Why is it so difficult to find love nowadays?

[billvon 2,426]

>but wouldn't it have been better if she has realized that he was a
>great guy back when he was 18?

And he would have ended up with a vain and shallow 18 year old woman. Given a choice between a vain and shallow 18 year old and a more mature 25 year old, I'd have taken the 25 year old any day (back when I was around those ages, that is!) That way he gets an extra 7 years to have fun as a single guy while the woman matures. He lives his own life while she makes other people's lives hell. Sounds like a win-win.

[shah269 0]

Bill,
If she showed up without any baggage.
The girl was tool food for 7 years, and has a little one in hand....which means the tool is now a part of the picture.

OK here is an example, you like sports cars?
OK how about I buy one, abuse the crap out of it treat it like dirt......and at 50k miles hand it over to you at a really good price....for me!
Would you want that car?

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[champu 1]

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25 is not middle aged and there was no "plan A".

Nah 25 is not middle aged....but 25 been around the block a dozen times walking around with a new born realizing the tools are going for the 21yo girls and well....one can get old rather quick.
So she reached back.....WAY BACK......to a guy she would not give the time of day to and made it as if she was doing him a favor......and he fell for it.
I'm sure he is happy, he finally "got the girl" but wouldn't it have been better if she has realized that he was a great guy back when he was 18?

If the guy sat around alone pining over her for 7-8 years then the outcome of the relationship probably won't depend on when they got involved. If he had other relationships in the meantime then maybe he grew and that's why he finally "got the girl". Would it have been better? Meh. Maybe it would just better fit your relationship mold.

Personally, I don't think I'd get involved with a woman who already has kids, but my reasons lie in our future not her past or what "plan" I happened to be.

[shah269 0]

No mate he didn't get anything.
She reached back and found him.
She hunted him down!
Ever see a Japanese whaling ship stalk and take out a whale?
Kind of like that...

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[champu 1]

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OK here is an example, you like sports cars?

Really? A sports car analogy?

[missbrz 0]

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OK here is an example, you like sports cars?

Really? A sports car analogy?

Sure! Why not? You ride cars; you ride girls. We get more attention when we're shiny and go fast.

[shah269 0]

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OK here is an example, you like sports cars?

Really? A sports car analogy?

Sure! Why not? You ride cars; you ride girls. We get more attention when we're shiny and go fast.

Well I was going to go for sport bikes but...not every one rides.
Can you think of a better one?

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Nataly 38]

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Bill,
If she showed up without any baggage.
The girl was tool food for 7 years, and has a little one in hand....which means the tool is now a part of the picture.

You're assuming that only the girl has made poor dating choices during these 7 years... It's just as likely that the "nice guy" has baggage as well by this point - it's called life... It happens. To everyone.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[billvon 2,426]

>The girl was tool food for 7 years, and has a little one in hand....which
>means the tool is now a part of the picture.

Yep. And some women who I am sure you describe as "tools" are part of my past, as well. Wouldn't want to be with them today, but I'm glad I met them, because I had fun and learned about women (and myself) from the experience.

>OK here is an example, you like sports cars?
>OK how about I buy one, abuse the crap out of it treat it like dirt......and at 50k
>miles hand it over to you at a really good price....for me!
>Would you want that car?

No, because the car is now worn out; half its lifetime is gone and it will have serious maintenance problems.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're not really making an analogy suggesting the 25 year old woman is now as worn out (physically) as an old car. So let's take a different example. I offer you two potential skydiving coaches; I'll cover the cost. One is 18 and has 4 jumps. He's very excited and does not have any preconceptions about skydiving instruction. He's never been "tool food" or had to prostitute himself to a manufacturer to jump. He really, really wants you - and you alone - as a coaching student.

The second has 4000 jumps; he's 25. He's been on two sponsored 4-way teams. He has been sponsored by three different gear manufacturers. He's worked for skydiving schools and on TV shows as a stuntperson. He's worked with a dozen other coaching students before.

Which coach would you rather have? Will you reject the second one because they are "student food?" After all, they've been with other - even lesser - students! Won't they carry all that baggage over to you? How will you live with yourself knowing who they coached in the past?

[CanuckInUSA 0]

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you like sports cars? OK how about I buy one, abuse the crap out of it treat it like dirt......and at 50k miles hand it over to you at a really good price....for me!
Would you want that car?

Sure why not, if the price is right. Cars can be rebuilt. Oh and people can change. But the change must come from within. The person must want to change.

Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

[davjohns 1]

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I'm no ones plan B!

Bumper stickers available in the lobby as you leave, folks.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[topdocker 0]

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I'm no ones plan B!

Bumper stickers available in the lobby as you leave, folks.

Obviously, he's no one's Plan A either.....

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[missbrz 0]

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I'm no ones plan B!

Bumper stickers available in the lobby as you leave, folks.

Obviously, he's no one's Plan A either.....

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It's probably b/c he's got baggage

[shah269 0]

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You're assuming that only the girl has made poor dating choices during these 7 years... It's just as likely that the "nice guy" has baggage as well by this point - it's called life... It happens. To everyone.

Girl I'm sorry no matter how you spin this to make the girl in the story sound as if she was just some girl learning about life and what not...the truth is that the guy was hunted and killed to save her ass. Hell even the girl has admitted to it....after a few drinks.
Exact words "I use to date these guys (tools) god it was good, god it was fun, we rode fast cars, we drank, we partied they looked good and were just wild.....I loved it. And well life throws you a curve ball and well, maybe you just have to make the best of a difficult situation."

