Whiney sissy pants

[skydivingjane 0]

So, the boyfriend and I broke up. Yep. 3 years later and finally I've gotten my head out of my ass. After all the ignored red flags and family/friends screaming at me, I finally saw the effing light. I feel dumb, to say the least. I fly by the seat of my pants all the damn time instead of listening to my own gut and the voices of those around me that actually give a rats ass. Anyway, I guess I'm at that healing point. This time I don't have a "back up dude" to bail me out of the loneliness thing. I'm forcing myself to face my demons and be single for a bit. How does one get through this bullshit of love lost? As I said, I've always just done the whole "replacement therapy" thing, so I'm new at this. Any helpful tips on getting my shit straight and how to deal with the sad and lonely factor?

Also, any advice on staying away from the abusive ass that broke my heart? We always seem to get back together and this time I NEED IT TO BE PERMANENT! Reasons? 1. He's 46 and I'm 27. 2. I want kids and he's done with that part of life. 3. He's extremely emotionally abusive and controlling. 4. He's a liar. 5. He is the most self centered egocentric person I have ever met. 6. I have lost a lot of friends and family just being with him. 7. HE'S CANCEROUS.

Now, I know most of you probably are saying to yourselves, "Didn't you just answer your own question?" Well, see, I've failed at staying away MANY times so, I have zero trust in my ability to do so. Call me weak, call me a whiney sissy pants, call me whatever. I just want it to be DONE! I'm done with the abuse, the pain, the manipulation, the effing aguish.

Any advice and/or tough love is supremely appreciated!

Thanks!

"Those who do, can't explain; Those who don't, can't understand..."

[Squeak 17]

ARGHH
This post escaped from the Women's forum

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

I am glad you're away from someone you recognize as not being in your best interest. I think that's half the battles sometimes.

The whole "best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else" thing.... sometimes that helps when you've been dealing with the breakup you're having trouble getting over but maybe let more distance get between the break up and the getting under someone else. Just went through it myself. A clear(er) head is nice....

I wish I had better and/or more advice but there's a ton of great people on here who have tons of different life experiences who will be sweet enough to chime in.

Good luck in your "new life" because that really is what it sounds like you'll be getting.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

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ARGHH
This post escaped from the Women's forum

No... you're a good egg. You'll give a nice little nugget of advice!

Always be kinder than you feel.

[wolfriverjoe 1,346]

Step 1 - Don't go back. Period.

You might write down all the reasons not to, all the hurtful things he's said and done. If you start thinking it would be nice to go back, pull out the list (by the sounds of the OP, you may well fill up half or more of a notebook). If he calls begging you to come back, promising "it will be different this time", pull it out and read it again.

Step 2 Learn to like yourself by yourself. Learn that you don't need a guy in your life to be a whole person. That will take time and effort. And may well require outside help. Even though you're not with him, anyone that helps abused spouses could point you in the right direction. Some may scoff at the idea of support groups, but getting together with people who are in a similar situation, and especially those who have gotten out of it can be very good. Maybe ideas of what you should do, maybe ideas of what you shouldn't do, sometimes just knowing that someone else is going through what you are going through is a big help.

Step 3 Get out and do stuff!!! The best way to feel better about yourself is to help someone else feel better. Volunteer. At the animal shelter, the homeless shelter, the battered women's shelter, the old folks home, the hospital. Where ever you feel most comfortable.
You list several activities other than jumping in your profile. I'll bet just a small amount that you have mostly abandoned them because he didn't want you doing stuff without him. So put on the running shoes, or break out the bike and get to it!
Physical activity will help you feel better. You may find friends to join you (I'd very strongly suggest that you stick with women friends for at least a little while). Or you may just learn to enjoy the solitude.

You aren't weak, you aren't a "whiney sissy pants." You're someone who has been abused and is suffering from the effects of it. You are taking the first steps in breaking free by asking for help, and that is wonderful. So maybe get more help. Friends, family, professional help. Whatever it takes.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

That's what I'm talking about. I think that's awesome advice. Especially the enjoy the solitude part. After a drama filled relationship ends I bet "solitude" will bring some peace.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[skymama 35]

Print paragraph #2 and put it near your computer, by your door, in your car and on the back of your phone. Any time you feel like contacting him or answering him contacting you, refer to the list. If you still contact him or accept him contacting you, slap yourself. Hard. Seriously, you are in total control here. Believe in yourself and stay tough! I bet it won't take very long to welcome the peace and relish it, but you have to give yourself that total separation.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[pontiacgtp00 0]

It does help a lot to socialize with the opposite sex after a breakup. I know you said you're playing it solitary this time..but you don't have to go out and find a boyfriend, a friend with benefits, none of that. Go out on a date with a nice guy close to your age, have a nice conversation, etc..just see what happens. It'll be fun

I'm firm in believing that there is absolutely not a single person on the planet that deserves to be put up on a pedestal, and allowed to negatively affect your emotions/feelings. No one is worth that, not now, not ever.

[ryoder 1,393]

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ARGHH
This post escaped from the Women's forum

ROTFLMAO!

