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Stritar

AFF 1 - Didn't jump

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Hello everyone,

I did a tandem jump a year ago and liked it a lot. I applied for AFF a month ago and had my AFF1 today. We had some wind issues and had to wait for a good portion of the day.

To make a long story short, when we came to me getting on the ledge and jump with both of my instructors I chickened out and landed with the plane...

I have some serious doubts about skydiving if its even for me. I was really in to it after doing tandem and waiting for the season to start again. Now I'm thinking of quitting completely. I feel massively disappointed about myself.

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Eeh. It happens. I never saw most of the people who were in my AFF ground school again, by the end of the first month. I didn't feel like I was that scared on the plane on my AFF 1, but I saw the video later and had this whole deer-in-the-headlights terrified look that I've never seen on my face again before or since. Kinda surprised I got out that day, honestly.

If you really feel like you need to get out once and think you can do it next time, I'd say give it another try. If you don't (either one of those things,) maybe it's just not the right time in your life to try skydiving. Most people never do, so you're already ahead of the game. You can always come back to it later. I don't think it would have worked for me, if I'd tried it a decade or two ago. Tackle other challenges first and maybe in a few years you'll be ready for another try.

Skydivers won't criticize you for deciding you don't want to skydive. We know how hard it is to get out of that plane the first few times.
I'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here?

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Make another tandem or two to get the jitters out. If possible, make a tandem early enough in the day that you have time to make your AFF jump also. Often, the first of the day (or in your case, the first jump in a long while) is far more nerve-racking than subsequent jumps.
Chuck Akers
D-10855
Houston, TX

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Guys tend to convince themselves they are not afraid of anything. They are able to maintain this charade, right up until it is time to actually exit the aircraft. Then the fear overwhelms them.

How do you prevent this? Simple, but not easy; admit, to yourself, that you are afraid. Then manage that fear. It is OK (and natural) to be afraid of jumping out of an airplane. You want to do well, you don't want to get hurt, or dead. You know that your performance will be evaluated back on the ground. And as much as Instructors try and tell students it isn't pass or fail, it is. You either pass to the next level or you do not.

Admit you will be afraid at exit, pull time, deployment and landing. Being prepared to handle these events before they happen will allow you to perform.

Women tend to admit the are afraid or nervous and are therefore prepared to handle these events.

Derek V

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Stritar, I won't bore you with all sorts of activities that scared the shit out of me more the second time. Fear can take over but don't let it. Control your breathing and you will control your fear.

We all fall short (in our own eyes) from time to time. However, it's how we pick ourselves up and move on that really counts.

As an FYI (although you weren't injured ), there was a thread on the woman's forum "RE: [Marrsy] Getting back on the horse (or plane) after an accident". I think perhaps you might relate to some of the expressed feeling and advice. Apologies, I don't know how to get that link attached to this post.

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You're not the first person to do that. :DB|

Truth be told, I wanted to do the same thing once or twice as a student, but I was too chicken to chicken out. :P

Breathe, relax, visualize the jump going perfectly, realize that being really scared is really normal. Practice some more and go up and make that jump. I survived being scared, and I know you will too. :)

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Hey man every single skydiver has felt what you feel right now. Remember, all the skygods had only had 1 jump once upon a time. I was scared shitless till my first student solo (jump14) and still got nervous from time to time. It DOES get better. If it's that hard to force ourselves out a plane, no one would be jumping, right? Give yourself a second shot and simply step out when the time comes. Just one step, that's all it takes. How many steps do you walk a day brother? 10 thousand? All it takes up there to jump is ONE small step. Not that hard when you look at it that way eh? Best of luck to you B|

My skydiving blog: www.kiwiskydiving.com /// youtube channel: kiwiskydiving

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Don't be too hard on yourself, it's not for everyone.
It's scary, dangerous and expensive.

You have to want to do it.

Personally, as a student I found the ride to height to be very mentally exhausting and I often questioned whether the sport was for me or not.

I don't want to try and convince you one way or the other, but what you've said sounds normal. Whether you want to continue or not is up to you, but be happy with the choice you make because you can't do both. :)

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Some years back we had a student who could not get out of the plane on three occasions over three days. He left and went to another dropzone with a larger plane (we have 182's) and did just fine. He came back two years later and by then had several hundred jumps.

