Gawain 0 #76 August 30, 2008 Quote I rolled my eyes and told her... No, we're a SOFT BALL team...we're sponsored by a bunch of parachuter guys that use the league to advertise or somethin'...My buddy's jaw dropped faster than a cheerleader's panties on prom night...the pretty lady looked at him like he owed her money.....I grabbed the beer and went back to the table! Aw dude!! That's rough! Shooting your teammate down like that! So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright 'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life Make light! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #77 August 30, 2008 Quote Quote I rolled my eyes and told her... No, we're a SOFT BALL team...we're sponsored by a bunch of parachuter guys that use the league to advertise or somethin'...My buddy's jaw dropped faster than a cheerleader's panties on prom night...the pretty lady looked at him like he owed her money.....I grabbed the beer and went back to the table! Aw dude!! That's rough! Shooting your teammate down like that! Hey...if ya can't fuck yer buddies over, who CAN ya fuck?! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #78 August 30, 2008 Quote Quote Quote I rolled my eyes and told her... No, we're a SOFT BALL team...we're sponsored by a bunch of parachuter guys that use the league to advertise or somethin'...My buddy's jaw dropped faster than a cheerleader's panties on prom night...the pretty lady looked at him like he owed her money.....I grabbed the beer and went back to the table! Aw dude!! That's rough! Shooting your teammate down like that! Hey...if ya can't fuck yer buddies over, who CAN ya fuck?! lol I would beat your old ass and I'M a pacifist budhist. That's how far out of line you were. www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #79 August 30, 2008 Quote Quote Quote Quote I rolled my eyes and told her... No, we're a SOFT BALL team...we're sponsored by a bunch of parachuter guys that use the league to advertise or somethin'...My buddy's jaw dropped faster than a cheerleader's panties on prom night...the pretty lady looked at him like he owed her money.....I grabbed the beer and went back to the table! Aw dude!! That's rough! Shooting your teammate down like that! Hey...if ya can't fuck yer buddies over, who CAN ya fuck?! lol I would beat your old ass and I'M a pacifist budhist. That's how far out of line you were. He came back to the table...alone...shakin' his head...I asked, what happen... Struck Out Again?! ~ ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,384 #80 August 31, 2008 Quote He came back to the table...alone...shakin' his head... 'Twardo, the purpose of going along as wing man is to help him get laid, not to gun him down yourself!"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DavidB 0 #81 August 31, 2008 Quote Quote He came back to the table...alone...shakin' his head... 'Twardo, the purpose of going along as wing man is to help him get laid, not to gun him down yourself! True, so true. But DAMN that's funny!!! When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #82 August 31, 2008 Quote Quote He came back to the table...alone...shakin' his head... 'Twardo, the purpose of going along as wing man is to help him get laid, not to gun him down yourself! Hey sometimes ONE has to go down in flames to keep the others warm! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cari 0 #83 August 31, 2008 Quote Well after running the story by another friend in the office I find out he tells all sorts of incredible stories, such as being an FBI agent at 14 years old as part of a plea bargain to keep himself out of jail for hacking into the DOD mainframe accidentally. Wasn't that Matthew Broderick in Wargames back in 1984 or whenever that came out? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #84 September 1, 2008 Quote Quote Well after running the story by another friend in the office I find out he tells all sorts of incredible stories, such as being an FBI agent at 14 years old as part of a plea bargain to keep himself out of jail for hacking into the DOD mainframe accidentally. Wasn't that Matthew Broderick in Wargames back in 1984 or whenever that came out? Yep! "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybill 18 #85 September 1, 2008 Hi Pops, No I don't have a Tandem Video, They didn't have Tandems or Video (for that matter) in 1964 when I made my first jump!! Some people were around with "Kodak Brownie cameras" and did get some "Black and White!!" photos of my first jump along with my other(Southland Skydivers, Hammond La.) club buddy Doug Champagne.. Still have the photo album BTW.. 'Have several other photo albums, a shoe box full of Log Books, a beer case box of VHS video's of my skydives and other DZ shots, and 1/2 of my garage with other aviating and Skydiving stuff that my wife threatens to haul off to the dump if I don't "organize" it!! Rule #1 of being a Rigger..."Don't ever throw anything away that you think you may be able to use later!!"... So,.. it's hard to FAKE being somebody else when I'm just ME!! Dougie antied up "a case of Beer!!" I have a "Case of Video's" and maybe we can get together at the BAR sometime , drink the beer and laugh at the antics on some of these "Un edited" "The Big Eye Don't Lie!!" videos that some of which go back to the early 80's!!......"I'm Bill Deli and I approved this message!!!!"SCR-2034, SCS-680 III%, Deli-out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cloudseeker2001 0 #86 September 1, 2008 Quote Hi Dougie, Slam me upside the head with a great big whuffo pie why don't ya!!! If you really think I'm a whuf then I guess I've been living a great big lie all these years like all those other psychopathic liers! Only trouble is that all the people I've Skydived with over the years must be psychopathic liers too!!!! Now, lets see, these are licenses and wings that I "DON'T" have...Got that? B-4240, C-3114, D-6009, SCR-2034, SCS-680, AFF JM & I, GW-1367, DW-532, DDW-451, 12HR-757, 24HR-210, 36HR-147, 48HR-168, 60HR-230, POPS#3305 Freak Brother# 1495, French SCR 1024, WSCR-371, member in good standing with AIR TRASH, oh yes and USPA# "356"...My last parachute job before I "retired" in May was with SunPathContracting in Raeford where I was a final inspector for Military and Sport "Javelins" 'ya can ask Pat and Derick and I'm sure they'll say they never knew me!!,and before I worked for Irvin, I worked for Weber Aircraft in Burbank CA on the ACES II ejection seat program and Douglas Aircrafr Co in Long Beach, CA also on the ACES II ejection seat program and before that for Grumman Aerospace Bethpage NY on the F-14 IRAN program back in '76 in Iran. And if you've ever seen the twin tailed Tomcat insignia with the Tomcat sporting two tails and the gun belt to you I say the saying at the bottom,"ANYTIME BABY!!!" I would never in a million years believe you were a skydiver especially after all those credentials you posted…….but, I do have an old ejection seat in my garage I have been trying to fire up, can you come over and help with that????? "Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance, others mean and rueful of the western dream" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #87 September 1, 2008 THE ultimate cock-block. Airtwardo: Cock-block World Record holder. My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
birdlike 0 #88 September 1, 2008 Quote The next time you see him, you should tell him you have a main you could sell him cheap so he can get back into skydiving. Ask him how $4000 sounds. Great idea, Stitch! Tell him it's flippin' sweet, and it has shocks, pegs, and you used to hunt wolverines while wearing it as a ghillie suit! If he asks you what size it is, tell him "It's a freakin' 12 gauge, what do you think?!" Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
birdlike 0 #89 September 1, 2008 Quote YOU ALL have made my day!! thanks for all your stories, posting the old threads of others, and making me laugh till I felt I tears forming!!! I'm sure one day I'll get the fun of having some of my own........ maybe its just that I'm still new, but listening to you long timers, or more experienced jumpers in the sport .... its freakin awesome! You're at the ripe old age of 25 jumps... surely you're a tandem instructor by now! What's stopping you from getting out there on the scene and picking up some fun with all of that experience?! Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybill 18 #90 September 1, 2008 Hi seeker, SURE!!!!! Do you want to mount it in your car?? That would be fun!! Is your car a convertable, if not, you'll have to make a big hole in the roof. BTW, you'll have to make a failsafe-override so if you pull the yellow handle while going under an overpass on the hiway it won't go off!! (for obvious reasons!!!!) The fun trip is finding parts!! Oh don't worry, we can raid the auto parts store and junkyard and jury-rig them. The ordnance is probably shot so we'll have to use a bunch of Chinese bottle rockets to get you off the ground!! The rockets won't have the "push" the ordnance had so go on a diet and get real skinny!! If the canopy that's in it is still any good you can use