I'm afraid to jump again

[Michele 1]

Hi, George.

I know about fear. Visceral, mindblowing fear. Knee-knocking, handshaking fear. And that was just on the drive to the dz. You think I'm kidding? I've got a series of posts up you can read which shows you the level of fear I endured...if you're interested, pm me and I'll send them over to you.

A few things I've learned about fear.

~It's temporary if you face it, and permanent if you don't.
~It inhibits you from doing something if you don't control it, and sweetens the experience if you overcome it.
~If you make a decision based in fear, the results of the fear-based decision will always be less satisfactory than a decision based in knowledge, faith, and courage.

I had paralyzing fear for the first 50 or so jumps. The last 50 or so jumps have not had that level of fear, but I've always experienced some sort of "tense" or "anxious" response. And I always believed others when they reassured me that the fear would go away...I just didn't expect it to ever happen for me.

There are all sorts of techniques to combat fear...all sorts of mental tricks to push it away, quell it, and prevent it from coming. For me, none of them worked. What worked was understanding what lay beyond the door was, for me, more than a simple piece of the sky; for me, what lays outside of the door is accomplishment, pride, confidence, supreme satisfaction, freedom, and immense joy.

What worked to combat the fear was being totally fearful, and jumping anyway.

The tightly focussed senses, the stripping away of distractions, the freedom to be me, wholly and completely, is in the sky. To touch a cloud, to smile at a friend, to watch a bird soar on thermals right next to me in the air, all of these things bring me back to the sky again and again. The enormity of the sky and the land, streched before me; the unique perspective that view brings; dancing through a silent sunset's goldblue hues, these are valuable beyond measure, of incalculable worth to me.

Fear. All of the things that skydiving means and brings to me can be taken away from me if fear is allowed to control me, to make my decisions, to shape my steps. I will not allow fear to take me from myself.

Just some thoughts on a Saturday evening.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[Zoso 2]

Grandpa,

First of all, I commend you on having the balls to admit your fear publicly and request help. Some people say they have never been nervous at all. Those people annoy me. I remember asking others about nervousness early on and it was great to hear them tell me about their experiences. One person said she used to get diarrhea during jump days, then I realized I had a little bit of that myself. I hadn't made the connection until she said what she did!

One interesting thing about this thread is reading about the different times/places that new jumpers report getting nervous AND when the nervousness goes away. I would have assumed everyone had the same pattern until I read all of these posts. Personally, I used to begin getting nervous the moment I turned off of the interstate going towards the DZ. Nervousness would build greatly on the 20 minute ride to altitude ("Why am I doing this?"). Then the nervousness would go away the instant I exited the plane.

It took ME about 50 jumps for the nervousness (and mild diarrhea) to go away. For what it's worth, I learned via static line and had to find a new drop zone midway through my student training because my DZ closed un-expectedly.

Everyone talks about this at one time or another but I've never seen a term for the transition from fearfullness/nervousness to excited anticipation. I hereby deem it "LIBERATION". When the transition occurs, all of that energy you are dealing with will still be there - but it will be a positive energy instead of a negative energy. You will be liberated and the excitement and anticipation will enhance the experience. It will make skydiving every bit as exciting and fun as you have always thought it should be. Then you will be able to really enjoy this incredible sport. Nervousness will still occur from time to time, but it will be performance anxiety regarding the task you are about to execute. It will no longer be fear of uncontrolled flight or a malfunction or landing properly etc...

I'm not offering advice because everyone else has covered that. I'm simply offering moral support and some hope for the rewards you have to look forward to once you overcome your nervousness.

Best regards,

Gary

[airtwardo 6]

My .02...

You need to ask yourself what exactly is it that's scaring you.

Is it gear fear, fear of heights, anxiety about your freefall ability...

Whatever it may be, realize that it's probably based mostly on
fear of the unknown.
In your mind you don't understand the part that you're uneasy with.

In my case it was gear fear, I felt I didn't truly understand
how the parachute system worked. I spent a day taking one
apart and putting it back together, read everything I could on
construction and rigging and the dynamics involved with
the deployment.

Once I felt I completely understood the system...there was
one less (BIG) thing to worry about, and I could concentrate
on other aspects of the dive.

If your Free Fall skills are worrying you, try to get some tunnel time in.

I do agree with others in this thread that 3 weeks is to long
to wait between jumps...

High risk athletes as well as the military found that
fear can be conditioned out through repetition.

The fact that you're addressing the problem in a forum like
this, seeking peer advice tells me that you want to continue
and that involvement in skydiving outweighs the actual fear you are dealing with...
otherwise you would just walk away.

So...
you enjoy more aspects of the sport than you don't.
Look around...
there are people who do understand and are willing
to assist you.
Take steps to become more familiar...it does get easier
as you go!

