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windcatcher

Should women be financially stable before getting married?

By windcatcher, in The Bonfire

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Jeth    0

Jeth
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Oh, man I hate replying to every post. But . . .

If I quit my job tomorrow, it doesn't mean I can never get another one. At least I have a degree to fall back on. That's more than some people. I think with a degree and a few years' work experience, you can quit actively working without worrying that you're screwed for life.



Thats true. By having your degree you are giving yourself something, so thats good. (and better than a lot of women do.) But depending on your field, if you take off 10 years to be with your kids you may have a really hard time getting back in. (If you ever needed/wanted to.) But I agree that you are probably not "screwed for life".
"At 13,000 feet nothing else matters."
PFRX!!!!!
Team Funnel #174, Sunshine kisspass #109
My Jump Site

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Frenchy68    0

Frenchy68
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And something that gives you a personal identity beyond your children.


That should happen, regardless whether it's through a career or staying home. Two different things me thinks again.

"For once you have tasted Absinthe you will walk the earth with your eyes turned towards the gutter, for there you have been and there you will long to return."

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kelel01    1

kelel01
I agree. They should be. But more importantly, I think they should be secure with themselves, with a well-established sense of self. I'd rather see my poor, in-debt friend get married at 25 than my totally insecure, emotionally-dependent one.

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windcatcher    0

windcatcher
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OK.. But the title of this thread is,

"Should women be financially stable before getting married?"

YES!!
Women should also be prepared to support themselves should the Marrige not work for whatever reason.

Also Women should NOT be in a Rush to get married just becasue that is what they have been taught to want.

Wait to have kids untill you can afford to have them. This means that you have enough money to keep food on the table for a few Months to a Few Years (Or longer) with only one income.

The bottom line on all this is DONT BE in a HURRY!!

okay, answer my question then. If I am getting married right out of college, then should I not do it, cause I should have a career first? :S I don't think so!!! College for me is not a good time to get married, and that's why I am waiting. However, I probably won't start a career till after school,when I WOULD be married, and see nothing wrong with that.
edit to add: and good post Kel!


Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

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Jeth    0

Jeth
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Well, I've outlined my plan B, and I have personality to spare (which is not always a good thing). :D Why can't skydiving be my identifying characteristic? Why can't I dedicate my time to volunteering, and fundraising, and my own health, etc.? How about preserving my sanity, by not having what I consider to be 2 FT jobs?

I'm assuming that you're ok with these things, but still think a person who doesn't make money has no identity. We'll just agree to disagree. :)



I think we're somewhere between agreement and disagreement. :) If you have a plan B, and in the meantime want to not work and pursue other interests/activities, then that sounds dandy to me. :)
"At 13,000 feet nothing else matters."
PFRX!!!!!
Team Funnel #174, Sunshine kisspass #109
My Jump Site

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TF107    0

TF107
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My best friends husband works as a school psychologist making very little money, but he loves it. SHould he have to get a career for more money just so she can stay home? Thats selfish!




When my mom had my brother and me (twins) she quit work. Dad was a social worker for public aid, and then a social worker in a public school, so you can imagine how much money he didn't make. Mom didn't start working again outside of the home until my brother and I were in school, and then it was an aid in our school library.

I once told my mom that if I married a guy that makes enough money I would want to stay home when I have kids. She looked at me and said "honey, it's just about choices." My choice will be to stay home. Will that make me a better mother or less of an individual than a woman that continues to work? No, of course not. It's just my choice.

~Gretchen

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RkyMtnHigh    0

RkyMtnHigh
YES YES YES!! A woman should be financially independent regardless of relationship status. My first hubby made an agreement with me when we bought our first home..he'd pay the mortgage and I paid all the other bills to make it "fair"..well...it wasn't so fair afterall..over the 8 yrs of marriage, he had many extracurricular relationships IN our home, while I was there playing Hostess of the Mostess at holiday parties. He'd disappear and low and behold..we have a guest in the bedroom. Grrrrrrrrrrreat! I didn't have my college degree YET, had a low paying job, and was STUCK until I could afford to get out and stand on my own two feet. At the 8 yr anniversary, I had a college degree (he didn't come to my graduation because he didn't support my newfound independence), great paying job and finally left. So perhaps you wanna say "you picked a bad one and I won't" ...well, I think you always need to be able to stand on your feet as far as independence emotionally and financially. That was a tough lesson at age 20 for me to learn, but it was a wonderful life lesson to depend on NO ONE but myself.





_________________________________________

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Thanatos340    1

Thanatos340
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If I am getting married right out of college, then should I not do it, cause I should have a career first?



NO. You should NOT do it so you can have a Life first. Marrige is not the end all be all. You should not rush it. Take a couple years, Enter the work force. Develop some marketable skills and then think about getting married.

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, I probably won't start a career till after school,when I WOULD be married



Why?? Do you feel that you have to get Married as soon as possible?

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Kris    0

Kris
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Why?? Do you feel that you have to get Married as soon as possible?



No kidding. I support a mandatory waiting period on matrimony until both parties are at least 25.
Sky, Muff Bro, Rodriguez Bro, and
Bastion of Purity and Innocence!™

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windcatcher    0

windcatcher
Getting married 3 years after dating someone is hardly what I would consider getting married as soon as possible:S:P.

And know what? If I love a man and we both want to get married, I don't see why I would have to put my relationship on hold with him, just to have money?!?!?! Course I would have a job afterwards, just probably not straight out of college.

And oh, I am an organizational/interpersonal communications major; may go to grad school to be a marriage/family counselor:)
I would only consider getting married AFTER college, btw


Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

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Jeth    0

Jeth
I waited 8 years to get married. One of the big reasons was because I wanted to be finished with college and into a career before I was married. (Since my parents helped me with college, I didn't want to be married and still being supported by Dad.) Just my personal choice. And my hubby had no problems waiting. :)
"At 13,000 feet nothing else matters."
PFRX!!!!!
Team Funnel #174, Sunshine kisspass #109
My Jump Site

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windcatcher    0

windcatcher
I have pretty much supported myself with everything since high school, ( except for food), so I have a lot of experience with all that already. My parents don't buy me anything--no car, no clothes, no college, no insurance,no dentist bills, credit card,etc. I think I know what it's like to be financially independent, even though I don't have a career yet. I pay for everything by myself:)


Mother to the cutest little thing in the world...

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Lindsey    0

Lindsey
that's great you want more, but why is it a lot of women don't think they've "made something of themselves" unless they are MORE than a mother??Unsure ( not trying to argue, just a question)Smile

I think that different people are cut out for different paths. Traditionally, being "only" a mother was our lot in life. We didn't have options. Over time, since we were good at taking care of children we became teachers....and eventually nurses....then secretaries! Now we can do ANYTHING! We can be mothers and ANYTHING else we want to be.

I would give up everything else in my life if I had to make a choice between 1) being a mom and 2) being everything else that I am. BUT I'm glad I can be a mom AND a doctor. I'm glad I can wear cut-off shorts in public. I'm glad I can ride a motorcycle. I'm glad I can skydive. I remember a time, when I was a child, when NONE of my friends' mothers worked. That's a lot of change in a short period of time. I'll be the first female doctor in my hometown. 30 years ago I was the first girl to play little league baseball in my hometown.

There's nothing wrong with being a full-time mom. I'm just thankful that we have choices to do other things too if we want.

Peace~
linz
--
A conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged. A liberal is just a conservative who's been to jail

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