While skydiving is not for everyone, it is also true that not every dropzone and not every instructor is for everyone. Give yourself a break.

When I had a student who had more fear than normal I would remind them to smile. It never failed. You can't smile (even a fake one) and still be totally afraid.
"Here's a good specimen of my own wisdom. Something is so, except when it isn't so."

Charles Fort, commenting on the many contradictions of astronomy

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Hooknswoop

Guys tend to convince themselves they are not afraid of anything. They are able to maintain this charade, right up until it is time to actually exit the aircraft. Then the fear overwhelms them.

How do you prevent this? Simple, but not easy; admit, to yourself, that you are afraid. Then manage that fear. It is OK (and natural) to be afraid of jumping out of an airplane. You want to do well, you don't want to get hurt, or dead. You know that your performance will be evaluated back on the ground. And as much as Instructors try and tell students it isn't pass or fail, it is. You either pass to the next level or you do not.

Admit you will be afraid at exit, pull time, deployment and landing. Being prepared to handle these events before they happen will allow you to perform.

Women tend to admit the are afraid or nervous and are therefore prepared to handle these events.

Derek V




Great advice.
"Here's a good specimen of my own wisdom. Something is so, except when it isn't so."

Charles Fort, commenting on the many contradictions of astronomy

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That's normal, first jump will always be the most difficult, but just remember - follow what you've been taught and you've got two instructors with you to look after you.

I've just finished level 6 and am still relatively nervous.

The bit that makes me the most nervous is the ride to altitude, especially when there's a ton of experienced skydivers in there!

My last 3 exits have been with one instructor, and the first time I've actually been outside the aircraft whilst in the air before leaving. Those were 100x better than the exit strategy with 2 instructors. It honestly gets better

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Are you the reading type?
If so, read "Above All Else" by Dan B.C.
Without spoiling a beautiful book to you, Dan B.C. is probably one of the most accomplished skydivers alive, but if you read the book you'll see how he was scared shitless on his first jumps.
We all are, some are better than others at hiding it.
If someone tells you they weren't scared on their first jump, they're either: lying or insane.

Tandems are different because all you have to do is force yourself to not say no, AFF1, you have to force yourself to actually step out the door.
That small difference is a big fucking deal.

Well, in reality all you have to do is start the count, then at that point the two instructors will take you off whether you want it or not. I think during my first jump, I changed my mind 10 times during the up-down-arch count. But it didn't matter because I knew at that point there was no going back because we were all going out together whether I wanted or not. And so we went.
Just remembering those moments now and writing about here, made my hands sweat a little. But also I am smiling to the computer screen like an idiot thinking of all that happened since. And that's more than 600 jumps later, so that's how nervous I was!

If you REALLY want it and it means a lot to you, force yourself to start the damn count.
I'm standing on the edge
With a vision in my head
My body screams release me
My dreams they must be fed... You're in flight.

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Di0

Are you the reading type?
If so, read "Above All Else" by Dan B.C.
Without spoiling a beautiful book to you, Dan B.C. is probably one of the most accomplished skydivers alive, but if you read the book you'll see how he was scared shitless on his first jumps.
We all are, some are better than others at hiding it.
If someone tells you they weren't scared on their first jump, they're either: lying or insane.

Tandems are different because all you have to do is force yourself to not say no, AFF1, you have to force yourself to actually step out the door.
That small difference is a big fucking deal.

Well, in reality all you have to do is start the count, then at that point the two instructors will take you off whether you want it or not. I think during my first jump, I changed my mind 10 times during the up-down-arch count. But it didn't matter because I knew at that point there was no going back because we were all going out together whether I wanted or not. And so we went.
Just remembering those moments now and writing about here, made my hands sweat a little. But also I am smiling to the computer screen like an idiot thinking of all that happened since. And that's more than 600 jumps later, so that's how nervous I was!

If you REALLY want it and it means a lot to you, force yourself to start the damn count.



You are right, you have to want it bad enough.

As a child I watched people get up on the high dive and chicken out. I never understood it. You need to decide before you climb up there. I was 9 years old and my friend said, "I will go if you will go". So we got up there. I looked down and started to understand more. But I had decided before I got up there that I was going to do it. I gave it a 3 count and went on 3, forcing myself.

