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lippy

Bad joke du 'jour

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A guy walks into the supermarket and buys the following items:
a pack of smokes
a bar of soap
a loaf of bread
an apple
a frozen single-serve lasagne dinner
The checkout girl looks at him, smiles, and says: "Single, huh?"
He smiles and replies: "Yeah. However did you guess?"

She explains: "Because you're so fuckin' ugly."
Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics.

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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery
day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother
replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up. So the
daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend and he said "My hands
are freezing cold. The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of
my body will warm them up. So he did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He
said "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of
my body will warm it up. So he did and warmed his nose.

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy
with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"
The daughter replies "Well, they make one hell of a mess when they defrost,
don't they?" :ph34r:

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(gotta say this one out loud for it to work.)

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs or genitals?

Still no f**king eye deer.

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Q. Where can you find a dog with no arms or legs?

A. Right where you left it.



A dog with arms? I support the right to arm bears, but not dogs.

Know what you call a dog with legs?
Doesn't matter, it won't come.



I thought it was a CAT with legs?! :S










~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

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Q. Where can you find a dog with no arms or legs?

A. Right where you left it.



A dog with arms? I support the right to arm bears, but not dogs.

Know what you call a dog with legs?
Doesn't matter, it won't come.



I thought it was a CAT with legs?! :S



There you go thinking again:S:P
Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie.

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Q. Where can you find a dog with no arms or legs?

A. Right where you left it.



A dog with arms? I support the right to arm bears, but not dogs.

Know what you call a dog with legs?
Doesn't matter, it won't come.



I thought it was a CAT with legs?! :S



There you go thinking again:S:P



I'm sorry Noob...you can't reply to this thread...it was started before you were JUMPING! :P>:(










~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

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Q. Where can you find a dog with no arms or legs?

A. Right where you left it.



A dog with arms? I support the right to arm bears, but not dogs.

Know what you call a dog with legs?
Doesn't matter, it won't come.



I thought it was a CAT with legs?! :S



There you go thinking again:S:P



I'm sorry Noob...you can't reply to this thread...it was started before you were JUMPING! :P>:(



Hell, I'd comment on some of the threads from when you were a noobie, but I can't decipher the heiroglyphics!:ph34r::P
Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie.

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Q. Where can you find a dog with no arms or legs?

A. Right where you left it.



A dog with arms? I support the right to arm bears, but not dogs.

Know what you call a dog with legs?
Doesn't matter, it won't come.



I thought it was a CAT with legs?! :S



There you go thinking again:S:P



I'm sorry Noob...you can't reply to this thread...it was started before you were JUMPING! :P>:(



Hell, I'd comment on some of the threads from when you were a noobie, but I can't decipher the heiroglyphics!:ph34r::P



Apparently can't SPELL it either :S

Back on the bench rookie, we'll call ya when we need a wind dummy! :ph34r:










~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

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Q. Where can you find a dog with no arms or legs?

A. Right where you left it.



A dog with arms? I support the right to arm bears, but not dogs.

Know what you call a dog with legs?
Doesn't matter, it won't come.



I thought it was a CAT with legs?! :S



There you go thinking again:S:P



I'm sorry Noob...you can't reply to this thread...it was started before you were JUMPING! :P>:(



Hell, I'd comment on some of the threads from when you were a noobie, but I can't decipher the heiroglyphics!:ph34r::P



Apparently can't SPELL it either :S

Back on the bench rookie, wheel call ya when we need a wind dummy! :ph34r:



:ph34r:
Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie.

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