that or just replace it with your main. Main? BTW what do you jump for a main, reserve?? Where do you jump (home DZ)?? Hmmmmmm?? BTW when you run it we'll have to set up video's at the end of the runway to document your flight and when you don't make it, we'll have info to submit to "The Darwin Award!!!!!"SCR-2034, SCS-680 III%, Deli-out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddler 0 #91 September 1, 2008 It's all fun and games until it's your own father that's the pathological liar. Me: You used to skydive in the Army? Dad: Yeah, we did training jumps over Antartica. Me: Was this after you were in Japan training to be a Ninja assassin? Dad: The army used to fly us all over the world for "special ops" training. Me: Did you land in the snow after you parachuted? Dad: Usually, but if the winds were really high, you could land in the water. Me: How did you not land in the water. Dad: Well, you can position your body to fly really far away before you opened your parachute. Me: How far could you go? Dad: Depends on how high up you were. We had one or two guys that were able to fly almost all the way to New Zealand. True words. This is a real conversation I had with my dad when I was about 16. I remember five or six other conversations about skydiving that were just as ludicrous.Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #92 September 1, 2008 Quote You're just jealous because he has a more expensive wingsuit and you don't jump a 25ft canopy. Wuss. LMAOWhen an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #93 September 1, 2008 Quote I would never in a million years believe you were a skydiver especially after all those credentials you posted……. I'm pretty sure you're just messing with Bill, but really, there are a lot of guys that made a lot of jumps before you and I came along. I know and have jumped with a lot of those names he's mentioned. His license numbers are not too far from mine. His stories tell it the way it was in the 70's. I know, 'cause I was there. I would tell a lot of amazing stories, too, but I am pretty much a long term, boring weekend jumper who never goes on the big loads. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #94 September 1, 2008 We met a girl in Sebastian in a bar who tried telling us she was a Skydiver when asked what size her main was she said "A size 10" When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skyrad 0 #95 September 1, 2008 People lie because you never see James Bond on his knees with his arse in the air and his face burried deep in fabric. Or sitting in a damp hut waiting for the weather to change.When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy. Lucius Annaeus Seneca Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RALFFERS 0 #96 September 1, 2008 Quote Every day I see this guy for the rest of my life, I'm going to ask him another question just to see what kind of response he comes up with. Quote "Can't hit a curve ball to save his life!" It's just as funny when ya work it the other way. We had just finished a night demo some place in Ohio, the four of us went into a pizza place for some beer & grub...it was a Saturday night and it was the hot local hangout I guess...place was full of people partying. We're decked out in our 'uniforms' having just come from the show site...one of the guys on the team was a real 'Lance Romance' and was hitting on every girl in the place...the ole 'PROFESSIONAL Skydiving Demonstration Team' line. My buddy had this gorgeous blond girl 'on the line & setting the hook' for like 3/4 of an hour telling her all about skydiving...she was really eatin it up. I walked up to the bar for another pitcher and he introduces me to the lady, telling her I have the most experience on the team doing night pyro shows....even burned up a parachute one time! What the fuck are you bullshittin' about THIS TIME...I asked. Blondie proceeds to tell me all about our parachute team, noting the matching uniforms we're wearing that say 'Liberty Parachute' on them... I rolled my eyes and told her... No, we're a SOFT BALL team...we're sponsored by a bunch of parachuter guys that use the league to advertise or somethin'...My buddy's jaw dropped faster than a cheerleader's panties on prom night...the pretty lady looked at him like he owed her money.....I grabbed the beer and went back to the table! yeah...tis seems like something you would do! Dialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself - "from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cloudseeker2001 0 #97 September 1, 2008 Quote Hi seeker, SURE!!!!! Do you want