "slip out" in my cublicle and to my surprise, I had the runs and had runny shit oozing down my pants.

My boss was on a conference call in his office so I had to tell my coworkers that I shit myself and had to go home.

Thank god I had the capablity to work mobile and had my laptop bag covering my shit covered ass through the office as I was walking to my car.

I spent the next 2 days running to the toilet everytime I felt a fart coming on.

To this day...I still get scared about pushing one out.

Best Girl Scout Ever.

[lost_n_confuzd 0]

In January we were in Kuwaut on our way back from Iraq, there was close to 60 dudes in a tent. Anyways, I'm lactose intolerant and had four-cheese ravoli that night. Needless to say I was stinking it up all night.

The next moring a few of my guys were heading out on their way to breakfast. I casually walk passed them so I can be kind and "hold the door ". I've been brewing a wet one for the past 30 min waiting for the right time to let it go

So yeah, I took the risky gamble and lost. By the time a got to the restroom I had shit all over myself, it was the worst quarter mile walk ever.

[banesanura 1]

ummmm....care to post unsoiled uniform pics?

jess? jess?

Best Girl Scout Ever.

[aresye 0]

A few weeks ago at morning PT, one of our senior chiefs let a huge one rip. Nobody laughed at first, until the 2nd class chick next to him just calmly asked, "Are you serious?"

We had to pause the exercises for a bit because everybody was laughing.

Skydiving: You either learn from other's mistakes, or they'll learn from yours.

[shermanator 3]

my wife was asleep next to me in bed, I let out a nice loud one. it woke her up and she jumped up about 2 feet off the bed. hahaha.

CLICK HERE! new blog posted 9/21/08
CSA #720

[BillyVance 34]

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my wife was asleep next to me in bed, I let out a nice loud one. it woke her up and she jumped up about 2 feet off the bed. hahaha.

My first daughter scared the fuck out of me with a loud fart when she was just a few months old and I had her cradled in my arms. All of a sudden she went BAAART!!!! and I jumped, and nearly dropped her.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[headoverheels 291]

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My first daughter scared the fuck out of me with a loud fart when she was just a few months old and I had her cradled in my arms. All of a sudden she went BAAART!!!! and I jumped, and nearly dropped her.

Farts stink so that deaf people can enjoy them too.

[AviationTD 0]

When I was in a catholic high school, I lived in a dorm. Bunch of us are required to go to church every Sunday. One day, we were at a church. A priest called for a prayer. As usual, we bowed our head in prayer. As we pray, one of my friends let out a very loud fart! It was impossible to conceal laughing. The priest doesn't look too happy.

[turtlespeed 212]

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my wife was asleep next to me in bed, I let out a nice loud one. it woke her up and she jumped up about 2 feet off the bed. hahaha.

My first daughter scared the fuck out of me with a loud fart when she was just a few months old and I had her cradled in my arms. All of a sudden she went BAAART!!!! and I jumped, and nearly dropped her.

So, like a big life sized "Tickle Me Elmo?

I was walking around the neiborhood with a girlfriend a couple of years ago - like 25 - and - we were playing around, So I picked her up and swung her around and as I put her down the stomach muscles contracted and Brrrrrrrrap - I was just a Lot embarassed.

But - I have let a nice aromatic blend here for the next person to walk by and enjoy here.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[nigel99 144]

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A few weeks ago at morning PT, one of our senior chiefs let a huge one rip. Nobody laughed at first, until the 2nd class chick next to him just calmly asked, "Are you serious?"

We had to pause the exercises for a bit because everybody was laughing.

A friends dad used to calmly say after letting rip "damn that was a big frog, and by god its breath stinks"

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[livendive 8]

3rd grade, after having eaten lasagna the night before, I let out a silent fart. A few moments later the kid sitting next to me loudly proclaimed to the whole class, "MMMMmmm....something smells like lasagna! " I about died laughing at the fact that he LIKED the smell of my farts.

Then there was the gal I dated who coaxed a surprise fart out of me while her head was down in that general neighborhood....twice.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[Cheach 0]

Water came out of my nose while reading this thread...

I woke up next to a blowup doll Ash....so what do you think?

[banesanura 1]

I like it when my farts smell like bacon.

thats skill kiddos.

Best Girl Scout Ever.

[slcooper 0]

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3rd grade, after having eaten lasagna the night before, I let out a silent fart. A few moments later the kid sitting next to me loudly proclaimed to the whole class, "MMMMmmm....something smells like lasagna! " I about died laughing at the fact that he LIKED the smell of my farts.

Then there was the gal I dated who coaxed a surprise fart out of me while her head was down in that general neighborhood....twice.

Blues,
Dave

How exactly did she "coax" it out? LMAO!!!!!!

Why would anyone jump out of a perfectly good airplane? Cause the door was open!

[BDashe 0]

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I like it when my farts smell like bacon.

thats skill kiddos.

That reminds me of when i farted in my office at my previous job about 2 years ago. 45 minutes prior I was in the meal room eating an omelet and bacon. Someone walked by my office door and announces "mmm, it smells like breakfast!"

Also, while I was in 2nd or 3rd grade we were doing the presidential physical fitness tests. I was in the middle of 'sit ups in a minute' with my friend's twin sister holding my feet while I was laying on rubber mat. At the 30 second mark I released a large high velocity bomb with this poor girl's face less than two feet away. I got some serious reverberation off the rubber mat which echoed in the gym. Everyone laughed so hard we had to re-test later.

So there I was...

Making friends and playing nice since 1983

[warpedskydiver 0]

I have crapped myself on guard duty, I was very sick but so was the rest of the Battalion.

I was walking and felt gas pressure and before I could be relieved from duty I relieved it in my BDU's.

I was so bad off the medics had to give me IV's, plus towel me off and get my temperature down.



That reminds me of an old ARMY poem.

Late at night I walk my post from flank to flank, and in the morning I shall lose no rank.

Hey I was just a Pfc back then and I was damned sure I would not shirk my duty, no matter what.

I thought I would be laughed at, but Top said he admired my dedication and that that had occurred to him the night earlier.

[SkyDekker 1,123]

About 7 years ago I was on my way to pick up my then girlfriend at her apartment. I knew I had to let a real stinky one go, so when the door closed and the levator started the trip from the ground floor to the 6th floor, I figured I was safe to let one rip. I mean who gets on an elevator in an apartment above the ground floor to go up further.

I let it rip and it stripped the inside of the elevator to bare steel. Of course, with my luck, the elevator stops and a couple gets in.

The girl takes about one whiff and starts dry heaving and gagging....

Thankfully the elevator got to my floor and I could get the hell out of there.....

[DFWAJG 4]

Deedy, Cocheese, my assitant and I were driving around Lake Tahoe for a few hours. I had eaten a ton of dried fruit and had been farting the whole trip. No one smelled anything (Vegan farts actually are quite pleasant). And then, there was one that uh, gave me away.

[guppie01 0]

LOL

An old acquaintance of mine insisted that she didn't fart or burb - it was not appropriate behavior for a girl.

Well, let's just say that I'm not an appropriate girl! I disgusted that girl on more than one occassion with my farts.

g

"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?