windcatcher 0 #1 July 29, 2005 Just a question that I got an idea from the women's forum. I think society today, puts women in a position where she should be financially stable and independent, before getting married. Who cares??? I for one, am not a feminist and see nothing wrong with a woman marrying a man, and being a stay at home mom instead of some career woman. I know this is a controversial subject for some, and yes I will probably take a little heat for being "old fashioned" ( AND conservative, gasp!) Argue away! ( SC soon?!?!?!?) edit to add: For me, if I got married right out of college after dating 3 years, I see nothing wrong with getting married without a career, then getting one once I get married, especially since I have been paying for everything myself since high school pretty much, but I don't yet have a "career" ( though my mother has contributed food to my stomach, and that's it) Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BigSky 2 #2 July 29, 2005 If I was ever going to get hitched the woman would have to be finacially stable. Otherwise I wouldent have any money left for skydiving“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, th Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
windcatcher 0 #3 July 29, 2005 QuoteIf I was ever going to get hitched the woman would have to be finacially stable. Otherwise I wouldent have any money left for skydiving haha, good answer!!! Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #4 July 29, 2005 I think its personal choice, I gave up 10 years completley to my family, did the stay at home wife / homeschooling mom thing but wanted more, now I will not stop until I have a degree and make something of myself...Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
windcatcher 0 #5 July 29, 2005 QuoteI think its personal choice, I gave up 10 years completley to my family, did the stay at home wife / homeschooling mom thing but wanted more, now I will not stop until I have a degree and make something of myself... that's great you want more, but why is it a lot of women don't think they've "made something of themselves" unless they are MORE than a mother?? ( not trying to argue, just a question) Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpchikk 0 #6 July 29, 2005 Most definitely. I think everyone (not just women, but men as well) should experience living alone and providing for themselves before they get married. What happens to the woman if she allows herself to be financially dependent on a man and then he runs out on her? She is devastated. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #7 July 29, 2005 I believe that every Human being on this planet over the age of 18 should be capable of supporting themselves. This means if they were to find themselves No Longer Married for whatever reason, They should be able to take care of themselves (Financially and around the house). The whole concept of Alimony makes me sick. I dated a Girl once whose father had been paying her Mother Alimony for over 20 years. Her Mom never remarried because she would have lost that income and still had no Marketable skills. Really Sad Thing... Alimony is Tax deductible and Child Support is NOT!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #8 July 29, 2005 I dont think I wasted that time and I am a good mom, my kids have a better life then I did. However sometimes when being the stay at home mom / and homeschooling kids , a person can loose there sense of self. I become a extension of others... I was either so and sos wife or so and sos mom... Parenting is about them, not about what we as people want, however I finally realized that I want my children to see me happy, happy with myself that is. That in life there are things that just I need to do to be at peace with my exsistence. I am no longer anyones extension. However I would never go back and not be who I was.Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
weegegirl 2 #9 July 29, 2005 Who wouldn't want to be financially independent? Stabily? Who cares. Independence..... can never be sacrificed. Nothing is forever, and you are the one soley responsible for yourself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rebecca 0 #10 July 29, 2005 Feminism schmeminism, is that even relevant anymore? I couldn't imagine going into a marriage without a steady job and a clean bill of financial health. I would never accept being a financial burden, nor would I allow my husband to burden me that way. After the wedding, you're in it together and what happens, happens. If my husband had a badass income that could keep us at our standard of living, I'd become a stay-home wife/mom in a second. If not, I'd keep bringing home my share of the bacon. Thing is, being a stay-home wife and mom is not all spas and bonbons and outings. It's hard work. 24/7/365. The experts weren't kidding when they estimated a stay-home mom's salary over $100K for all the different jobs she holds... Hmm, maybe I'll get a stay-home dad, and keep working. It'd probably be less stressful, and there's paid vacation... Bottom line, yes, be financially stable. Be your own breadwinner. You have a lot more options that way. you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' -- well do you, punk? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AggieDave 6 #11 July 29, 2005 Well, looking at my choosen career (no not skydiving) and what Morgan is getting a degree in, she's going to make roughly 3x's as much as I will. That's ok, if I end up needing to stay home to help with the kids (if and when) then so be it.--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #12 July 29, 2005 I dont think there is a issue if the woman and man CHOOSE for her to stay home, however you always need a plan B, and if you are unable to care for yourself it can suck big time if/when you find yourself , beat up, kicked out and broke. After all you never know a persons (man or womans) true colors until they are scorned...Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
