If you were about to re-live an extremely traumatic event, how would you deal with it?

[Muenkel 0]

There's a reason I ask this question. I've read of so many injuries here and how people have gone through the same type of injury more than once. I also remember when Pammi lost both her parents in a very short period of time.

This is also very personal. Many of you know that I seriously injured my brain in a fall back in Aug. '03. The recovery was brutal and very long. In fact, I just returned to a part-time job this past October...28 months later. I often describe my recovery period as the deepest, darkest hole I have ever been in.

Well, I re-injured my brain in a fall again on the 6th. Only 2 people here know about it until now. I have been in shock and quite honestly just didn't want to talk about it. Those of you who know about head injuries, know that they are cumulative...meaning the 2nd blow is worse than the first. This was confirmed by my neurologist and all of the testing I have just undergone. This time my prognosis is a minimum of 24-36 months more of recovery. My symptoms include severe balance, memory, reading comprehension, nausea, slurring of speech, confusion, blurred vision, head pain among other issues. Fortunately, it has not affected my writing ability as of yet. What you don't know is I have to re-read each post several times before I can completely understand it.

So, here I am again. I simply cannot comprehend it yet. I'm waiting for my meltdown. I'm already fearing my next head injury. It could be a simple whiplash. This is it for the rest of my life. I just don't know if I have what it takes to go through this again. This is why I pose the question to you folks. I figure reaching out is better than bottling it up.

I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. I just can't deal with that. I'm simply looking for tools to help me through this from those who have been in my shoes and have gotten the bad news twice. How do you do it?

Thanks,
Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[SudsyFist 0]

Focus on and further develop your strengths. Hawking-style.

• Quote

[Viking 0]

wow, i don't know what to say, but what steve said sounds like a damn good idea.

I swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver
My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin

[SkydiveStMarys 0]

Don't focus on what is out of your control, but instead focus on what you can control. I think you also have to allow yourself, or maybe even expect, to grieve what has been lost. This may take time. I think you took the right step in opening up and talking about what happened and your feelings and fears. Some days will be better then others, when those dark days loom, push yourself to step out into the light. That will be hard, but after awhile it will become second nature and then it will become a way of life. Life as you know it will be different, accept it and embrace it.

(((HUGE HUG)))

Bobbi

A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

[peregrinerose 0]

I'm sure you already know from the first time that you will develop a million cues to help with things like short term memory. Maybe you used to learn or remember easily by listening to them or reading them, but maybe now writing things down will help incorporating learning/short term memory into the motor system too. If reading is a problem, try auditory reading (books on tape, computer programs like Ruby or Jaws or other screenreader) to help compensate.

For the visual end, see a neuro optometrist or low vision rehab optometrist, that is their thing, working with people with head/brain injury. Sometimes a bit of prism helps since head injury can really mess with your eye alignment system. Sometimes glasses vs. contacts, sometimes tints, there are a lot of options, it's just one more avenue to persue.

If you are not hooked up with your state office of vocational rehab, it's a good resource to help out and suggest specialists for your individual issues (I only work with the vision end) in your area.

You may very well melt down. It's okay to just take a break like that, nothing wrong with a temporary loss of strength. As long as it is just that... temporary.

You got through this once, you can do it again, you just have practice now, so will be even better at it.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[mouth 0]

I have no words of wisdom other than to realize that you have so many friends on here who love you. Keep reaching out, keep focusing on recovery realizing that thankfully they have given you a time for recovery rather than a time for demise.

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

--
Hot Mama
At least you know where you stand even if it is in a pile of shit.

[waltappel 1]

I have no words of wisdom regarding head injuries. I feel for you--head injuries are beyond bad.

I have repeated a bad experience though, and did much better the second time.

* Laugh at every opportunity; look at the lighter side of things.

* Develop a daily routine. On any given day, all you need to do is make it through that one day. Don't worry so much about tomorrow--just make it through today.

* Realize that the people who make it through life intact are not particularly tough, but they are really, really resilient. It's not the ability to remain standing after life punches you in the face that will get you through, it's your ability to roll with the punches and get back up.

* Never, ever allow yourself to feel self-pity. It is one of the most destructive things anyone can ever experience and can destroy your soul if you let it.

* Every single day find at least one reason to be glad you are alive. It doesn't have to be a big reason, but does have to be every day.

* If there is one thing in life that I am very sure of, it is this. Feeling bad is NOT the path to feeling good. By that I mean its not like there is some magic quota for feeling bad and, after you reach that quota, life suddenly is great. if you find yourself wallowing in negative thoughts, do whatever it takes to get out of it. The path to feeling good is feeling better than you do right now. Sometimes it is moment by moment, but that's how it works.