Thereafter I would always just go on 3 if I was timid about whatever the task might be. Always go on 3!
Instructor quote, “What's weird is that you're older than my dad!”

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No one has to skydive, but since you did a tandem and came back, you have something inside you that really wanna do it. Try to remind yourself why you came back and why do you want to do it during the climb up.

One thing that really helps overcoming fear is knowledge, understand the statistics of the sport, eat the manuals, drill your emergency procedures over and over.

You can go to a wind tunnel to diminish the novelty factor, you'll know you can handle the freefalling part easily and then you can focus on the canopy part.

Ask if you can pay a jump ticket to sit on the copilot sit and watch the skydivers going out, open youtube and watch AFF jumps over and over until that feels normal, visualize!

The count to 3 is something really magical, even more if there's "risk" to mess up things if you bail out in the middle of it, it has always worked for me.

Good luck!

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Hard to believe but I rode the plane down three times as a student. Once before my first full-altitude freefall (I started with IAD and going from that to full-altitude AFF... yeah. No. Couldn't climb out); once before my Cat E; and again after my first solo - couldn't make myself do the second. Each time, I found a way through it. Did another tandem, then made that first AFF jump. Did some wind tunnel (and a couple days of thinking), then went back and made that Cat E. Made myself QUIT thinking and went back the day after the aborted solo, did 5 coach jumps and some more wind tunnel, and then finally did that second solo. And by then, I'd figured out how to let go and commit.

So many times in the early days, I doubted. That moment in the door never seemed to get easier, especially if I went awhile between jump days. That gaping exit hole into the sky that just swallowed up everyone who went out before me on each pass was the Door Monster rather than a friend. I was told many times that maybe I wasn't cut out for skydiving. Maybe it wasn't for me. Sure people got scared, but not THAT scared. None of THEM had been that scared. They couldn't understand why I'd be that scared.

But there were also a few people who believed in me, and backed me the whole way. And one instructor, who hadn't even yet worked with me, who took me aside after that third ride-down and told me that hey, it happens; and "here's my fear story..."; and how he knew at least one world-class skydiver who'd ridden the plane down more than once as a student.

What matters isn't the fact that you're scared. What matters is why. What is it that you're really afraid of; and what do you REALLY want? It wasn't the concept of the jump itself that scared me so badly; it was what it represented - both an immense letting-go as well as the acceptance of complete responsibility for my own life. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to make the choice. But underneath it all there was nothing that I loved more than being up there, flying my body and then flying my canopy. And when I thought about it, every time I thought about it, I knew that if I walked away from it I would forever regret it. That the world would seem less colorful and less bright without skydiving in it. That skydiving made me complete in a way that nothing else ever had. And I think, ultimately, I was just as afraid of THAT as anything else. I did finally learn how to let go, how to accept the decision that I'd made - because it was MY decision - to skydive. And when I reached that point, the exit was no longer a terrifying thing, and the door was no longer a monster; instead it became the realization of perfect freedom, every single time.

I'm not saying it's right for you, or wrong for you, to go back up there. That takes some soul-searching. But being afraid - hell, being utterly terrified - doesn't necessarily mean it's not for you. You're not the only one! The sky isn't going anywhere. And if you go back because you know you NEED it, rather than just because you think you SHOULD, the moment you're actually back in the air, it'll feel like coming home. :-)

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Stritar

I feel massively disappointed about myself.



Every jumper makes a choice to jump every time. I would have no problem deciding not to jump while the door was open. I don't need a reason. Its my choice. I would never hold it against another jumper for riding the plane down, regardless of reason.

Go up again if you want, ride it back down if you want. Its your money and your decision.

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RockSkyGirl

Hard to believe but I rode the plane down three times as a student. Once before my first full-altitude freefall (I started with IAD and going from that to full-altitude AFF... yeah. No. Couldn't climb out); once before my Cat E; and again after my first solo - couldn't make myself do the second. Each time, I found a way through it. Did another tandem, then made that first AFF jump. Did some wind tunnel (and a couple days of thinking), then went back and made that Cat E. Made myself QUIT thinking and went back the day after the aborted solo, did 5 coach jumps and some more wind tunnel, and then finally did that second solo. And by then, I'd figured out how to let go and commit.

