hohonukai 0 #51 June 12, 2002 Right on AndyMan. Personally, what a wonderful relationship it is when both of you agree that honesty and faithfulness are #1."I love you.....not in a friendly way." -Chasing Amy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skystorm 0 #52 June 12, 2002 >>1) What constitutes cheating? Is it only sex? NO! IT'S ANYTHING (KISSING ETC). 2) Under what circumstances MUST one confess? (and if you do confess, should you tell them who with?) TRICKY ONE. I THINK IF YOU HAVE CHEATED ON SOMEONE THEN THEN THERE IS FUNDAMENTALLY SOMETHING WRONG IN YOUR RELATIPNSHIP. YOU SHOULD JUST SPLIT UP WITH THEM AND DON'T BOTHER SAYING ANYTHING - UNLESS THEY ARE LIKELY TO FIND OUT. 3) "What happens on the DZ, stays on the DZ..." Is this a true sentiment? BOLLOX. <<DittoAnd for the flirts.... Sometimes flirtation can turn around and bite you in the a##.Don't THINK you can, KNOW you can... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #53 June 12, 2002 It's simple to me....if you've done something that you don't want to tell your SO because you know it's going to hurt them, then you've broken that bond you have, and you've cheated. It doesn't really matter what the act was, or what the circumstances were, it just matters that you know you're going to hurt your SO if you tell. You can rationalize it all you want, but in the back of your mind, you already have your answer.AndreaI'm high as a kiteI just mightStop and check you out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Emma 0 #54 June 12, 2002 Quote1) What constitutes cheating? Is it only sex?2) Under what circumstances MUST one confess? (and if you do confess, should you tell them who with?)3) "What happens on the DZ, stays on the DZ..." Is this a true sentiment?I think you're asking the wrong questions. It doesn't matter whether you have 'cheated', or what your definition of that is: it matters whether you have done something you know would hurt the other person. That may be kissing someone else, shagging someone else, flirting outrageously with someone else, or, after the act, lying to your partner. And if you HAVE done something you know would hurt them, you have to ask yourself if you care about that. If you don't care that you could have hurt them if they knew, then you have to ask yourself why you're with that person and what you think it means to 'love' that person. And vice versa if you discover you've been 'wronged', if that is what you feel.Unfortunately, because we are using a collection of very hazy concepts identified by imprecise words such as 'love', 'cheating', 'betrayal' and so on, only you can decide if what you/ your partner has done is acceptible to you/ your partner - acceptible enough to continue with them, or a sign that there is something wrong between you that can't be rectified. There is no clear right or wrong, all you have is how you feel, and how your partner feels, and whether or not you can work it out.Personally, I think 'cheating' constitutes many things, from desire/ fantasy through to full sex. Which is not to say wild fantasies of shagging one or two members of Airspeed haven't crossed my mind, but I think one is allowed certain exceptions, in exceptional circumstances.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GrumpySmurf 0 #55 June 12, 2002 Trust - when trust has been betrayed, that's 'cheating' - what constitutes trust varies on a relationship by relationship basis - some people are more free-spirited than others and may be comfortable with the things thier belle/beau might be doing with others, for other people, even a minor indiscretion might be unforgivable - it comes down to the ability to communicate what you want from the relationship and express how you feel about situations that might arise.That all being said, I think my significant others family is in the gun running business (how else does one explain an asian family in Central America who has alot of money and land, yet never works - money in that part of world only comes from drugs and/or guns, I figure) so I'm not gonna do *ANYTHING* to tick them/her off Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
canopycudler 0 #56 June 12, 2002 QuoteTina.. Stop kidding around!!! we all KNOW you aren't Anne...thats ok, Clay, I don't mind one bit!! good skydives, good friends and good beer.. thats what its all about... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jceman 1 #57 June 12, 2002 QuoteCheating is lying to your SO about your relationship with someone else. DING![carnyvoice] Give that man a cigar! Good job, son![/carnyvoice]Seriously, billvon had hit the head on the nail here. A relationship is built on trust. Lying destroys trust. Even if the lie is not discovered, the lie kills one's self-respect and esteem. Flirting does not kill a relationship unless one partner is so insecure the he/she feels threatened by it; this is something that should be discussed by the people in the relationship. Flirting with intent to follow through can destroy a relationship, because that is a lie unless the relationship has been defined as an 'open' one, and despite all the guys (in particular) who say they can handle an open relationship, when the action matches the idea the yellow monster of jealousy rears its ugly head.The main idea I am trying to get across is that lust, love or chemical attraction can start a relationship, quite often it is a combination of these, but it is trust that defines the lasting relationship. If a person feels he/she has damaged that trust, then he/she is guilty of cheating. If a person causes the other person to doubt, that person is also guilty of cheating. The damage can be repaired even if the cheating is an out-and-out sexual affair, if both parties want it to be. The offended party must truly forgive the offender, and the offender must truly regret betraying the other's trust. Even in an open relationship it is possible to betray a partner's trust; the line is drawn somewhere, crossing that line damages the relationship. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 1 #58 June 12, 2002 QuoteIn my mind, you can be cheating by having just a friend of the opposite gender (asuming hetero's), if you're closer with that friend then you are with your SO.In my mind, your SO should be your strongest bond of the opposite gender. If that isn't the case, there's something wrong that you need to fix.Andy I could not agree more with you on this... I have been on both ends of the spectrum...having been the close "friend" and had to deal with close "friends" of the opposite gender. QuoteIt's simple to me....if you've done something that you don't want to tell your SO because you know it's going to hurt them, then you've broken that bond you have, and you've cheated. It doesn't really matter what the act was, or what the circumstances were, it just matters that you know you're going to hurt your SO if you tell. You can rationalize it all you want, but in the back of your mind, you already have your answer.Andrea, I totaly agree here as well. It can be a strain on a relationship...especially when things are hidden from the SO or they are sheltered from it...there are a lot of times simple stuff us hidden to protect the SO from hurt feelings, but this just makes it worse, much worse....I feel that if a close freindship with someone of the opposite sex is shared with the SO...then the problem is not as intense. As long as there are no ulterior motives.....(Said friend really wants to bag SO, not just be friends) As it stands, I have made a few good female friends out of my close guy friends' ex's or in some cases wives (if that makes any sense). I made a point of making it known to the girlfriends that I respect there place, as they are a higher priority, and gained there trust as being only a friend. On the same note have become good friends with a SO's good friend....Things differ in each relationship and what its based on. But when its a one and only one one on relationship, honesty, openness and trust are the keys to a strong relationship. Hiding things, you loose all three....The key is openness.ok, that was my 2 centseeneR Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shark 0 #59 June 12, 2002 I never cheat; then again, I never commit either. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites nacmacfeegle 0 #60 June 12, 2002 "1) What constitutes cheating? Is it only sex?2) Under what circumstances MUST one confess? (and if you do confess, should you tell them who with?)3) "What happens on the DZ, stays on the DZ..." Is this a true sentiment?"Okay, call me old fashioned......I was sat in Amsterdam last summer with an old friend, we were drinking beer, visiting coffee shops "Do you think going with a prostitute is cheating ?"Well I tought long and hard, cos I was kinda fuzzed by the bonzer grass, and frosty Heinies we had been enjoyiong, then it came to me chrystal clear, so I replied"Why don't you ask your wife that question?"........BTW I don't cheat, I got me a wonderful g/f who lets me skydive, waits for me while I work all over the world, is there for me when I need her most.I'm not going to risk losing her for a quick shag in the packing shed. If you cheat you cheapen your relationship, cheapen yourself, and throw a huge insult into the face of your partner, whether they find out or not.Have some self respect folks....CyaDGR# 37Remember how lucky you are to see and touch the sky; the blind may only dream. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites pop 0 #61 June 12, 2002 If you devote yourself to one person, then physially doing ANYTHING with another person, be it kiss, sex, oral, anything, is cheating. When you make a commitment to someone, then that is the only person you need to be with. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want them to do to you. Besides, I think when you cheat on someone, you are cheating on yourself as well. ----------"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he doesn't exist!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyingKiera 0 #62 June 12, 2002 1)In my opinion cheating is an emtional thing as well as physical. 2) If someone cheated on me and it was a one off i'd rather not know, it'll only hurt. 3) I've found this to be true, but in some cases i'd rather it wasn't. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites diverdriver 5 #63 June 12, 2002 So a groom's friends take him out for a "last night out" and get him a stripper. Traditional. This stripper rubs all over him. Is that cheating? According to most of you all's definitions it is. And I know one or two skydivers who's parties MAY have had a stripper or two........er three.Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyingKiera 0 #64 June 12, 2002 i wouldn't call that cheating, unless he was doing things to her too. Its kind of difficult to define what is and isn't cheating. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites nacmacfeegle 0 #65 June 12, 2002 How about this, if your SO is happy your behaviour, then its not cheating.Just a suggestion.....CyaDGR# 37Remember how lucky you are to see and touch the sky; the blind may only dream. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyingKiera 0 #66 June 12, 2002 if they know what your doing and they don't mind then i suppose its not. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites E150 0 #67 June 12, 2002 I can see that this is a slight grey area. I have always thought the guys that go and get lap dances wilst in a relationship are being unfailthful. Pay for it or not, its STILL another woman (man). On this occasion (your example), I would let it go. It's not as if he has gone and done anything. Its his special night, as long as it is only her thrusting her tits in his face. NO more!I'm sure male strippers wave there willy about in-front of girls faces, what's the difference?What does the bloke get out of it anyway other that being the center of attention and the butt of a joke. It a public affair, where by everyone knows its all a light-hearted joke. If the guy they invites her to stay for the night (as a whore) .. . then, if it were me, he would not be getting married, or he would have a very promt divorce. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Deuce 1 #68 June 12, 2002 If you have to ask if it's cheating. It's cheating.If it weighs on your heart, you must confess.If you've cheated and it doesn't weigh on your heart, you're not in love.I forget the name of the old Supreme Court Justice who said (regarding the definition of obscenity) No, I can't define it, but I know it when I see it. Cheating is like that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites eeneR 1 #69 June 12, 2002 Well if it were outside of the "last fling" it would be a whole other story. That is the point of the party. To test will of the Groom... is this really what they want. If he were to actually get into it and kiss, fondle, or have any sexual contact with said stripper. That is cheating. The stripper is a show... So if I see a naked guy on TV...is that cheating?eeneR Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyingKiera 0 #70 June 12, 2002 I don't think i'd put up with a man that regularly gets lap dances. I don't think it would bother me if it was the night before the wedding though, but if anything more happened then it would definately be over. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites flyingKiera 0 #71 June 12, 2002 If it weighs on your heart and you confess it'll make you feel better, but really hurt your partner and possibly ruin your relationship. If its a one off and you know it'll never happen again then i think its best to keep it to yourself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites eeneR 1 #72 June 12, 2002 QuoteI don't think i'd put up with a man that regularly gets lap dances.Unless of course its from me....eeneR Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites diverdriver 5 #73 June 12, 2002 QuoteSo if I see a naked guy on TV...is that cheating?According to some people here it would be cuz it would be mental cheating. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites PhillyKev 0 #74 June 12, 2002 You'll have to make up your own mind if it was cheating and if you should fess up. The one thing I will say is, if you did anything that could transmit an STD (including oral) then you should tell your partner, especially if you have unprotected sex with them. The only ex that I haven't stayed friends with and will never talk to again is one who cheated on me and didn't tell me until after we broke up. Meanwhile, for 6 months we were having sex without a condom. I knew they were clean and made that choice, but who knows what they could have contracted and passed on to me. Your partner should be made aware if they are suddenly and unknowingly at additional risk.cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites nacmacfeegle 0 #75 June 12, 2002 "So if I see a naked guy on TV..."Tell him to get off the TV, he'll break the bracket... CyaDGR# 37Remember how lucky you are to see and touch the sky; the blind may only dream. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 4 5 Next Page 3 of 5 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. 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nacmacfeegle 0 #60 June 12, 2002 "1) What constitutes cheating? Is it only sex?2) Under what circumstances MUST one confess? (and if you do confess, should you tell them who with?)3) "What happens on the DZ, stays on the DZ..." Is this a true sentiment?"Okay, call me old fashioned......I was sat in Amsterdam last summer with an old friend, we were drinking beer, visiting coffee shops "Do you think going with a prostitute is cheating ?"Well I tought long and hard, cos I was kinda fuzzed by the bonzer grass, and frosty Heinies we had been enjoyiong, then it came to me chrystal clear, so I replied"Why don't you ask your wife that question?"........BTW I don't cheat, I got me a wonderful g/f who lets me skydive, waits for me while I work all over the world, is there for me when I need her most.I'm not going to risk losing her for a quick shag in the packing shed. If you cheat you cheapen your relationship, cheapen yourself, and throw a huge insult into the face of your partner, whether they find out or not.Have some self respect folks....CyaDGR# 37Remember how lucky you are to see and touch the sky; the blind may only dream. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pop 0 #61 June 12, 2002 If you devote yourself to one person, then physially doing ANYTHING with another person, be it kiss, sex, oral, anything, is cheating. When you make a commitment to someone, then that is the only person you need to be with. Don't do to others what you wouldn't want them to do to you. Besides, I think when you cheat on someone, you are cheating on yourself as well. ----------"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he doesn't exist!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingKiera 0 #62 June 12, 2002 1)In my opinion cheating is an emtional thing as well as physical. 2) If someone cheated on me and it was a one off i'd rather not know, it'll only hurt. 3) I've found this to be true, but in some cases i'd rather it wasn't. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diverdriver 5 #63 June 12, 2002 So a groom's friends take him out for a "last night out" and get him a stripper. Traditional. This stripper rubs all over him. Is that cheating? According to most of you all's definitions it is. And I know one or two skydivers who's parties MAY have had a stripper or two........er three.Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingKiera 0 #64 June 12, 2002 i wouldn't call that cheating, unless he was doing things to her too. Its kind of difficult to define what is and isn't cheating. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nacmacfeegle 0 #65 June 12, 2002 How about this, if your SO is happy your behaviour, then its not cheating.Just a suggestion.....CyaDGR# 37Remember how lucky you are to see and touch the sky; the blind may only dream. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingKiera 0 #66 June 12, 2002 if they know what your doing and they don't mind then i suppose its not. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
E150 0 #67 June 12, 2002 I can see that this is a slight grey area. I have always thought the guys that go and get lap dances wilst in a relationship are being unfailthful. Pay for it or not, its STILL another woman (man). On this occasion (your example), I would let it go. It's not as if he has gone and done anything. Its his special night, as long as it is only her thrusting her tits in his face. NO more!I'm sure male strippers wave there willy about in-front of girls faces, what's the difference?What does the bloke get out of it anyway other that being the center of attention and the butt of a joke. It a public affair, where by everyone knows its all a light-hearted joke. If the guy they invites her to stay for the night (as a whore) .. . then, if it were me, he would not be getting married, or he would have a very promt divorce. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deuce 1 #68 June 12, 2002 If you have to ask if it's cheating. It's cheating.If it weighs on your heart, you must confess.If you've cheated and it doesn't weigh on your heart, you're not in love.I forget the name of the old Supreme Court Justice who said (regarding the definition of obscenity) No, I can't define it, but I know it when I see it. Cheating is like that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 1 #69 June 12, 2002 Well if it were outside of the "last fling" it would be a whole other story. That is the point of the party. To test will of the Groom... is this really what they want. If he were to actually get into it and kiss, fondle, or have any sexual contact with said stripper. That is cheating. The stripper is a show... So if I see a naked guy on TV...is that cheating?eeneR Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingKiera 0 #70 June 12, 2002 I don't think i'd put up with a man that regularly gets lap dances. I don't think it would bother me if it was the night before the wedding though, but if anything more happened then it would definately be over. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
flyingKiera 0 #71 June 12, 2002 If it weighs on your heart and you confess it'll make you feel better, but really hurt your partner and possibly ruin your relationship. If its a one off and you know it'll never happen again then i think its best to keep it to yourself. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eeneR 1 #72 June 12, 2002 QuoteI don't think i'd put up with a man that regularly gets lap dances.Unless of course its from me....eeneR Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diverdriver 5 #73 June 12, 2002 QuoteSo if I see a naked guy on TV...is that cheating?According to some people here it would be cuz it would be mental cheating. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyKev 0 #74 June 12, 2002 You'll have to make up your own mind if it was cheating and if you should fess up. The one thing I will say is, if you did anything that could transmit an STD (including oral) then you should tell your partner, especially if you have unprotected sex with them. The only ex that I haven't stayed friends with and will never talk to again is one who cheated on me and didn't tell me until after we broke up. Meanwhile, for 6 months we were having sex without a condom. I knew they were clean and made that choice, but who knows what they could have contracted and passed on to me. Your partner should be made aware if they are suddenly and unknowingly at additional risk.cielos azules y cerveza fría-Kevin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nacmacfeegle 0 #75 June 12, 2002 "So if I see a naked guy on TV..."Tell him to get off the TV, he'll break the bracket... CyaDGR# 37Remember how lucky you are to see and touch the sky; the blind may only dream. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