to mount it in your car?? That would be fun!! Is your car a convertable, if not, you'll have to make a big hole in the roof. BTW, you'll have to make a failsafe-override so if you pull the yellow handle while going under an overpass on the hiway it won't go off!! (for obvious reasons!!!!) The fun trip is finding parts!! Oh don't worry, we can raid the auto parts store and junkyard and jury-rig them. The ordnance is probably shot so we'll have to use a bunch of Chinese bottle rockets to get you off the ground!! The rockets won't have the "push" the ordnance had so go on a diet and get real skinny!! If the canopy that's in it is still any good you can use that or just replace it with your main. Main? BTW what do you jump for a main, reserve?? Where do you jump (home DZ)?? Hmmmmmm?? BTW when you run it we'll have to set up video's at the end of the runway to document your flight and when you don't make it, we'll have info to submit to "The Darwin Award!!!!!" Well, I do have an 87 Wrangler and I think the seat would be perfect for this project! It has the old style roll bars that sit back for good clearance. Except the ejection seat is not for me, it would be for the passenger…I don’t want to wreck my jeep!!!…….choosing which fellow Anvil Brother would get to try it out-totally unsuspecting of course-would be the only real hard part! As for a main, I have an old 240 Navigator that would work very well for this!!!!! Sometimes it can open pretty hard, but, not to worry, I will roll the nose really tight, kind of like an old Sabre!!!!!!! And I think we should go with an assortment of Chinese rockets to get the full illumination affect-at night of course!!!!!! The AB Bothers in these parts kind of like night jumps! The over-ride for over passes is a great idea; after all, I do want them to survive! We have a shortage of fast fallers in the Houston area!Oh Yea, we will need video!!!!! "Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance, others mean and rueful of the western dream" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cloudseeker2001 0 #98 September 1, 2008 Quote Quote I would never in a million years believe you were a skydiver especially after all those credentials you posted……. I'm pretty sure you're just messing with Bill, but really, there are a lot of guys that made a lot of jumps before you and I came along. I know and have jumped with a lot of those names he's mentioned. His license numbers are not too far from mine. His stories tell it the way it was in the 70's. I know, 'cause I was there. I would tell a lot of amazing stories, too, but I am pretty much a long term, boring weekend jumper who never goes on the big loads. HAHA!!!! No doubt in my mind Mr. Bill was jumping parachutes before they were even made of silk!!!!!!!! "Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance, others mean and rueful of the western dream" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BDashe 0 #99 September 1, 2008 "Except the ejection seat is not for me, it would be for the passenger…" SHOTGUN! Do I win? I have a PC 105 and 1000, can get forward and rear-facing angles. So there I was... Making friends and playing nice since 1983 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PeregrineFalcon 0 #100 September 1, 2008 Quote It's all fun and games until it's your own father that's the pathological liar. I hear ya. For me it was my grandfather, who I worshipped as a kid. "Really, Grandpa? You were in a submarine in WW2? You killed a Jap with your bare hands? (That was before political correctness). Really, Grandpa? Your whole submarine sank while you were in the hospital and you went so crazy that you grabbed a gun and started shooting out the lights of the beach and scaring everyone to death forcing them to give you a Section 8? Turns out he was a guard at some port on the mainland and when he faked being crazy before ever getting the orders to be shipped over seas. My father did a similar thing to get out of Vietnam, but at least he admits it. He was a corpsman (SP?) in Pensacola, FL and he knew that people stationed there were soon going to 'Nam. So, he got a buddy in San Diego to find another corpsman who had family in Florida. He was able to switch places with that guy. When you switch places, you switch order numbers or some shit like that. A little while later, that guy got sent to Vietnam and got four bullets in his chest as soon as he walked off the boat. Now that I think about it, my dad's probably bullshitting about that story too. I have no rolemodels. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