So many times in the early days, I doubted. That moment in the door never seemed to get easier, especially if I went awhile between jump days. That gaping exit hole into the sky that just swallowed up everyone who went out before me on each pass was the Door Monster rather than a friend. I was told many times that maybe I wasn't cut out for skydiving. Maybe it wasn't for me. Sure people got scared, but not THAT scared. None of THEM had been that scared. They couldn't understand why I'd be that scared.

But there were also a few people who believed in me, and backed me the whole way. And one instructor, who hadn't even yet worked with me, who took me aside after that third ride-down and told me that hey, it happens; and "here's my fear story..."; and how he knew at least one world-class skydiver who'd ridden the plane down more than once as a student.

What matters isn't the fact that you're scared. What matters is why. What is it that you're really afraid of; and what do you REALLY want? It wasn't the concept of the jump itself that scared me so badly; it was what it represented - both an immense letting-go as well as the acceptance of complete responsibility for my own life. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to make the choice. But underneath it all there was nothing that I loved more than being up there, flying my body and then flying my canopy. And when I thought about it, every time I thought about it, I knew that if I walked away from it I would forever regret it. That the world would seem less colorful and less bright without skydiving in it. That skydiving made me complete in a way that nothing else ever had. And I think, ultimately, I was just as afraid of THAT as anything else. I did finally learn how to let go, how to accept the decision that I'd made - because it was MY decision - to skydive. And when I reached that point, the exit was no longer a terrifying thing, and the door was no longer a monster; instead it became the realization of perfect freedom, every single time.

I'm not saying it's right for you, or wrong for you, to go back up there. That takes some soul-searching. But being afraid - hell, being utterly terrified - doesn't necessarily mean it's not for you. You're not the only one! The sky isn't going anywhere. And if you go back because you know you NEED it, rather than just because you think you SHOULD, the moment you're actually back in the air, it'll feel like coming home. :-)



Great post!

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Stritar

Thank you everyone for constructive and encouraging replies. There are weird thoughts running in my mind but there is still this urge to do it. So I will most likely do it again sooner or later.... sky won't go anywhere..



Early on I had major problems with motion sickness and then with instability because I could not hold a deep arch. After 12 jumps (a mix of static line and AFF), I quit AFF and was not certain that I would continue. The "urge" grew over the next few weeks and I found myself stretching twice a day to improve my arch. I figured if the sky called me back, that would be my sign. It did, and I was much better prepared both physically and mentally to pursue the sport.

It is possible you will have more and more difficulty not jumping and if that is the case, the want to will exceed the fear (hopefully) and all will be well.

Good luck.
Instructor quote, “What's weird is that you're older than my dad!”

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I believe a lot of this comes from poor instructors, who are very negative in the way they train, and don't explain things well. Most instructors have no formal training in how to teach and how individuals learn and assimilate information.

And AFF is a pretty complicated process, both to train and to learn. Simplicity is the key to building confidence.

As an instructor I am always very aware of how the student is reacting to me, both during the instruction process and during the ride to altitude.

I always make the student aware that I, as an instructor have confidence in them, which is the case, because I won't let anyone near the aircraft if I think they have doubts about what to do.

Not saying this is the case here, but IMO many individuals who are great skydivers, are crap instructors.

Refusing is not common, but doesn't preclude a successful skydiving career.

Have a search on here for "Tail o' the Rat", a great cartoon series penned by Jennifer which put feelings of a new skydiver into visual form brilliantly.

I wonder what she is up to these days.
My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

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As a student, I had issues with adrenaline causing poor performance on the first jump of the day. I ended up doing an observer ride as the first aircraft ride of the day. All of the in aircraft experience of a skydive was present, without the actual skydive. This burned off a good portion of the adrenaline. I worked with the instructors to be on the next load (small Cessna DZ that was not super busy) and greatly improved my performance on the actual skydives. I don't recall how many observer rides I did before it wasn't helpful any more. It was at least three, for sure.

YMMV

You can do this. You are already hooked. Do what works for you to get past the jitters.

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