Guest #26 May 6, 2003 Quote Quote Anal fissures? Don't forget fistulas and horseshoes (purple ones)."The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #27 May 6, 2003 Quote This leads to an interesting question? What if you are blind? HOw do you know? Don't even go there..."The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BluDvn222 0 #28 May 6, 2003 You know you're having a bad day when it's still coming up brown after ten attempts! "How do you like my groin to your foot style?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DYEVOUT 0 #29 May 6, 2003 AHHHHHH. . . The old "wiping the roll-on deodorant" syndrome. Perpetual Poop. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
QuickDraw 0 #30 May 6, 2003 Quote This leads to an interesting question? What if you are blind? how do you know? One bark for yes two for no. -- Hope you don't die. -- I'm fucking winning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
beavdog 0 #31 May 6, 2003 The only time that i dont look then drop is when its one of the wipes you know is especially gooey (ie after a good night of drinking!). otherwise, i have protect the couple pairs of good boxers i own Here's to the Breezes that blows through the Trezzez..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
grega 0 #32 May 6, 2003 Quote You know you're having a bad day when it's still coming up brown after ten attempts! And you're having a really bad day, when after numerous atempts it's still coming up brown, but the toilet is already full of toilet paper"George just lucky i guess!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #33 May 6, 2003 Quote Quote This leads to an interesting question? What if you are blind? how do you know? One bark for yes two for no. Or the dog stops licking? Ewwwww. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #34 May 6, 2003 Ohhhh... I was confused. When I saw "anal fissure", I read it as "butt crack". All this darn technical terminology. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #35 May 6, 2003 Quote Quote This leads to an interesting question? What if you are blind? how do you know? One bark for yes two for no. Dude, you have surpassed yourself. I have not laughed this hard in 6 months. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #36 May 6, 2003 Quote This leads to an interesting question? What if you are blind? HOw do you know? Press the paper to your face. When it goes from "sticky" to "dry", then you are done. (Note - remember to wash face.) I'm just here to help. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yardhippie 0 #37 May 7, 2003 Quote Quote This leads to an interesting question? What if you are blind? HOw do you know? Press the paper to your face. When it goes from "sticky" to "dry", then you are done. (Note - remember to wash face.) I'm just here to help. yes but just where is the sink? I mean there are lots of water sources on a bathroom. Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD "What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me "Anything you want." ~ female skydiver Mohoso Rodriguez #865 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
QuickDraw 0 #38 May 7, 2003 Glad i was there for ya dude. -- Hope you don't die. -- I'm fucking winning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loumeinhart 0 #39 May 16, 2012 Wow searched for something unrelated and got reminded of bonfire from the old days Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
janz 0 #40 May 16, 2012 QuoteThis leads to an interesting question? What if you are blind? HOw do you know?That's a good point. If a blind person had the runs how could he be sure there isn't anythjng drippin down his leg? I compulsively wipe. Don't like melted hershey stains in underwear. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 291 #41 May 16, 2012 QuoteThis leads to an interesting question? What if you are blind? HOw do you know? That is where the "tasteless" comment above comes in. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fpritchett64 0 #42 May 17, 2012 How ironic is it that I found this thread as I'm sitting down to drop a load. Reminds me of an incident a couple of years ago. Once I got done doing my business, wiped, looked.. Wiped and looked again but still felt something hanging from my butt hole. So what did I do? I did what any person would do, looked down and saw this long single strand of hair hanging from my butt hole. Had to pull the hair out. I'm pretty sure I washed my hands after that one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TriGirl 277 #43 May 17, 2012 Quote Quote This, of course leads to anal fissures (like Howard Stern joked about in his book and movie), but it's got to be done. You have entered a search term that is likely to return adult content. Quote Click here for search results on 'anal fissure' at NightSurf.com NightSurf.com is an independent adult search service. Warning: If you are under 18 or live in an area where it is illegal for you to view explicit content, please revise your search. OK, I don't want to know. I was curious, but not that curious. The Howard Stern book, huh? Okay, I know this post was from 9 years ago, but it was never answered. Chuck's post comes from "Howard Sterns' Tips for a Healthy Rectum" from his book "Private Parts." [paraphrase] Don't wipe more than three times. If it still isn't clean, get in the shower. [/paraphrase] Howard is obviously with the "look" crowd! How sad is it that I remember that more than 16 years after reading! See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus Shut Up & Jump! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jumpdude 0 #44 May 17, 2012 Is this what bored skydivers think of? LMAO!!!! Refuse to Lose!!! Failure is NOT an option! 1800skyrideripoff.com Nashvilleskydiving.org Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dontlikemustard 0 #45 May 17, 2012 This might help those in need. "1)Get more fiber into your system. This will make pooping easier, faster, and most importantly, cleaner. 2)When you sit on the bowl, attempt to spread your cheeks a little right before contact with the bowl. Optionally, squat over the bowl (have your feet on the bowl rim). I don't recommend this unless the toilet you're using is built for this. 3)When actually pooping, aim for long thrusts - try to get the entire log out at once. If you have to take a break, don't snap the log - just let it hang out until you feel ready to go again. It helps if your upper body is leaning forward. Experiment with this until you find an optimal zone. Mine is with my elbows on my knees and my head resting on my hands, but I know some people have their head by their knees. 4)Once absolutely, EVERYTHING is out and you feel ready, grab a couple of squares of toilet paper. Personally, the equivalent of 3 ply is enough for me (rounding down), but sometimes I have to get the equivalent of 6. (If this confuses you, think of it this way: if you have single ply and want the equivalent of 3, fold 3 squares into 1. If you have 2 ply and you want the equivalent of 3, use 2 squares). 5)Lay the square on your fingers such that it lays flat and your middle finger is along the middle axis of the paper. 6)Bend over (DO NOT STAND UP YOU BARBARIAN) and position your finger tips between your genitals and your anus. Your middle finger should be in the path leading to your anus. 7)Wipe away from your genitals, applying the most pressure to your middle finger. If all goes well, you should get a nice streak of poo. Fold paper and repeat from step 5 until paper is exhausted (usually 1 or 2 more wipes). Discard any used paper into the toilet. 8)Poop clustered around hair can be taken out after one or two wipes. Simply use a fresh sheet and begin the wipe. When over the anus/anal hair, use a pulling action to clean off the poo. This should take care of the poop. 9)Use more paper as necessary until there the paper comes away clean or you start bleeding (easier than you think). 10)Flush and feel proud of your clean asshole." SOURCE: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/s72w9/please_explain_how_to_thoroughly_wipe_my_hairy/c4bn22c Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hcsvader 1 #46 May 17, 2012 Did you seriously Google how to wipe your ass?Have you seen my pants? it"s a rough life, Livin' the dream >:) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 291 #47 May 17, 2012 Anal hair -- what was God thinking? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rifleman 61 #48 May 17, 2012 Just a couple of related incidents from an NBC (Nuclear, Chemical and Biological) warfare course I attended many years ago. When you have to take a dump in a chemical warfare suit, you find out who your friends are, as it takes three people to go for a crap. You (the crapper) and two people to support your weight so that yo don't accidentally make contact with the ground (contamination). While they support you in the sitting position you hold the bottom half of the NBC suit up off the ground. After you've finished, you're supposed to examine the stool for signs of bleeding etc. to make sure that you're healthy. On the same course I was on, we had two incidents. The first was a guy who didn't hold the bottom of his NBC suit tight enough against his legs and shit in the back of the trousers, wiped and then pulled the trousers up without looking. Spent the next hour wandering around asking if anyone esle could smell anything before he realised. The second was a guy who had a practical joke played on him. As his friends were supporting him in the squat and he was straining and pushing another friend slid a shovel into the hole, caught the log that he'd just dropped and then slipped away and buried it somewhere else. He finishes, turns round to examine it only to find that there's nothing there. Spent the next 30 minutes frantically searching the inside of his suit for the missing item before someone told him what had happened.Atheism is a Non-Prophet Organisation Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lekstrom10k 0 #49 May 17, 2012 I had a T - shirt with braile under each letter "How does a blind man know when he is done wiping?", Also with sign language under each letter "How does a deaf person know if his fart was loud?". Another one says "How does a person with an oflactory condition know if his fart really stinks?" , I am not predjuice I pick on everybody Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dontlikemustard 0 #50 May 17, 2012 QuoteDid you seriously Google how to wipe your ass? someone had to do it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
