DrewGPM 0 #26 May 19, 2005 I wasn't commenting on whether people should have pre-marital sex. I assume couples are having sex before they get to the co-habitating stage. My comment was more about the fact you assumed "test drive" meant sex. Too much emphasis on the quality of the sex seems like it would be detrimental to the relationship. I've never seen a study that shows sex before marriage to be a common theme among failed marriages. I would thing there has to be some relations there. Since I haven't seen such a report, I don't really focus on the sex before marriage thing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpergirl 0 #27 May 19, 2005 Yes, I did assume "test-drive" meant sex. That's the way I have always had it explained to me. I apologize for assuming wrongly. I do agree that living together is definitely a test-drive before marriage - minus the sex. That is what my mom has told me for years. "Test it out." She never said anything to me about testing the sex. Her point was to live together to find out if we could live together. It's much different to see someone occasionally, not every day, or only on the weekends, than to wake up with that same person every day, see them after work, live with them. I agree... I would not buy a car or a canopy or a pair of shoes without testing them. I won't ever get married again without "testing" him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites FallinWoman 1 #28 May 19, 2005 To me living with him is not about deciding whether I can live with the little quirks that each of us has, it was about learning that I want to commit to him with or without those quirks....One of the things that we have figured out is the financial side of our relationship...his, mine and ours....I know I could dig up stats that suggest that financial problems are a leading cause of divorce....I just don't care enough to... My point is that living with him has taught me that those little annoying things have nothing to do with my love for him and my committment to our relationship. ~Anne I'm a Doll!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jumpergirl 0 #29 May 19, 2005 Well said and ditto!! Someone told me they don't look at what they like, they look at what they don't like and decide if they can live with those things. I think that is one of the smartest things I have ever heard. To me, that's what living together before marriage is about. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites cocheese 0 #30 May 19, 2005 My dream home is a duplex.Her side and my side. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites NoShitThereIWas 0 #31 May 19, 2005 I definitely think people should live together for a significant duration of time before they get married or at least spend a lot of time together in a realistic living together situation. You may find out a lot of things about your significant other which may shock you, change your opinion of them, get on your nerves, etc. Why make it a surprise after you have already committed to them on paper? By living together before hand you will have a good idea what you are getting in to. Are they clean? Is that a big deal to you? Do they help with the house chores and the cooking? Or do they expect you to do it all? Are you compatable? I had only known my ex-husband a short time before we got married and we had not spent that much time living together. By the time we were married it was too late to realize that he would leave his toothpaste stuck to the sink every morning, never made the bed, left clothes on the floor all the time and expected me to do all the housework, cooking and dishes. It became very frustrating to me on a daily basis which put strain on the marriage. This does not mean that we could not have remained very good friends but living together definitely adds a new element to a relationship. I think if I had lived with him for a longer duration before hand I would have known more and well ... I will just leave it at that. Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires." Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites happythoughts 0 #32 May 19, 2005 Sex before marriage? I believe in sex before the first date. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites MarkM 0 #33 May 19, 2005 Quote I've never seen a study that shows sex before marriage to be a common theme among failed marriages. But correlation doesn't mean causality. It may simply be that people with the personality that prefer to cohabitate before marriage are simply more likely to bail out of a marriage when it doesn't suit them. If you removed cohabitation as an option from them, they might even have a higher rate of marriage failures. Personally I think people get too hung up on symbols and titles as it is. My best friend has lived with the same woman for over 12 years now and while they aren't married(and likely never will be) they're in a happy and committed relationship. But anyway, the studies and facts page have a very "cohabitation, just say no" ring to them like they're less science and more agenda. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites luckky 0 #34 May 19, 2005 lived in sin for 2 yrs,,grinn,.happily married now,, youask some very valuded ??..living with someone and being married toi thenm is 2 diff things,grinn iffin u have never been married then the ?? is mute..follow ur heart ur gut felings..don't go on statistics..they make the numbers up to plz the public,,If there are no trials in life,how will u know what is really imprtortant liv2luv luv2liv,,,SUMMOOO 1 lucky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bobsled92 0 #35 May 19, 2005 Live with the person as long as possible so there are FEWER regrets after the wedding_______________________________ If I could be a Super Hero, I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year. http://www.hangout.no/speednews/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mr2mk1g 10 #36 May 19, 2005 Do it. I lived with my fiance. We didn't get married and now live 200 miles apart. Divorce is much more expensive than simply moving out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites justaflygirl 0 #37 May 19, 2005 I lived with my husbadn before we got married, about 6 months I guess. Im not sure it would have made adifference either way, but I do believe in tasting the cake before you buy it.... if you catch my drift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Joellercoaster 6 #38 May 19, 2005 Yeah that. We'd been dating for six months or so and realised we had spent maybe two nights of that apart, so we moved in. We've been doing that for the two years since, and will get married whenever we go back to Australia (people would never forgive us if we did it here). The living with someone to make sure they don't have annoying habits thing cuts both ways. Everyone has annoying habits. The question is, will yours and your partner's be compatibly annoying, or not? The only way to find out is to live together. Those of you who don't do the test-drive thing (sexually or not, I don't care) aren't just quaint - I think you're letting yourself in for a world of hurt.-- "I'll tell you how all skydivers are judged, . They are judged by the laws of physics." - kkeenan "You jump out, pull the string and either live or die. What's there to be good at? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites lawrocket 3 #39 May 19, 2005 my wife is the only person with whom I have cohabited. I think it was a good thing. We certainly got used to each other, then sick of each other, then used to each other. Wait till marriage? Nothing wrong with that. But at least we knew what we were getting into when we finally tied the knot. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites tigra 0 #40 May 19, 2005 Statistically, 57% of all statistics are made up! I don't think there is a yes or no answer for this one! What works for one person or couple doesn't necessarily work for someone else. I do think many people get married for the wrong reasons and many people move in together for the wrong reasons. But it sure is a lot cheaper to move than it is to get a divorce when things fall apart! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Beverly 1 #41 May 19, 2005 Definately live together- he may be obsessive compulsive. BTW: How are your teeth? I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Salsa_John 0 #42 May 19, 2005 QuoteStatistically people who live together before marriage have a better chance of divorce than people who move in together after marriage; then again religious people won't live together before marriage and don't beilve in divorce so it's possible the numbers could be slightly skewed. yep...in statistics that is called an artifact. it is a non-objective influence that skews the numbers away from an unbiased result for the tested unbiased group. To eliminate the artifacts, select a random population from only persons that have lived together. I think it is a good idea to see someone at their worst and best.... "You did what?!?!" MUFF #3722, TDSM #72, Orfun #26, Nachos Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites happythoughts 0 #43 May 20, 2005 Quoteliving with someone and being married toi thenm is 2 diff things ...and living with the Nut-man has got to be a third. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jumpchikk 0 #44 May 20, 2005 QuoteDo it. I lived with my fiance. We didn't get married and now live 200 miles apart. Divorce is much more expensive than simply moving out. Preach on brotha!! Funny how time changes your outlook on things... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites 2fat2fly 0 #45 May 20, 2005 Cohabitation is just wrong, wrong, wrong!!! My first marriage would have lasted if I hadn't had to live with the bitch. Oh, that wasn't exactly what you were talking about, was it? I'm so embarrassedI am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites RippedCord 0 #46 January 13, 2006 Guys: do not get married, and if you cohabitate, get a cohabitation agreement in place. Gals: go for marriage, and avoid any cohabitation agreements or pre-nups. AMDG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyinchicken 0 #47 January 13, 2006 Quote My dream home is a duplex. Her side and my side. I was just talking about that with a gf of mine. Her and her bf broke up and she moved out and into the apt upstairs. They are now together and very happy. lmao "Diligent observation leads to pure abstraction". Lari Pittman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Broke 0 #48 January 13, 2006 I voted yes, but it really depends on the people. I mean it is a good way to find out if you are about to get married to a guy/gal who's a total asshole/psycho/dick/bitch/etc...Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Squeak 17 #49 January 13, 2006 My now wife and I lived together for 14 years before we got married (we wanted to see if we were serious about each other) We have been married now for 4 years. Let me tell you there is an appreciable difference betweeen pre and post wedding. It's a really hard thing to define but we are better together now than we were before. I think a lot of people who have lived together for a while end up marrying for the wrtong reasons, for instance trying to save the relationship, similarly some people have children in an effort to save relationships. Kas and I married purely because it was the right time for us, and we could not be happierYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jshatzkin 0 #50 January 13, 2006 Another factor that makes those statistics is: Research has shown that people who live together first often don't hold as much of the *commitment* part of the relationship. When they marry, it's more of an attitude "not much is different, just a piece of paper". Level of commitment often does not rise significantly in those who co-habit first, whereas people who marry without co-habiting first see marriage as a huge step and huge commitment. Now having said all that, I lived with my husband for 2 years first. We have been married 6, and are still very happy!Jen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 2 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0 Go To Topic Listing
FallinWoman 1 #28 May 19, 2005 To me living with him is not about deciding whether I can live with the little quirks that each of us has, it was about learning that I want to commit to him with or without those quirks....One of the things that we have figured out is the financial side of our relationship...his, mine and ours....I know I could dig up stats that suggest that financial problems are a leading cause of divorce....I just don't care enough to... My point is that living with him has taught me that those little annoying things have nothing to do with my love for him and my committment to our relationship. ~Anne I'm a Doll!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpergirl 0 #29 May 19, 2005 Well said and ditto!! Someone told me they don't look at what they like, they look at what they don't like and decide if they can live with those things. I think that is one of the smartest things I have ever heard. To me, that's what living together before marriage is about. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cocheese 0 #30 May 19, 2005 My dream home is a duplex.Her side and my side. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NoShitThereIWas 0 #31 May 19, 2005 I definitely think people should live together for a significant duration of time before they get married or at least spend a lot of time together in a realistic living together situation. You may find out a lot of things about your significant other which may shock you, change your opinion of them, get on your nerves, etc. Why make it a surprise after you have already committed to them on paper? By living together before hand you will have a good idea what you are getting in to. Are they clean? Is that a big deal to you? Do they help with the house chores and the cooking? Or do they expect you to do it all? Are you compatable? I had only known my ex-husband a short time before we got married and we had not spent that much time living together. By the time we were married it was too late to realize that he would leave his toothpaste stuck to the sink every morning, never made the bed, left clothes on the floor all the time and expected me to do all the housework, cooking and dishes. It became very frustrating to me on a daily basis which put strain on the marriage. This does not mean that we could not have remained very good friends but living together definitely adds a new element to a relationship. I think if I had lived with him for a longer duration before hand I would have known more and well ... I will just leave it at that. Roy Bacon: "Elvises, light your fires." Sting: "Be yourself no matter what they say." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #32 May 19, 2005 Sex before marriage? I believe in sex before the first date. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MarkM 0 #33 May 19, 2005 Quote I've never seen a study that shows sex before marriage to be a common theme among failed marriages. But correlation doesn't mean causality. It may simply be that people with the personality that prefer to cohabitate before marriage are simply more likely to bail out of a marriage when it doesn't suit them. If you removed cohabitation as an option from them, they might even have a higher rate of marriage failures. Personally I think people get too hung up on symbols and titles as it is. My best friend has lived with the same woman for over 12 years now and while they aren't married(and likely never will be) they're in a happy and committed relationship. But anyway, the studies and facts page have a very "cohabitation, just say no" ring to them like they're less science and more agenda. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
