The International Forums!!

[miked10270 0]

OK... I've been away a while. Imagine my surprise on returning to DZ.Com & finding facilities for furriners here!!.

Just to clear things up... As far as I'm concerned ANYWHERE north of Northumberland, South of Yorkshire, East of The North Sea and west of Cumbria falls into one of two categories:

1. Colonies - These are places that are British, used to be British or DAMN WELL SHOULD be British!

2. Foreign (Furrin') Lands - These are places that should be under water!

Yet here we are pandering to these ingrates by allowing them to post stuff in their native dialects!

In the FRENCH Forum, you just know that they’ll sit around in there plotting their Insidious French Froggy Funniness. All insufferably arrogant just because they have a yard that’s 3.37 inches longer than anyone else’s.

Of course "Les insidieux" have been joined by cetain persons I refuse to dignify with the term "Turncoat". All I will say is that "Jessigateaux" is probably some over-iced confectionery, sickly saccarine sweet in it's attempt to disguise the fact that it's base is really "Redneck Meatloaf". I also suspect that it'd violently disagree with you should you ever proclaim it to be less than delicious.

The French will swap Snail and Frogs leg recipes. No Frenchman actually eats that stuff… They serve it to tourists as punishment for mispronouncing their order for an omelette.

And as for Truffles! Would anyone seriously eat something dug up by a pig!?

They'll waste time & bandidth working out just how much they can charge “L’Etranger” for their unique blend of Red Wine and Antifreeze. Stick a cork in it and “Les Americains” will pay almost anything!

Talking about their history, or “Gloire”. This started with Charlemagne… And to be frank, also ended with Charlemagne. Of course any French battle, win or lose, was fought against overwhelming odds. This is because when you’re pissed out of your skull on Red wine & antifreeze you tend to see two of everything.

Speaking of French history, they can talk about their fine tradition of hosting the invasion instead of traveling to do one… It makes for less travel sickness and a shorter trip home after their inevitable surrender.

Then they can spend some time deciding whose invasion they’re going to host next. Let’s face it; the list of new applicants must be getting pretty short by now.

Then there's a GERMAN Forum. One can very easily guess how THEY'LL spend their time:

Discussing the cruelty and futility of war… Specifically the cruelty & futility of any war that THEY didn’t personally start!

Talking about their history. Until 1900 Germany consisted of separate states that fought each other. Then under Bismark they got together and started fighting everyone else. After 1945 they got split up and once again fought each other. Now that they’re back together again…

discussing their Language. For example... “Lebensraum” translates into “Living Room”. Who the hell else has EVER felt the need to extend their living room out through their front yard and 200 miles into Poland & Czechoslovakia!!!?

Chatting about how Tall, Blonde, Blue-Eyed & generally “Ubermensch” they are… Especially if they happen to be short, dark haired Austrians with an inflated sense of destiny.


Why stop there? Let's have MORE foreign language forums...

We should have an AMERICAN language forum:

Somewhere they can chat away in their own patois instead of committing grievous crimes against the grammar and vocabulary of The English Language.

Rejoice in their new found habit of arriving for a war BEFORE it is three quarters over.

Even their recent tendency for starting wars all by themselves nowadays. This is probably a result of all the German Rocket Scientist immigration just after World War 2 and the new genes are finally starting to seep through.

This brings me nicely to a POLISH Forum...

They should have one to mark their new public holiday. September first… “No Border with America Day.”

An ITALIAN Forum should be available.

Of course there may not be all that many posts here, since the median Italian is an overweight tenor with 8 kids who drives around in a car slightly smaller than he is, looking for a divorce.

But it would give them somewhere to sit around gunning the Vino Rosso, and swapping tall stories of how many miles of carbohydrate products they consumed at a single sitting. Who else measures food by length?


There'd need to be a "Gardening thread to give them advice on the best climate and care for their Spaghetti Trees. http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/70000/video/_70980_aprilfool_vi.ram

We have FINNISH members... Shouldn't the two of them get their own forum?

They have things to discuss:

Muttering about how THEIR Vodka is the only real Vodka. Getting pissed & suicidal on ‘said Vodka.

Getting all depressed about the long winter nights and the exhorbitant price of their Vodka despite its plentitude…. It’s a little known fact that the theme song for M*A*S*H* was actually written in Ivalo one December 27th, but they made the lyrics a lot more upbeat in the English translation.

