ryoder 1,589 #201 December 26, 2013 mjosparky ***We really need an *eyeroll* smiley. A blond smiley with an "eyeroll". Yea that would work. Sparky Here you go: http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Eye-Roll-Blonde-Is-Not-Interested.gif"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mjosparky 4 #202 December 26, 2013 ryoder ******We really need an *eyeroll* smiley. A blond smiley with an "eyeroll". Yea that would work. Sparky Here you go: http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Eye-Roll-Blonde-Is-Not-Interested.gif She was rolling her eyes? SparkyMy idea of a fair fight is clubbing baby seals Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,589 #203 December 26, 2013 mjosparky *********We really need an *eyeroll* smiley. A blond smiley with an "eyeroll". Yea that would work. Sparky Here you go: http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Eye-Roll-Blonde-Is-Not-Interested.gif She was rolling her eyes? Sparky "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oldwomanc6 38 #204 January 4, 2014 Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby,unfortunately the baby was born without ears. When mother and the new baby came home from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if you so much as mention anything about that the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, that he would get the spanking of his life when he got back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said what a beautiful baby. The mother said why thank you little Johnny. Johnny said what beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands he has. He has such a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes, can he see alright? Yes his mother replied, we are so thankful the doctor said he will have 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said that's great...because if he needs glasses he's going to be screwed.lisa WSCR 594 FB 1023 CBDB 9 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
promise5 17 #205 January 4, 2014 That was cute!!No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible. Believe me I tried. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
format 1 #206 January 4, 2014 promise5That was cute!! Where? A slower kid asks: "Mommy mommy, is that a cow"? Mom: "Yes son, that's a cow". Kid: "Where mommy"?What goes around, comes later. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oldwomanc6 38 #207 January 4, 2014 promise5That was cute!! And in that same spirit, That reminds me of the small town where the local gossip biddy made life miserable for the doctor. She was constantly badgering him for intimate details of other people's conditions, and it about wore him out fending her off. One day she ambushed him and asked whether Mrs Smith had delivered her baby yet. "Yes, she delivered last night" the doc conformed. "Was everything....normal?" the old gal asked, hoping for something to spread around. The doctor said "Well, to be honest, the baby was born without a penis...." "Oh MY GOODNESS!!!" the biddy gasped, her eyes getting big. The doc started to go, then turned around and said "But in about 18 years, she'll have a damn fine place to PUT one!"lisa WSCR 594 FB 1023 CBDB 9 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BIGUN 1,233 #208 January 5, 2014 Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over." The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. "That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #209 January 16, 2014 We're slacking. I had to go to page four to find this thread. The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it. After suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on! I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered that McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!" As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!" I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #210 January 16, 2014 They were all good!!Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BIGUN 1,233 #211 January 16, 2014 We are slacking. The last one reminded me od a line, "The wife and I have an understanding; she can sleep while we have sex as long as I can slap her when I want her to moan."Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BIGUN 1,233 #212 January 19, 2014 An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?" "You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. " "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, TIME'S UP?!?!?"Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,589 #213 January 19, 2014 A blonde sees her boyfriend cheating on her, so she goes home, pulls out a gun, and decides to shoot herself. But before she can, her boyfriend walks in. "No! Don't do it!" He shouts. The blonde yells "Shut up, you're next!""There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
promise5 17 #214 January 19, 2014 ryoderA blonde sees her boyfriend cheating on her, so she goes home, pulls out a gun, and decides to shoot herself. But before she can, her boyfriend walks in. "No! Don't do it!" He shouts. The blonde yells "Shut up, you're next!" That's horrible!!! but funnyNo matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible. Believe me I tried. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #215 January 19, 2014 promise5 ***A blonde sees her boyfriend cheating on her, so she goes home, pulls out a gun, and decides to shoot herself. But before she can, her boyfriend walks in. "No! Don't do it!" He shouts. The blonde yells "Shut up, you're next!" That's horrible!!! but funny True story.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #216 January 20, 2014 What's the difference between a hematologist and a urologist? A hematologist pricks his finger. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
format 1 #217 January 22, 2014 Africa. Three guys walking. Met lion, 1st guy threw a rock hitting lion's ass, lion ran away. Than they've met two lions, 1st and 2nd guy threw rocks, lions ran away. Than lion herd. 1st and 2nd guy climbed a tree... yelling at 3rd guy: CLIMB! CLIMB! 3rd guy: "Pfff, 'twasn't me throwing rocks"What goes around, comes later. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,589 #218 January 23, 2014 This came from an EMS instructor in class last night, talking about the occasional wierd calls involving foreign objects inserted in bodily openings: "Tell your friends that if they are going to put a Barbie doll in an orifice, it needs to be done with her arms overhead, in a diving position. If they put her in with her arms down, when they try to pull her out, her arms swing outward, digging in to the sides of the opening." [instructor helpfully demonstrated arm movements] "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyski 3 #219 January 24, 2014 http://i425.photobucket.com/albums/pp339/sabarika/LULZ/ifellonit.png A tribute to all of the people that arrive at the ER with pain and later learn they managed to fall on some object."I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890 I'm an asshole, and I approve this message Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #220 January 26, 2014 Blonde Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning: “Windows frozen, won’t open.” Husband texts back: “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it.” Wife texts back 5 minutes later: “Computer really screwed up now.”I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
david3 0 #222 January 27, 2014 J-SPicture of Shah Holy crap! You could have given a warning. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #223 January 27, 2014 david3 ***Picture of Shah Holy crap! You could have given a warning. +1 Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
J-S 0 #224 January 27, 2014 LuckyMcSwervy ******Picture of Shah Holy crap! You could have given a warning. +1 Aww come on, he's not that bad looking. I've seen worse. You'll see I'm not any worse or better than shah in the looks department, but no one says "Holy crap!" when they look at me. Well not to my face. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #225 January 27, 2014 J-S *********Picture of Shah Holy crap! You could have given a warning. +1 Aww come on, he's not that bad looking. I've seen worse. You'll see I'm not any worse or better than shah in the looks department, but no one says "Holy crap!" when they look at me. Well not to my face. You look exactly like you should in that pic.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
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