shropshire 0 #1 February 23, 2010 Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?' The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.' The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.' (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 135 #2 February 23, 2010 Did they speak Farsi ? scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #3 February 23, 2010 I think I know to whom you are alluding (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #4 February 23, 2010 Thank God my engineer is "normal". Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 135 #5 February 23, 2010 Quote Thank God my engineer is "normal". did he take the clothes ? scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Waste 0 #6 February 23, 2010 An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?" hehe, sorry to the lawyers out there Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyMcSwervy 0 #7 February 23, 2010 Quote Quote Thank God my engineer is "normal". did he take the clothes ? We dont' believe in clothes. Always be kinder than you feel. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Balls 0 #8 February 23, 2010 What do engineers use as birth control? Their personalities ---------------------------------------- ....so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #9 February 23, 2010 I just want every one to know that I didn't start this thread. Thank you Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #10 February 23, 2010 Mechanical Engineers build weapons ...... Civil Engingeers build targets (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
riddler 0 #11 February 23, 2010 QuoteWhat do engineers use as birth control? Nearly every engineer I know has kids. Fortunately, for us engineering types, there are plenty of the opposite sex out there with low standards.Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,384 #12 February 23, 2010 Quote Quote What do engineers use as birth control? Nearly every engineer I know has kids. Fortunately, for us engineering types, there are plenty of the opposite sex out there with low standards. I don't have any, (that I know about)."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #13 February 23, 2010 I don't want any...I aim for the eyes! Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,384 #14 February 23, 2010 Quote I don't want any...I aim for the eyes! Does anyone here watch the UK show "Newswipe"? 'Murkin comedian "I'm Doug-Stanhope-and-that's-why-I-drink" has a segment on each episode. Two weeks ago he was advocating sodomy as being better for the environment than conventional sex."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #15 February 23, 2010 Hey don't laugh, some women really do enjoy it more. After all the G spot isn't a spot...it's a ring with two key parts. One on the top is the G spot and then on the back...the one on the back is more sensitive. And while an orgasm from a G spot initially has a bit of discomfort (im told some women feel as if they have to pee bad at first) the back side G spot is a straight up shot to the moon. The key is getting her to relax and to enjoy it. And most importantly not so stop the orgasms and just ride them.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thedude325 0 #17 February 23, 2010 Quote Mechanical Engineers build weapons ...... Civil Engingeers build targets my favorite one. we use it all the time to mess with the civvies! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,623 #18 February 23, 2010 ... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Belgian_Draft 0 #19 February 23, 2010 We'll see if I can remember this one well enough to keep it somewhat humorous.... Three men were led to the guillotine; a priest, a beggar, and an engineer. The priest was asked if he had any last requests. He responded, "Yes. I would like to lay face up so I can look toward my Heavenly Father during my last moments on Earth." The executioner saw no problem with this and laid the priest on his back, his neck squarely in the blade's path. When the blade was released the priest started to say a prayer, but stopped just as the blade jammed in its track just inches from the priest's neck. "It's a miracle!" shouted the crowd. "So it is! This man will go free!" Replied the executioner. The beggar was next. He too requested to lay on his back. As the blade was released he started to pray....and the blade jammed once again. "This man, too, shall be free! It is God's will!" shouted the executioner. The engineer, being naturally curious as to how things work, also lay on his back. Just as the executioner was about to release the blade the engineer shouted, "Wait! I think I see the problem!". HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JeffD 0 #20 February 23, 2010 Why is God a civil engineer? Who else would put a sewer line through a recreational area? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Belgian_Draft 0 #21 February 24, 2010 Construction engineers build grand projects designed by brilliant structural engineers who use equations derived by genious mathemeticians who brought order from chaos. But it was computer engineers who created chaos.HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #22 February 24, 2010 We have one in our facility. If her eyebrows aren't connected and she's not wearing sweat pant's, she's a hot engineer! You would think I'm kidding........but there are some in my facility who wear sweat pants to work. Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #23 February 24, 2010 Quote You would think I'm kidding........but there are some in my facility who wear seat pants to work. is that anything like that old style long underwear with the buttons in the back so that one can expose their rear without removing their pants? Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #24 February 24, 2010 ha ha nah braaa....fat fingered! We had the equivalent of the CEO do a tour last year and from what I was told by a close friend who works for his office he was rather bemused by the clothing choice of some of her highly paid female professionals. But he can't do much since the union won't let him.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #25 February 24, 2010 Doug Stanhope is another one of those mad geniuses. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