Blue Skies and I hope to see ya up top Gramps!!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Jeth 0]

Hi Grandpa,
I was just curious how it went this weekend. Did you go to the DZ? Did you jump? I hope you had a great time if you did.

Quote

More great encourgement, thank you.

With everyones help, I have decided to at least give myself a chance even if it is a chance to fail. I will go to the DZ tomorrow. I have not decided that I will jump but I will at least confront this fear by going to the DZ.

Thank you all

"At 13,000 feet nothing else matters."
PFRX!!!!!
Team Funnel #174, Sunshine kisspass #109
My Jump Site

[usedtajump 1]

I remember, believe it or not, having that feeling on my 5th static line jump, that feeling of what the Hell am I doing, I must be crazy putting myself through this. I was scared almost to the point of telling my jumpmaster to let me ride down with the plane. I just nutted up, did the jump, and was damn happy I did when I got down.

I think those feelings kept creeping back, somewhat, until jump 19 and after that I felt pretty confident that if I did everything my instructors had taught me, the chances were very high of me being OK.

Well, on jump 25, my faith was rewarded by having a malfunction, cutaway and a successful reserve ride. Didn't much worry about it so much after that because everything seemed clear as day during the cutaway and the emergency proceedures my instructors pounded into my brain worked exactly as advertised.

Just go jump!!!

The older I get the less I care who I piss off.

[Grandpa 0]

I couldn't do it.
I went to the DZ and watched everyone having a great time but could not go to manifest and signup. I want to thank everyone for their encouraging words both here at dz.com and at SSD Saturday. I want to especially thank Nate and Phil for their time and support at the DZ. I also want to thank my daughter and the friends that went with me Saturday all knowing the problem before we went.

I have not quit. I have not given up on myself, I have only had a set back. One of the suggestions was to go to the Perris wind tunnel and see if that will bring back the thrill and excitment I felt for eight jumps without any of the anxiety. Nate pointed out that fear is just another emotion and if I can replace it with the anticipation and excitement I once felt I will have suceeded. The fear will still be there but in its proper perspective again.

Thank you all for your support, and please keep the good thoughts and suggestions coming.

"I know JUST enough about skydiving to know I don't know ANYTHING about skydiving"
XGS#1

[dreamsville 0]

Maybe soon your desire will overcome your fear and in doing so calm your nerves. Think about that and see if it applies. That's the way it happens with some people that causes them to gut it out in the face of tough obstacles.
|

I don't drink during the day, so I don't know what it is about this airline. I keep falling out the door of the plane.

Harry, FB #4143

[Grandpa 0]

"Maybe soon your desire will overcome your fear and in doing so calm your nerves." That's what I'm pinning my hopes on now. I love jumping and the desire is strong. If willing it so can make it happen, then it will happen.

"I know JUST enough about skydiving to know I don't know ANYTHING about skydiving"
XGS#1

[kelpdiver 2]

I took 7 months off after I got to jump 8. Then I went down to Perris, did some tunnel and the refresh and 4 jumps. The fear was still heavy through L6, but I was able to break through and move on up.

While I hesitate to tell you to fall out of currency, sometimes the mental blocks are eliminated by a fresh start.

[Michele 1]

Quote

I couldn't do it.

You haven't done it YET....but I think you can...and will.

Pm sent.

Ciels-
Michele

~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~

[nate_1979 9]

Quote

I couldn't do it.
I went to the DZ and watched everyone having a great time but could not go to manifest and signup. I want to thank everyone for their encouraging words both here at dz.com and at SSD Saturday. I want to especially thank Nate and Phil for their time and support at the DZ. I also want to thank my daughter and the friends that went with me Saturday all knowing the problem before we went.

I have not quit. I have not given up on myself, I have only had a set back. One of the suggestions was to go to the Perris wind tunnel and see if that will bring back the thrill and excitment I felt for eight jumps without any of the anxiety. Nate pointed out that fear is just another emotion and if I can replace it with the anticipation and excitement I once felt I will have suceeded. The fear will still be there but in its proper perspective again.

Thank you all for your support, and please keep the good thoughts and suggestions coming.

Take your time

You'll be back, and I'll still be there to cheer you on

Nate

FGF #???
I miss the sky...
There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't.

[freeryde13 0]

fear is a gooood thing...be afraid....be very afraid. your life depends on it. i was terrified my first jump. and even more scared my second jump because i new what to expect! and every jump i was more afraid because it went from two instructers ...to one...and then solo..... and then that damn hop n pop. ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! but because i was so afraid i asked alot of questions and tore my rig apart to see how it worked and learned evrything i could about it. it was my 13 th jump that i finnally lost my fear....and then THAT scared my.

i think for me skydiving was a personal growth thing for me. i analysed my fear and grew as a person by going through the challeges. get back up here gramps.....take it slow and you'll do just fine.

_________________________________________

people see me as a challenge to their balance

[weegegirl 2]

You know what I think? I think you are thinking about it wayyyyyyyy too much! Everyone has that fear. If you focus on it, it intensifies. What you need to do is think about all the positive things. Convince yourself that there is no need to be afraid. And before you can think too much about it, just go out there and do it.

Easier said than done. I know, because I too went through that fear at different stages of my static line progression. Just try to stay positive and to control your fear. Say, okay... I'm allowed to be afraid for this amount of time, but then I am going to harness that fear and get the job done.

If this is not making sense, I appologize. It makes sense in my head and it is 2 am. Oh well.

Either way, congrats on the first handful of jumps and I hope to see you post about the next ones.

[rhino 0]

My recommendation is to do a few Tandems... Make it fun again and take some stress off of yourself for a few jumps...

If that doesn't suffice... Take a break from training and come back and try again in 6 months...

Either way be careful...

Addition: DO NOT develop or adopt the JUST DO IT attitude like some people suggest. Your body and mind are giving you definite signs... LISTEN TO THEM... There are days "Even at over 600 jumps" where I sometimes sit out... If the winds are wrong I sit out, if I am uncomfortable for some "strange reason" I sit out... Do a tandem or two and see if your feelings change... I BET THEY WILL...

Rhino

[peregrinerose 0]

Quote

Addition: DO NOT develop or adopt the JUST DO IT attitude like some people suggest. Your body and mind are giving you definite signs... LISTEN TO THEM... There are days "Even at over 600 jumps" where I sometimes sit out... If the winds are wrong I sit out, if I am uncomfortable for some "strange reason" I sit out... Do a tandem or two and see if your feelings change... I BET THEY WILL...

Well said, and good point.

Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda

[AdrenalineBluez 0]

I was just out of AFF, on or about my 5th solo. I had what I deemed (yes in all my rookie experience) An opening that sniveled FAR too long. Long enough for me to actually grab my cut-away handle. Right about that time I was rewarded with the comfortable whump of my main fully inflating. Anyway, the next time I went up. I got to the door. Looked out... Paused... Then promptly went and sat down. I just couldnt exit. Something to note here. The plane ride down is scarier than jumping!!! Pilots are whacked!!!! (kidding)
I have coined this condition as "dive lock". For me the pucker factor got to be so intense the vaccum it created made it impossible to break the seal my arse had on the seat. Thereby making it impossible to exit the aircraft.
I literally spent the better part of two weeks going to the DZ every couple of days, and both days of the weekend. I would sit there from first load to the sunset load trying to convince myself to get on the plane, or even rent some gear for that matter. Eventually I got myself to make some coached jumps, using the AFF linked exits. Made several of those. I flew fine, the gear works. I still couldnt exit solo... I had NO IDEA why!!! Finally on the 5th coached jump the instructor refused to link in the door. He actually sat down and crossed his arms. Plane load of people, and knowing what the ride down was like. I Just hucked myself out the door. Once I was out there I was "WHAT THE HELL WAS I SCARED OF!!!"
I am sorry for the length of this post. I guess in long or in short. Go to the DZ as often as you can. Be as calm as you can get yourself. Be persistant, and dedicate yourself to working through this. Talk to the instructors at SSD. Spend a whole day learning your gear inside and out. sit down with the riggers, or someone experienced and watch em pack. Trust me, what we learn in AFF is just enough to get by. The extra knowledge you can pick up is a very cool thing. Find out everything you can about it. Knowing how your rig ticks top to bottom is a huge confidence builder. Watch a lot of video's. Anything you can do to immerse yourself in the sport.

Smile A LOT!!! It will pass... You can do it!!!



"Cats and woodchippers are friends"

"Uh oh! This is gonna hurt!"

[Fab 0]

Quote

Finally on the 5th coached jump the instructor refused to link in the door. He actually sat down and crossed his arms. Plane load of people, and knowing what the ride down was like. I Just hucked myself out the door. Once I was out there I was "WHAT THE HELL WAS I SCARED OF!!!"

Oh man...Excellent...great instructor you had

_______________________________________

[dtpilot 0]

So level 5 is freaking you out...

Solos and all, those can really get you freaked. My First time you do anything with out anyone else is scary. Just remember to arch, pull, pull on time, and pull stable. That will make it all good.

I am in the military and spend lots of time away from home. Long periods of time and currently overseas as we speak but coming home in about a week. Cant wait...that first weekend is going to be a blast. I just graduated from the AFF program before I left about 2 months ago and I konw when I get home I will be nervous about stepping out of that perfectly good airplane and into emptiness. I get it everytime I jump after not jumping for a while.

If you think your fear is coming from just the solo idea then just think about the JM that is floating close by and knowing that he/she is there watching over you.

