wmw999 2,121 #1 February 27, 2011 Please -- only if you've been divorced. I'm trying to take a poll to see how people perceive their financial condition at (say) 2 years after divorce. I.e. enough time to know what it's like, but not long enough to have moved on and built a new life most of the time. Yeah, it's a lot of poll options. Such is life. You get extra credit for posting details for our vicarious voyeurism Do not post details you don't want your ex or their lawyer to see -- this is the internet Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JerryBaumchen 1,048 #2 February 27, 2011 Hi Wendy, I voted for the first option. But a question: When you say 'man/kids' just what do you mean? I was a single parent of two teenagers; is that what your 'man/kids' is referring to? JerryBaumchen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,121 #3 February 27, 2011 Good point -- if you're a man, and you had kids. You done good. Wendy P.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #4 February 27, 2011 Quote Good point -- if you're a man, and you had kids. You done good. Wendy P. Or she was just really that bad.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NovaTTT 1 #5 February 27, 2011 I know you have a lot of options there, Wendy, but IMO it's still not enough! 1 - Perhaps an option for "no better, no worse" 2 - "Kids" option doesn't specify custody: Child Support vs supporting and raising child(ren). For example, I have kids and I had full custody of them. They're both over 21 now. Based on the two year mark I chose Option 1, although if she had paid child support I would have chosen "no better or worse"."Even in a world where perfection is unattainable, there's still a difference between excellence and mediocrity." Gary73 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shotgun 1 #6 February 27, 2011 I don't think my marriage/divorce had much effect on my financial condition either way. But we had no kids or joint property, and we kept all of our finances separate. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #7 February 27, 2011 I voted better off financially, but it was only because I traded giving up my home for him releasing me of our debt. So, I rented for a year and was able to then buy a home (with my parent's help, but they've been paid back) and remain debt-free for 8 years. My credit score is 800. I'll be getting divorced again this year, so ask me again in 2 years. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,121 #8 February 27, 2011 Oh, I agree. And we didn't get into the definitions of "royally fucked" vs. "worse off." To some people, the fact that the ex is not miserable and starving in a hovel is "royally fucked." Wendy P. There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NovaTTT 1 #9 February 27, 2011 Quote Oh, I agree. And we didn't get into the definitions of "royally fucked" Well, I think we all have a pretty good idea of what is "royally fucked"!!! And I don't mean Kate Middleton!!!!! ETA: But you're right, Wendy, in that some are more vindictive than others. Some might say I was royally fucked because I left with only some few personal possessions. But I got the kids and that was worth 10x what we had in the first place. I may have been screwed in every other aspect, but I never complained because I got the riches!"Even in a world where perfection is unattainable, there's still a difference between excellence and mediocrity." Gary73 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #10 February 27, 2011 Obviously, I am a man. Got an investigator. Sat down with her and gave her an idea that I knew more than I did. She turned pale. Made her an offer she didn't dare refuse. I eventually found out why she turned pale, but that's another story. I got the house. I kept my retirement. I got custody (let her out of child support). No alimony. I kept my investments. I am debt free, two houses, lots of toys, all the furniture I liked, nice income, loving life. She is drowning in debt and renting space in her house to four people to make ends meet. June will be two years.I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,121 #11 February 27, 2011 I had my divorce lawyer tell me that I could get a much better deal; I wasn't interested. Our son was worth way more than that. I was definitely not royally fucked, either. Interesting, though, that the biggest correlation in negative outcome I see so far is whether you have children or not. I didn't inquire about income (which has a strong potential to be a determinant) because it just makes it too complicated. And these are skydivers, after all Wendy P. There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #12 February 27, 2011 1.1 years now? No kids. She got nothing, I got nothing. I paid all the legal fees, $10+K I'm OKish. $3k/month for a condo I don't particularly like but I'm OK. Her? FUCKED! Her "plans" went to shit, she is now working two jobs and trying to stay in school. I got lucky. I thinkLife through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cloudseeker2001 0 #13 February 27, 2011 It was nice to have an extra paycheck....... "Some call it heavenly in it's brilliance, others mean and rueful of the western dream" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jgoose71 0 #14 February 27, 2011 There wasn't an option for better off financially, but royally fucked. Yes, she got custody of the kids, I'm in the navy and always deployed, and she started using the kids as leverage against me. In the end, nobody won. On the flip side, they are all grown and out of the house now and they can visit me when ever they want. "There is an art, it says, or, rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." Life, the Universe, and Everything Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #15 February 27, 2011 I wasn't married so I didn't vote, but I had significant financial ties that meant our relationship was similar to a marriage (lived together for several years and bought a house together, etc). It's been 2 and a half years since the split. If I were able to respond, I'm not sure what I would pick... On the one hand, I got a lot less out than I put in financially... On the other hand, I drastically changed my life - changed jobs, rented cheap apartments, etc. So at first I had almost nothing and lost a significant portion of my life-savings. At the 2-year mark, I was a bit better off after a series of promotions. Now after 6 months of travelling and not working, I'm about levelled-off. Had there been kids involved, I don't think I would have recovered so well, but I *do* think he would be as reasonable as possible in looking after their well-being."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airdvr 197 #16 February 28, 2011 I was royally fucked long before the 2 year mark. Had to pay the mortgage and pay for a place for me. Nothing worse than walking up to the home that you're footing the bill for and having to knock. Please don't dent the planet. Destinations by Roxanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sandi 0 #17 February 28, 2011 I walked away with nothing. Didn't want anything or ask for anything. I just wanted to get on with my life. I suppose I'm worse off financially but mostly because I chose to go back to school. Becoming a full-time grad student involved a rather large pay cut. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 622 #18 February 28, 2011 Hard to choose from those options. Having three daughters, I was paying $2000 a month in child support for a time, things were very tight for awhile. Down to one on child support, only $800 a month. Things have gotten MUCH better the last few years. The ex wife was horrible with money so things were always very challenging with her around. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #19 February 28, 2011 Quote I was royally fucked long before the 2 year mark. Had to pay the mortgage and pay for a place for me. Nothing worse than walking up to the home that you're footing the bill for and having to knock. Yep - same here. And it sucked. The settlement/buy-out didn't nearly cover my contribution, and it took TWO YEARS for me to finally get off that mortgage and see *some* of my money back. I cringe to think of the added complications of undoing a marriage on top of this.. The only reason I've caught up financially is because I threw myself into my work and drastically lowered my living standards..."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #20 February 28, 2011 1st option but only by a bit... I had a feminist judge. The number she first spit of for child support was more than my take-home pay. When I objected to that she told me I'd have to get a 2nd job or go to jail. Fortunately my lawyer got to work and put some sense into it and the asshole judge finally agreed to a lesser, manageable amount that still covered my son's needs. It's funny, well no it's not, that HER income was not considered in the proceedings. She could have been bringing home $1mil/day and it would not have affected my payments at all. Divorce is a woman's world, IMO. The totality of it all was expensive but I came out financially mangled but not royally screwed. ...and I hope that judge DOES see my comments: YOU are an ASSHOLE! My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mddriver 0 #21 March 1, 2011 Interesting comments. I'm 4 years divorced and have 1 more year of alimony left. I CAN'T WAIT! There is going to be a serious party somewhere! Although my overall net worth is probably less post-divorce, I think my potential to build future wealth is much better than it was. Besides that, what is the value of freedom? I do not hate or despise my ex-wife. In many ways she made me a better man. At the time, I loved being married. But when I see her now, I mostly just notice the things I didn't like about her. My two cents. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,384 #22 March 1, 2011 Quote ... and drastically lowered my ... standards... That gives a lot of us guys renewed hope!"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #23 March 1, 2011 Quote Quote ... and drastically lowered my ... standards... That gives a lot of us guys renewed hope! You always make me laugh!! On a serious note, the breakup wasn't just about financial loss for me... It was emotionally very painful. It made me afraid to trust again. Mostly it made me seriously question my judgement - especially since I thought the relationship would last forever and I never realised how broken it was until after it was over. I never thought I'd say this, but 2 and a half years on I feel I've learned and grown from the experience (both from the relationship *and* the breakup). Initially it left me quite broken, but the healing made me stronger. So I really feel like I'm better off as a person and that I now have more to offer than I did before. If anything, I'm now *less* willing to compromise... I had someone great but he wasn't right for me... I want someone great who *is* right for me."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #24 March 1, 2011 Quote If anything, I'm now *less* willing to compromise... I had someone great but he wasn't right for me... I want someone great who *is* right for me. Oh you can say that but if i do I'm called a pig a dog and all kinds of other fun and exciting colloquialism! Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davjohns 1 #25 March 1, 2011 Quote Quote If anything, I'm now *less* willing to compromise... I had someone great but he wasn't right for me... I want someone great who *is* right for me. Oh you can say that but if i do I'm called a pig a dog and all kinds of other fun and exciting colloquialism! Funny. I don't recall anyone calling you fun or exciting or a colloquialism. I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet.. But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
