CSpenceFLY 1 #26 October 27, 2009 Same catagory as Kentucky...bufferzone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddler 0 #27 October 27, 2009 From Ron White: QuoteSo we're trying to breed Sluggo and get pick of the litter, so we put him with the female dog for a week, and to make sure it takes, we take him to the vet and they do the artificial insemination, and now it don't take shit to get Sluggo to go to the vet! So the last time we go there, the lady says, "Mr. White, if you'll just come with me, I'll show you how to do this, so next time you don't have to bring the dog, you can just bring the sperm." And I'm like (laughing) no you go ahead and jack off the dog....he follows me around too much as it is. He'll be following me around like, "Jack me off! Jack me off! You did it once!" Do it yourself. "I don't have any thumbs. (Sobbing) I don't have any God damn thumbs! Now jack me off, you piece of shit!" (Feigned shock) Do we talk to Daddy like that? "...Please? Please, jack me off, you piece of shit, I don't have any God damn thumbs..." I've lost my mind.Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
perryd 0 #28 October 27, 2009 how'd they stop him from humping their legs? picked him up and sucked him off Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 291 #29 October 27, 2009 Quote Basically, the article goes on to say that these officers were being trained and they were told if they jerked the dog off he would be easier to control. Yeah, and the same thing works with suspects they arrest. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
virgin-burner 1 #30 October 27, 2009 Quote Does the story have a happy ending? “Some may never live, but the crazy never die.” -Hunter S. Thompson "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnRich 4 #31 October 27, 2009 QuoteVirginia is not the south.This one belongs to the fucking yankees. Have the earth's teutonic plates migrated it further north since the Civil War? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydived19006 4 #32 October 27, 2009 Regardless of the Sough being full of dog masturbates, it isn't a crime. Is it a crime to jack off a bull? It's done all the time, then how about the process of AI with the cow? Maybe in the application process for southern law enforcement they should ask: "Have you ever masturbated a dog?" "No, but I'm willing to learn."Experience is what you get when you thought you were going to get something else. AC DZ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blacklabjumper 0 #33 October 27, 2009 Thank God they weren't training horsesRodriguez Brother #1626 Dudiest Skydiver #1962 DPH #-2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
usedtajump 1 #34 October 27, 2009 That sounds like an urban legend story from way back. As we were in formation at our graduation from basic training in 1965 our squadron commander gave us a speech about using your head in the military and included that yarn about a Security Police troop in K-9 training that was courts martialed for doing the same thing to his dog for the same reason. I call BS.The older I get the less I care who I piss off. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #35 October 27, 2009 http://www2.timesdispatch.com/rtd/news/local/article/POWH271_20091026-235201/301848/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyrider 0 #36 October 27, 2009 In my best "Paul Harvey voice" and here is "The rest of the stroy" Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers have been charged with animal cruelty involving the fondling of a K-9 dog and videotaping the two incidents. All five officers were training at the Academy for Staff Development in Goochland County to become K-9 handlers. They were charged across the James River in Powhatan County where the kennel is located, at the Powhatan Correctional Center. Facing misdemeanor animal-cruelty charges are Kelvin Thompson, 25, who works at Green Rock Correctional Center in Chatham; Melvin Boone, 40, who worked at the state prison in Sussex County; Adam R. Webb, 27, and Cheri Campbell, 35, who work at Nottoway Correctional Center; and Anthony Eldridge, 33, a sergeant who worked at Nottoway. Powhatan Commonwealth’s Attorney Robert B. Beasley Jr. said Thompson “allegedly had some sexual contact with the animal.“ The male dog, a German shepherd or shepherd mix, was not harmed, he said. “Essentially, he was touching the dog’s penis with his hand,“ Beasley said. “The others were there filming it. That’s actually how we learned of it — there’s a video.“ A corrections employee saw the video and reported it to a superior, Beasley said. The events occurred between June 16 and Aug. 1, according to arrest warrants. All five officers were charged Oct. 2 by summons. Terry N. Grimes, a Roanoke attorney representing Thompson, said his client planned to plead not guilty but admitted to fondling the animal. “I would characterize it as hazing,“ he said, claiming that Thompson was told by the others, “If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you’ll have greater control over it.“ The Department of Corrections confirmed that Eldridge and Boone no longer are employed by the state, but Thompson, Webb and Campbell are. The Department of Corrections acknowledged that the matter had been investigated internally but declined to say whether Eldridge and Boone were terminated or left voluntarily. The department also would not say whether the others were on leave. Grimes suggested Beasley would have a difficult time proving animal cruelty. “The statute is not set up to deal with this type of thing. I don’t think the legislature quite had this in mind,“ he said. Beasley said the misdemeanor charge for each defendant was the same, punishable by up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine. “They were all kind of there assisting in one way or the other,“ he said. In Virginia, bestiality is covered by crimes against nature, which could have resulted in a felony charge, according to state statutes. But a felony charge requires “carnal knowledge” of a “brute beast,“ implying intercourse, said Beasley, who added that he consulted with the state veterinarian’s office before filing the charges. Trial is set for Nov. 20 for all except Webb, who will be tried Dec. 11. Asked if he knew why the officers videotaped the incidents, Beasley replied: “I don’t have the slightest idea — I really don’t.“ Wesley P. Hester is a staff writer at the Richmond Times-Dispatch. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
futuredivot 0 #37 October 27, 2009 Quote“If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you’ll have greater control over it.“ Makes sense. Great blowjobs kept me married to a real bitch for 9 years.You are only as strong as the prey you devour Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #38 October 27, 2009 Quote Quote “If you masturbate your K-9 unit, you’ll have greater control over it.“ Makes sense. Great blowjobs kept me married to a real bitch for 9 years. TOOOOOO Easy. ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 622 #39 October 27, 2009 You know her? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
upndownshop 0 #40 October 27, 2009 Quote I meant to include Kentucky as well. I'm surprised you can't find a decent southern equivalent of breakfast in Texas. Texas food is AWESOME! Some of my favorite recipes... Homesick Texan BEST recipe for chicken fried steak I have tried. You did not just post the recipe to my favorite El Phenix or El Chico's meal!!! I grew up on sour cream chicken enchiladas! Its about the only thing I miss in Texas besides friends and family of course!! Thanks for the recipe! !! :) So thats why they call them Yankees eh? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Snowwhite 0 #41 October 28, 2009 QuoteVirginia is not the south.This one belongs to the fucking yankees. Virginia will argue THAT one with you Chris! Heck the second white house was/is still in Richmond.skydiveTaylorville.org [email protected] Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
streaker 0 #42 October 28, 2009 Quote Virginia is not the south.This one belongs to the fucking yankees. Richmond Virginia was the Confederate capitol I do believe Mr. Chris.... StreakerHave a yippee ki ya day! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beerlight 0 #43 October 28, 2009 As someone that lives in Texas, Virginia isn't in the fuckin south!And Spence has it right. We just don't claim Virginia. Signed, the Republic of Texas! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blacklabjumper 0 #44 October 28, 2009 Thanks for posting the article. Now people will know I can't make this shit up. I'm from up north but I absolutely love living in the SOUTH. It's just that everyonce in awhile something happens that you just can't help but laugh at because it perpetuates the redneck stereotype. I didn't mean to offend anyone.Rodriguez Brother #1626 Dudiest Skydiver #1962 DPH #-2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 622 #45 October 28, 2009 One needs to visit peopleofwalmart.com to realize they's necks ever whur. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fossg 0 #46 October 28, 2009 The word is gonna get around and ALL the dogs are going to expect that Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
virgin-burner 1 #47 October 28, 2009 Quote The word is gonna get around and ALL the dogs are going to expect that BWAHAHAHAHAHA or all the K-9's want to be deployed to viginia! “Some may never live, but the crazy never die.” -Hunter S. Thompson "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 24 #48 October 28, 2009 Quote As someone that lives in Texas, Virginia isn't in the fuckin south!And Spence has it right. We just don't claim Virginia. Signed, the Republic of Texas! You do realize that you lost the war, right? Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beerlight 0 #49 October 28, 2009 Quote Quote As someone that lives in Texas, Virginia isn't in the fuckin south!And Spence has it right. We just don't claim Virginia. Signed, the Republic of Texas! You do realize that you lost the war, right? We lost? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #50 October 28, 2009 Quote Quote Quote As someone that lives in Texas, Virginia isn't in the fuckin south!And Spence has it right. We just don't claim Virginia. Signed, the Republic of Texas! You do realize that you lost the war, right? We lost? Apparently yes. The Ole Miss Rebels' football team fight song is "The South Will Rise Again!" They haven't been worth squat since the Eli Manning days. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