luckky 0 #34 May 19, 2005 lived in sin for 2 yrs,,grinn,.happily married now,, youask some very valuded ??..living with someone and being married toi thenm is 2 diff things,grinn iffin u have never been married then the ?? is mute..follow ur heart ur gut felings..don't go on statistics..they make the numbers up to plz the public,,If there are no trials in life,how will u know what is really imprtortant liv2luv luv2liv,,,SUMMOOO 1 lucky Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bobsled92 0 #35 May 19, 2005 Live with the person as long as possible so there are FEWER regrets after the wedding_______________________________ If I could be a Super Hero, I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year. http://www.hangout.no/speednews/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mr2mk1g 10 #36 May 19, 2005 Do it. I lived with my fiance. We didn't get married and now live 200 miles apart. Divorce is much more expensive than simply moving out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justaflygirl 0 #37 May 19, 2005 I lived with my husbadn before we got married, about 6 months I guess. Im not sure it would have made adifference either way, but I do believe in tasting the cake before you buy it.... if you catch my drift Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Joellercoaster 6 #38 May 19, 2005 Yeah that. We'd been dating for six months or so and realised we had spent maybe two nights of that apart, so we moved in. We've been doing that for the two years since, and will get married whenever we go back to Australia (people would never forgive us if we did it here). The living with someone to make sure they don't have annoying habits thing cuts both ways. Everyone has annoying habits. The question is, will yours and your partner's be compatibly annoying, or not? The only way to find out is to live together. Those of you who don't do the test-drive thing (sexually or not, I don't care) aren't just quaint - I think you're letting yourself in for a world of hurt.-- "I'll tell you how all skydivers are judged, . They are judged by the laws of physics." - kkeenan "You jump out, pull the string and either live or die. What's there to be good at? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lawrocket 3 #39 May 19, 2005 my wife is the only person with whom I have cohabited. I think it was a good thing. We certainly got used to each other, then sick of each other, then used to each other. Wait till marriage? Nothing wrong with that. But at least we knew what we were getting into when we finally tied the knot. My wife is hotter than your wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tigra 0 #40 May 19, 2005 Statistically, 57% of all statistics are made up! I don't think there is a yes or no answer for this one! What works for one person or couple doesn't necessarily work for someone else. I do think many people get married for the wrong reasons and many people move in together for the wrong reasons. But it sure is a lot cheaper to move than it is to get a divorce when things fall apart! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beverly 1 #41 May 19, 2005 Definately live together- he may be obsessive compulsive. BTW: How are your teeth? I think true friendship is under-rated Twitter: @Dreamskygirlsa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Salsa_John 0 #42 May 19, 2005 QuoteStatistically people who live together before marriage have a better chance of divorce than people who move in together after marriage; then again religious people won't live together before marriage and don't beilve in divorce so it's possible the numbers could be slightly skewed. yep...in statistics that is called an artifact. it is a non-objective influence that skews the numbers away from an unbiased result for the tested unbiased group. To eliminate the artifacts, select a random population from only persons that have lived together. I think it is a good idea to see someone at their worst and best.... "You did what?!?!" MUFF #3722, TDSM #72, Orfun #26, Nachos Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #43 May 20, 2005 Quoteliving with someone and being married toi thenm is 2 diff things ...and living with the Nut-man has got to be a third. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jumpchikk 0 #44 May 20, 2005 QuoteDo it. I lived with my fiance. We didn't get married and now live 200 miles apart. Divorce is much more expensive than simply moving out. Preach on brotha!! Funny how time changes your outlook on things... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites 2fat2fly 0 #45 May 20, 2005 Cohabitation is just wrong, wrong, wrong!!! My first marriage would have lasted if I hadn't had to live with the bitch. Oh, that wasn't exactly what you were talking about, was it? I'm so embarrassedI am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites RippedCord 0 #46 January 13, 2006 Guys: do not get married, and if you cohabitate, get a cohabitation agreement in place. Gals: go for marriage, and avoid any cohabitation agreements or pre-nups. AMDG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyinchicken 0 #47 January 13, 2006 Quote My dream home is a duplex. Her side and my side. I was just talking about that with a gf of mine. Her and her bf broke up and she moved out and into the apt upstairs. They are now together and very happy. lmao "Diligent observation leads to pure abstraction". Lari Pittman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Broke 0 #48 January 13, 2006 I voted yes, but it really depends on the people. I mean it is a good way to find out if you are about to get married to a guy/gal who's a total asshole/psycho/dick/bitch/etc...Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Squeak 17 #49 January 13, 2006 My now wife and I lived together for 14 years before we got married (we wanted to see if we were serious about each other) We have been married now for 4 years. Let me tell you there is an appreciable difference betweeen pre and post wedding. It's a really hard thing to define but we are better together now than we were before. I think a lot of people who have lived together for a while end up marrying for the wrtong reasons, for instance trying to save the relationship, similarly some people have children in an effort to save relationships. Kas and I married purely because it was the right time for us, and we could not be happierYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jshatzkin 0 #50 January 13, 2006 Another factor that makes those statistics is: Research has shown that people who live together first often don't hold as much of the *commitment* part of the relationship. When they marry, it's more of an attitude "not much is different, just a piece of paper". Level of commitment often does not rise significantly in those who co-habit first, whereas people who marry without co-habiting first see marriage as a huge step and huge commitment. Now having said all that, I lived with my husband for 2 years first. We have been married 6, and are still very happy!Jen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 2 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL. Insert image from URL × Desktop Tablet Phone Submit Reply 0
jumpchikk 0 #44 May 20, 2005 QuoteDo it. I lived with my fiance. We didn't get married and now live 200 miles apart. Divorce is much more expensive than simply moving out. Preach on brotha!! Funny how time changes your outlook on things... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
2fat2fly 0 #45 May 20, 2005 Cohabitation is just wrong, wrong, wrong!!! My first marriage would have lasted if I hadn't had to live with the bitch. Oh, that wasn't exactly what you were talking about, was it? I'm so embarrassedI am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RippedCord 0 #46 January 13, 2006 Guys: do not get married, and if you cohabitate, get a cohabitation agreement in place. Gals: go for marriage, and avoid any cohabitation agreements or pre-nups. AMDG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyinchicken 0 #47 January 13, 2006 Quote My dream home is a duplex. Her side and my side. I was just talking about that with a gf of mine. Her and her bf broke up and she moved out and into the apt upstairs. They are now together and very happy. lmao "Diligent observation leads to pure abstraction". Lari Pittman Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Broke 0 #48 January 13, 2006 I voted yes, but it really depends on the people. I mean it is a good way to find out if you are about to get married to a guy/gal who's a total asshole/psycho/dick/bitch/etc...Divot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #49 January 13, 2006 My now wife and I lived together for 14 years before we got married (we wanted to see if we were serious about each other) We have been married now for 4 years. Let me tell you there is an appreciable difference betweeen pre and post wedding. It's a really hard thing to define but we are better together now than we were before. I think a lot of people who have lived together for a while end up marrying for the wrtong reasons, for instance trying to save the relationship, similarly some people have children in an effort to save relationships. Kas and I married purely because it was the right time for us, and we could not be happierYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jshatzkin 0 #50 January 13, 2006 Another factor that makes those statistics is: Research has shown that people who live together first often don't hold as much of the *commitment* part of the relationship. When they marry, it's more of an attitude "not much is different, just a piece of paper". Level of commitment often does not rise significantly in those who co-habit first, whereas people who marry without co-habiting first see marriage as a huge step and huge commitment. Now having said all that, I lived with my husband for 2 years first. We have been married 6, and are still very happy!Jen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
