Have to quit... why is it so hard??

[UglyBastard 0]

skydv, the divorce rate is 50%. Why not make it 50.0001%?

[kitof1976 0]

I am married to a wuffo and I have two young girls. I can tell you that it can work just fine... Like Bkdice said it all comes down to what kind of people we are!
IMHO the key to success in a marriage is to keep everything in balance. I have always tried to accept her for who she is and she is doing the same for me.
If you have to try to change someone fundamentaly to make it work, you are in the wrong marriage!!
My opinion on this is that if you have your skydiving addiction in balance with the rest of your life and that your are not neglecting some of your other responsablities, there are no valid reasons that your mate can give you to stop doing what you love.
In my case, I make a point to devote, my time and money between my skydiving passion and my regular life as a father and caring husband. Sure sometimes I wish I could jump more and spent more money on my addiction... but it wouldn't be right to just do what I want all the time. Not if you chose to get married!!
The bottom line is to keep everything in balance. If you have it balanced there is no reason for you to give it up... You may have to slow down a bit, but you shouldn't have to quit!

"We see the world just the way we are...

[redtwiga 0]

One other thing to keep in mind here:
You're only hearing from those people who stayed in the sport or came back to the sport. You probably won't find many people on dropzone.com who left as a compromise with a loved one and "lived happily ever after". Just a thought.

As for giving up skydiving for a relationship? EWWWW GROSS!!

[kitof1976 0]

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No offense, but I think my wife is simply amazing and although she doesn't jump, our lives are still great. Marriage is actually a very good thing when you meet the right person, its like combnining two minds that think alike and having like the power of ten when all is said and done.

Amen Brotha!

"We see the world just the way we are...

[freakydiver 0]

"my husband has a low opinion of skydivers"

There are all sorts of skydivers, doctor skydivers that save lives, lawyer skydivers that save asses, etc... etc... Lots of intelligent caring individuals float down under canopy, not just 26 year old adrenaline junkies (such as myself )

-- (N.DG) "If all else fails – at least try and look under control." --

[JoriT 0]

Fortunatly I have a SO who supports me whole heartedly and has even given me money for jumps. The support I get for skydiving, however, is in every aspect of our lives together, is short he supports me in everything and vise versa. I think, in my situation, the fact that he is 17 years older than me really puts a balance between us. And of course, I support him and his activities with just a much grace. Been there done that with the situations of "you can't do that or wouldn't if you love me". That was with my 1st husband and I divorced his ass real quick, and I hadn't even made jump 1 yet. It pertains to everything in life.

[jumperconway 0]

Scenario,
My old teammate lived in Houston, worked/stayed in Corpus Mon-Fri and so would only jump one day a weekend to appease his wife. Now they have moved to Corpus and he still comes back to H-town once a weekend to jump.

[StevePhelps 0]

My wife is a whuffo -- very afraid of heights & closed places. We've been married for 29 years. Now I wish I was skydiving all that time, but I wasn't. But for the last two years I have made 200 + jumps. She supports me, loves me, and once or twice a year she comes out to the DZ to watch. She tries to join my free spirit. She learned to overcome her claustrophobia and SCUBA dive with me. Skydiving is just a biot too much for her though.

However, I spend fun time with her as well. We ride Harleys and go out with whuffo friends. She loves me enough to never ask me to quit, and I love her too much to spend all my time away from her.

[smiles 0]

How many jumps do you have? how long in the sport?

Once I reached around 500 jumps I was able to balance my life more. The first 5 years found it difficult to do anything but skydive.

Skydiving has been recreational for the last 10 yrs. (re: seasonal, make 2-3 jumps a week if time...re: married, raised my children, worked and always made time for a few skydives-) I actually believe I enjoy each second more and each second more precious.... when I do not jump as much as I could.

Smiles

[usedtajump 1]

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Why did you quit, usedtajump? Just curious.

20 years and 5000 plus jumps (1748 of them tandems, 275 of them AFF and countless demos), I just needed a change. Made a jump about two years ago just to see if any spark would be rekindled but just didn't feel the need. Still think skydiving is the nutz though and wouldn't take any amount of money for the experiences I've had. Glad I found this website to kinda keep up with what's going on but still can't work up enough intrest to re enter.

The older I get the less I care who I piss off.