On further consideration, I think it is posted here because she figured it would be easier to find a "backup dude" in BF.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[shah269 0]

I would like to introduce you to someone handsome, educated, amazing and down right sexy and who knows how to make French Toast in the mornings.

That would be me.

You have dated the rest now you have to date the best.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[pontiacgtp00 0]

Huh I always thought you were gay.

[davelepka 4]

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I've failed at staying away MANY times so, I have zero trust in my ability to do so. Call me weak, call me a whiney sissy pants, call me whatever. I just want it to be DONE!

I've given this advice to a bunch of guys in the past, and it always works out well. I've also gotten some shit on this site for suggesting this, but here goes -

Go find a much youger, better looking, and better built guy (I usually say girl) and have a one (or two, or six) night stand. Show yourself that there are other fish in the sea, and that you can have your pick of any of them anytime you want. You'll forget about the old (pun intended) guy, and take the pressure off yourself to 'hurry up and find someone'. Once you know they're out there and available to you, what's the rush?

[JohnMitchell 14]

Well, just from the fact that you skydive and your tiny little picture shows you up on top of a giant wind turbine makes you really cool in my book. You really don't need that 46 yo loser but some how you think you can't do better or you think you can fix him.

Yes, you can do better and it's not your job to fix that obvious piece of crap. Really, how do you women manage to go for such pompous A-holes? I wish I could get away with that kind of stuff.

Sure you'll be sad and lonely a little, but remind yourself that's only temporary. Someone much better is out there waiting for you to give them a chance.

You might even want to PM Shah269. I heard he's available and he's dying to cook breakfast for someone.


Once again, I'd like to thank every woman who ever dumped me. It made meeting my wife possible.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

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Once again, I'd like to thank every woman who ever dumped me. It made meeting my wife possible.

All of those twists and turns and detours get us to where we're finally meant to be!

Always be kinder than you feel.

[obelixtim 100]

As far as your old BF goes, there is a saying...

"You can't turn sheepshit into raspberry jam, no matter how much sugar you use".

You've wasted enough of your life on him, and life is too short for that.

Independence is freedom, and should be enjoyed. Its great to be able to do your own thing, when you like, where you like, and with whom you like. Treasure it.

My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

[DougH 270]

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You have dated the rest now you have to date the best.

Maybe you missed the part where she said she just broke up with an obnoxious guy?

"The restraining order says you're only allowed to touch me in freefall"
=P

[Heatmiser 0]

Quote

So, the boyfriend and I broke up. Yep. 3 years later and finally I've gotten my head out of my ass. After all the ignored red flags and family/friends screaming at me, I finally saw the effing light. I feel dumb, to say the least. I fly by the seat of my pants all the damn time instead of listening to my own gut and the voices of those around me that actually give a rats ass. Anyway, I guess I'm at that healing point. This time I don't have a "back up dude" to bail me out of the loneliness thing. I'm forcing myself to face my demons and be single for a bit. How does one get through this bullshit of love lost? As I said, I've always just done the whole "replacement therapy" thing, so I'm new at this. Any helpful tips on getting my shit straight and how to deal with the sad and lonely factor?

Also, any advice on staying away from the abusive ass that broke my heart? We always seem to get back together and this time I NEED IT TO BE PERMANENT! Reasons? 1. He's 46 and I'm 27. 2. I want kids and he's done with that part of life. 3. He's extremely emotionally abusive and controlling. 4. He's a liar. 5. He is the most self centered egocentric person I have ever met. 6. I have lost a lot of friends and family just being with him. 7. HE'S CANCEROUS.

Now, I know most of you probably are saying to yourselves, "Didn't you just answer your own question?" Well, see, I've failed at staying away MANY times so, I have zero trust in my ability to do so. Call me weak, call me a whiney sissy pants, call me whatever. I just want it to be DONE! I'm done with the abuse, the pain, the manipulation, the effing aguish.

Any advice and/or tough love is supremely appreciated!

Thanks!

Get a girlfriend.

What you say is reflective of your knowledge...HOW ya say it is reflective of your experience. Airtwardo

Someone's going to be spanked! Hopefully, it will be me. Skymama

[fallfast69 2]

Quote

Quote

So, the boyfriend and I broke up. Yep. 3 years later and finally I've gotten my head out of my ass. After all the ignored red flags and family/friends screaming at me, I finally saw the effing light. I feel dumb, to say the least. I fly by the seat of my pants all the damn time instead of listening to my own gut and the voices of those around me that actually give a rats ass. Anyway, I guess I'm at that healing point. This time I don't have a "back up dude" to bail me out of the loneliness thing. I'm forcing myself to face my demons and be single for a bit. How does one get through this bullshit of love lost? As I said, I've always just done the whole "replacement therapy" thing, so I'm new at this. Any helpful tips on getting my shit straight and how to deal with the sad and lonely factor?