I know you want people to be good and I want the same. I hope for the same but you and I both know people can be very very wrong.
And do you want to be called "the best of a difficult situation"?
I know I don't. For you know in the middle of the night, when your partner can't sleep....do you think they are thinking of how great you ARE? Or how much fun and exciting things WERE?

To the OP, as my Yoga instructor once said.
"Shah, you are in your early 30's. Everyone stable enough to be married is and those who were not stable enough are not or are now divorced. Dating in your 30's is like walking from one land mine to another. And well with your two basic rules of no big girls and no moms...it's not going to be an easy ride if you want to date with in your age bracket."
Maybe that's the issue? Maybe you need to date younger? Or older?
I haven't tried either but I'm giving it strong thought. After all who knows right?

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Nataly 38]

I think you misunderstood... Why do you assume the girl is the only one who could possibly have baggage?? The "nice guy" has had absolutely nothing at all happen to him in 7 years? Really?? Really??!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[topdocker 0]

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I think you misunderstood... Why do you assume the girl is the only one who could possibly have baggage?? The "nice guy" has had absolutely nothing at all happen to him in 7 years? Really?? Really??!

Shhh, Nataly. Don't speak the truth. That's not what he wants to hear!

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[shah269 0]

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I think you misunderstood... Why do you assume the girl is the only one who could possibly have baggage?? The "nice guy" has had absolutely nothing at all happen to him in 7 years? Really?? Really??!

I'll be honest with you, and I know you are not going to believe me.....He's the nicest guy I have ever met! He makes Forest Gump look like the Devil!
He is just a great guy. He is now doing for this girl what I did for my x. Which equates to everything.

Is he damaged? Tainted? Well he doesn't seem it. From speaking to him he went out with about 4 girls before he met little Ms. Harpoon.

Look I really am sorry that you want this little story to be as Hollywood wants it to be that the girl can do no wrong but...from the looks of it. It was premeditated well organized harpooning of a guy who knows no better....for now. But one day he will understand and that will be a sad day.

There is a reason why Zeus chained Prometheus to the mountain and had his liver eaten every day for all of eternity. It is at times better to live in the dark not knowing what lies in the corners than to have light brought in and be aware.

I will not be his Prometheus. But she will have to live with her self. And thus far she has done it well.

all if fair in love and war
and I'm very glad I no longer live next to her.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Arvoitus 1]

Have you people watched Jersey Shore? Are you honestly telling me that the kind of behavior the women on that show engage in is going to make a woman more mature, wise and date worthy?

Are you people on drugs? Fucking various bad boys and douche bags for 5 to 10 years isn't going to do anything else then fuck up someones psyche completely.

Your rights end where my feelings begin.

[shah269 0]

I don't care who they date brother. It's their lives let them do what they want to do.
What gets me and bothers me, is when some one any one uses someone as a safety net.
And then tries to tell me that they are not.
Look be honest, it's a good way to live.

Don't all of a sudden at 30 stop look around and grab the first "nice guy" if all you have dated are tools. It's not right. You dated tools from 15-30, go marry one! So what they don't have a job and are jerks. Nice guys / nice girls are not safety nets.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[davjohns 1]

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Nice guys / nice girls are not safety nets.

Bumper stickers and T-shirts! Don't forget them folks! They're in the lobby as you leave! Get one of each!

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[airtwardo 6]

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...& this is exactly why I have the respect & liking that I do towards you & your wife, Twardo !

It was evident in the time I spent with her, & what we confided with each other about our families & relationship...the reciproction of the mutual respect; while retaining your own identities & independence, towards each other !

What a nice way to put it...!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[ryoder 1,397]

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I think you misunderstood... Why do you assume the girl is the only one who could possibly have baggage?? The "nice guy" has had absolutely nothing at all happen to him in 7 years? Really?? Really??!

Whatever you do, don't show this to Shah http://www.wfu.edu/wowf/2010/20100608.simon.php

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Shotgun 1]

You're making it sound as if all "nice guys" are total morons. If they're choosing to date women who treat them like crap, then aren't they just like the women who apparently got all this baggage from dating "tools"?

[shah269 0]

Man who doesn't know this;
Contrary to popular belief, the ups and downs of romantic relationships have a greater effect on the mental health of young men than women, according to a new study by Professor of Sociology Robin Simon.

Look I just feel bad for the guy. And for anyone who is from the inside out a good person and gets used by those are are not.

If that's wrong, well then you know what I'm ok with it.

And guys do this too. I'm not saying it's just the girls who screw the guys. Guys do it as well. I'm not blind in my view. This is just one example I know. I'm sure there are many more. Dogs who hit the ground hard, broken and broke find girl who is 30 and wants to get married and he says yes...just so he has some one to take care of him. Life sucks man.

As for the OP, sorry this thread was hijacked.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[billvon 2,426]

>Have you people watched Jersey Shore?

No, I find real life to be more representative of . . . real life.

>Are you honestly telling me that the kind of behavior the women on that show
>engage in is going to make a woman more mature, wise and date worthy?

No. I don't care much what people do to get on TV. Not really that important to me.

>Fucking various bad boys and douche bags for 5 to 10 years isn't going to do anything
>else then fuck up someones psyche completely.

Hmm. I've had relationships with crazy (in one case certifiably crazy) women. It seemed to be my specialty for a while. My psyche seems to have survived. (Well, not everyone may agree, but . . . .)

A good friend of mine spent years married to an abusive and psychotic man. She's much more mature and wise now. Has a great family, a daughter at Harvard, published a book, has a PhD and is teaching at a local college.