Muenkel 0 #1 October 1, 2007 I hate to write posts like this because seriously, it's the internet and who really gives a shit? I think I just need to express myself. I haven't been doing well lately. On Sept 7th, I suffered my 4th concussion in 4 years. All the post concussive symptoms have returned, such as concentration problems, balance problems and pain in my head that is excrutiating. Not to mention, I have a serious bruise that covers about 60% of my face and forehead. I've been rushed to the ER 3 times for pain management since 9/7. Here's the part that has me really scared to shit. Last April I developed what is called Complex Partial Seizures due to the multiple head traumas. At that time, they found a small brain tumor. Fortunately it was benign and on the surface. The surgery was actually easier than my wisdom teeth surgery. Anyway, I will always have the seizure disorder because that is caused by scarring on my brain; not the tumor. I am currently on 800mg of Tegretol per day. This med requires periodic blood tests to monitor the level in the blood stream. When I was in the ER last Tuesday, I asked that they check my level. I found out today that it is 4.3. This is low. I have a call into my neurologist. What I am facing is the fact that I will most likely be raised to 1000mg tomorrow. This is as high as I can go. If the 1000mg fails at some point I have to go into the hospital for atleast a week. They will remove all seizure medication in order to bring on a seizure. This helps them to identify where the scarring is. Then they do surgery to remove the scarring. This is not minor surgery. After the hospital I would be moved to a rehab center for as long as is necessary. Maybe I'm a wimp, but I cannot take all this anymore. It's been 4 long years now. I have been in chronic pain the whole time. I also don't want to have someone digging around in my brain. So that's it, I'm scared to shit right now. Thanks for letting me vent. You're good people. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #2 October 1, 2007 That sounds terrifying. I hope it all goes well for you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ntrprnr 0 #3 October 1, 2007 Chris: You gotta believe that everything happens for a reason. You're a fighter, even if you don't think you are. You've been stronger than 99% of the people I know for as long as I've known you. Being scared is OK. It means you're alive, and you're functioning well enough to know all is not right. Hell, anyone in your condition who WASN'T scared would have a hell of a lot more problems than you. You don't have to be angry or sad that you're scared. You're human. Just trust in the doctors, and know there's a reason for everything. Also know that you've got a ton of good people on here (including me) who you can turn to if you need to. Stay strong, Chris. Day by day. -Peter_______________ "Why'd you track away at 7,000 feet?" "Even in freefall, I have commitment issues." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kenz 0 #4 October 1, 2007 As hard as it is, try your best to stay positive. Tell yourself and know that you can and will get through this. You are a really good man. I know you care so much about so many people. It's OK to turn the focus on yourself now. Take your time and do what you need to do. I have faith in you! You can do it!!! I'll keep you in my prayers for sure!!"life does throw curveballs sometimes but it doesn't mean we shouldn't still swing for the homerun" ~ me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybytch 259 #5 October 1, 2007 #1. You are not a wimp. #2. I know that you believe that God won't give you more than you can handle. He's given you a lot but he's also given you the tools to deal with it. #3. Don't forget that at least some of us think you are a pretty incredible person for making it through what you already have. I have no doubt that you will continue to prove that through whatever comes next. #4. You are NOT a wimp. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RALFFERS 0 #6 October 1, 2007 Chris, I'm sorry to hear that. You've been a great friend, and I value your friendship very much. Know that you will continually be in my prayers. Although I don't know you long, I know you well enough to say that you're a man of strong faith; hold on to that my friend, for NOTHING is impossible for God. If anything, you know what to do -RalfDialogue/commentary between Divot, Twardo & myself - "from your first Oshkosh when the three of us were riding to or from one of Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #7 October 1, 2007 It's easier said than done, but whatever is out of your control is better left unworried about for now. Take things as they come and enjoy this moment, as it is not your last. If that doesn't work, I can come do a monkey dance for you. It's very funny. And I'm told it can work miracles. Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davedlg 0 #8 October 1, 2007 Chris - You've got every right to be terrified. That's some scary shit you're up against. With all the meds, pain, ER visits, and doctors, I can imagine that it can be really overwhelming at times. And it sounds like you've still got a long road ahead of you. It sounds really cliche, but there is a lot to be said for keeping a positive attitude and remaining strong for all of it....the body is an amazing thing and I've been really amazed at how people have been able to recover by facing every day with a positive outlook. I can't imagine what it feels like to be dealing with this kind of thing. It makes everything I worry about in my daily life seem pretty miniscule in comparision. Keep happy, be positive, and enjoy life to the maximum, hopefully things will sort themselves out for you in the mean time. I've got a lot of respect for people who have the strength to get through this kind of thing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #9 October 1, 2007 Quote That sounds terrifying. I hope it all goes well for you. Great! The doctor thinks it is terrifying.It's tough to smile right now, but I thank you folks for posting what you have. Encouragement is a good thing. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #10 October 1, 2007 Chris I couldn't imagine having to face that...the only thing I can offer is what I'm doing with my dad, I guess: wait to worry until it's time. You had a lot of 'ifs' in there...do not bring about that stress until it is upon you. I know that is an incredibly LAUGHABLE suggestion...but really try! If you bring upon that stress now, it will lower your quality of life for no necessary reason. Does that make any sense? I talked to you about my dad, and how there are so many 'what ifs' with his rare cancer. I cannot handle, nor can mom and dad I've found, looking beyond RIGHT NOW and what must be done RIGHT NOW. The what if's will crush you more than the darned treatments... Hey you told me yourself that you're taking it one day at a time...stick to that. You know you have a TON of support here and we all love our Muenkel!!! ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dzdiva 7 #11 October 1, 2007 Hang in there sweetie. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You know where to reach me if you need to. I know it's hard to, but you are an and will come through this. Hugs and much love. "It's not just a daydream if you choose to make it your life..." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kbordson 8 #12 October 1, 2007 Quote Quote That sounds terrifying. I hope it all goes well for you. Great! The doctor thinks it is terrifying.It's tough to smile right now, but I thank you folks for posting what you have. Encouragement is a good thing. Ahhh Chris. I didn't mean to make it sound worse. What I meant was that you have every right to be scared shitless. Head trauma, brain tumors, surgery.... it is terrifying. This is your brain - your mind and mentality. It is who you are at this point... now, unfortunately, who you are is someone in a lot of pain and problems... and it's been going on for a while with no hope of recovery on its own. No hope is almost as devastating as the pain.... But now you have some hope. Something to say "Maybe this will make it better" . . . except . . . for that hope, you have to allow someone to dig around in your brain. Truly terrifying. And you are NOT a wimp. I wish for you the Hope that this chapter of pain and frustration will end. I wish for your surgeon steady hands guided by someone bigger than us. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nightingale 0 #13 October 1, 2007 (((((((HUGS))))))))) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ashtanga 0 #14 October 1, 2007 Got it. You used to be gay but you have had so many concussions you forgot? You know I am joking, man. All will be ok and you will be ok. Always remember you have a friend a PM away. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wmw999 2,150 #15 October 1, 2007 Quote#1. You are not a wimp. #2. I know that you believe that God won't give you more than you can handle. He's given you a lot but he's also given you the tools to deal with it. #3. Don't forget that at least some of us think you are a pretty incredible person for making it through what you already have. I have no doubt that you will continue to prove that through whatever comes next. #4. You are NOT a wimp. What she said. Because Lisa said it really well. Chris, I remember the posts you made when you were really scared from the (either second or third -- dang!) fall, when you weren't writing as well as usual. Consider that right now you're writing as well as usual. That's a really good sign. And I'll keep you in my prayers. Wendy W.There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jewels 0 #16 October 1, 2007 This just might be your own personal thorn in the flesh. It doesn't make it any more appealing or pleasant, but hopefully it is just for a season--a long season, no doubt, but maybe just a season, nonetheless. If it makes you focus on God and pushes you to trust Him, there is something positive to be gained in the midst of