Funniest things Wuffo's have said/asked you

[jephprospect 0]

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Happened to someone I know:

They carried their rig onto an airplane in a bag, which the TSA had placed a label on saying "Parachute" to speed up the security process. Little old lady next to him asks "Oh dear, have you ever had to use that?"

He replies "I sure have!"

Little old lady "Oh heavens!"

hahaha ok my favorite so far for sure

[LOSTandCRAZY 0]

All the guys at work keep asking me:

"What if your chute doesn't deploy"?

The answer?

"You know, I never REALLY thought about it....."

That usually gets the eyes big!

"Get these balls!"

[PeregrineFalcon 0]

A student asked to see a video of me jumping. I went on youtube and showed him. Now, because the cameraman is falling at the same rate, he asked, "Are you falling there?"
I said, "Of course I'm falling!"
He replied. "It doesn't look like your falling. It looks like you're floating or flying."
I then said, "You're right. I couldn't fool you. I'm really flying."

[PeregrineFalcon 0]

>>>

OMFG, that's funny!!!

[skybill 19]

Hi jp,
Someone called a friend of mine for info on a "$5.00 bet" he made with a co-worker.
He bet that Skydivers don't have to "breathe" in freefall because the O2 is being forced in through their skin from the airspeed!!
When he told my friend the deal, Pat began laughing like a crazy man!!!!'
The guy then said to Pat ,"Well, I guess I lost the bet!!"

SCR-2034, SCS-680

III%,
Deli-out

[howardwhite 5]

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He bet that Skydivers don't have to "breathe" in freefall because the O2 is being forced in through their skin from the airspeed!!

No doubt the guy making the bet armed himself with the following well-known factoid from the Internet:

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How do you breathe in freefall?" and other Whuffo Questions
--How do you breathe in freefall?"
Through genetically developed gills.
This falls into the realm of urban folklore. One CAN breathe in freefall - if it were necessary. However, due to the high speed of terminal freefall (and much higher speeds in vertical freefall dives), the jumper's body is exposed to O2 molecules at a much higher rate than someone walking around on the ground. The body is able to absorb the necessary O2 through the skin. This is why jumpers flap their cheeks in freefall, it presents a larger surface area to the airstream for oxygen osmosis. Once under canopy, the jumper resumes breathing normally.
This is also why jumpers do not jump on cloudy days or when they might risk going through clouds. The moisture in the clouds can condense on their exposed skin surfaces preventing the absorption of the necessary oxygen resulting in suffocation. AADs are recommended for jumpers in climates where weather is a factor.
--Don't your ears pop on the way down?"
Yes, we're not ignoring you, we're deaf.
--What if you have to go the bathroom in the plane?
Go ahead!
--Can you steer your parachute?
No, one time I landed in Jamaica.
--Does it hurt?
Yes, that's why we jump all the time! Masochism!
--What if your parachute doesn't open?
Gee, I never thought of that...
--Why do you jump?
Why do _you_ breathe?
--Where do you jump?
O'Hare, Midway, LAX, Dulles, where ever I happen to be.

HW

[tbrown 26]

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Someone asked me today if bugs hit me while in freefall. I thought it was pretty funny. I guess it could be possible but nothing i ever thought of and the image of a bug splatting on my goggles just cracks me up.

Isn't that why so many of us wear full visor helmets ? Or am I missing something ?

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[tbrown 26]

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Does it hurt when your parachute pulls you upward?

That's a classic comment...

Another classic "but if the first canopy doesn't work and then the second one fails to, what happens then?"....
My usual answer is: then "I'm going to die with a big splatter and the resque team will have to use a mop to clean up my mess".... I know it's a stupid thing to say but when you get this same question for the 1000'nd time then the answer isn't going to be any better....

My preferred metaphor is, "Like a bug on a windshield" and if I've been drinking I like to add the part about my ass being the last thing to go through my mind.

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[ghost47 18]

I've been asked three times now: if both your parachutes don't open, do they teach you some sort of body position to minimize the damage when you hit the ground?

[LaRusic 0]

yeah.....stick ur head between ur legs and kiss you ass goodbye

The Altitude above you, the runway behind you, and the fuel not in the plane are totally worthless
Dudeist Skydiver # 10

[Hausse 0]

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I've been asked three times now: if both your parachutes don't open, do they teach you some sort of body position to minimize the damage when you hit the ground?

Yes do what ever body position is needed to hit your riggers car

[npgraphicdesign 2]

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My two favorites:
When a tandem student asked her instructor the old, "but if the first canopy doesn't work and then the second one fails to, what happens then?".... He said, "Well, just get back up, dust yourself off and follow me toward the white light."