* Be kind to yourself and others. It's easy to be abrasive when you don't feel well. Avoid that trap.

* For me, animals are very therapeutic.

Best of luck with your recovery. Keep us posted.

Walt

[skymama 35]

First, I'm sorry you are injured again.

Walt made a great post and you need to print those points out and put them around your house. You have to stay focused, you have to stay positive, you have to remain resiliant. Don't let yourself fall into a trap of feeling sorry for yourself or overwhelmed.

I had a pretty tough time of it earlier this year when I broke my wrists. Just the simple task of getting ready for work in the morning would take me up to 2 hours. It was exhausting too. I was amazed at how tired you get when your body has to heal.

Every morning before I even got out of bed, I would tell myself to just make it through today. Just like the fish in Little Nemo...keep swimming, keep swimming, keep swimming. I was proud of myself for small accomplishments that I couldn't do the day before, like holding a coffee cup, hooking my bra or even making a post on dz.com! I would also laugh at myself at the things I couldn't do, and that let my kids know that it was ok to laugh at me too. We were all in this together. At the end of the day, I gave myself a pat on the back and sighed one day down, only a few more weeks to go. Then, I'd repeat it the next day.

On some days, the frustration level would get to me and I'd have a few tears. I allowed myself a few minutes for a pity party and then slap myself out of it. I'd remind myself that no matter how bad it was for me right then, there were so many more people who were worse off. I'd say things like, "So I broke my wrists, the casts are going to come off someday. Other people have lost their arms in accidents and would be thankful to be in your position. Quit whining!" Tough love works, even if it is for yourself.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[BIGUN 1,105]

Sometimes you can't explain life's destiny. But, sometimes you meet someone that takes life's destiny and focuses it into helping or teaching others. Perhaps you could focus not on what's happened, but what's supposed to happen. Here are a couple of people that I've been honored to meet and learn from. Perhaps some day; I could meet and learn from you.

Mary SantAngelo

Dana Bowman

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[yardhippie 0]

I cant relate to youre particular injury, but I can relate to falling down in that hole and staying there.
When I broke my ankle, I had been self employed. I had quit my well paying job to strike out on my own, and was doing well. Then the ankle break.
Luckily, I had insurance through my wife, but I went from being on the DZ every weekend (where all my friends were), working every weekday, to sitting at home taking pain killers, not sleeping, and miserable. I started having problems with my marriage, then the money ran out.
Im my mind, I didnt see a way out, and for about 3 months there i just gave up. if it hadnt been for April, Im sure Id be homeless and bankrupt.
That was the ONE thing I could cling to, that helped me keep hope.
So, while I do not share your type of injury, I know the feelings that come with a life changing event. My advice is to find ONE thing, no matter how small or large. Something solid. Start there. Even if you make some headway and have to fall back a bit. Keep that one thing as your beacon.

Good luck.

Goddam dirty hippies piss me off! ~GFD
"What do I get for closing your rig?" ~ me
"Anything you want." ~ female skydiver
Mohoso Rodriguez #865

[wmw999 2,167]

I think I would break bottles against the wall -- they make such a lovely crashing sound. That so sucks, Chris.

That said, Walt did have some good advice, and if you can find something positive that you can contribute -- even if it's writing and giving medical people insight into brain injury.

I would never have guessed from your writing -- you're right, it's unaffected.

When you have a meltdown it's OK. Have someone close by who will come up to you, smack you and say "that's enough" when it's enough, and not before.

You're in my prayers.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[jceman 1]

Chris,

I can't add a whole lot to what has gone before, especially Wat's post (lot of good stuff in that one), just remember that your friends are only a post away.

You've worried before whether you belonged on this site as you were "no longer a skydiver". I tild you then, and I'll repeat it here -- you are still. We may tend to bicker and grouse, but we still have respect for one another, especially when one of us is down; this case is no different.

Hang in there, Chris; if you need help to get through a rough day or just to vent about life's unfairness, we're only a post or a PM away.

[Remster 24]

Ah Chris! Why did you have to hurt yourself again! I cant really come up with loads of fluff or motivational speak, but:


Keep your chin up!

Remster

[NWFlyer 2]

Quote

I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. I just can't deal with that. I'm simply looking for tools to help me through this from those who have been in my shoes and have gotten the bad news twice. How do you do it?

