Why are you always single?

[narcimund 0]

So many people are struggling through life alone and desperate to find love. For some it's because they haven't found the right person, and for others it's because they haven't become the right person. I wonder what everyone's impression of their own situation is.

Others have found the relationship they were seeking, maybe after a long search or maybe got it right early on. Of course there are also people who are single and fulfilled that way. Congratulations, but this isn't about you guys.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[jessefs 0]

I found that when searching, the process of finding somebody becomes much more difficult. When single, I like to concentrate and focus my energy on myself as a person...realistic partners seem to appear much more easily this way.

[PLFXpert 0]

Well, although I've been off the market for two years...before that, I had been single, pretty much ALWAYS. I casually dated but no serious relationships.

My reasons were:

1. I can please myself just FINE thank you, and I definitely LOVE myself, and it's always better with someone you love
2. I don't care much for assholes/egos and when you're younger, you tend to run into a lot of those more so, than genuine/nice guys.
3. With school, work and everything else, I didn't want to bother with the *drama*
4. I always had a GREAT time flirting, having fun w/ my best guy pals, and being free to not have to consider anyone else's feelings about what I do.
5. I'm extremely independant and quirky. I'm very easy to get along with and be good friends with, but VERY hard to really get to know the private stuff. I have to really trust someone first, and even then, that person has to be able to put up with me, and vice versa. The lucky thing is, I understand a lot of things about guys, most girls don't, so in return for putting up w/ my shit, I can MOST DEFINITELY put up with yours, as long as I'm still the princess
6. I think it's GOOD to be picky and casually date and learn the things you really enjoy and the things you don't. I don't believe you have to have several serious relationships before you find "the one". I think you can find those things out, in even greater depth, by dating a variety of people and hanging out, etc.
7. While there are many things people have to compromise to, and change a little in a relationship, one should NEVER have to change dramatically to make something work...it either flows or it doesn't and I wasn't ever willing to change who I am and what I believe for anyone.

Does that cover it?

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[Vallerina 2]

The dating scene in high school and college is silly, and I wanted to stay away from it. I saw too many people change colleges/career paths/etc for the people they dated. Even though I would never change myself for a guy, it is much better to know exactly what you want, who you are, and all the other cliches you can think of before dating anyone that could influence you. I stuck to the random makeout, because, hey, I have needs, too! I also didn't need to connect with anyone "emotionally" or any kind of crap like that.

And I agree with Carrie, most of the frat boys in college are just a bunch of jerks, anyways. I never felt like I was missing out. I felt sorry for the girls who put up with their crap.

I also have to agree with another wise statement that Billvon told me awhile ago about finding someone when you aren't looking. I think I got in an arguement about not finding anyone, because not only was I not looking, I refused to take any bidders! Bill was right; I was wrong.

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[riddler 0]

I think relationships are SO important to people, that we make a lot of crazy rules and procedures around them. Such as "it's embarrassing to even admit I'm alone in the first place". And "I can't tell this person I just met that I like them, because somehow, I'm supposed to magically know if they are already in a relationship". Truth is, we all probably spend way too much time thinking about details like this. Combine this with the alienation of our society (a good book is "Bowling Alone"), and you have lots of lonely people.

When Internet dating first came out, I thought it was a great idea. But I heard so many people snicker about it and make jokes about it. To me it seems obvious - put all the people who want a relationship but have exhausted their personal contacts together in one place. But I think many people that did were emabarrassed about that too. I'm glad to see that this is changing - I hear more couples that have met on dating sites. Too bad so many of them don't seem to work But I guess that is like any other type of dating. I honestly think people have much higher standards today than our forebearers did (probably a good thing).

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD

[ladyskydiver 0]

For me, it's a combination of the right one not having come along yet and not searching for him. I'm enjoying being single, and figure when the right guy comes along, he'll show up without me having to search for him.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[skybytch 259]

I'm single right now; broke up a 16 year relationship back in March. I miss two things - the sex (obviously) and just hanging out with someone I'm totally comfortable with, someone I can be myself with and not worry that they think I'm silly/strange/psycho.

I'm really not into the random sex partner thing; for me sex is best when it's with someone who has done me enough times to know exactly how to make me crazy.

I guess both of those reasons are why I make a point of visiting my ex every few months - sex with him is always good, and we can have fun together doin' nothing. I'd get back together with him in a heartbeat if we had jobs in the same geographical area.

I am having fun being single though. It's nice to be able to flirt with my male friends and not worry about "him" getting jealous, and to be able to party as much and as late as I want instead of having to go home early with an antisocial party pooper S/O.

[Mindcake 0]

I have found that the problems associated with my past 4-5 relationships have not been worth the positives. I am not saying that I will never date, if the right person comes along then the right person comes along. I can however tell when someone is the wrong person very quickly (minutes not months), this allows me to weed out those that I would otherwise spend valuable time on.

Jim

Don´t belive the hype

[happythoughts 0]

You are equating "alone" with "lonely". Not the same thing.

People have emotional needs of varying depths. Different types of needs. Companionship, laughter, friendship... I don't generally get all of those from one person anyway. I do not feel that it is realistic to expect to. If I am not in a relationship, I get them from a wider variety of friends or family.

That said. I just got out of a 18 month relationship. I'm not always single anyway.

[narcimund 0]

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You are equating "alone" with "lonely". Not the same thing.

No, I didn't equate them. I very specifically separated them. Look at the very first option again.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[CrazyIvan 0]

I'm single, no girlfriend, no dating.

I was in a relationship before, very in love but, apparently I was either expecting too much to giving too much, so, back to square one.

I like being alone, makes me know myself more, my wrongs and rights and doing that, improves my vision towards other people, I'm not in SEARCH of that special someone, that has to happen, without effort, in other words, NOT FORCING IT to happen, life and happiness is different for each one of us, and I can say I AM HAPPY, that's all it counts.

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[happythoughts 0]

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You are equating "alone" with "lonely". Not the same thing.

No, I didn't equate them. I very specifically separated them. Look at the very first option again.

My bad. The ADD showing up again.

[Michele 1]

Interesting question.

I would like to have answered very differently - I'd like to answer that I am happy and totally content with being alone. But that's only true sometimes. Sometimes, I think that in some areas, I have a lot to offer, but don't know how to offer it. In other areas, I really think I missed the book or something, 'cause I just don't "conform". What can be really challenging is this "not conforming" thing. I have no desire to be like the Joneses...and yet, that is what most guys are looking for, in my experience. And then there are some times when I just figure I'll be all alone for the rest of my life...discouraged, depressed, lonely....and it's seriously hard times then.

And the other truth is I'm scared of being in an intimate relationship. After I split with my ex, I have dated one other man for a short while. Things didn't work, and it was a very tough thing for me to deal with. I'm scared of making that commitment again, and having the same result - and dealing with the aftermath is significant and lengthy. I am still pretty fragile, and picking up the pieces.

So until I manage to get myself sorted out a bit more, or until someone comes along who's willing to participate with that sorting process and not create additional conflict, then I suppose it'd be best for me to remain single. And while I can get lonely, I am also learning about myself.


Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Antithesis 0]

So far I am sadly the one person that chose the I have very little to offer selection.

Relationship options are always available to me and occasionally I do find a special person that I can relate to that we mutually enjoy eachothers company. I do have a lot to offer in a relationship. But... And here's the big one. I travel alot. I live and work in two different states. I'm going somewhere most of the time. I can't maintain a relationship with someone that I love when I'm not there to share myself with them, It would not even be fair to try. I'm self sufficient though and always find ways to keep happiness in my life. I have been lonely at times but I don't dwell on that. No one should.

Having happiness in life is about living and enjoying your surroundings.. Probably more like creating your surroundings. When the time is right I will stay in one place and share my life with someone. Not now though (atleast for a few months). Surfs up!

I travel the land, Work in the ocean, Play in the sky

[Tonto 1]

I don't seem to be able to stay single for more than a month. After that, someone I think is Yummy is nice to me and I let it happen.

My relationships seem to last between 1 and 3 years.
I'm 40.

t

It's the year of the Pig.

[Viking 0]

i suck at talking to women in person if i am interested in them. Its totally different story if i am talking to them online.

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[PhillyKev 0]

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Its totally different story if i am talking to them online.

That's because they're probably not women.

[bobsled92 0]

An old quote still holds true:
"All the good ones are married or gay"
Most of the easily "available people are single for a good reason.

_______________________________
If I could be a Super Hero,
I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year.
http://www.hangout.no/speednews/

[happythoughts 0]

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An old quote still holds true:
"All the good ones are married or gay"
Most of the easily "available people are single for a good reason.

Hey Narcimund, I am seeing some ironic humor here. Hope you are laughing too.

[Gawain 0]

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... For some it's because they haven't found the right person, and for others it's because they haven't become the right person.

Mine is definitely a little of both. Fortunately, I'm not always single...just haven't had any continuous intimate relationships.

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[narcimund 0]

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Hey Narcimund, I am seeing some ironic humor here. Hope you are laughing too.

Hehehe. Yup.

First Class Citizen Twice Over

[Tonto 1]

What about serial monogamy?

t

It's the year of the Pig.

[happythoughts 0]

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What about serial monogamy?

t

I have a friend who is on a popular on-line dating site. He dates a new girl every week. Always 2 at a time. The on-line dating has moved serial dating to a new level. He says that you no longer have to meet people through friends/co-workers/bars. New crowd all the time.

[skygal3 0]

I am still single because I am choosy....

I am still single because I am (mostly)ok with that and don't *need* to be dating...

I am still single because it is hard to trust someone with my heart...

I woud rather be single than be in a relationship with the wrong person. Take this couple I saw today in a Target near me...()...the woman screamed! at her husband in front of everyone, I was so embarrassed for him! She called him a fucking moron or soemthing like that...well, maybe he is a f*%king moron, but don't announce it to everyone! Ugh. No thanks...would never want to turn into that....I am ok being me. I do someday want that "other" in my life..if I happen to meet the right person, someone who can unabashedly be himself around me and vice versa...it's a bonus...if not, I'll be ok...but I would never settle for something less than because I don't want to be a single. I am fine company

[ECVZZ 0]

Wasn't always...after a one sided marriage that lasted many years (too many, in retrospect), I now know what I want/need in a relationship.

There has been only one that came very close. Since then I haven't even considered a serious relationship. My life now consists of "temporary comfort".

I guess my heart just isn't as sturdy as it used to be, and I can't see making it more calloused than it already is by getting into another serious relationship.

Tomorrow is another day...but for today, I'll work on me.

Greg