British insults

[Zep 0]

No, you got the area right, I forgot to put the little smiley face.

I used to love Essex girls for all the wrong reasons

Gone fishing

[gjhdiver 0]

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Is there some kind of class the British go to when they're young in order to learn how to take a proper piss at each other?Oh and fuck off!

Yes indeed, but it takes years of quiet self hatred and repression before it all comes out in the form of vituperation at anyone foolish enough not to meet our high personal standards.

Which is just about everyone.

It's easy to insult someone. The trick is to do it in such a way that they realise that they have been insulted, but lack the intellectual capacity to fully understand the enormity of it.

In the US, I usually just distract the locals afterwards by waving something shiny like my car keys, being careful not to let them put them in their mouths.

Or dropping a ham.

Americans like ham.

[Skyliving_Dave 0]

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It's easy to insult someone. The trick is to do it in such a way that they realise that they have been insulted, but lack the intellectual capacity to fully understand the enormity of it.

That's very true, one of the other pleasures is to insult someone so it goes right over their head and only the person you want to understand gets it. The targeted person simply has the uneasy feeling they missed something and the two conspirators can bask in their superiority. Remember, Schadenfreude ist die schonste Freude. You can live by a motto like that.

Now then, just leave the eloquent and subtly pejorative application of the English language to us. It's our language so rest assured it is in good hands with us. We'll do what we can do to keep the Geordies away from it as well.

Dave
PS: When someone says "I'll get me keys" or similar, I would not be an alternative as the "me" refers to the particular pronunciation, it is not the personal pronoun. Trust me, I'm a linguist.

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'Everybody needs a mate called Dave'

[happythoughts 0]

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there is a book!
British History for Dummies

or maybe you can ask Gareth.

Make up your mind. Is the book, British History for Dummies, or British History from Dummies?

[marks 0]

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So I can't spell, so what?

Oh and fuck off!

fuckin limeys!

[ACMESkydiver 0]

I thought you were starting a thread on 'British Sluts'.


Hrmmm...I don't know any of those.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[Tintin 0]

BIOCH

Pass the KITTY-CAT

(Kitty-cat is a brand of cat food)

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Please forgive the sp errors, I have dyslexia. Don't laugh ... the last time i went to a toga party, I went dressed as a goat !!

[bob.dino 0]

Would you like some cheese with your whine?

[skydog 2]

British insults are usually more subtle than "your a fucking knob jockey"....

My personal favourite is sarcasm, which seems to escape the majority of "septics".

Take for example me talking to a woman in a bar in SoCal. Conversation turns to weather (not that there is any to speak of there).

She asked me when the summer was in the UK.
I said "well its one wednesday in August..."
"Geeeeez your forecasters are good" says she..
"Not that good" says I "they couldnt say which wednesday"...

The blank expression on her face indicated I had scored another home run.

I had to stop being sarcastic as it was far too easy and could derive no pleasure from it....

Bryn

Journey not destination.....

[Zep 0]

I get the same thing here in Spain, The Spanish really do not understand sarcasm or British humour
To give you an example, they think Benny Hill is funny
an Black Adder just goes staight over their heads.
I look forward to poping up to Empuria so I can take the piss out of Pete, ( a northern southern thing )

Gone fishing

[daniel_owen_uk 0]

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....order to learn how to take a propper piss at each other?....

1) The proper way to spell proper is P-R-O-P-E-R...
(sorry it was there...read any of my postings and you can raz me back on spelling without a problem)...

2) Their Brits...what do you expect...
(to the Brits...again I am sorry that to was there for the taking...but I am American so you understand I am an asshole too but without whit...)

Now that made me laugh, corrects proper and then uses the wrong their :D

Maybe the reason we are so good at insults is our grasp on the English language, instead of this Americanised (yes thats an s) mutation :P

How's that for an insult?

__________________

BOOM Headshot

[Skyliving_Dave 0]

You want humour that spans the Atlantic? Ok, let's see how well I can remember this one:

(From a daily newspaper article in the U.S.)

Jim Daley, 32, of Missouri has become the first American to grasp the concept of irony. This happened to him while holidaying in the UK. There he was, marvelling at something older than 100 years when a friendly local commented to him
'Great weather, isn't it?'
'Sure,' replied Jim.

So, Jim, what happened next?

'Well, after a second or two something dawned on me. I thought to myself, 'hold on now, Jim, no WAY is it great weather! It's raining!' It then dawned on me that the other man's mistake was in fact deliberate. After being confused for a while I realised that the British man had been using irony. I have to say, I was stunned!'

Well, dear reader, there you have it. We've heard this word 'irony' before but it never made sense, and we just didn't have the time to think about it. Jim, an all-American father of two has become the first of us to understand. He also tells us he's begun using irony himself, at home and in the workplace. Is that right, Jim?

'It sure is! I'm so excited I've been using irony all the time! For example, just the other day I was out in the garden barbecuing some food. When I got back from fetching a beer I saw I'd burnt the steaks to a crisp! I was cross, but then I remembered irony. I turned to my wife and said, 'great weather, isn't it?'

