Children and disapline-Iron hand vs Velvet Glove

[mardigrasbob 0]

At this very moment, in the parking lot, there is a little boy standing thru his mother's car sunroof thowing a conniption because his video game is not working! The mother, who in the doctor's office next door to me, is to no avail, trying to calm him thru kind words. I am sorry; my child would only do that once!
I am interested in your views on the current trend of reasoning with a brat!



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[tigra 0]

Well, if she spanks him and it gets caught on video, she just might lose custody of her kid. Didn't that just happen a year or so ago in Indiana?

[piisfish 135]

Iron glove across his face, iron shoe right in his butt and a vasectomy so he doesn't procreate
Oh and if it were my kid, I' just kindly ask to stop and yes we're gonna get you a new video game NOT

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[SpeedRacer 1]

iron hand vs. velvet glove? depends on the kid. A friend of mine would always tell his son (when the son started stalling or being a brat somehow), "Scott, we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way."

Speed Racer
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[Darius11 12]

wait till you get home. then woop his ass.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[eeneR 1]

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"Scott, we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way."

But that is threatining with the Iron Fist....now as long as he actually follows thru with the threat if the kid didnt listen....

I grew up with that threat....and damned it i never crossed my parents...i knew they were not kidding

She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway."
eeneR
TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto

[AndyMan 7]

The failure of proper discipline happened LONG before that kid threw this conniption.

People who are against hitting kids are not against discipline. It sounds like that kid needed discipline a long time ago, so that he would not be acting like he is now.

Secondly, what makes you think that the mother hasn't hit the kid repeatedly, and that is actually contributing to his unsocialble behaviour? How do we know that the mother refuses to spank him?

Lastly, why has a mother left her kid in the car while she's at the doctors office? Kids are known for doing bad things when they're left without supervision. Why is this kid without supervision?

_Am

__

You put the fun in "funnel" - craichead.

[happythoughts 0]

Besides the discipline issue, another question may be "do you currently have kids?"

It's not a one-answer type thing.

I see kids become unruly at Disney because they have been driven to exhaustion. At 3pm, they have been on-the-go for 6 hours. Common sense on a parents part can prevent those tantrums with a short nap.

Personally? Being beaten taught me two things. You get beaten if you're caught, so plan better.
Whoever is doing the beating is in charge.
Two poor lessens.

[wmw999 2,147]

Is he alone in the car?

Either way, if I were the mother (and I have a 20-year-old), I'd remove the game and remove him from the situation.

The game remains removed for a period of time because he obviously can't handle it. He's removed from the situation for the same reason.

Yes, it punishes the mother also. But it gives the kid, over the long run, a way to deal with situations that are getting out of hand -- he'll have ample examples to see that he can always step away from the situation.

Not to say there's never a time for spanking, but when they're acting out and upset, they're not likely to absorb any lesson but fear, and fear disappears when the person feared disappears. Much better to give them the tools to control themselves.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[turtlespeed 212]

That is a VERY simple problem -

1) Kid throws temper tantrum.
2) Un plug device - no problem

then -

1) if kid continues
2) have him watch you throw it away in a trash compactor - no problem

then

1) if kid continues
2) toss kid in same compactor - no problem

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[mardigrasbob 0]

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Why is this kid without supervision?

Oh, he being supervised alright. About twenty people are watching him right now and wishing he would shut the fuck up! I agree disapline must be early and consistant. Children understand and expoit false threats. I could yell at my mother, but if I looked sideways at my Dad! The number 1 rule though was: Do not show your ass in public!


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[piisfish 135]

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The failure of proper discipline happened LONG before that kid threw this conniption.

People who are against hitting kids are not against discipline. It sounds like that kid needed discipline a long time ago, so that he would not be acting like he is now.

hitting != discipline
spanking = discipline

I never hit women, only apply some discipline

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[livendive 8]

Quote

I am interested in your views on the current trend of reasoning with a brat!

Raise them properly from the get-go and they won't become a brat. A proper hierarchy of authority established during their infancy will negate the need for an iron hand later.

The last tantrum my daughter threw was when she was 2 months old and we set a firm bedtime. She screamed for an hour and a half that night. The next night she cried for 45 minutes, then 15, 5, and <1 minute. During her toddler stage and beyond, any undesirable methods of gaining our attention were soundly ignored and she learned that proper behavior and appropriate communication were her only chance at getting her desired results.

She'll be 16 next week (teenage years bring dramatically different challenges with them, but temper tantrums aren't one of them) and I've never had to lay a hand on her.

The remainder of my views on corporal punishment are probably better suited for the speaker's corner, so I'll keep them to myself for now.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[turtlespeed 212]

you left out the very most important word -

Consistency

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[skyesspot 0]

As a mother of a 17 year old girl... I'd say there is an in-between. I have been to lax in some areas and now it is biting me in the butt and I'm doing double time to get her back inline.

Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff.

[piisfish 135]

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The remainder of my views on corporal punishment are probably better suited for the speaker's corner

Quote

This is the place to discuss politics, guns, religion

so would you rather punish corporally with GWB, S&W or a Bible ??

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[EricTheRed 0]

absolutely agree.

This works at any age though, it just becomes tougher as they learn more refined ways of manipulation.

The key as you know (and so many others can't grasp) is consistancy. Reward behavior you want more of. Do not reward behavior you don't like. Ignoring bahavior leads to extinction of the behavior.

The brat in question has apparently learned that if he screams loud enough, long enough, he will get what he wants.
Spanking is not the answer, as this will teach him that you get your way through force. (If you want something, beat someone up)
Ignoring his screams EVERY TIME will work. (eventually)

Till then, buy some ear plugs.

illegible usually

[rocketdog 0]

everyone is so anti-hitting because there are "other alternatives to disciplining your child"..... i can understand this & there is often a fine line between discipline and abuse....

however, i think if you help your child to understand why he/she merited physical discipline, that is constructive. in the end, kids will remember the love you give them more than the spankings

see the world! http://gorocketdog.blogspot.com

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

everyone is so anti-hitting because there are "other alternatives to disciplining your child"..... i can understand this & there is often a fine line between discipline and abuse....

however, i think if you help your child to understand why he/she merited physical discipline, that is constructive. in the end, kids will remember the love you give them more than the spankings

Really?

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Nightingale 0]

depends on the kid.

my mom used a sit down and talk it over approach.

my dad used "because I said so."

my relationship with my mom is a heck of a lot better and always has been, because even though I was a child, she respected my point of view.

In that situation, my dad would've said "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" which, of course, would frighten me and make me cry more.

my mom would have said "I understand you're upset, but crying isn't going to help right now. why don't you sit down, and we can try to fix the game together when we get home."

Mom's approach would've worked. Dad's...not so much.

[livendive 8]

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however, i think if you help your child to understand why he/she merited physical discipline, that is constructive.

As long as you're honest about the "why". In my opinion, the two most honest reasons a parent would give are:
1. "I'm spanking you because my other attempts at teaching you have been ineffective."
2. "I'm spanking you because your behavior has made me angry."

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[bch7773 0]

theres a middle ground. while i think spanking is fine in some situations, but nothing bothers me more then someone punishing their child because THEY are tired or angry. The child barely does something, but because the parent is already tired or angry, they hit the child or yell at them. thats not right

MB 3528, RB 1182

[Nightingale 0]

I agree...

my mom rarely spanked me or my brother, and when she did, it was only as a last resort.

dad's first instinct was to whip out the belt, oftimes without even listening to our explanation. It wasn't abusive or excessive, just his first instinct to punish us, while mom usually sent us to our room to think things over after she'd heard our side of things and decided we were still wrong, and explained why.

what this situation created was a dynamic where I felt comfortable opening up to my mom about almost anything, because I knew we'd be able to talk.

with dad, well, we talk now, but he missed out on a lot of my childhood just because there's a lot of stuff I probably should've told him, but didn't because I was afraid of being yelled at, judged, and punished. He never heard about the time that my friends and I accidentally blew up the neighbor's orange tree with a homemade bomb. Mom did. She was a little mad after she stopped laughing.

[BoostedXT 0]

My dad said this......

"Joe.....Think of me as a train, we can go on fun trips, and see fun sights and have a great time, or you can be standing on the tracks."


i was spanked and I deserved every spanking I got. I am pretty normal I think.:)

Joe

For long as you live and high you fly and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry and all that you touch and all that you see is all your life will ever be.
Pedro Offers you his Protection.

[FallinWoman 1]

I believe in spanking a child only when they are putting themselves in immediate danger...ie: a toddler runs into the street without waiting for an adult.

I would never hit my 10 year old....she is old enough to talk to and understand, even if sometimes she screams and plugs her ears.....

~Anne

I'm a Doll!!!!