The RUSSIANS should get their forum. It'd give them a place to:

Talk about THEIR vodka being the genuine stuff... And sod the snobby Finns who're well overdue another invasion...

Bemoaning their governments failure to join the Euro, or at least printing the Rouble on softer, more absorbent paper.

There must of course be a CANADIAN Forum. Somewhere Canadians can go and meet like minded people.

Somewhere they can discuss what happens in Canada… Surely SOMETHING must occasionally happen there. Fish caught through hole in ice… Snowmobile fails to start… Mountie refuses bribe… Joke makes Canadian laugh… French Canadians out of step with line dancing… Celine Dion songs to be used in radical new electronic insect repellent…

Finally realizing that they surround America to the North, East & West. If they’d just join forces with Mexico then the subsequent invasion would be something even the French could handle. Even if the Mexicans have to hold their noses as they go through Texas.

Finally... (Hi Jessica) a TEXAS Forum. Like the Canadian forum, this would be a place for Texans to meet like mindless people.

They could tell us all about all the wonderful Texas views & places… Like I-10 West at Las Cruces… The view south over the Rio Grande... The sunrise at Texarkana... I-20 East from Waskom… Sailing north on lake Texoma... And so many other similar places… Too many to count.

Inbreeding… Like it or not it's a valid subject in this forum... It’s not the fault of the Texans, but let’s face it… The gaseous results of a staple diet of beans and “Lone Star” beer is not conducive to any form of social interaction outwith one’s immediate family.


There... Hope no-one feels left out.

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[diverdriver 5]

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1. Colonies - These are places that are British, used to be British or DAMN WELL SHOULD be British!

We should have an AMERICAN language forum:

Somewhere they can chat away in their own patois instead of committing grievous crimes against the grammar and vocabulary of The English Language.

Rejoice in their new found habit of arriving for a war BEFORE it is three quarters over.

Hey, at least we don't call a damn elevator a "lift". I mean how silly! At least we evolve with the times. You all are still so far behind that, that......that.....give me a second I'll think of something witty.... So there!

[Remster 24]

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Hope no-one feels left out

eh.... I think you missed one very vocal minority... them english.....

Discussions about how to best boil your beef for maximum taste destrution.

How to bitch and complain about the train network and still do nothing about it.

New discussion topic: Angela Lawson, domestic goddess of deep frying mars bars, or evil pigs ear eater.

What's the most drought reistant moss to plant on your roof for the 2 days you dont get rain.



and...

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I also suspect that it'd violently disagree with you should you ever proclaim it to be less than delicious.

Admit it, you secretly want it....



Talleho old chap!

Remster

[jumper03 0]

LMFAO!!!

Scars remind us that the past is real

[CrazyIvan 0]

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Hey, at least we don't call a damn elevator a "lift".

If you think that's silly...try LOO instead of bathroom

__________________________________________
Blue Skies and May the Force be with you.

[txblondie 0]

Finally... (Hi Jessica) a TEXAS Forum. Like the Canadian forum, this would be a place for Texans to meet like mindless people.

They could tell us all about all the wonderful Texas views & places… Like I-10 West at Las Cruces… The view south over the Rio Grande... The sunrise at Texarkana... I-20 East from Waskom… Sailing north on lake Texoma... And so many other similar places… Too many to count.

Inbreeding… Like it or not it's a valid subject in this forum... It’s not the fault of the Texans, but let’s face it… The gaseous results of a staple diet of beans and “Lone Star” beer is not conducive to any form of social interaction outwith one’s immediate family.

Mike.

[rehmwa 2]

Hee Hee hee ho ho

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[mccordia 73]

I'm still missing out on a Dutch forum, where we dutch people can talk about fries dripping with mayonnaise, free drugs for kids starting at ages 3 and up, and why everyone lives in a windmill and eats only cheese and tulips here...

Arrogant US bastards

p.s.
Q: What's the Texas' definention of a virgin.
A: A girl who can run faster then her father and brother(s)

JC
FlyLikeBrick
I'm an Athlete?

[lazyfrog 0]

sorry, cheese would be for the swiss forum which would be divided in 4 sections... French speaking, German speaking, Italian speaking and Rheto-rumantsch speaking...
and then we would vote about who is able to post, how much tax we would like to pay on each new poll or thread, have a discussion about where we are going to do our military service, and whether Vaudois or Valaisan wines are better

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Fumer tue, péter pue
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ourson #10, Mosquito Uno, CBT 579

[txblondie 0]

p.s.
Q: What's the Texas' definention of a virgin.
A: A girl who can run faster then her father and brother(s)

[skyminxx 0]

Blimey..ROTFL
I have teras running down my face and want to read this agin, but cant for fear of alerting my boss to my time ill spent on this forum

Mike, you are hilarious...

sure does make me homesick though

You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self.-Richard Bach

[jumper03 0]

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p.s.
Q: What's the Texas' definention of a virgin.
A: A girl who can run faster then her father and brother(s)

Again, you've got it wrong. Replace Texas with Oklahoma or Arkansas in that line and you've got it made!

[mccordia 73]

Can't we add a NSFW forum!!!??? Please...
With a strict policy....any post that is not about boobies or without nasty attachments gets removed!!!

JC
FlyLikeBrick
I'm an Athlete?

[Jessica 0]

Good God, Mike. Every time you show up here I wonder what has freed up this huge chunk of time and energy in your life.

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I also suspect that it'd violently disagree with you should you ever proclaim it to be less than delicious.

Yes, it's a well known characteristic of the dessert. HELLO.

Skydiving is for cool people only

[MarkR 0]

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Chatting about how Tall, Blonde, Blue-Eyed & generally “Ubermensch” they are… Especially if they happen to be short, dark haired Austrians with an inflated sense of destiny.

*counts down on his fingers* Short - nope. Dark haired - yep. Austrian - yep. Inflated sense of Destiny - nope. That's 2 out of 4 - does that make me half a megalomaniac dictator?

And talking about the 'Ubermensch' - who's obsessed with swedish bikini girls, huh?

»Somewhere between the lies and truths borderlines get shady.
Somewhere between the yesses and nos you can find the maybe.«

[miked10270 0]

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Short - nope. Dark haired - yep. Austrian - yep. Inflated sense of Destiny - nope. That's 2 out of 4 - does that make me half a megalomaniac dictator?

Hmm... Which half? Are you claiming to be a "Lomanic Tator", or are you just pleased to see me?

Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[mikemc 0]

Shit Mike, I hope I never bump into you and spill your beer!

[PLFKING 3]

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Mike, you are hilarious...

Amen to that....always has been, always will be.

Bloody hell !

Don

[skreamer 1]

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There... Hope no-one feels left out

How about a sooooperior forum for South Africa? Some people would only be allowed to post some of the time and even then they'd have to have a pass to be allowed on the forum. I am very sure segregation on the forums would work, I mean not all skydivers are equal are they?

[Guest]

hehehe - funny!

"The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat."

[MarkR 0]

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Hmm... Which half? Are you claiming to be a "Lomanic Tator", or are you just pleased to see me?

*rotflmao* Well, to have that kind of effect on me you're not pretty enough for starters and besides you could be a little more... well... uhm... ah... female.

»Somewhere between the lies and truths borderlines get shady.
Somewhere between the yesses and nos you can find the maybe.«

[miked10270 0]

Ooohhh... Mark! You are SOooo... in denial.

Like MacBeth said about Banquo: "Is this a Closet I see before me?"

At least that's what was said in the version of MacBeth I rescripted.... It even had a happy ending. No-one was stabbed... at least not with knives! OK. Lady Macbeth still went a bit insane at the end, but that was only because the Queen of Scotland had a tongue stud!

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

[MarkR 0]

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Ooohhh... Mark! You are SOooo... in denial.

I am definately not in denial. I'm just not... french enough to like you in that kind of manner...

»Somewhere between the lies and truths borderlines get shady.
Somewhere between the yesses and nos you can find the maybe.«

[kansasskydiver 0]

I SAY, let's get a forum for us Brasileiros!!!

o que voce acha? deve ter um ne?

<--- See look, pink dolphins DO exist!

[miked10270 0]

Yes.

Absolutely.

a BRASILIAN Forum, with lots of "Beach Jump" pics

I LOVE the beaches at Rio... "Never in the field of human voyeurism has so many girls, been clothed in so revealing a way, in so little lycra."

Churchill WOULD have said that if he'd gone to Rio.

Mike.



Mike.

Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable.

Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.