skylord

Thanks, Darcy! "A" license dive next Saturday, I think, then you can drag me all over the sky to your heart's content! I'm already writing my autobiography, "Tumbled From the Sky, Did I." Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

I did omit that, didn't I? OK, here it is: For those of you unawares, I work for the FAA. I am an air traffic controller, a real one, and I work at SoCal TRACON. Now, I am NOT in enforcement, or anything like that. That is a completely different branch. So don't get all nervous if I'm around. I'm harmless. Or am I???? So, upon my return to the skies, came a request to just screw with an innocent person. Shark hooks up with me, and tells me there is a new DZ pilot named Spence. Now, I'm already in my jumpsuit, but I have my FAA ID around my neck. Here comes our hapless victim. Shark introduces me to Spence, and IDs me as an FAA person. I whip out my ID, and tell Spence that I jump at Elsinore, but I like to work efficiently. So while I'm there jumping, how about a little ramp check? "Yes, sir!" says Spence, who has taken the bait, the line, and sinker and is running with it like an Enron executive from an audit. I ask for his pilot certificate and medical. The address is out of date on the pilot license. He blames the FAA. "How long do you have to report an address change to the FAA?" "Thirty days, sir!" That's right, bitch. So Shark gets into the act, and points out that Spence's Airline Pilot's Association (ALPA) card is expired. He defers to me about the significance of that, and I blew it. I could have run with that for weeks, but I dismissed it. Big mistake on my part. So we continue with the "Ramp Check". I advise Spence that I'll overlook his violation on the address change for now, but we need to go out to the airplane to review the required documents on an aircraft used in skydiving operations. He pulls out the flight manual, and I have a field day with shit I never saw before in my life. "This is a handwritten emergency checklist. Does it conform to the official Otter emergency checklist?" "I'm pretty sure it does." "Pretty sure doesn't cut it, and I suggest you place this in a plastic sleeve so it doesn't get damaged." "That is a very good idea." "Yes it is." So I then flipped through the Otter Flight Manual. Oh, look, here are some speeds. Let's ask a few questions. To be truthful, Spence nailed them all. But to have fun, I told him all of his answers were wrong, and I pulled a bunch of different speeds out of my ass. Spence was gracious when I advised him that I hoped he would review the data and that I expected better answers out of him next time. Oh, and this is on videotape, too. I couldn't stand it any longer. I then asked Spence for the location of the Otter Snorfel Valve. He looked at me for about two seconds, and then cracked up. The jig was up. So, in addition to all the skydiving shit I did, I now have a jump pilot who will now be looking to rudder kick my ass out of the airplane. It was all in fun, and frankly, I was really impressed with him and what he knew. Great job, and what a great sport! Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Holy cow! My hero with a death mask!! This is soooo funny! Thanks for posting this! We all start somewhere! And now I MUST see the AFF-3 video. Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Well, after a long journey, both regarding the sport and my own growth as a person, I am back, with an A license within reach. I promised to write about my experiences, and progress, and I will never, ever forget the support I've received on this forum dealing with everything from technical advice (arch hard) to the personal (door fear). So, I want to bring you all up to date on my training, and where I'm at. I'm the guy that for some reason, although terrified of heights, and being out of control, felt a real draw to skydiving right from the first tandem jump just a little over two years ago. I started AFF in late November, 2003, and progressed through AFF without much trouble (repeated level 2 and 6). You can read all about it by searching my posts on AFF, if you like. I was always bothered that I seemed so much older than almost anyone else (I was 45), and my mind would tell me I'm too old, too slow, and too rigid in my ways to really ever learn skydiving. I would wrestle with fear. Deep, visceral fear. What am I doing? Why am I doing it? Is it a mid-life crisis? What if, what if, what if, what if........... I hated the door. Hated it. I stole the phrase, "Maw of Hell" and attached it to the damned door because it seemed to me that is exactly what it was. It was noisy, cold, windy, unyielding, and represented