Ron vs. Cows.

[Ron 7]

Well, I have a friend and he asked me to help him herd cows so he can take them to market. Being the type of guy that is always looking to try new things and help out my friends I told him "Yep".

Now if was going to do this...I was going to go all out. So a trip to the western store was in order. A good cowboy hat, pair of boots, shirt and a belt with a big belt buckle was needed. 280.00 bucks later I swaggered out of the store to my friends house where he shaped my new hat.

Sunday came and it was off to the stables to get the horses ready (I could have ridden a 4 wheeler, but like I said, do it all out or do nothing).

I had not ridden in about 10 years, so after a lot of jokes about finding the clutch we were off.

Good thing for me that the horse knows more about this than one would think. The horses really enjoyed it, and there was only one interesting situation where a few head of cattle broke away from the herd and Boe and I had to race like hell to get them.

Something very cool about you and a good friend running horses all out, right next to each other to cut off some breakaway cattle.

After we got the cattle into the pens...well now comes the fun part. You have to get off your horse and with the help of a stick move the cattle into the sorting chute.

You do this by hitting and proding the cows with the sticks and making noise....The cows don't like this much by the way, and they let you know it by trying to kill you.

This little cute brown cow was backed into me by a friend and the little shit kicked me in the ankle. Let me tell you....That really hurts.

Score so far; Cows 1, Ron 0.

After a few moments of pain, it was time to get back into the game.

You drive the cattle into the chute, and they run down a very narrow path where a person sitting above them turns a handle that turns a gate sorting the cows into "beef" (going to market) and "straight" going to a holding area and eventually will be released back to pasture.

Every once in a while a cow decides that he wants to turn around...Well this 300-400 pound bull decides he wants to go back out of the chute. So I jump in there and wave my stick at him and yell....By the way I did say they sometimes don't like that right? So this little fella charges me. I have to jump up and start climbing the walls of the chute while he tries to gore me....This was going to be fun right? After he sees he will not kill me today and after I break out the bull whip, he decides to move along.

Score; Cows 2, Ron 0

Back to the main sorting area.

So here I am trying to get these large animals sorted...When like the Red Sea the cattle part. There is an 700-800 pound Bull looking at me...He is not happy. I could tell he was not happy by the way he set his feet on the ground, how he dropped his head...Oh yeah, and by the way he started to run at me like he wanted to kill me. Well I was told there was a way to deal with this kind of situation.

1. Yell at him and act intimidating (yeah, a 155 pound guy with a stick vs a 800 pound Bull....sounds like a great idea).

2. If that does not work, run like hell.

I should have skipped to #2.

BTW anyone know how fast a pissed off Bull can cover about 12 feet?

Answer: Fast!

So before I know it I am looking at this rather pissed off Bull, and he is sideways?!?!?!...No wait those trees are also sideways...Damn, trees don't grow that way, so it must be me who is sideways. Oh and bonus, I am about three feet in the air! Here I am sideways, falling, and looking into the face of a rather large pissed off bovine set on tap dancing on my head. I hear my buddy...Is he giving me words of advice? encouragement?...Nope, he is laughing...laughing hard.

Good thing for me that some quick thinking person threw a large planet beneath me to stop my fall....I landed hard on my side and now all I had to deal with now is the Bull wanting to do a Fred Astair routine using me as the dance floor.

As I scramble to the fence kicking this Bull in the head and poking it with my stick as it tries its best to ram me with its head or step on any part of my body it can get....What do I hear? Yep, laughing.

Well I manage to avoid hoof and horn to get to the fence and up it. The Bull is looking at me snorting and stomping the ground.

My buddy swears that while I was falling to the ground, he saw me reach in for a reserve pull.

His finance said all she saw over the fence was my hat one minute, my feet the next.

Score; Cows 3, Ron 0.

After it was all said and done, 36 head went to market.

So the final score was; Cows 3, Ron 36.

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[Rebecca 0]

Bwahaahaha!!!

Holy City Slickers, Batman!!


Great story! Still LMAO!

you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk?

[piisfish 135]

and after that did you drink some Red Bull ??

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[unformed 0]

That was the best story I read al day. LMAO!

This ad space for sale.

[Gawain 0]

That is an awesome story! Way cool!

**note to self, if ever asked to help herd cattle -- -- ACCEPT!**

So I try and I scream and I beg and I sigh
Just to prove I'm alive, and it's alright
'Cause tonight there's a way I'll make light of my treacherous life
Make light!

[towerrat 0]

Ron, you have just reaffirmed my suspicions......

Ya know, when you started talking about doing this a few months ago I thought you were joking. I have found a whole new level of disrespect for you

Did you get your name stamped on the back of your belt? Or does it just say "Lil Buckaroo"?
Cowboys are stupid......
You're a cowboy..........

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes!

[Ron 7]

Quote

and after that did you drink some Red Bull ??