[canopywhore 0]

My opinion would be if you quit you will just end up doing something like this. I use to race cars all of the time, it took up 45+ weeks a year. Now I skydie all the time. If I wasn't doing this I would be doing something else like it. It seems to me that you need to ask yourself what you are going to do instead of skydive, if the replacement answer is good for you then give it a chance. If its not going to work for you then you have to make a tougher choice. Another way I look at this situation is I would hate to look back someday and say I wish I had of done this or that. Good Luck!

[rdesilets 0]

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I am married to a wuffo and I have two young girls. I can tell you that it can work just fine... Like Bkdice said it all comes down to what kind of people we are!
IMHO the key to success in a marriage is to keep everything in balance. I have always tried to accept her for who she is and she is doing the same for me.
If you have to try to change someone fundamentaly to make it work, you are in the wrong marriage!!
My opinion on this is that if you have your skydiving addiction in balance with the rest of your life and that your are not neglecting some of your other responsablities, there are no valid reasons that your mate can give you to stop doing what you love.
In my case, I make a point to devote, my time and money between my skydiving passion and my regular life as a father and caring husband. Sure sometimes I wish I could jump more and spent more money on my addiction... but it wouldn't be right to just do what I want all the time. Not if you chose to get married!!
The bottom line is to keep everything in balance. If you have it balanced there is no reason for you to give it up... You may have to slow down a bit, but you shouldn't have to quit!

This post was identical what I was about to write. I am also happily married and have one son (17 mos). My wife understands that I love to skydive and she supports me 100%. However, I am not at the DZ from Friday night until Sunday night like I used to be -- even though sometimes I want to . IMHO, its about balance. We have an agreement where one day per weekend I jump and the other day is 'family' time. On special events (like the upcoming 100 way NE record) I will spend 3-4 days at the DZ. The problem with most people (especially when they start skydiving) is that they have to spend every waking hour at the DZ and every dime they have (I did the same). However, as time goes on you will find that you need other things in your life otherwise you can get burned out skydiving and it just ain't fun anymore.

Just my $.02..

[skydv 0]

I have 65 jumps. I started jumping two summers ago, this summer alot. I want to be there all the time! I think you're right and there should be a balance. I'm like that with anything I do, I get into it full force. I can't help it, that's just how I am. Maybe I'll find something else to pursue.

Thanks for all the amazing people who took the time to post. The skydiving community is the best.

[Excellence is caring more than others think is wise, dreaming more than others think is practical, expecting more than others think is possible.]

[Mad47 0]

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but mostly because I am the most happy when I'm at the dropzone than I am all week. Says alot!
I don't know where to go from here, time will tell.

Thanks!

Why give up the happiness? You feel happy and balanced while at DZ, isn't it a good reason to stay ???

[tbrown 26]

I quit jumping while I was engaged. My wife never once asked me to quit and over the years always said that she knew she was marrying a skydiver. At the time I was ready to leave it. When the kids came, we needed the money. After several years I didn't miss it so much and mostly stayed away from drop zones, because visiting them was too painful. (Funny how the smell of a jump plane, or a room full of canopies could bring me close to tears.) I don't have any regrets about my years away either, there is a lot to life off the DZ and raising a family too. But this year I came back. It was the one thing that's helped me adjust to moving back to CA. I'm amazed, but not really surprised how deeply it's gone inside me, righht to the core of my soul. Guess it was just always there all those years. We have money problems and I can't jump as much as I like, and probably won't be buying a rig as soon as I'd like (like right now!) either. But other than admitting it scares her, my wife's happy that I jump again and my kids love telling their friends, who all think it's "awesome" (dude!). But there's never been a control issue over it.

Maybe this couple has money problems, or small kids, or something else. There could be a legitimate reason to take a break, even a long break of many years. Or it could just be a control issue. Using someone's love for leverage to make demands that they do or stop doing anything, outside of the obvious and urgent (alcoholism, dope addiction, abusive behavior, etc) is a sign of a very deep problem in the relationship. Especially if you've always been a skydiver throughout the relationship. No easy answers, except it's probably better to get out with the truth now and not after years of screaming matches in front of the kids. Best of luck...

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[jtval 0]

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No offense, but I think my wife is simply amazing and although she doesn't jump, our lives are still great. Marriage is actually a very good thing when you meet the right person, its like combnining two minds that think alike and having like the power of ten when all is said and done.

Although you are right jt, quitting will not cure all problems fo sho...

you missed my point. I didnt say I would never get married b/c I jump. I jsut stated I havent yet. b/c I havent found someone who is willing to except me for my flaws and addictions!

hell, if youre married I got no qualms. but its when the S/O starts asking you to change when it becomes less then an EQUAL relationship. I understand that you have to give and take some but there are limits

my personal limits are....My guitars and skydiving have been in my life way before she would be.
I may sell someof my guitars but dont ask me to give any of it up.

I think that'll help clear up the vagueness of my post

My photos

My Videos

[usedtajump 1]

(Reply)
I may sell someof my guitars but dont ask me to give any of it up.

Hell no, not my guitars I've had one of them over 30 years and you could easier take one of my arms before that goes.

The older I get the less I care who I piss off.

[kai2k1 0]

I'm married to a whuffo! Does she support me? i think so right now. She's just afraid that im committing too much to getting my license. I work 6.5 days a week and manage 2 jumps every other week. I have a feeling that she also thinks this is going to go the way of past hobbies... Golf 3,000.00 in equipment. Bowling- about 700.00. Bass Fishing 2,000.00 in equipment not to mention a 25,000 dollar Bass boat that is sittin in the garage. But whats another 5 grand for a good rig?? lol. I find that skydiving is both andrenaline surging and relaxing at the same time. Anyone else feel the same way?

Blue Ones
KAI

There's no truer sense of flying than sky diving," Scott Cowan

[dgskydive 0]

Other people have said it already in this post but it is worth repeating. You will be sorry for giving up Skydiving. It is we all are. It is what we where meant to do. I don' tknow your situation but how can you change who and what you are for someone else. You will be unhappy and regret it. Maybe even hold it against your spouse everytime you get in an argument. I'm sure you love your spouse but would you expect them to change for you and then expect them to be happy about it. Chances are they would resend it over time and IMHO I think you will. Everytime you see jumping in the T.V. or in the paper or at a demo somewhere you will have that little pain inside you that will make ya wanna smack someone.

Dom

[jtval 0]

glad someone understands


for better or for worse has nothing to do with losing your own desires! LOL

(i own 10 guitars though, I couldnt really keep all of them if we were having financial difficulty? maybe I could use them to make some money....lord knows I try at every boogie LOL)

My photos

My Videos

[wmw999 2,123]

Well, I was going to post something just about exactly like this (except that my ex wasn't as supportive, being an ex-skydiver). We parted for other reasons entirely.

But you said it so well, there's no point in repeating it. Except to say that pretty much applies down the line to me.

Skydiving won't go away.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Blahr 0]

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(i own 10 guitars though, I couldnt really keep all of them if we were having financial difficulty?

I own 458 guitars, but only 4 of them are real

[suz 0]

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IMHO a significant other should support theirs 100percent no matter what they want to pursue in their lives. What is the point of being married otherwise?

I totally agree with you.

Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after

[somethinelse 0]

You've gotta point their about most of the slant of those who're gonna reply here with their .02 worth.

Although I am NOT married, late last year, while in training I had to reevalute the effects and all the repercussions and possible consequences that skydiving was having on my young daughter...

Currently I'm grounded due to $ hardship...But I've had lots of talks with some in my family who'd rather NOT have me jumping at all... MOSTLY I think it's because of their fear for my well-being -ie- health and safety.

I DO plan on taking up with skydiving again...
...hopefully soon when I land a good paying job!
-LILA.

[tbrown 26]

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OK, so I have to quit skydiving and after everything I've had to sacrafice, relationship wise, you would think I would just say, OK that was fun and now I'm moving on.

I just reread this from your original post that started the thread. "After everything else I've had to sacrifice" ? Wow, sounds like a lot of sacrificing going on. Won't ask for the particulars, but has it just been one sided, with you making all the sacrifices, or has she made the effort too. It's one thing if the two of you need to give things up together for your happiness. But if you're doing all the giving up, you don't sound too happy to me. The cold fact is that if you give up jumping, it's not going to make you happy - or her either, and there will be something else you're supposed to give up next (not sex, I hope). The sooner you sort this out, the better.

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !