Should women be financially stable before getting married?

[Jeth 0]

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Being a mother is not an accomplishment, thats just biology! If "being a mother" is enough for a woman, then "being a father" should be enough for a guy, too. I definitely don't see having kids as an accomplishment. And I don't agree with women who set that as their only goal.

sorry but I disagree with you; being a mother/father IS an accomplishment. Or I should say raising children is an accomplishment. Not just being a parent, but being a mom/dad. I know it's hard work; and what do you think is wrong with a woman wanting to be the best mother/wife? Why does she have to other goals? I'm not saying those are my only 2 goals, but they are some of my goals.

Ok, yes, it takes work to raise kids properly. But there are many people who manage to do a pretty good job and still earn a living. You can want to be the best wife/mother, but that doesn't have to be at the expense of your future. I guess I just don't get how that could be a goal. I mean, I want to be "good wife" , too. In the sense that I will support and nurture my husband, as he should for me. But thats not a goal! Thats just something you do. I dunno. I just don't get it. I think you are selling yourself short if all you strive to be is a wife & mother. And why is it okay for women to have that as a goal but not men? Thats just stupid. (Just my opinion.

"At 13,000 feet nothing else matters."
PFRX!!!!!
Team Funnel #174, Sunshine kisspass #109
My Jump Site

[Buried 0]

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I definitely don't see having kids as an accomplishment.

nor do i. It's the raising the kids that could be classified as an accomplishment. In todays world, many mothers seem to fail at this

Many fathers fail, too.

yup. I suppose I could have said 'parents' but this thread is about women

Where is my fizzy-lifting drink?

[windcatcher 0]

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Ok, yes, it takes work to raise kids properly. But there are many people who manage to do a pretty good job and still earn a living.

You can still have one without the other. Why would you have to have kids and still make a living? Raising a family is good enough,people don't need to have all the fancy cars and toys to be happy. Why do you insist people should raise kids AND work???

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You can want to be the best wife/mother, but that doesn't have to be at the expense of your future

what future? Being rich you mean?? Why does being a mother, mean you are "sacrificing" your life, just cause you don't have a career?

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I guess I just don't get how that could be a goal. I mean, I want to be "good wife" , too. In the sense that I will support and nurture my husband, as he should for me. But thats not a goal! Thats just something you do. I dunno. I just don't get it. I think you are selling yourself short if all you strive to be is a wife & mother. And why is it okay for women to have that as a goal but not men? Thats just stupid. (Just my opinion.

]I desire to be an awesome mother and wife, so yes that's a goal, because I am not those things right now. Those aren't the only things I want to do in life, I want to help others live a more enjoyable life, and I'd like to volunteer to help those in need. I think both men and women should desire to be a great spouse, otherwise what's the point of getting married if you're not going to treat the one you love with the utmost love and care?

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[mailin 0]

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You can still have one without the other. Why would you have to have kids and still make a living? Raising a family is good enough,people don't need to have all the fancy cars and toys to be happy.

HUH? Don't you know that when you add more mouths to a dinner table that means more food?

In other words, its freakin' expensive having kids - so just merely scrapping by without kids is even worse with them.

What do you have against working moms? In the northeast (and southwest) where housing costs over $400,000 you can't not have moms working. Your expectations are stuck in the 50s!



Jen

Arianna Frances

[Vallerina 2]

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I definitely don't see having kids as an accomplishment.

nor do i. It's the raising the kids that could be classified as an accomplishment. In todays world, many mothers seem to fail at this

Many fathers fail, too.

yup. I suppose I could have said 'parents' but this thread is about women

No, this thread is about the financial status of women...not the parental status of women! I think there was this thing called "thread drift."

There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning

[kelel01 1]

Yeah, I really don't get this. Obviously you're not having children, which you don't consider a sacrifice. Explain to me why not having a career IS a sacrifice. If I had to choose one or the other . . . bye bye career. I want a family. I'll do both if I can, but NOT having a children would be a sacrifice TO ME, one I'm not willing to make so I can work 80 hours a week on Wall Street.

[windcatcher 0]

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HUH? Don't you know that when you add more mouths to a dinner table that means more food?

In other words, its freakin' expensive having kids - so just merely scrapping by without kids is even worse with them.

What do you have against working moms? In the northeast (and southwest) where housing costs over $400,000 you can't not have moms working. Your expectations are stuck in the 50s!

I don't have anything against working moms, but why do people insist, that if a father works, it shouldn't be enough to provide for his family? That if a mother doesn't work also, the family will be poor? That's not right. Don't you think that today, many people have both parents working, just to get extra "stuff"; when in reality, one of the spouse's paycheck is enough to support a family???
America is very get-rich-quick, and yes I know some people who would rather have expensive toys, than have a well raised family if they do have one.

I said I was "old fashioned"--I'm not liberal, I'm a conservative, so I expect most here to disagree with me. My thinking is rooted in my beliefs; I don't expect those who have opposite beliefs/religion from me to agree with me, so carry on

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[kelel01 1]

Move. It can be done here with relative ease. In the first 5 years, you save so much by not paying for daycare/commuting expenses, etc. that you can actually sacrifice a whole person's income and not really feel it.

[nate_1979 9]

I do see alot of cases that spouses *HAVE* to work, or the family just doesnt eat.... If you have a family, that is just one of those things you have to accept now days MAY be a requirement, just to survive.

As much as I wish it wasnt so, it just is.

FGF #???
I miss the sky...
There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't.

[Jeth 0]

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Ok, yes, it takes work to raise kids properly. But there are many people who manage to do a pretty good job and still earn a living.

You can still have one without the other. Why would you have to have kids and still make a living? Raising a family is good enough,people don't need to have all the fancy cars and toys to be happy.

Because, as many people pointed out before, you have nothing to fall back on if your happy little family doesn't work out. Its not about being rich. Its about being able to support yourself no matter what. I couldn't imagine going through life without that. Shit happens. Its better to be prepared for it. Its about having options. It has nothing to do with being rich or having toys.

"At 13,000 feet nothing else matters."
PFRX!!!!!
Team Funnel #174, Sunshine kisspass #109
My Jump Site

[kelel01 1]

But if you can survive on one income (either parent - who cares if it's the mom or the dad) and have one person home with the children, wouldn't you think that'd be better for the children?

My parents both worked (still do, in fact), but my mom has always said that she wishes she could have been home with me and my sister.

[mailin 0]

Thats incredibly judgemental - who are you to say how people spend their money?

Why should a husband have to change his career (if he doesn't make enough money) so mom can stay home? Marriage is a partnership, it has to be agreed up on in advance. I've seen plenty of relationships where mom works and its wonderful, and I've also seen ones where mom stays home and sits on the couch all day when she could be making money and contributing to the family savings.

My best friends husband works as a school psychologist making very little money, but he loves it. SHould he have to get a career for more money just so she can stay home? Thats selfish!

Jen

Arianna Frances

[wmw999 2,182]

There are families that are happy, and feel as though they have enough, with one income of $20,000 (not large ones probably). There are families of the same size with incomes of $100,000 that are going broke.

I don't think it's about one or two incomes, unless it's extremely low. It's about how much you're willing to trade off. Schools? Safe place to live? What constitutes "safe?" What kind of clothes are good enough? Do you have to have meat at every meal?

But if a woman or man puts all of their eggs in the "happily ever after" basket, they'd better keep monitoring, working on, and repairing that basket.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[mailin 0]

Why should I have to move when I have built in babysitting with my family? If I moved to someplace away from my family I'm sacrificing much more.

Thats not a good idea - family is more important.



Jen

Arianna Frances

[kelel01 1]

Oh, man I hate replying to every post. But . . .

If I quit my job tomorrow, it doesn't mean I can never get another one. At least I have a degree to fall back on. That's more than some people. I think with a degree and a few years' work experience, you can quit actively working without worrying that you're screwed for life.

[nate_1979 9]

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But if you can survive on one income (either parent - who cares if it's the mom or the dad) and have one person home with the children, wouldn't you think that'd be better for the children?

My parents both worked (still do, in fact), but my mom has always said that she wishes she could have been home with me and my sister.

I do believe that is the way to do it... That's how I grew up, my mother was always there.. I never had to goto daycare or anything like that... Someday I hope that I can provide that for my family, if the significant other also wants that style of life. Even if I cant get all of my "toys".

FGF #???
I miss the sky...
There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't.

[kelel01 1]

So there you go. If your family is there to take care of the kids while they're young, that's ideal. But I REALLY don't want my 12-week-old baby in daycare.

You have the perfect situation. Most people aren't that lucky.

[Buried 0]

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"thread drift."

never heard of such a thing

Where is my fizzy-lifting drink?

[windcatcher 0]

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But if you can survive on one income (either parent - who cares if it's the mom or the dad) and have one person home with the children, wouldn't you think that'd be better for the children?

this is what I'm saying!!! If you don't agree with my beliefs people, ( not you Kel, though I;m sure we disagree too), than that's okay. My thinking, my perception is rooted in my religion/beliefs/values; I am not tearing apart someone's beliefs and calling them judgemental,cause that's how they believe!!!

Bottom line, my thinking of parenting,etc, is rooted in what I believe. If you disagree,your beliefs are different, and that's that.

edit to add:I grew up in a family of 5, where my dad worked hard and my mom stayed home with us. We were pretty "poor" by today's standards, having to buy clothes from Goodwill, get food from the foodbank, church outreach food banks,etc. I didn't like the fact that we grew up that way, but I am happy my mother raised us at home. Having said that, there are families in America with close family relationships, who don't have a lot of expensive toys. Family is more important than money,but yes $$ is necessary.

Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

[nate_1979 9]

But you did ask...

FGF #???
I miss the sky...
There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't.

[Jeth 0]

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Yeah, I really don't get this. Obviously you're not having children, which you don't consider a sacrifice. Explain to me why not having a career IS a sacrifice. If I had to choose one or the other . . . bye bye career. I want a family. I'll do both if I can, but NOT having a children would be a sacrifice TO ME, one I'm not willing to make so I can work 80 hours a week on Wall Street.

Ok, because eventually the kids grow up and move on to their own lives. So if thats all you ever did, all you have, then you're left with nothing. Like someone else mentioned, you lose your own identity and just become "X's mom". So when X is no longer in the picture, what do you do now? Not to mention the whole financial aspect of being able to support yourself as a productive citizen in society. I think your own personal identity and your livlihood is NOT something that can be sacrificed. You can still enjoy parenthood, but that shouldn't be the only thing in your life. (IMO.
Also, its not about working 80 hours a week. I am NOT totally career-driven. I just think you should have SOMETHING. A plan B if things don't work out. A way to earn a decent living. And something that gives you a personal identity beyond your children.

"At 13,000 feet nothing else matters."
PFRX!!!!!
Team Funnel #174, Sunshine kisspass #109
My Jump Site

[Jeth 0]

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But if a woman or man puts all of their eggs in the "happily ever after" basket, they'd better keep monitoring, working on, and repairing that basket.

Wendy W.

Good one, Wendy!

"At 13,000 feet nothing else matters."
PFRX!!!!!
Team Funnel #174, Sunshine kisspass #109
My Jump Site

[kelel01 1]

Well, I've outlined my plan B, and I have personality to spare (which is not always a good thing). Why can't skydiving be my identifying characteristic? Why can't I dedicate my time to volunteering, and fundraising, and my own health, etc.? How about preserving my sanity, by not having what I consider to be 2 FT jobs?

I'm assuming that you're ok with these things, but still think a person who doesn't make money has no identity. We'll just agree to disagree.

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[tigra 0]

A lot of women in my mom's generation ended up in that situation or worse. A lot of women in MY generation are a little wiser as a result!

The sad thing is, a lot fewer kids get to go home and eat lunch with their moms like I used to be able to do when I was in grade school.

[Thanatos340 1]

OK.. But the title of this thread is,

"Should women be financially stable before getting married?"

YES!!
Women should also be prepared to support themselves should the Marrige not work for whatever reason.

Also Women should NOT be in a Rush to get married just becasue that is what they have been taught to want.

Wait to have kids untill you can afford to have them. This means that you have enough money to keep food on the table for a few Months to a Few Years (Or longer) with only one income.

The bottom line on all this is DONT BE in a HURRY!!