to me everything that scared me the most. There were a couple stand downs I made, during my training. One was a horrible bout of vertigo in January 2004 that had me hospitalized for a short time. I thought I had suffered a stroke or something, it was that bad. The other, after I got over the vertigo and passed AFF-7, was a torn rotator cuff in my left shoulder that had to be surgically repaired. What I never told anyone was that down deep inside, some part of me was happy to have an excuse not to skydive. No shame in being one armed for several months, that's good judgment to self ground, right? This way no one could accuse me of being a wuss. Well, I still dreamt. I thought about the joy of flight, the fun I had in the air, and how much even a few jumps taught me about myself. It was time for me to make a decision. Did I want to do this, or not? If so, I had to commit completely, and trust what so many of you told me in responses to my earlier posts. My reaction and feelings were normal, they are instinct, and mixed with reason will make sure I never take anything for granted in skydiving, and to above all, have fun. I made my decision. I took a weekend that started with tunnel time with a great friend and respected instructor, Shark at Elsinore. He was my AFF-1 main JM, too. Shark outlined my return to the sky plan, tunnel time, repeat AFF-6 dive, and AFF-8, my grad dive. I did it, and as you can read if you like, I got through my grad dive. But the air still scared me. Badly. I was confused, and concluded skydiving was not for me. It seemed like the door screamed at me, an enemy, using my lack of experience and knowledge to intimidate me, “You do not belong here!” It seemed weird to me that everyone seemed happy with my progress, but I felt like I completely sucked. Although I passed the technical standards, I had issues. I just was not that comfortable in the air. I wasn’t, and I didn’t want to fool myself anymore. This wasn’t for me. I was done, I had a solo dive under my belt, I could be proud, and while many of you encouraged me that it would only get better, I just kept getting more anxious. I welcomed my travel schedule, which precluded me from jumping at Elsinore for awhile. My epilogue was written: funny guy, what happened to him anyway? So my currency lapsed again. I would get messages from Shark, Skyyhi, and other friends. I longed for the sky, despite my fears. People missed me at the DZ, and I missed them. I missed the sense of community, and I missed jumping. That surprised me the most. Down deep inside, I needed to jump. How do I reconcile that with my gut? I made my decision. I am going to throw myself into this, I love it, I need it, and I’ll do what I have to in order to get there. I decide to ignore a voice I have had within me since I was a child, you CAN’T do this, you AREN’T good enough, something BAD will happen. I set up a skydive weekend. Tunnel time and retrain with Shark on Friday, recurrency 6 and 8 dives on Saturday, and jump like mad from there. I even scheduled a Tunnel Session with Elsinore Gravity on Sunday morning. I did the tunnel Friday, and was up nearly all night thinking about my jump the next morning. I envisioned the jump, I lived it a hundred times. Suddenly the alarm clock goes off, time to go. Shark meets me on Saturday, and we’re on the next load. He is great at relaxing you on the ride up. This is just a repeat of what I already did, 360s both ways. At 11,000 agl, it is time to get the helmet and goggles on. I’m scared. This means the door will open soon….. Everyone on the load starts doing the secret handshake shit, and my goggles are so fogged up I can’t see my own nose. The door opens, and hell begins to speak to me. I want to ride the plane down. What excuse will I use? If I can get down, I’ll walk away and I’m done with this bullshit. Yes. But……. I want to jump. I really do. I want to do the float exit, I want to be outside, I want, I want, I want!!! I want to fly, I want the air to take me, I want to just get outside and I’ll worry about passing later. I realize I have the skills to……… time to go. So I do. Set up, check in with Shark, head up, ready, set, go! I flip the exit, but instead of panic, I laughed. I really and truly did! I relaxed, this is like the wind tunnel, and off I go into two 360s, the most stable I’ve ever done. Verdict: Passed! Up again, for the AFF-8 recurrency jump. I told myself that I would be aggressive on the maneuvers. Same stuff, but my goggles were not quite as fogged so I could see who was trying to fondle me. In the door, spot, Shark nods, and out I dive. About 2 seconds into it, I have an epiphany. Have fun. Repeat a hundred times, if you have to, have fun! Front flip, done. Barrell roll, done, (damn, I am REALLY having fun here!) 360, and dock on the Shark. I could not have believed someone like me could have had a dive like this! I mercifully let Shark go, turn to track and notice I’m at 6,000 ft. Stop maneuvers, lock on, wave off, pull, and I’m done. Tiptoe landing with zero radio. The next morning, I’m in the tunnel with Elsinore Gravity team member Lou. 15 minutes of working on a flatter and more responsive body position. I tend to overarch, not surprising since I only have 18 jumps, but we made progress, and from my perspective, if you can, get ALL the coaching you can early on. We docked, turned points (I think that is what it is called), and just had a blast. Lou was great, and while my two student tunnel mates were obviously pros doing all sorts of vertical/horizontal moves, I sucked. I spent the first two sessions just getting stable. He told me it was no problem, I was doing great, just relax. So I did a bunch of fun shit, follow the leader, fall rate, etc….. On the debrief, my tunnel mate was surprised I had only 18 jumps. We watched the video, and there I am, in a two way, doing nice tight 360s with Lou. Not bad, if I do say so myself! So, after the tunnel debrief, back to Elsinore. I get a jump ticket, and get on a load all by myself. I get my rig, pre flight it, and then my name comes over the loudspeaker to report to manifest. Shit, they know something I don’t that I screwed up and I’m about to be banned from the DZ and told to take up professional sports TV watching. I try not to cry, as I approach the window. “Hi, did you want to talk to me?” say I. The lady was apologetic, profusely so. She accidentally put me as number 24 on a 23 load Otter, and “Please don’t get mad at me, but is it OK if I bump you one load?” Goodness, yes, no problem! I did request a first class upgrade with my delayed flight. ; ) The call comes, and I board. There were mostly tandems, so it was a two way, another solo, and then me. I had never gone out so early on a load before. I was at the end of the starboard bench, at the door. We take off, and above 1,000, we open the door. Wow. That is the best seat in the house. I just sat there, talking to the two way and the solo guy about how much fun this is. For the first time, the door fear melts away, and I relax. This is really, really fun! We get to altitude, out goes the two way, and the other solo. I hear the tandems scream as they go out, reminding me of where I was at just a couple years ago. My turn. In the door, I am really, really relaxed about the dive. I am keyed up, no doubt, but I’ve self checked my gear three times, and I know I saw the Tandem video flyer check out my shit as well. Marie and her AFF-7 student are next, and she checked out my gear, too. Out goes my solo friend, watch, count, spot, looks good, and time to jump. I still do a count, it is a security blanket, I guess. I feel good! Ready, set, arch! I’m in the air by myself, I go a bit headdown, but I just arch, chin up, and I stabilize facing Lake Elsinore. This is a bit of Déjà vu, since on my AFF-1 jump I used the lake as my heading reference. Flying my new tunnel learned body position, I find I can turn MUCH faster, and feel like someone gave me power steering. Stable all the way, and I feel that I am controlling the air versus the opposite. Wow!! Dig the left elbow in, and around I go, dig the right, and around I go. WAY too much fun!! All I did was fly and have fun! Pull, and I had fun under canopy. My only concern was the shifting winds I saw before loading. They picked up prior to landing, and while well under student limits, I did learn about over flaring when I pulled down and landed a bit backwards. I collapsed the canopy, and walked in. So, my purpose in writing all this is simple. I love skydiving. It is scary at first, and it is a sport that requires full attention and top performance. Don’t let the door scare you. Listen to, and thank, your instructors. If I can get over it, anyone can. I am immensely blessed with having Shark, and other Elsinore DZ pros there, never judging me, and letting me progress at my own rate. So I’m jumping tomorrow and probably Sunday. By next weekend, I should be A licensed!! Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=844438;search_string=%22death%20rigs%22;#844438 I think this works...... Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Mmm. Good question that I would allow on a Man Forum. By the way, I bet you a dollar I can make your boobies shake without touching them.......you know the rest!! Mr. FGF-Dos Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