Another way that I thought about each level was that they werent even levels at all. When i was told that I graduated then I was graduated. They werent levels to me, just a new thing to learn and have fun with. That is all it is...fun. If it is less think it over.

Anyways, Every skydiver went through what you are going through so relax and have fun. Dont forget do one thing at a time. There is a lot to learn up there as I am finding out myself.

Good luck Gramps and Blue Skies!!

Tuk

[cwraith 0]

I can remember having the same type of fear during my 5th jump at Airborne school, my first jump after an injury, after an 18 month lay off between jumps, and again after an 8 year break in jumping. The fear creeps in when I think too long about all the possibilities. But each time, I weighted my options and try to live my life to the fullest. I hope you can work through the fear, refocus, and move forward in your training. Blue Skies.

--------------------------------------------------
"People Sleep Peaceably In Their Beds At Night Only Because Rough Men Stand Ready To Do Violence On Their Behalf." - George Orwell

[Grandpa 0]

Thank you! The support from the skydiving community has been...fantastic. The stories from others that have been in this horrible, dark place have been encouraging and needed. I'm headed back to the DZ tomorrow to try again, I refuse to give up...I just refuse.

"I know JUST enough about skydiving to know I don't know ANYTHING about skydiving"
XGS#1

[ernguru 0]

Good Luck

I went up the static line route and honestly every jump used to scare the absolute crap out of me. I used to think things on the way up like.
I have not spoken to my folks for a while if I die I did not say goodbye or
shit I laughed at a sick joke the other day. Today I get my payback.

I'm still well I would not call it scared but aprehensive going to the door but as soon as I have left the plane all of that fear has gone and I'm concentrating on the jump at hand.

Good luck I'm sure you will get over it

[Amanduh 0]

Quote

Something to note here. The plane ride down is scarier than jumping!!! Pilots are whacked!!!! (kidding)

That is freaking hilarious! I went through the tandem progression / STP course (2 tandems, 18 jumps w/ 1 instructor) out at my DZ and had to ride the plane down on solo jump #7 or so because the winds had started gusting to 25mph. I completely thought the same thing! HAHA Some people ask "Why do you jump out of a perfectly good plane?" I just reply "It is the fastest way down!"

That really just made me laugh, had to comment

[BeeTee 0]

I'm a newbie's newbie. My first AFF jump is tomorrow. I'm excited. Only a tad nervous.. I'm sure that will probably change. But that's not the reason for this post.

As long as I could remember, I had a reoccurring dream. Different places, but the same theme.. I would be on a bridge. Sometimes walking, sometimes riding a bike and sometimes in a car. When I was younger, I was TERRIFIED of heights. I still don't like them too much now, but I do what I have to do. But in this dream, I would get halfway across the bridge and then it would get dark and stormy. The bridge would then start to shake. The tighter I hung on, the more it would shake.

To me, this was the most terrifying dream I ever had. I'd wake up sweating, screaming and sometimes even crying. A grown man, mind you. Until one day I got sick of it. Same dream, same shaking. I was so angry at who or whatever decided to torture me that I jumped over the side.

Everything got quiet and faded to black. I then woke up feeling as peaceful as I've ever felt. I had that dream once or twice since then, but for some reason it never scared me. I'm sure a dream is WAY different than a life of death situation, but I think it's about facing your deepest fears and taking power over them...

Great thread and great honesty here. I'll let you guys know how things go.

[dreamsville 0]

Maybe the dream reflected a deep-seated desire to have a BASE rig on when crossing a bridge. If was high enough, then you could just jump when the bridge shook and get away! Try sleeping with your rig next to your bed for a while and see if that helps.
|

I don't drink during the day, so I don't know what it is about this airline. I keep falling out the door of the plane.

Harry, FB #4143

[dorbie 0]

My advice would be to go and hang around the DZ, and do ground school again. Watching hundreds of jumps go without a hitch may help, but more significantly ground school will refocus you on the practical aspects of jumping and get away from the imaginary fears. Going through your drills & procedures, hanging in the harness and talking & thinking about your exit & dive flow may get you back to a place where you're ready to jump. Getting back to the realization that you have a plan and are prepared will help.

I would also suggest that you try to trace your irrational fear back to the first time you felt it. I don't mean on your first jump or whatever, but what was the trigger on the ground, at what point did you first feel this queazy fear and what were you thinking about at the time. Locating this trigger may help. Maybe try and induce it by taking another look at your jumpsuit then ask yourself when, where & what were you thinking. When you get to that point see if there are any earlier experiences you are linking to jumping no matter how abstract. It may seem difficult to believe right now but your fear may not be related directly to jumping. For example did your jump suit remind you of a uniform? These are not questions to be answered glibly by the conscious mind, you need to be in the right state when you ask them. Either relaxed and going back over events or maybe when feeling the onset of fear and trying to relax.