No but I did have a nice medium rare steak for dinner...My own little taste of revenge...

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[AggieDave 6]

Quote

No but I did have a nice medium rare steak for dinner...My own little taste of revenge...

Right on!

Good story, looks like you had a good time as well.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[RevJim 0]

Nice story,Ron.

Now, I've never met you, but in reading some of your posts, some good, some dribble, I pretty much expected to see a black hat....

yup.

heh.

Guess you finally got to show something who's boss, right? That would make the score Ron-1, RevJim-0. My wife won't let me.

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[bbarnhouse 0]

Bwahhhhhhhhhhh!
Thanks Ron for the good laugh today.
See..he does have a sense of humor!..dont' know about horse sense though...
BB runs before Ron decides to poke her with a stick...

[ladyskydiver 0]

Good one!!!

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

[SkydiveNFlorida 0]

haha
..
hahahah


...





hahahahaha !!


-A

[Brian425 0]

Quote

. 280.00 bucks later

HMMM about 17 jump tickets. You must be rich!!!

The only time you should look down on someone is when you are offering them your hand.

[Ron 7]

Quote

I pretty much expected to see a black hat....

Actually its brown....I didn't think I could pull off the black one.

"No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms." -- Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson Papers, 334

[justaflygirl 0]

That was one funny story!Thanks for sharing. I worked at a stockyard thru my senior year sorting cows that came in on semi's. So I reallated to your story first hand, it can get messy. I have had cow shit from head to toe....

[SkymonkeyONE 3]

Nice one, Ron. I could type volumes about my experiences on the homestead (my dad has 500 acres). Nothing better than cutting the nuts off little piggies and being nearly mauled by their 500 pound sow mother.

[Brains 2]

Ron, that is absolutely a fantastic story. And yes i can relate to all of it. I will warn you, if your friend asks if you wnat to help catch and tag calves, watch out for mamma Believe it or not, those cows really don't like you roping their babies.

Mono uno, it is amazing how fast one of those big sows can turn around and come after your ass isn't it?

Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you.

[coconutmonkey 0]

Prefer to tip n' run myself

Hearts & Minds
2 to the Heart-
1 to the Mind-
Home of the Coconut Lounge, Spa, & Artillery Range

[RevJim 0]

Speaking of sows, I used to work in a very small slaughter house/meat processing plant/meat store. This was small enough that we only had one 'kill day' per week. That day was Tuesday (still is, in fact). I didn't work the kill floor, but the block, which happens to be one door off 'the floor'. Those that know hogs know how they are 'made ready for my table' (PC term for killed). All it involves is an electrical current and a very sharp knife. Well, one day a big freakin boar came charging through the door, squealing (like a stuck pig, hardy har har). I saw him coming, and there's no way he could see me, as his eyes were rolled back so all I could see were whites, and it was obvious by looking at his neck that he had been 'bled'. Well, as he got to my table, I lifted my boot to kick him in the head and stop his progress into the store. BAD IDEA. It seems their smell still works at that point, and as quickly as I had lifted my foot, he had my ankle in his mouth, and he was freakin chewing! Luckily it was just a couple of stitches for me after that, but the damn thing died with my foot in his mouth. Now that is an odd feeling.

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[Brains 2]

I worked the meat laboratory at school. Our kill day was Tuesday as well. We had a bull calf that got knocked, fell to his knees, we rolled him out of the chute to bleed him and he started kicking. The other guy, we'll call him Pussy, that was supposed to flank him to keep him from kicking me in the head while i thre the chain around his hocks, jumped up and ran Bull calf got up on his front legs right there on the kill floor We had to employ "other" options for putting him down.

Never look down on someone, unless they are going down on you.

[RevJim 0]

Beef were fun to watch. Compression tool thingy powered by 22 blanks. POW!
The occasional buffalo were better. One POW to mark the spot, and then 3-5 22 shells (real ones) before the stack of lead was through the skull.

When a buffalo falls on the kill floor, the whole damn building knows.

It's your life, live it!
Karma
RB#684 "Corcho", ASK#60, Muff#3520, NCB#398, NHDZ#4, C-33989, DG#1

[FrenchyDiver 0]

Good story Dude.

Think of it this way, you are lucky that your buddy wasn't branding them that day. You could've ended with a "tatoo"

Hispas Brothers President
HISPA #2,

[Guest]

What a moooooving story....

How cowsmic an experience...

mh

.

[Casurf1978 0]

Quote

I could tell he was not happy by the way he set his feet on the ground, how he dropped his head...Oh yeah, and by the way he started to run at me like he wanted to kill me.

LMAO. Kindof reminds of that Looney Tunes Cartoon where Bugs is the matador and he's in the ring with a very pissed off Bull.

[jumpinfarmer 0]

Great story.

Next time you are being charged remember to grab the bull by the nose. Actually get your fingers in the nostrils and twist with all you've got. Normally that will calm them down. If not it was nice knowing you.