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'Everybody needs a mate called Dave'

[nigelh 0]

Bit late joining this thread!
Geordie, i don't understand your dictionary, but that 'coz i'm a proper englishman and live down sarf?(south) near Gatwick.
I'm not gonna reel off any insults about northern monkies or that Essex girls only wear knickers to keep their ankles warm.

For lessons in British Insults i recommend watching www.thefootballfactory.com
It also teaches you how to behave at Footie matches!

Nigel

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Sponored by NZ Aerosports, CYPRES 2, Tonfly & L&B

Team Dirty Sanchez #232

[Skyliving_Dave 0]

fixed clicky
Football Factory

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'Everybody needs a mate called Dave'

[kallend 1,623]

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Yorkshire pudding is like coagulated meat guts

How do you know?

Yorkshire pudding has no meat in it at all. I think this is a case of mistaken identity for HAGGIS, a delicacy loved by the Scots (a race that conscientiously keeps the Sabbath and anything else it can lay its hands on).

...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

[sid 1]

the beauty of British insults is that one word can be both insulting and good naturedly "nice"

For example you may hear the following conversation in any one of the pubs that I mis-spent my youth in

"Oi - Wanker! - No, not you wanker, YOU wanker!!!!"

The word Bollocks can be good and bad too - for example something that's really bad - oh like say The Tony Danza show could be called "A load of Bollocks" - but something that's really great like the new cd by Lost City Angles could be "The Dog's Bollocks!"

confused? you will be after this weeks episode of "British Wankers and Chavys"

Pete Draper,

Just because my life plan is written on the back of a Hooter's Napkin, it's still a life plan.... right?

[grue 1]

A good friend of mine was visiting me in Australia, his first trip out of the US. We were in a club and he asked for tips on picking up Aussie chicks. Mind you, asking me for advice on women is like asking Michael J Fox how to win at Jenga, so I decide to have a bit of fun. I told him to find a hot one, walk right up and say "You've got a face like a bush pig, but I reckon I'd take you out back and have a go anyway." He looks at me like I've gone mad, and says "You can't talk like that to women, it'll never work!" "Nah mate, it's different down here, plus you're an American. You'll be right".... so he walks up to this STUNNING blonde on the other end of the bar, and says what I told him to say.... *SMACK*

Hell awaits me

cavete terrae.

[grue 1]

Incidentally, I am reminded by this thread of a scene in "Euro Trip":

"So I tell the swamp donkey to sock it before I give her a trunky in the tradesman's entrance and have her lick me yardballs, heh heh heh!"

"Wow, you guys are on a completely different level of swearing over here"

cavete terrae.

[grue 1]

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the beauty of British insults is that one word can be both insulting and good naturedly "nice"

For example you may hear the following conversation in any one of the pubs that I mis-spent my youth in

"Oi - Wanker! - No, not you wanker, YOU wanker!!!!"

The word Bollocks can be good and bad too - for example something that's really bad - oh like say The Tony Danza show could be called "A load of Bollocks" - but something that's really great like the new cd by Lost City Angles could be "The Dog's Bollocks!"

confused? you will be after this weeks episode of "British Wankers and Chavys"

Imagine the trouble I almost found myself in when I referred to a friend as "a sick cunt" here in the US "The hell did you just say?" "It's a good thing!" "Uh huh"

cavete terrae.

[Skydivercop 0]

I'm going to preempt this with I love the Brits...stationed there for 3 years in the early 90s. However, when downing one at a local pub and getting harrassed by the locals, my fellow airmen and I would remind them that England was the largest American aircraft carrier...the USS Britannia! LOL Almost got my ass beat for that one!

AJ aka Sonic A-Hole
Sonic Beef #93
"Thaaaaaat's Right!"

[SpeedRacer 1]

Advice to Brits:

When you're in America, don't announce to everyone that you're "just going to step outside to blow a fag."

trust me on this one.

Speed Racer
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[Buried 0]

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Advice to Brits:

When you're in America, don't announce to everyone that you're "just going to step outside to blow a fag."

trust me on this one.

Heed his advice... unless that's your thing

reminds me when i was in london a few yrs back and asked someone to 'bum a smoke'. i just got a blank stare but then he realized what i said.

Where is my fizzy-lifting drink?

[GeordieSkydiver 0]

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Advice to Brits:

When you're in America, don't announce to everyone that you're "just going to step outside to blow a fag."

trust me on this one.

Except no-one actually uses the word 'blow' in that context. Ever.

Now if you said you needed to "bum a fag", we'd be rolling in the isles.

Lee _______________________________

In a world full of people, only some want to fly, is that not crazy?
http://www.ukskydiver.co.uk

[Tintin 0]

Last summer, sat at the bar when this Yank couple walk in, order a drink. Husband say to his wife ' you got my wallet ?' to which she replied 'Its in my fanny bag'.
Me, mid sip of my pint, managed to cover the bar, barman and anyone else in projectile range with beer and snot. I think the Yanks thought I was being really rude but I couldn't explain or appologise for laughing.

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Please forgive the sp errors, I have dyslexia. Don't laugh ... the last time i went to a toga party, I went dressed as a goat !!

[mr2mk1g 10]

Just remember it's "arse" not "ass". An ass is something you might ride at Brighton... come to think of it, knowing the odd Brighton lass you might well get to ride som arse there too...