FGF-1, Again, you show your leadership in all things manly. I completely agree, we need our own forum to discuss things like, "If it flies, fucks, or floats, rent." "The Male Yeast Infection" "PMS: Personal Male Syndrome" "Men at Bars: We're There for Innocent Man Support, Until One of the Skank-Hos Comes Up and Gets us Drunk." "Men at Bars: OK That Last was Bullshit, But We Are Not 100% to Blame if Anything Happens." Visionary, Number One, absolutely visionary! Moderators, please set this up. Rules? Only one. No girls in our treehouse. FGF-2 Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Oh, alright, just to get you to stop your whining, I'll get you more U2 tickets Happy birthday, Arthur!! Bob Marks Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

I figured out that the Matrix sequels were actually advertisements for Norton AV. If you are going to destroy a civilization and their world, make sure your virus protection is up to date! Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

No table dancing? That is the way a sexy man like me makes a living, sweetie. As you know. Your credit card did go through, by the way. Anyway, I'm aching to get back in the air again. With my work/travel schedule, it is so hard to set aside spare time. I'm trying to get away for the Gravity Games next weekend, and hopefully get Shark to coach me in the tunnel and my recurrency jump. You headed out? Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Actually, an aircraft will dump fuel over a populated area if they have to. I was working a 747 that blew an engine going through about 9,000 ft, coming back over the shoreline eastbound over LAX. They had another problem with hydraulics, and wanted to get down on the ground. They dumped jet-a all over Palos Verdes. The idea is that the fuel is atomized on dumping and will be so dispersed that it is insignificant and non explosive. Another time out of SNA a 737 lost an engine and started dumping fuel out of about 1,500. Obviously they will land if they have to no matter what weight they are at. I do air traffic control, and not certification, but I think the max landing weight is based upon a higher than normal sink rate at what may euphemistically be called "touchdown". In other words, you can land over the max landing weight if you touch down lightly without overstressing the aircraft or its systems. And it is typical for commercial airliners that the max t/o weight is higher than the max landing weight. Last comment, I was on a flight back from Buenos Aires to Miami. We were in the air for about 90 minutes when we had to divert for a medical emergency. Our new destination was Bogota, Colombia, where Information Kilo is always current on the ATIS, if you catch my drift. (That is a pilot and illicit drug joke.) Anyway we STILL had to dump fuel before landing. Landing over weight, unless your technique is above average, will result in increased stress on the airframe, landing gear, and tires. Completely plausible that would cause a tire to blow, even if the landing was good. Braking the aircraft generates heat and stress, too. Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Well, I don't know about you but it scared the living hell out of me. I went to the emergency room and insisted on getting that measels shot I missed as a kid. Not bad, but nothing like the original movie.... Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Does he wear a leather jacket and dance with Olivia Newton-John? That was funny! Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Well, two things. Number one is at that position you'd be in RIGHT field , second is you need to take my training class in order to be a bit more subtle. I'll be posting my fee schedule later.... Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

All, I have discovered that there are currently postings of skydiving pictures on the internet that involve people who were never involved in the pic and try to appear in the background. Said persons are called "Waldos", after the famous cartoon character of the early 80's. In recognition of this and my responsibility, I repost from the Elsinore website my reply as to Waldo training and certification: I am happy to announce that I have given final approval to a comprehensive Waldo certification course that with successful completion of the syllabus will result in FAA certification of Basic Waldo, Intermediate Waldo, Advanced Waldo, Instructor Waldo, and Tandem Waldo. Basic Waldo (First Waldo Course): Ground School: -Introduction to Waldo -Why we Waldo -Basic Waldo Safety -Waldo Emergency Procedures -What to do if you get caught -The Four Waldo Zones -Relaxation Techniques for your First Waldo -Common Problems to New Waldos -premature Waldoing -think about baseball First Waldo: -supervised Waldo with two instructors on grips Second through Eighth Waldos: -supervised with one instructor. Eighth Waldo is a sign off Waldo. Instructor should only supervise. Intermediate Waldo (must have at least 50 Waldos): Ground School: -History of Waldo, overview -Basic Photography Principles -Introduction to Waldo Theory -Your Face, and Your Waldo (Watch Jim Carrey vid) Lab: -demonstrate induced Waldo instability, and recover -appear within 6 feet of a pre-selected Waldo Zone -demonstrate basic face streching while Waldoing. Advanced Waldo (must have at least 100 Waldos): Ground School: -Read every Waldo Book -find each Waldo, identify flaws in positioning -Advanced Waldo Theory -f stops, shutter speed, depth of field, and you -Reading the Photographer to time your Waldo -Advanced Waldo Emergency Procedures -Night Waldos Lab: -demonstration of getting caught, and lying to get out of it -demonstrate ability to post Waldos on Internet -identify the preferred Waldo regions, and explain -respond to certifier's scenarios, mock or otherwise without giggling -two night Waldos, in two different zones, with candidate fully identifiable Instructor Waldo (must have 150 Waldos): Ground School: -Fundamentals of Instruction -Anxiety in the Student, and the value of a Solid Bitch Slap to snap them out of it -Getting your Students to Buy You Lunch and Beer -The Religions that Waldo has Spawned Lab: -Have Students Buy You and Certifier (me) Lunch and Beer -Demonstration of the Slap Recovery Technique -Fail a Student and Have Them Still Buy You Beer for Their "First" Failure Tandem Waldo (must have 150 Waldos): Ground School: -Hauling Around Someone Larger Than You in a Harness -The Hernia and Why It Is Your Friend -The Know it All, and Why the Bitch Slap Works for them, too. Lab: -appearing with your Tandem student in a Waldo without blurring, or being out of focus -appear within a 6 foot distance of the pre selected Waldo zone with your Tandem I think that covers it, and I have noticed a huge increase in rouge Waldos over the last month, so it is time to get this regulated. I will come up with my course prices later. Remember, Waldo safe is my motto. Bob Marks, FAA Associate Administrator for Waldo Certification, and Enforcement. Self Appointed W-I, W-T, and W-C (Waldo Certifier) Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Wow, great story!! The pics of your young passenger were incredible. The expression on his face was sheer, life. That's the only way I can put it. This will be the memory of a lifetime for both of you........ Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

You know, there is always a smart ass out there Ryan sent me a program that plays the files, I'm up and running on my smokin' hot system now! Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Ryan, It doesn't matter, Media Player, Real Player, NONE of them play the audio. All other dvds play just fine, only my two skydiving .vob files won't. How are you, my man? Miss flying with you all. Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

All, I have a brand new kick ass computer system. 160GB hard drive, 1G ram, P4 3.4Ghz, all that stuff. Everything is working great, but some of my skydive dvds won't play audio. The video part is OK, but there is no audio when the files are .vob files. Anyone have any ideas or solutions? Other audio plays fine through the computer dvd. I can't play audio on .vob files. Thanks for the help in advance...... Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Show it. Psycho Bob is in Florida. Me, the normal Bob, jumps out of Elsinore. Love to go. Dave is right, though, we'll all be yelling instructions at each other. Where and when? Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

That is a GREAT website! Hilarious! Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

OK, I suck. BUT, let's see some pics.......happy b-day Rosa! Again, sorry I couldn't be there, I would if I could, especially with all the hotties there like you, skyyhi, Ladonna, and, yes, Frenchy. Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Skylord lives!! He just travels a lot. I'm in Springfield MO for a friend's wedding, I just got back to my hotel. Sorry I can't be there! Miss you all, hope you're having a great time! I'll get you all caught up on what is going on in my little word next time I see you all....... It is too bad I can't make it, with Frenchy the Goggled One showing up, since my Male Chastity Belt I ordered just came in. Bob, FGF-2 Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

Skylord comes from a military exercise years ago that we helped watch over (I do air traffic control). Operation Red Flag. Anyway, one of the pilots thinks he is on a mission tactical frequency, but he is actually broadcasting on the civilian center frequency. The top military person (like a three star or something) was "Skylord", so we answered on the frequency, "Exxon55, this is Skylord, go ahead." The pilot absolutely soiled himself. "SIR! I'm sorry!" Of course we had some fun with him, "Don't let it happen again or you'll be flying a desk north of the Arctic Circle!" "No sir!! It will not!!" From that I learned the power of "Skylord". It is also much better than "FAA Guy" which when I go to a dz causes the masses to panic and flee. Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman

This didn't happen to me (REALLY), but is an example of what being a bit impolite can lead to. My friend (really!!) was at a party and his wife wanted to go home. He drove her home, and then drove back to the party. Problem was he had a bit too much to drink, and while driving back to the party was speeding through a construction zone. Out here in California that is a double fine, so the cops tend to hang around in those spots. He sees the lights in the mirror, pulls over, and chugs tic tacs, plastic box and all. He opens his window about three inches. "Hello, Officer, how are you?" Everything is aok so far. "Sir, I'm fine, it seems you were in a hurry back there, I need your license and registration please." "Sure, here you are, and I'm sorry I didn't notice the signs." "You have to be careful in these construction areas, it can be very dangerous." After telling my friend (REALLY!!!) he was still going to ticket him, my buddy started letting his attorney, Mr. Al Cohol, speak for him. The policeman asked some questions, and then asked my pal how old he was. Albert Cohol, Esq. answered: "Hey, you got the license, do the math!" That was an incorrect response item, and my good friend spent the next 18 hours in the Big House. Bob Bob Marks "-when you leave the airplane its all wrong til it goes right, its a whole different mindset, this is why you have system redundancy." Mattaman