I've only been through a traumatic event once, but I'd like to think that knowing I got through it once could provide me strength in getting through it a second time. Before we are ever tested, we wonder how we will react. We wonder *if* we can handle it.

You know how you will handle it because you've already been through it. You know you will have some dark moments, you know you will have times when you wonder if you will come through on the other side, but you also know that you will.

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[GiaKrembs 0]

Hey Chris,

In reality, what you have is here and now.
I completely agree with what Skymama said... you really need to take it a day at a time. When you wake in the morning, enjoy the fact that there is fresh air for you to breathe, that you can see, and the list can go on and on. We are blessed with so much yet have tendencies to focus on the bad. It's so easy to fall into the dark hole (been there, done that), so it's important to keep yourself busy and appreciate the things that you do have one day at a time.

When you have a tough day, know that you have friends and family... hell post here and rant if ya need - we all do from time to time.

Take good care, g

Raddest ho this side of Jersey #1 - rest in peace brother
Beth lost her cherry and I missed it
.... you want access to it, but you don't want to break it.

[skybytch 259]

That sucks.

You know that I fear a second time around every time my back twinges. I've thought a lot about how I'll handle it when/if I have to go through that crap again.

It's okay to be angry, to rail at the unfairness of it all, to think about all you've lost, to dwell on the negative. It's not okay for the long term, but I think it's important to have a personal "pity party," to acknowledge the negatives and feel the emotions that go along with them.

Then it's time to start using what you've learned over the past couple years. The tools that got you through and out of that dark hole before are there waiting for you to use again. You know what those tools are.

Focus on the "cans" instead of the "can'ts." Look for the possibilities in what you can do. Perhaps there's a reason that your writing ability hasn't been affected?

And never forget to lean on your friends when you need them. We don't mind at all.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Hey Chris, I don't have a bunch of time right now I have to leave, but I wanted to say just a quick "YOU CAN DO THIS" and you keep going forward, buddy.

Taking two head injuries and pushing on anyway means you're tough, man. That's double-tough. You're a strong guy, and you really are an inspiration to many of us here.

You should write a book, and I'm not even joking about that.

Love ya, Chris!

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[micro 0]

well? what do you think now buddy? look at all the friends you have here... look at all the love and support that has come to you so quickly. makes it a little easier to cope with, I hope.

i don't have any good advice except rely on your faith, rely on your friends. don't be a turtle. know we love you.

m

I miss Lee.
And JP.
And Chris. And...

[Sky15 0]

I am very sorry about your accident(s) and you are in my prayers.

As far as advice, you have gotten some great replies here. I can sort of relate in that my daughter has autism. She is 4 1/2 and was diagnosed about a year ago. I too had to grieve the future we "had planned" and I understand that feeling. Some words of wisdom I received when I would start feeling guilty about the past, thinking I could have done things sooner/better, or worrying about the future (that is my huge fear, once we are gone, since she may never live independently)...someone told me such worries are "a waste of emotional energy". And I remind myself of that if I start to drift there.

In the hardest times I also remind myself that it could always be worse, or more severe. Sometimes it does put perspective on things when I realize others are stuggling even harder. Yep our hand we were dealt sucks, but thank goodness it's not a worse hand.

To limit your pity/sorrow time, put an actual time limit on it. Set aside a small amount of time, whether 5 min. daily or 30 min. weekly that you allow yourself to focus on the grief, worry, etc.

Please do seek support here and in your life in person. DO NOT go though it alone. Also, do reach out, you know others must have similar injuries. Can your dr. put you in touch with any similar support groups? I don't go often but just the experience of walking into a full room with other parents of autistic kids did wonders for me in helping me feel not so alone in this battle.

Edited to add:

I did a little search online and there are some online support groups it looks like, if you haven't do a search. You may even locate a local in person group. I also have an online support group and it's invaluable for support and information.

Also, The advice above about one day at a time is very good. Even going further, on your hardest days, one MINUTE at a time. When it's the worst, ALL you have to do, is just BREATHE, in and out. That's all you need to do, nothing more.

Many (((Hugs))) to you.

[Brian425 0]

Chris,
There really isn't much to say. I am sorry that you got hurt again. The fact is, you have to go through it again. I know it must seem scary. I know that it seems like it is never ending; but, you know that it WILL get better. Rehab and recovery are tough. Lots of us have been through it. The key is that you have a choice in this. You can choose to NEVER give up and work through rehab and recovery or you can lay back and give up. We've talked a few times. I know you are not a quitter. This is going to be tough; but, you already know what most of it is like. You know the doctotrs and the rest of the rehab people. You will get past it.
There will always be setbacks in life. That is just the way it goes. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You friends will be happy to give it to you. reach out and get the support you need (physical and emotional).
It's ok to be afraid about the future, just don't let fear stop you from your goals.
Plus you have to get better, you owe me a few beers and I wanted to make you the designated driver.

The only time you should look down on someone is when you are offering them your hand.

[Muenkel 0]

Thanks folks for the great advice. Walt's list is excellent, but so is the rest of your advice.

The tough part is the 'Oh shit, not again'. Also, my symptoms are worse this time.

The easier part is that I've been through it before and know for the most part what to expect.

I know it is one minute at a time or one day at a time. That helps. The frustration just really grabs you though.

Yes, I will make it through this. I'm not dieing and I know it could be so much worse. A lot of good happened inside of me the last time, so maybe I'm in for even more good stuff. I did have a better day today and I'm thankful for that. Yesterday was horrible.

My internist sucks, but I have an excellent neurologist and neuro-psychiatrist. I feel I am in good hands there.

Thanks again my friends. You have no idea how much therapy this site provides for me. Laughter and boobies really are great medicine.

Happy HolidaysChris

_________________________________________
Chris

[AlexCrowley 0]

boobys.

TV's got them images, TV's got them all, nothing's shocking.

[Michele 1]

Remember when I sent you the PM and told you there was a reason I was sending it to you, but didn't know what it was?
Roses.

Remember when you told me about an experience you had?
Patience.

Remember when we sat out on SInkers porch and argued like a married couple, and soon enough we were laughing and hugging?
Love.

Remember that the best advise is to know you are surrounded by people who care?
Friends.

Chris, this is going to be such a test for you. Remember that love, patience, and friends will be what sees you through. And don't forget to smell the roses.

I love you dearly. Hang in there; hopefully I'll make it that direction next summer and we can spend some time kicking rocks and laughing. That would be excellent.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Muenkel 0]

Quote

I love you dearly. Hang in there; hopefully I'll make it that direction next summer and we can spend some time kicking rocks and laughing. That would be excellent.

I may even dance in a thunderstorm with you.

Thank you for the reminders...now I have to search out that pm so I can remember what was said.

Chris

_________________________________________
Chris

[Hipwrddude 0]

Hi Chris,
No one fully answered your question, “If you were to re-live an extremely traumatic event, how would you deal with it?” My answer is, “If I had to re-live the trauma again knowing what I know now, I would say to myself, “Hope springs eternal” and take action to create a better outcome.
As you know, brain injury is one of the least recognized and least understood injuries. It cripples your ability to concentrate, enjoy cognizance, and function fully. To a brain injured person, life is full of disappointments. While before, everything was easy, now, everything is hard. Most people are clueless to what you’re experiencing. First, who are you? You are not the same. Where are you going? Nowhere, it seems.
Who loves you? Only those closest, it seems. Sometimes, nobody. A great deal of your time is spent idle, just trying to form a thought or action, in your mind. Frustration is frequent, and deeply upsetting. Things are not the same and you feel powerless to change them.
Here are a few things you might find interesting: 1.) The brain is hardwired for god. What is god? Hope. Researchers at the University of Penn found that deeply religious people experience euphoria and elevated perspectives in the light of god. The human being survives through hope, that is why belief is so strong. The human animal needs hope in order to survive and fight on. Our existence depends on it.
2.) Your brain must rebuild its’ neurological pathways. That requires work. It’s the equivalent of millions of mental calisthenics. Your road is yours alone. Progress is painfully slow or nonexistent. But get this straight—effort is progress. 3.) Your progress depends on your hope. More miracles have occurred bathed in the light of hope, then in any other mental state or disposition of note. You must not stop working. It will sometimes be endless, pointless, unreasonably disappointing and upsetting. But you must continue on.
As you know, the right side of the brain is artistic, visual and abstract. The left side of the brain is logical, connecting the word from the left side to the visual from the right. Visualization drills enjoin the two spheres like no other. If I could leave you on an up note that even your doctors might agree, it’s this, you MUST believe in yourself and the HOPE for your future. Did you know that the moment you form a thought, it’s because your brain created a neuro-chemical peptide chain that IS the thought? Yes, the brain has the power to create. If you visualize a place you want to be, in the state you want to be, it can, it can be. If you give it your all, if you give it, your hope. In the great distance there stands a person recovered. When they turn around you realize it's you.

You're always the starter in your own life!