the circumstances. Of COURSE you're entitled to have some fear. You're not going through something that is just a minor inconvenience; you're dealing with matters that deserve serious attention. Pain is exhausting and frustrating, and that can't be helping your outlook right now. I know I've never met you so it's a bit presumptuous to say, but I care that you're going through all of this, too. Yes, it may be the internet--which, at its worst, can be pretty rotten. On the other hand, there are some great people on the other end of all those computers, too, and it's obvious that you have a lot of people on here who DO care. I'm glad you said something. You'll be in my prayers, too.TPM Sister #102 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jceman 1 #17 October 1, 2007 QuoteQuote#1. You are not a wimp. #2. I know that you believe that God won't give you more than you can handle. He's given you a lot but he's also given you the tools to deal with it. #3. Don't forget that at least some of us think you are a pretty incredible person for making it through what you already have. I have no doubt that you will continue to prove that through whatever comes next. #4. You are NOT a wimp. What she said. Because Lisa said it really well. Chris, I remember the posts you made when you were really scared from the (either second or third -- dang!) fall, when you weren't writing as well as usual. Consider that right now you're writing as well as usual. That's a really good sign. And I'll keep you in my prayers. Chris, I, too, was going to second Lisa's comments because like Wendy said, she said it well, but I felt it better to also echo Wendy's comments that you seem to be coherent and posting well -- that is a positive I think. Hang in there and remember we tolerate you fairly well and will be pulling for you. Don't be afraid to reach out when you need it -- your froends will be there for you even if we have never met you in the flesh we want to. Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money. Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #18 October 1, 2007 Good luck, Chris. I hope you gain strength from all the people pulling for you. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shell666 0 #19 October 1, 2007 Quote Quote #1. You are not a wimp. #2. I know that you believe that God won't give you more than you can handle. He's given you a lot but he's also given you the tools to deal with it. #3. Don't forget that at least some of us think you are a pretty incredible person for making it through what you already have. I have no doubt that you will continue to prove that through whatever comes next. #4. You are NOT a wimp. What she said. Because Lisa said it really well. Chris, I remember the posts you made when you were really scared from the (either second or third -- dang!) fall, when you weren't writing as well as usual. Consider that right now you're writing as well as usual. That's a really good sign. And I'll keep you in my prayers. Wendy W. What they said. I don't know you from Adam but I know your posts here. Keep the faith. You've been through a lot already but I'm betting you can get through this, just judging by what you've shared so far. My thoughts are with you. 'Shell Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anvilbrother 0 #20 October 1, 2007 How have you gotten your concussions? Postes r made from an iPad or iPhone. Spelling and gramhair mistakes guaranteed move along, Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Muenkel 0 #21 October 1, 2007 I must be a wimp because I am actually tearing up right now.If it does come to hospilization, I'm going to post the phone number. I need one of you to cause me to have a seizure.I'm logging off now because i have a viscious headache starting. I truly love you people. _________________________________________ Chris Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warpedskydiver 0 #22 October 2, 2007 Geez dude, take care of yourself. Is there anyone around to look after you? Someone should. Take care and heal fast. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warpedskydiver 0 #23 October 2, 2007 BTW sometomes your pain never leaves and becomes your constant companion. In time I hope you are able to function with the pain, and I would add it can also be your friend and tell you when something is really wrong, you know...more than the usual pain. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #24 October 2, 2007 Chris, It's ok to be scared. Sometimes, life is unfair But you're tougher that that. You can beat this You've got alot of friends here. We love ya and don't want to see youin pain. I hope you get better soon. I know you don't wanna laugh right now but I hope you can find some humor here. First you may need to get some of this. GET WELL, BRO. Some of the links in this post my not be suitable for work.My photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ACMESkydiver 0 #25 October 2, 2007 OMG if that didn't make him laugh... ~Jaye Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