I also had a firend who carried his rig on a commerical flight without a gear bag or anything. A woman timidly asked him, "Is that a parachute?" He glanced toward the front of the plane then back at her and said, "Oh, they didn't give you one to?"

I just spit my tea out on my monitor...that's classic!!

[Baksteen 84]

My co-worker Anne:

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Skydive!? Oh my god - that's AWFUL, I'd never...



At least, that's my.. I mean, I didn't.. it's your hobby.. it's just I wouldn't dare....

Not funny so much as sweet

"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport."
~mom

[happythoughts 0]

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I've been asked three times now: if both your parachutes don't open, do they teach you some sort of body position to minimize the damage when you hit the ground?

A while back, I told my son the, "...grab the grass" joke. At some point, he told his mom.

His mom re-told the joke as fact in front of 3 people
who immediately started laughing.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Good joke."
To my son, "It's a joke?"
"Yeah mom."

[MikeJD 0]

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I've been asked three times now: if both your parachutes don't open, do they teach you some sort of body position to minimize the damage when you hit the ground?

'Yeah, because the local landowner gets really upset when you leave a crater.'

[jumpwally 0]

I would only hope you would take a crow to the mouth.....

smile, be nice, enjoy life
FB # - 1083

[Rstanley0312 0]

Not so much stupid but really clever.... my buddy asked if during the "falling dreams" that everyone gets, do we as skydivers not jump suddenly and wake up, rather just enjoy it the whole time. I thought that was funny. One of my buddies tells whuffos that the clouds taste like vanilla and you would not believe how many take him seriously.

Life is all about ass....either you're kicking it, kissing it, working it off, or trying to get a piece of it.
Muff Brother #4382 Dudeist Skydiver #000
www.fundraiseadventure.com

[spindlee 0]

I had a tandem ask me before where my reserve was and she didn't believe i had 2 in my "backpack" lol. Also the definate one i get asked all the time as mentioned before is how much does it hurt when the parachute yanks you upwards. I then have to explain the camera jumper is still falling

If in doubt, whip it out...

[theonlyski 3]

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I had a tandem ask me before where my reserve was and she didn't believe i had 2 in my "backpack" lol.

wow, you have 2 reserves?? thats pretty sweet!

"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

[spindlee 0]

That's how i role
sorry meant 2 canopies in there

If in doubt, whip it out...

[ifell 0]

Recently as I was showing a a few ppl at work some footage of me I was asked how we keep up with the plane... What? Well the guy with the camera is on the plane right?

Immediately thought of this thread before sitting that person down for a chat!

[Misternatural 0]

Well, this line really isn't funny because I was kind of insulted but wuffos are wuffos even if you think they are your friends:

"Skydivers are STUPID....to jump out of a plane over and over just to see if the parachute will open...it's a stupid sport."


with attitudes like that no wonder that sometimes I feel like I only fit in here.

Beware of the collateralizing and monetization of your desires.
D S #3.1415

[porpoishead 5]

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I was asked how we keep up with the plane...

ya gotta kick yer legs pretty fast if its a big plane but the small ones arent to hard to keep up with

if you want a friend feed any animal
Perry Farrell

[RALFFERS 0]

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Well, this line really isn't funny because I was kind of insulted but wuffos are wuffos even if you think they are your friends:

"Skydivers are STUPID....to jump out of a plane over and over just to see if the parachute will open...it's a stupid sport."


with attitudes like that no wonder that sometimes I feel like I only fit in here.

I can totally see how & why you would feel that way, anyone would really.

If you think about it though, anything & everything is repetitive in nature... Why ski down a mountain, swim in a pool or lake, rock climb etc, etc.... You're only doing the same things over and over. We do things again and again, obviously because we enjoy whatever activity it happens to be.

I hope you never run across such an ignorantly outspoken whuffo, but if you do, the above statement is good point to make; should shut them up real quick

Dialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself -

"from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of

[riddler 0]

Well, I guess she counts as a whuffo, since she hadn't jumped yet. I was teaching an AFF class, and in the middle of the class, and I was going over emergency procedures, and she asks:

"What if both of them (the parachutes) fail? Should I fly to the other guy (one of the AFF instructors) an clip myself to him?"

I don't know if she got that idea from the tandems, or from watching too many movies, but I did my best not to laugh. I just said "let's talk about that in a few minutes", and went back to the course material (double failures were about 10 minutes away, on the schedule).

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD