Have to quit... why is it so hard??

[skydv 0]

OK, so I have to quit skydiving and after everything I've had to sacrafice, relationship wise, you would think I would just say, OK that was fun and now I'm moving on. I can't stay married and skydive, it won't work. For some reason I can't stop thinking about how bad that sucks. Why? People give up stuff all the time. Is it addicting, like drugs? If I didn't give it up, would I someday look back and say wish I would have kept my old life? Or is this just the fate of all us Type A personalities, needing a challenge and excitement? Lots of questions, sorry, I'm just so confused!

[pd190 0]

Ever heard those guys say....

"Man, I had this cherry '68 Mustang when I was a kid, I never should have got rid of that thing....if I had it to do over agian, I never would have sold that car."

Skydiving is the same...if you totally give up on it, you will regret it down the road.

[phonics1981 0]

I dont know your situation etc, but everyone ive spoken to who who has quit skydiving say that they have regretted it non stop.

The reason you think it 'sucks' is because no other activity comes close to skydiving and your ganna miss it.

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"Ive given up on sigs cos I make a mess of them!"
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[Blahr 0]

Theres are a number of threads that cover the wisdom of giving up jumping for your significant other.

Most folks agree (I think) that this will almost certainly lead to severe bitterness and resentment which can ultimately kill your relationship.
If the person that "loves" you tries to force you to quit an activity that is so important to you, how much do they really care about how you feel?

This isnt a drug, its a way of living. Its adrenaline, its life affirming, its confidence building. Its so much more than goin to the bar on a friday night and blowing your paycheck. You cant just quit it like you would quit paint ball fights.

Bottom line here is that you dont HAVE to quit. You have chosen to do so for reasons that you believe are sufficient. Only time will tell if this was a wise choice.

It wont be easy and I dont envy you.
I quit for 8 years for what may be similar reasons.
I thought I made a HUGE sacrifice for my wife and I never stopped regretting it.

I'm no longer married to her so in the end it was a vain sacrifice. It didnt save my marriage.
Now I'm returning to jumping again and far happier than I was 8 years ago.

I have to edit this post to add that I believe that FOR ME, quitting was a big mistake. I will not make that mistake again.

[dropdeded 0]

I have had to do without jumping for a long time now, and a big part of not being able to jump is because of a relationship.
Careful, ending up with a resentment towards someone you truly love is a real possibility here and definately NOT a good thing. Good Luck.

dropdeded

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The Dude Abides.
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[skydv 0]

I think I actually want to hear someone tell me that I will probably regret it. It's hard to put things in perspecitve when people around you, who don't skydive, look at you like your crazy for even considering staying in the sport. But I think skydiving is me. For a million reasons, but mostly because I am the most happy when I'm at the dropzone than I am all week. Says alot!
I don't know where to go from here, time will tell.

Thanks!

[freakydiver 0]

IMHO a significant other should support theirs 100percent no matter what they want to pursue in their lives. What is the point of being married otherwise?

-- (N.DG) "If all else fails – at least try and look under control." --

[darkwing 4]

Don't consider yourself to have quit, rather take a break. It is better mentally. I had several years of zero skydiving a while back, but always still considered myself a skydiver. It was healthier than thinking I quit. As others have said, beware of your motivation.

-- Jeff
My Skydiving History

[Blahr 0]

Just remember that what we "should" do is not always whats right.

"Should" is a purely subjective thing that changes completely depending on who you ask.

You may want to consider taking a little break from it and reassessing the situation a few months down the road.
Hang onto your gear and dont do anything you cant undo until you are sure of your decision either way.

Make sure that the people in your life understand the difference between taking a break and quitting forever so there are no misunderstandings down the road.

[jtval 0]

heres my advice!

Skydiving is NOT a hobby. it is a way of life. unfortunately your wife doenst understand that,(from reading your post) would she give up what she loves just to make you happy? more iimportantly,
would you ask her to?

I have never been married (for much of these reasons) but I honestly feel that the resentment you will have towards your wife is not worth the loss of your way of living.
now this is totally SUPERFICIAL advice b/c I dont know you or your situation but quitting will not cure all problems. they will only replace them with a new set of problems!
keep your gear in the closet and TRY to quit jumping first........

ever see those who try to quit smoking fo rthe spouse? they STILL SNEAK a few here and there... HINT HINT HINT

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[CrazyIvan 0]

In before the MOVE

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[skydv 0]

So do you think most skydivers just have relationships with other skydivers? Is there anyone out there married to a whuffo that totally supports them?? I haven't met anyone who has told me that yet, they always say "it didn't work out".

[AggieDave 6]

My sea-daddy of skydiving (one of my first JMs who took me under his wing to teach me and guide me even after I had a license) took 17years off from the sport b/c his wife didn't want him jumping while they were raising a family.

You know what he said about that?

"Worst decision I have ever made in my life."

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[bluepill 0]

You can only do what YOU think is right at the time.
Whatever your decision is, your gonna look back and say "wish I had never stopped skydiving" or "If only I had committed more to the relationship".

Better to regret the things you did than the things you dident do.

[rbrcokflichk 0]

My .02
You absolutely will regret it, IF you are doing it for someone other than yourself.
I've been there, made the choice and am still skydiving today.
After lots of marital couseling that in the end was in vain but at least put my life in persspective, I learned a very important lesson. You can't change the one you love or hate...(depending on the day). If you are asked to give up something that truly is a part of you, then there is no respect coming from the person asking you to give it up. In short, they feel that their needs are more important than your own. On the flip side, if you mate has valid reasons for not wanting you to be at the DZ, then some re-evaluation may be in order. (are you spending money you don't have? doing things you shouldn't? neglecting certain needs?) Everything has a time and a place, if you have it in balance and he still wants you to give it up then there are underlying issues that won't go away by you quitting skydiving. My guess is there will always be something in your life that this person doesn't approve of.
The choice is yours, but back to my first statement, if skydiving is a part of you then you will regret giving it up for anyone other than yourself. I never looked back on my choice to keep skydiving.

geeesh...that sort of evaluated my own whoices too!!! thanks
Aimee

I'd rather have an awkward morning than a boring night!!!

[bkdice 0]

Hi. Really sorry to hear about your situation. I don't think it's fair for anyone to ask another person to give up something that means so much to them. I think there will be a lot of resentment and regret in your future (I'm REALLY sorry to say)

I know of whuffo / skydiver marriages that have worked. One guy at our DZ is married to a whuffo and it works fine for them. Sometimes she is out at the DZ with the kids, and sometimes not. His skydiving does not cause any issues for them.

But as I once said in another post a while back, it comes down to the kinds of people we all are. If you marry someone who wants to change you, then you are in for some bumps. If you marry someone who will accept you for who you are and what you love, then you will have much smoother sailing. Just my ( humble) opinion. I wish you the very best.

[Blahr 0]

Quote

So do you think most skydivers just have relationships with other skydivers? Is there anyone out there married to a whuffo that totally supports them?? I haven't met anyone who has told me that yet, they always say "it didn't work out".

Actually my current wife (not the same one as before) is a whuffo and so far is totally supporting me.
She was ok with the expense of my new rig, so I think we are golden :-)
She knows how much it means to me and my happiness is important to her, so she lets me do what I want to do

[jtval 0]

DOH!!!

Sue, I just found out you were a "SUE" so replace my HIM and WIFE with HER and HUSBAND

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[CrazyIvan 0]

Regardless of skydiving or any other sport or activity, a relationship is the union of 2 INDIVIDUALS meaning, 2 different and independent people who find a common tie, which is of course (mainly) love; but of course there are some other factors such as RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING, SUPPORT among others, and if one of the parties have a PERSONAL way to have fun (in this case skydiving) the other party should RESPECT it and UNDERSTAND that, the best way to deal with it is to TALK about it and find a middle point, ok, say you'll have to cut down skydiving to every other week or something like that, but, someone imposing his/her will upon the other party or demanding that you should or must quit whatever makes you smile it's just WRONG.

In a successful relationship communication and the ability to share is key.

My 2 cents.

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[usedtajump 1]

I was in a very tight relationship with a lady when I started jumping lo these many years ago. After about nine months the ultimatum came that it was either her or skydiving. Hard choice but I chose skydiving and at the time regretted losing my lady, took a long time to recover from that broken heart but over time it was OK. I quit jumping on my own terms six years ago and in the end, with the positive way things in my life have turned out, I have no regrets about anything that happened relationship or skydiving wise. It's all good.

Good luck.

The older I get the less I care who I piss off.

[Blahr 0]

To sum up:

Your husband wants you to quit for whatever reason. He is threatened, worried, whatever. He has obviously made his wishes plain and you now feel you have to quit to save your marriage.

Clearly he is looking out for his own best interest and happiness.

If you do what he wants, then you also are looking out for his best interest and happiness.

If you are both looking out for his, who then is watching out for your own? Nobody I guess.
That being the case, I'd lay pretty good odds that you will end up unhappy.

We are each in this life responsible for our own happiness and wellbeing.
Looking out for number 1 is not necessarily a selfish act. If you are miserable, you arent going to be a very good wife so its not gonna make your man happy either.

Keep yourself happy and healthy. If your husband has a problem with that, then he isnt worthy of you.

By the way, if he would ask you to give up something that he knows is so important to you, it wont stop with skydiving.

Does he really know how important this is to you?
Maybe you should show him this thread.

[John4455 0]

My jump numbers are down this year, and it is making me really pissed off at my wife!!
(even though its not really her fault........)

How do ya like it Johnny?

[Kramer 0]

Why did you quit, usedtajump? Just curious.

The FAKE KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMER!!!!!!!!!

[freakydiver 0]

"I have never been married (for much of these reasons)"

No offense, but I think my wife is simply amazing and although she doesn't jump, our lives are still great. Marriage is actually a very good thing when you meet the right person, its like combnining two minds that think alike and having like the power of ten when all is said and done.

Although you are right jt, quitting will not cure all problems fo sho...

-- (N.DG) "If all else fails – at least try and look under control." --

[skydv 0]

well generally my husband has a low opinion of skydivers, even though I am one! Hanging out with a bunch of guys all day doesn't help either. If we were dating ths would be a non-issue and I would be skydiving. But we are married and I feel selfish for not compromising esp. since he feels so strongly about it. I don't want to lose myself either.
Like Blahr said, I'm just gonna take a break and see what happens. I will post the outcome someday....