How long does it take you to feel comfortable/secure in a relationship?

[kelel01 1]

Yes, they're two different questions. Comfortable means you can be yourself, and secure means you trust the other person not to screw you over or lose interest (but imagine I said that with slightly nicer wording ). And by secure, I don't mean that you've become complacent, per se . . . but maybe you dont wake up every few days thinking that the other person might have woken up and changed their mind about you. I've been on both sides of that, and it sucks either way . . . seriously.

Anyway, my answers:

Comfortable - 2-3 weeks
Secure - MUCH longer (6 months-ish)

????

Just taking a little poll here (but it's too hard to put in actual poll format).

[lisamariewillbe 1]

depends on the people... I could never put a time frame on trust or friendship because Ive met people that instentley I knew they were going to be good friends for a long time but Ive also met people that it took months and even in one case a year for me to start letting them through my walls...

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[davedlg 0]

For me I am comfortable in a few weeks or so, depending on how fast the relationship starts up.

Secure really depends on the past. In my first few serious realtionships, I was secure in a month or so. These days (after having been hurt a few times) it's more like 6+ months.

[ladyskydiver 0]

Using your definitions:

Comfortable - immediately. I am who I am and anyone who gets involved with me needs to accept that. So from day 1 they see who I am.

Secure - awhile. Past experiences definitely mean that this takes a loooong time. If I had to put a time frame on it....3-6 months depending on the person and how they treat me and act.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Quote

I am who I am and anyone who gets involved with me needs to accept that. So from day 1 they see who I am.

and who you are is a nice, confident, beautiful person, no reason to ever hide who you are... I just had so much fun hanging out with all the sky chicas...

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[ladyskydiver 0]

Thank you!

I had fun hanging out with the skychicas as well. One aspect of the sport that I love is the wonderful women that I get to hang out with and be friends with.

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[monkycndo 0]

Comfortable- I've gotten to a point where what you see is what you get. I am not on my best behavior, I'm on my usual behavior. I follow the idea that you should be genuine as a rule and appropriate only when required. Doesn't matter what type of relationship it is.

Secure- Case by case basis. I've been secure after a few months of a long distance relationship where we were together for 5 years(lived together 3). We had good communication. Another that burned hot and died after 5 months when I was kicked to the curb. Never totally felt secure. She was an INTJ and I'm an ESTP. Bad news from the start.

It is kind of nice when you can fart in front of them and don't have to say excuse me. Admit girls, you fart too.

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[nanook 1]

I got comfortable very quickly with my present Girlfriend. We clicked immediately.

I'd say about 1-2 weeks to get comfortable,

Average about 2 months to get secure.

I get secure easily. I get screwed every now and then but more often it just fizzles between us or i get bored.

_____________________________

"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln

[happythoughts 0]

Comfortable - who's buying ? If she's buying, I get comfortable faster.

Secure - if she's around after two weeks, I'm suspicious. A definite nutcase.

[RevJim 0]

Comfortabe - from the very first second. I'm ALWAYS myself. If they don't like it, .

Secure? Never. Too many !#@$!#@ overs in my past. I'm not even secure with my wife, a woman i've been with since 1992. Love her to death, but secure? Nope.

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[Ragnarok 0]

When you can pee in front of each other - things are comfortable.



Security is an illusion. I will settle for someone I can pee in front of.............

_________________________________________
Twin Otter N203-Echo,29 July 2006
Cessna P206 N2537X, 19 April 2008
Blue Skies Forever

[uponone 0]

Quote

Comfortabe - from the very first second. I'm ALWAYS myself. If they don't like it, .

Secure? Never. Too many !#@$!#@ overs in my past. I'm not even secure with my wife, a woman i've been with since 1992. Love her to death, but secure? Nope.

ditto on both

[jsaxton 0]

Comfortable: immediatly, I mean I GOTTA be myself, don't know how to be someone else ;)

Secure: Buy a ring ;)

[dzdiva 7]

Comfy? I usually know right away if I'm comfortable with someone.
Secure? Well, that's a tough one, don't think I can answer that one.

"It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..."

[cocheese 0]

If honestly accepted, i feel comfortable and secure instantly.
Then after she turns me into a robot that can only say "Yes dear", i get uncomfortable and insecure.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Quote

depends on the people... I could never put a time frame on trust or friendship because Ive met people that instentley I knew they were going to be good friends for a long time but Ive also met people that it took months and even in one case a year for me to start letting them through my walls...

I didn't let Joe through my walls until we were married, but then again I'm Catholic and we're kinda strict that way...

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[dzdiva 7]

Quote

"Yes dear",

Awwwww.....you just said the "D" word!

"It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..."

[cocheese 0]

Yes Laurie

[RkyMtnHigh 0]

Quote

If honestly accepted, i feel comfortable and secure instantly.
Then after she turns me into a robot that can only say "Yes dear", i get uncomfortable and insecure.

Yes, dear..you're always right, dear

Sorry I couldn't resist



Now for the serious answer:
Comfy/Cozy: I interpret that as "chemistry"
Confident/secure: hmmm...now that takes a while. If you have a hx of broken relationships you become a little cautious in this area. But I see that as a good thing. Honest and open communication is very important to develop such security in a relationship. I view it as a team, a partnership.

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[cocheese 0]

The Woman is ALWAYS right !
I know the rules .
Back to my corner i know.

[monkycndo 0]

Quote

The Woman is ALWAYS right !

I know the rules .

Back to my corner i know.

She let you out?

50 donations so far. Give it a try.

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Jump an Infinity

[NWFlyer 2]

Quote

It is kind of nice when you can fart in front of them and don't have to say excuse me. Admit girls, you fart too.

We don't fart. We poot.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[RkyMtnHigh 0]

Quote

Quote

It is kind of nice when you can fart in front of them and don't have to say excuse me. Admit girls, you fart too.

We don't fart. We poot.

...and we don't poo...we lay jellybeans

_________________________________________

[kelpdiver 2]

Quote

When you can pee in front of each other - things are comfortable.

peeing and farting?! Let's keep a tiny slice of privacy. Though if you got to cut one and can't get away, blame the dog.

[chaoskitty 0]

Well it may not be the smartest thing to do.. but I tend to trust until given a reason not to. But once that trust is broken .. its so over.