windcatcher 0 #13 July 29, 2005 so if I were to get married in a few short years, I should make a career for myself before I get married, then be a stay-at-home mother??? I am not arguing with anyone, just bringing up a good topic. Personally, I have 2 more years left of college, and though I wouldn't plan on having kids for a few years after marrying, I would like to be there for the kids. I will have a career someday, but I don't think a woman has to have herself a "nest egg" or be fairly well off financially, just to be married.I have been financially independent from my parents for a least a few years now, they don't buy me anything at all, not even college tuition, except for the occasional $20 for b-days or shoes or something when I'm in a bind, Mother to the cutest little thing in the world... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhoni_renee 0 #14 July 29, 2005 I'll have to answer in the affirmative to this. Both women AND men should be able to take care of themselves (financially and domestically) in case something happens to the marriage. There's not just divorce to consider but death. A spouse's insurance will probably not fund the rest of your life. My mother stayed home for years and never regretted it. But she could support herself if something happened to my father. On the other hand, if something were to happen to her, my dad would have to move in with me or one of my sisters. The poor man can barely boil water, hates to eat alone and doesn't even know how to turn on the washing machine! RR Now is the time to take possession of my life, to start the impossible, a journey to the limits of my aspirations. For the first time to step toward my loveliest dream...." -- Hugh Prather Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #15 July 29, 2005 I think maybe you should not be so general about things that dont fit into a black or white catagory. There is a reason for alimony and I agree with some aspects of it. Unless you are in the persons marriage you have no standing to judge either.Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
beowulf 1 #16 July 29, 2005 ya know you are missing an entirely different aspect of this. What if you were in the hole about $50,000? Should the man now have to take over all of that too? What if she doesn't say anything and he can't really afford to take on that kind of money? Then what? When I say $50,000 I don't mean a house or car, but credit cards or other such things with high payments. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gemini 0 #17 July 29, 2005 Absolutely! In fact both should be. With divorce rates at 50% in the US , you'd be crazy not to have financial independence. Even if you are one of the lucky few to be happily married something could happen to your spouse. If he/she were the sole source of income you might be out on the street... pun intended Blue skies, Jim Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rhoni_renee 0 #18 July 29, 2005 Weegegirl, I don't think a woman should have to have a "nest egg" set away but she should have a "Plan B" (has someone else mentioned above). We can't predict the future. Just seems like a good idea to have something to fall back on if you need it. Men AND women (since I have known some stay at home dads). RR Now is the time to take possession of my life, to start the impossible, a journey to the limits of my aspirations. For the first time to step toward my loveliest dream...." -- Hugh Prather Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #19 July 29, 2005 Before dating anyone, I ask for the last 3 years' tax returns, a current financial statement, credit references, genealogical references, and naked photos. I'm adventurous that way. "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #20 July 29, 2005 nekkid photos should come first, that way if there fugly you dont have to proceed and waste your time knee deep in recordsSudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,149 #21 July 29, 2005 Not even necessarily have a career, per se. Have skills that can earn you a living, and have interests that are your own and that you can satisfy. That 'extension of others' thing can really suck when the kids move out, or the husband leaves, or just gets sick and can't work any more, or many of the other things that can happen in a real life. Nothing wrong with anything productive you do. But keep track of the things that might make you marketable if you need it, and be aware of what keeps you marketable. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #22 July 29, 2005 First... Why the rush to get Married?? If you dont plan on Kids for a few years.. Wait a few years to get Married. So many women (And I am not saying that you are one) are so totally focused on Finding Mr. Right and Getting Married Right Away, It is sad. I remember all the Sorority girls in college that were there just for their MRS degree’s. I wonder how much Life they missed out on. I don’t think ANYONE should ever be allowed to get married until they are over 25. If you really found that perfect someone, They will still be there in a few years. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Frenchy68 0 #23 July 29, 2005 Quotenekkid photos should come first, that way if there fugly you dont have to proceed and waste your time knee deep in records Wrong. The bank account is much more important than the person in any healthy long term relationship. "For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
weegegirl 2 #24 July 29, 2005 that's not what i'm saying. are you capable of making money somehow some way? do you have a plan for the "what if"? like what if you have a bunch of babies and your husband dies? what if your husband is seriously injured and you become the "bread winner"? do you have a plan? i think it would be fairly irresponsbile to have children without a plan like this. plus, if you never get out and "do it on your own", then you are missing out on a huge chunk of life experience. even if you work at mcdonalds, you are still supporting yourself and therefore financially independent. i wouldn't marry someone because i thought they could take care of me. i would marry someone because i loved that person and wanted to grow old with them. plus, i make a good sugar mamma. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisamariewillbe 1 #25 July 29, 2005 lol frenchy wants to be a kept man... i can just tellSudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