Also, any advice on staying away from the abusive ass that broke my heart? We always seem to get back together and this time I NEED IT TO BE PERMANENT! Reasons? 1. He's 46 and I'm 27. 2. I want kids and he's done with that part of life. 3. He's extremely emotionally abusive and controlling. 4. He's a liar. 5. He is the most self centered egocentric person I have ever met. 6. I have lost a lot of friends and family just being with him. 7. HE'S CANCEROUS.

Now, I know most of you probably are saying to yourselves, "Didn't you just answer your own question?" Well, see, I've failed at staying away MANY times so, I have zero trust in my ability to do so. Call me weak, call me a whiney sissy pants, call me whatever. I just want it to be DONE! I'm done with the abuse, the pain, the manipulation, the effing aguish.

Any advice and/or tough love is supremely appreciated!

Thanks!

Get a girlfriend.

...and a video camera

[BIGUN 1,067]

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If you still contact him or accept him contacting you, slap yourself. Hard.

On a more lighter note... I'm thinkin she could hire Banesuera to walk along side her for a month or so and every time she twitches in his direction - bitch slap. Think of it as a form of behavior modification.

On a more serious note... I don't think there's very many people that can profess to not having been in a relationship too long. Longer than it should have gone on for any number of reasons. The best advice I read on here was to learn to like yourself again. That takes time and being alone for awhile.

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[missbrz 0]

Definitely do the reminder list. Don't forget why you left. You left for very good reasons. Don't doubt them.

DON'T just jump into bed with another guy. You've already said you've tried that. That usually just ends up with another shitty relationship if you do it too quickly.

DO get out. Not as in dating, just out. Out with friends, out with family. Hell out by yourself even. Retouch with those you lost because of him. Pick up another hobby. Being single doesn't mean being lonely. Being single means you have more time for yourself, for your friends, for your family.

Also, do something for yourself. Remind yourself that you love yourself and that your worth treating special. A new pair of shoes, a massage, some new gear, a day of relaxation at home, whatever. Just do something nice for yourself. It's time to focus on YOU

[skybytch 259]

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The best advice I read on here was to learn to like yourself again. That takes time and being alone for awhile.

This.

For the past few years, you've likely been suppressing who you really are to fit in with what you thought he wanted. Spend your time (cuz it's YOURS now) exploring who you are, who you want to be and what you want out of life. Go do the stuff you loved to do before you met him. Explore things and places that he had no interest in.

And learn that no one is responsible for your happiness other than you - and you are not responsible for the happiness of anybody other than you. If you are a reader, I highly recommend the book Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz (his book "The Four Agreements" is also awesome). Will change the way you look at how and who you are in relationships and who might be a suitable partner.

Good luck. It's not easy, but on the other side there's someone awesome looking for you.

[shah269 0]

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Huh I always thought you were gay.

Common mistake. I’m Persian we love wearing nice clothes and bright clothing. And we tend to smell really good!
And don’t get me start about our emotional stability…


But hold on a sec…I’m on my second shot of espresso this morning and foaming at the mouth.
You are a chick?
You are a skydiver?
As in you hang around a DZ?
How hard is it for a straight woman to find a decent guy at the DZ? Just sit there pick two guys have them fight to the death and the winner takes you out?

I’m sorry…but shit if I were in a place where it was two dicks and 52 chicks….such as when I was in my undergraduate psychology class….all I did was smile at two girls watched them get into an argument over something silly and I had a date that night where I had a 50/50 chance of getting laid and being told I was A GREAT MAN!

So…..what’s the hang up? You dated a fucktard? Yeah well it happens? Be glad you didn’t get knocked up or have his name tattooed on your ass.
Now is the time to sit your ass down and ask yourself a very important question which you may not like the answer to.
Are you tool food?
Do you enjoy being treated like garbage?
If the answer is yes then be at peace with it and know what you are going to get.
If not then make a change do something silly like…oh I don’t know…grow a set of ovaries and instead of flirting to get a free pack job….insert dirty joke her….go over and talk to that nice guy.

Man ladies. I know I’m a Persian GOD but do I have to teach you everything?

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[skybytch 259]

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.such as when I was in my undergraduate psychology class….all I did was smile at two girls watched them get into an argument over something silly and I had a date that night where I had a 50/50 chance of getting laid and being told I was A GREAT MAN!

You should go back there. And never come here again. Tool.

edit to add - Yes, this is a personal attack.

[shah269 0]

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You should go back there. And never come here again. Tool.

edit to add - Yes, this is a personal attack.

Mods no issues, it's cool not hurt it means i'm sexy!

But really?

Girl, OP, you are in a great place! Not only do you have a hobby that gets to meet amazing people who do amazing things and you get to be outside and all that great stuff......

Well i mean...you are swimming in a sea of eligible men!

Relax take a deep breath ok we all make mistakes such is life. To fail is to be human. And that’s fine!
Just come to terms with who and what you are. If you are a tool chase than ok so be it but if you are not than make a change. Smile walk over to that cute guy you like and who has held your hand when you were scared or just had a bad day and ask him if he would like to join you for lunch?

He may not be Mr. Right but hell odds are he will be a good friend!

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[skymama 35]

Quote

edit to add - Yes, this is a personal attack.

Sigh...Lisa, this is your warning.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon