Funny Hypothetical Skydive Situation – What Would You Do?

[bvsdjumper 0]

You signed up to be on a stunt-based reality TV show (something like Fear Factor). When you get there, the first stunt is to make a skydive. You’re an experienced jumper, but no one knows it. The producers never asked (would be odd, I know) and you’ve never been to the DZ. Let’s assume the DZ is fairly well known to have good instructors and equipment.

What would you do to mess with the DZ staff, producers, or other students? Make up your own story and pick your first jump method to suit the humor.

What would be funny to talk about but NOT funny in the real world ?

Some things come to my mind:

Be the most annoying whuffo ever. Ask all the whuffo questions. “Can you breathe?” “Will I have my own chute?” (especially AFF or SL) “How long is the fall? I saw in a movie where they fell for like 5 minutes.” “What if the chute don’t open? Am I going to have to hold on to someone while they open theirs?”

Obviously don’t pay attention in class (without distracting the other students). Yawn a lot. Stare at any good-looking people that happen by.

On the plane, ask your instructor: “Are you nervous?” Whatever they say, replay with: “Don’t worry, you’ll do fine.”

On the plane, if anyone asks why you don’t seem too nervous, just look at them and say “Pfft, it’s not like they’re really gonna make us jump. That would be crazy.”

If doing an AFF, try to break away from the instructors during/right after exit. Assuming you could do this reasonable safely, play keep away with them until they realize you’ve done this before. Maybe do some obviously controled flips/rolls then stick your thumbs in your ears and wiggle you tongue at them.

If doing SL (poised exit), after letting go, lift your head up, close your eyes, move your lips, and bring your hands together like you’re praying for the chute to open.

If you do AFF or SL, while under canopy, turn the radio off (or don’t pay any attention to it) and land like you normally would. Do an accuracy approach and land on the tuffet or try to get the best swoop you can out of the student canopy (downwind if the wind isn’t too bad?).

An elaborate one: Only tell the staff you are experienced. Show your USPA card and they look it up and verify you. It’s an AFF dive out of a Casa (or similar). Work it out to be the first to jump. On the plane, act like you’re not going to jump. When the green light comes on, just scream “Oh God I can’t believe I’m doing this!!!”, run and jump out the back with the instructors following close behind.

What do you think would be funny?


--Art

Sky-div'ing (ski'div'ing) n. A modern sport that involves parties, bragging, sexual excesses, the imbibing of large quantities of beer, and, on rare occasions, parachuting from aircraft.

[yardhippie 0]

I'd have to be the AFF one.
just bail out in some crazy head down shit!
see just how good they really are.

Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD
"What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me
"Anything you want." ~ female skydiver
Mohoso Rodriguez #865

[kelel01 1]

Yeah, that'd be funny. Bust out in a sitfly, but keep doing your COA and all. See if they can keep up. Then flop to your belly and track your ass off at 6 grand.

I would probably just tell them, but it's fun to imagine this way.

Kelly

[flypunk 0]

how bout out the door on a backflip and then freefly it or take the instructors down for a hybrid..

either that or just rodeo one of them

...

[piisfish 137]

yeah, would be funny, but the instructors should be aware of it in the AFF case.. Cause if you try go head down or sit or something, and they have problems keeping a crazy student remaining stable they might open a 280 navigator for you

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[mcrocker 0]

Identify your self to the staff, show your Tandem, AFF/I credentials and become the tandem master for the other people on the show. Act like you drew straws and this is how the producers wanted to do it. If you aren't a TM, AFF/I let your AFF instructors know, see if you can borrow/rent a real canopy and just scream 'You'll never take me alive coppers!' then charge out the door.

[unformed 0]

act really really scared in the plane, then dive out head down as fast as you can, then track away hard .... land either completely off site or in a swoop.

This ad space for sale.

[wildcard451 0]

You know, I have discussed something like this before with other people, except there was no TV show involved. Get bored, go to another DZ, sign up for AFF, and then give the JMs one wild ride. Sounded like an entertaining adventure....until I thought about what I would do if I were the instructor, and if I found out the truth when I got to the ground....that another experienced jumper had intentonally put me into a dangerous situation.

If you could ever pull this stunt off with a TV show, definitely clue the instructors in. If nothing else, in the plane since your camera guy would likely be the only camera on you in the plane.

Then, turn it into a sick little three-way with nice video.

Ohhh, better thought yet. Call the DZ before you get there. Make sure you get some non-student, insanity friendly gear.

[cvfd1399 0]

I have thought of the same thing before. I like the idea of a sit fly that way you can really give them goofy faces and the camera can see your face good too. After you find out what stunt you are about to do act like you are walking off the set then come back with all your gear, or even better fully decked out in a BIRDMAN!

[turtlespeed 212]

Set it up ahead of time -

Argue with the instructors and get them "Piseed off at you"

Casa exit - instructors just toss you out and then say - well, I guess we better get him - and fly down and finish out with a hybrid and then swoop in - maybe you could mail your canopy ahead of time.

AFF/I" " You loud mouthed SOB - I HAVE to take you on this jump - but not because I want to - it's because I am getting paid - anyone else i would love to take - but you - shit - kepp playing golf or take up bowling!"

"Student" : "Yeah - like it's really all that hard!" "WHATEVER! - look just do your job and I'll be out of here in no time!"

AFFI : "FINE - Get your ass on the plane!"

"Student" : "Fine!"

AFFIs: Ready - Set - . . . "Yeah look at him flail" - "Well we should go get him I guess . . . and dock on each other he grabs Chest srtaps and goes into a stand

Wouldn't be very good publicity for the sport - but it would sure freak abunch of people out.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[TheAnvil 0]

Hmm...I think the following would be fun.

Show up at the drop zone. Clandestinely let staff/AFFI's know about the situation and upcoming joke.

During the training, ask lots of questions and end every phrase with "in accordance with the prophecy" or "would you like fries with that". Frequently crawl around on all fours barking like a dog during the training. Have instructors give me a milk bone and say "we often see this in excited students".

Sing nursery rhymes during the plf training. While going over malfunctions, refer to each one as a "Great Jamboozle!" then practice the cutaway, do a forward roll, and howl at the sky.

Arrange to go first. In the plane, start asking many questions and asking which handle is which. Pick a fight with the instructors playing along and have them toss me out of the plane in disgust. High five each other and say 'we showed his punk ass' then look at each other, say 'oh shit! what have we done?' then jump out after me.

How does that sound?

Vinny the Anvil
Post Traumatic Didn't Make The Lakers Syndrome is REAL
JACKASS POWER!!!!!!

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

Arrange to go first. In the plane, start asking many questions and asking which handle is which. Pick a fight with the instructors playing along and have them toss me out of the plane in disgust. High five each other and say 'we showed his punk ass' then look at each other, say 'oh shit! what have we done?' then jump out after me.

How does that sound?

Great Minds!

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[kansasskydiver 0]

Kinda off subject, but we've always thought it would be funny to put up a jumper that one of our pilots hadn't met and let him know he/she was just going on an observer ride. Then at 10k when we jump out, the observer just kinda falls out lol

<--- See look, pink dolphins DO exist!

[teason 0]

Hmm ...
On exit, hand your instructor a cutaway (breakaway) handle.

On an IAD hanging exit let go with your left hand and grab the PC bridle then release with your right and fall away. (we used to do that in training to teach new JM's to expect anything)

To freak out other students on AFF, have the instructors grab you by the grips and pitch you out if it's a rear exit.

Seeing as we're talking about skydiving practical jokes here's one a freind of mine told me:
Years ago, he was doing radio for some FJs.
When the plane was at the end of the runway, the FJs got out of the 206 and 6 experienced jumpers boarded with a bag of flour.
At altitude, the dumped the flour to simulate an engine faliure and all bailed, 3 had round mains to make him think they'd pulled their reserve, the other 3 opened squares and either held them in stalls or spiraled rapidly. He was freaking out watching these "students" landing reserves and flying crazy! He figured it out when the first guy landed next to him but man was he pissed!
Be careful who you do this stuff to, they didn't call him "Big Jim" for nothin'!

I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.

[bvsdjumper 0]

Of coarse if someone wanted to do this for real and mess with the staff (which I think would be more fun than just messing with the students), you wouldn't want to do anything dangerous yourself or cause someone else to do anything dangerous to "save" you. That's why I asked about what would be funny to talk about but NOT funny in the real world.

For what you're talking about, it depends on what you mean by "give the JMs one wild ride." As long as you didn't endanger their lives (or yours), they may get pissed but see the humor in it eventually.

--Art

Sky-div'ing (ski'div'ing) n. A modern sport that involves parties, bragging, sexual excesses, the imbibing of large quantities of beer, and, on rare occasions, parachuting from aircraft.

[AggieDave 6]

Since I'm a TM, I'd hope it'd be a tandem. Make a big deal out of playing paper rock sissors to win the chance to put the rig on and have the "whuffo" take the TM for the ride. That'd be good TV.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

What would be funny to talk about but NOT funny in the real world ?

The MTV Real World/Road Rules challenge did a FJC and the landing area had a bulls-eye marked around the peas. The idea was to land as close as possible to the peas. Personally, I was hoping that alligators ate them all.

[bvsdjumper 0]

If you're a guy, secure in your masculinity, and have a male TM, act gay and insist that you be hooked up face to face.

--Art

Sky-div'ing (ski'div'ing) n. A modern sport that involves parties, bragging, sexual excesses, the imbibing of large quantities of beer, and, on rare occasions, parachuting from aircraft.

[bvsdjumper 0]

HAHA! Funny play on words.
--Art

Sky-div'ing (ski'div'ing) n. A modern sport that involves parties, bragging, sexual excesses, the imbibing of large quantities of beer, and, on rare occasions, parachuting from aircraft.

[lawrocket 3]

What would be funny as hell? It's allready been done! Do what Skreamer did, with a little coordination ahead of time. Let the producers worry. You could play it up a bit, too. Instead of what Skreamer did, why not freak out a bit on the plane and say, "I gotta get out of here!" Let the instructors say, "What the fuck is he doing?" Maybe have an instructor go after him.

Maybe have another instructor say, "He forgot his pilot chute."

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[Ron 10]

Id just listen to the "I"'s and be the best student they have ever seen.

Do everthing they wanted in like 6 seconds and spend the rest of the time just staring at them like "Now what?"

All the time I would look board as hell. Even yawn in freefall.


Do an accuracy approach into the peas.

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[Remster 27]

Long story....

About 8 years ago, they shot a "Surprise Sur Prise" at my home DZ (that show is like the Blooper and Practical Jokes show, only with the jokes though).

The victim was a local olympic gold medal speed skater and the accomplice was a team mate of hers. The accomplice went through PFF training and got her licence secretly, and was a very natural flyer actually.

Anyways, they visit the DZ to support their sponsor, who is also allegedly spronsoring the local 4 way team. The accomplice says she really wants to go in the plane with them and see them jump from up there... no problem she's told... there's even a camera on board the plane feeding live air-to-ground images that the victim will be able to see (yea yea, I know, but she took it at face value).

So they are on their way to altitude, and the accomplice says on video she's really keen on jumping, and slips on a rig that was left in the back of the plane while no one is looking, except of course her horrified teamate and the people on the ground. At this stage, the people on the ground plead with her (oh, she has radio too) to stay put, not jump, but after the 4way exits, she goes.

Now, we have live air-to-ground video from the 4 way camera guy (yea yea, I know... lol.. it was recorded days before over several jumps). She falls on the back of the 4way, funnels it, does a rodeo, spins one around, goes low and away... then, the 4way team goe after her in a mean looking delta (the the music of 007.. dom dodododom lol). Meanwhile, the people on the ground keep shouting at her through her radio: let them catch you, let them catch you.... they do catch her, and finnaly, they open in a mr bill with her as the passenger.

Now, we have a video feed of that, she's been told to lowere herself down the leg of the Mr Bill, as soon as she lets go, tu pull that handle on her left. Well, she lowers herself, lets go, falls... falls... falls...

AND BANG Falls through the celing of the video room right in front of her team mate with a canopy tralling her....


In reality, she had done a hop and pop a few minutes before and climed on top of the building.

That was classic.... I whish I didnt give my copy of the video...

Remster

[tigra 0]

Actually, there is a cameraman who can do live air to ground video. I've seen it. Funny story, though.

[Unstable 9]

Hehehe, We need to do that Next time The Nuclear Wessle flys for us - I'd bet Adrock or Flyn Could do it..

=========Shaun ==========